I think that Lee, the apparently-hunky physiotherapist, is in for a bit of a shock. He is helping Kirsty pack up her stuff and they are assisted by Kirsty’s next-door neighbour, Joy. When Joy pops home to get some home-made cakes, Kirsty teases Lee by saying that Joy is an admirer of his. She adds that she will miss Joy when she moves out. It seems that Kirsty might have a point, as Joy is sticking closer to Lee than a shadow and even accompanies him down to the shop.
At the shop the pair run into Freddie, who is putting up a poster and moaning because Elizabeth has dragooned him into helping to promote Russ’s art class at Lower Loxley, which is what the poster is advertising. Freddie’s gripe is that the model who Russ has lined up cannot make it (the class is being held on Bank Holiday Monday) and Freddie has been tasked with finding a replacement. Joy says Lee could do it and he agrees, saying how hard can it be to sit still for a couple of hours?
Joy hangs back to talk to Freddie as Lee goes into the shop and she asks Freddie if Lee realises that the art class is a life session – no clothes required? Freddie neither knows nor cares – he’s just happy to have found a replacement. Not as happy as Joy; she tells Freddie that she will sign up for the art session and he tells her to be there at 1pm. “I might get there a bit earlier,” she replies, adding; “Just to secure a good position.” Yeah, right. Just be careful that Lee doesn’t trip over your tongue, Joy. I suspect that, when Lee and Helen eventually move into what was Kirsty’s house, Joy will spend more time there than at home. Incidentally, Joy says that she is standing for the Parish Council – I thought Jim told Susan last week that nominations had closed?
In last week’s blog, we had Lily telling Rex about a bit of scrub land going spare, where he could house his pigs. Sadly, Elizabeth decided that the plan wasn’t a goer and turned it down. This pleased Freddie, who described the land as ‘a special place’ where he and Lily used to go and play in the tree house that dad Nigel built for them.
It might be special, but it’s not producing anything and Elizabeth talks to Vince, who has turned up unexpectedly, about the situation – what does he think she should do? Vince says that he thinks pigs have a certain charm, but it’s up to Elizabeth to decide. She is torn – she believes that Rex could be a high maintenance tenant, and, as a farmer’s daughter, she knows the sort of mayhem that escaping pigs can cause. Still, look on the bright side – if Freddie bitches and moans (as if!) Elizabeth says that she can always say that Vince put her up to it.
As it happens, Elizabeth goes to see Rex and say ‘sorry’ for not renting him the land, but he is phlegmatic and says that he has plans for the business (assuming he can find somewhere for his pigs, of course). These plans include cutting his ties with Bridge Fresh (Tom and Natasha will be pleased) and selling direct to customers. If he had the pigs at Lower Loxley, he has lots of ideas; these include giving talks about rearing pigs and also supplying the Orangery with “free range meat, reared on site.” That, he suggests, would be a great USP with customers.
Outdoor food, he adds, will also go down well (not in the winter, it won’t) and this strikes a chord with Elizabeth, who is toying with the idea of opening an open air cinema. Great idea, says Lee – people could order sausages, pulled pork etc to eat – the world is, well, their pig, I suppose. Elizabeth is inspired and impressed and does a complete 180 degree turnaround as she suggests that she draws up a formal tenancy agreement and he can move the pigs in. Rex is well chuffed. I suggest he takes stock (no pun intended), as, with rearing the pigs, flogging the meat, schmoozing customers, holding lectures and running a taxi, he might find that 24 hours in a day might not be enough.
Last week supplied a – some might say, well overdue – lesson in humility for Justin Elliott. When Leonard bought Ben a Time Capsule for his birthday, he little thought what a kerfuffle he might stir up in Ambridge. Justin is perplexed – where is his favourite Damara pen? Lilian is surprised – she didn’t have him down as the type of man who had a pet pen. Neither did I; it’s not as if it were a gold-plated Cross, or a platinum Platignum (I still have the forlorn hope that mentioning top quality products will lead to delivery of samples of said products to Haharchers Towers). Just in case I’m wrong, I’d like to mention Moet et Chandon champagne and vintage Glenmorangie whisky (other vintage wines and spirits are acceptable).
But back to Justin and Lilian. Never mind the pen – he goes positively spare when Lilian tells him that she has also included the photograph of Justin dressed as a daffodil for a school play. Imagine the embarrassment for him when the TC is opened in a decade’s time! Far be it for me to be picky, but I would venture to suggest that, at his age and with his lifestyle, the chances of Justin being alive in ten years’ time are vanishingly small.
There’s only one solution – Ben must be told to open the TC. So Justin goes to Brookfield to instruct Ben to do his duty. The trouble is that a) Ben isn’t there, and b) the TC has been buried. Ruairi is there, however, and tells Justin that they have a map of the buried location and – oh yes – there’s a spade over there, if he’d like to start digging. Justin protests, and tells Ruairi to dig it up, but Ruairi declines and goes off, saying to Justin that, had he been more polite, then Ruairi might have been inclined to help him. As it is, “When you’ve finished Justin, can we have our map back – please?”
Justin starts digging and injures his shoulder. He has a great idea, and goes to see Eddie, to see if he can borrow Eddie’s metal detector. Of course he can, Eddie tells him – and as a special favour, he’ll only charge Justin £30 for two hours. And if Justin will drive him over to Loxley Barrett, he’ll knock off £10.
To cut an exceedingly long story short, we see Justin and Lilian skulking in a Brookfield field and eventually they find the site of the TC and dig it up. There is a moment of farce when David turns up and asks why are they digging in his field? Lilian stammers something about retrieving a photograph and David chuckles, obviously thinking that the photo must be compromising (Justin has torn it up, incidentally) and he leaves the pair to it. Lilian and Justin then get involved in a mud-throwing contest. Justin doesn’t care that they are getting filthy – the photograph is no more. However, his triumph is lessened somewhat when Lilian informs him that she still has the negative in the loft.
We learn why Eddie needed a lift when he returns to Grange Farm, driving a limo. The idea, he tells son Ed, is to have something special for Clarrie to ride in when they renew their wedding vows. Mia thinks this is really romantic and describes Eddie and Clarrie as ‘soulmates’. Ed notices that Mia is somewhat distracted (little clues like holding her book upside down give this away) and it is revealed that she has a crush on a lad and doesn’t know how to get to talk to him. Ed tells her that he used to do really silly things to try and impress Emma – one day he climbed up the outside of the church and got stuck; I bet Emma was really impressed with that. Ed’s advice is “Just be yourself”. I was hoping that Mia would say ‘are you honestly trying to tell me that that worked for you?’ in an amazed voice, but she didn’t.
Over at Brookfield, we witness an almost-Damascene-like conversion when Ben tells his parents that he’s not happy at university and he wants to do something with his life that makes a real difference. As such, he has decided to chuck in his course and retrain to be a nurse. David and Rooooth tell him how difficult this would be, and what a terrific responsibility he would be taking on. Ben says that he is already signed up as a volunteer to go and talk to elderly, lonely people in their homes.
Am I the only one who finds this change in attitude hard to believe? Can this really be the Ben we know – the Ben who would bonk a frog if it stopped hopping long enough? The same Ben who tarted up the caravan as a love shack? I wish him luck, but I wonder where the idea came from.
Meanwhile, the search goes on for suitable Godparents for Martha. Alice runs into Jakob and there is an awkward moment when she attempts to explain why he hasn’t been asked. Jakob cuts her short and says that he would make a useless Godfather and he believes that Alice and Chris’s final (so far) choice of Rex, Pip and Emma is ideal. Later on, he gives Kate a right dressing down, saying that Kate cannot see that people are entitled to their own opinions. Why is she always so angry?
He goes on to reel off a few more of Kate’s major shortcomings, to which Kate replies “I refuse to be lectured.” “This isn’t a lecture,” says the vet; “it’s a wake-up call from someone who cares.” When Kate says that she just wants to be close to Martha, he says that she can be; “The only thing stopping you is you.”
Jakob’s words have an effect, and Kate goes to see sister Alice. Alice is wary – is Kate here to carry on the feud? No, says Kate – she’s there to apologise; she was selfish and it was wrong to try and dictate what to do to Alice. Alice stands there slack-jawed, wondering who this strange person is and what she has done to her sister. Kate tells her about her talk with Jakob and that “everybody thinks of me as a screw-up, so I just go along with it.”
She mentions that it was ten years ago that she married Lucas; “the biggest mistake of my life”. Alice protests that Kate and Lucas had children Nolly and Sipo, but Kate says that she never sees them “and it hurts”. She also tells Alice how lucky she is to have a loving husband and a stable home life – Alice is indeed ‘the golden child’. “I just wish I could start again with my children” Kate says, sadly, adding; “I’ve made quite a mess of my life”. A rare moment of self-awareness there from Kate, except I would delete the words ‘quite a mess’ and replace them with ‘a complete and utter cock-up.’
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