Times Must Be Hard At Lower Loxley

 

Alison Dowling (Elizabeth Pargetter)

Last week we were given an insight into how tough things must be for the Pargetters; it’s Elizabeth’s birthday (54, but you didn’t hear that from me) and Vince has bought her a beautiful silk scarf. Lily is going into Borchester and Elizabeth reminds her to be back in good time for the birthday tea. The logistics of this are complicated – Freddie will drop Lily off in town and she will get a cab (Rex’s) back. 

I was astonished by this startling revelation that the twins are still sharing one car between them; how tough must things be at Lower Loxley? I automatically assumed that they would both have their own set of wheels by now, but this would appear not to be the case. Anyway, Lily is a bit late back (you could use this as ammunition, Lily, along the lines of ‘of course, if only I had my own car…’). Perhaps dropping a few hints to that nice Mr. Vince Casey might do the trick.

While Rex drives her back, he tells her that he will soon have to get out of Hollowtree and he has nowhere for the pigs to go. Lily has a lightbulb moment and she and Rex make a slight detour so that she can show him a parcel of overgrown woodland in the grounds of Lower Loxley. This makes her late for the birthday tea, plus it makes Elizabeth a bit grumpy, so perhaps this isn’t the best time for Lily to suggest to her mother that they could rent out the land to Rex.

Elizabeth is not keen and immediately voices objections; what if the pigs escape – they could decimate the grapevines in half a day? And what about the smell? (Altogether now; ‘The pigs will soon get used to it’). Lily tells her mother that Rex’s business is in jeopardy, and it’s all down to Uncle David, who is turning him off his land. “And we have the opportunity to give him a break.” Elizabeth replies that it’s very sweet of Lily to be so considerate “but it’s not up to us to pick up the pieces – I’m sorry darling, but the answer is ‘no’.”

This is unfortunate, as Lily has already raised Rex’s hopes by telling him to leave it all to her and to go back and tell the pigs to start packing. Poor Rex! Once again he has had the cup of hope cruelly dashed from his lips. As he told Lily, he cannot afford to buy any land and, as far as his future is concerned, it looks like he will soon be a full-time taxi driver. We wait with bated breath.

Pigs featured strongly last week. Neil runs into Jazzer, who is wandering about, bored out of his skull. Neil says that he is rushed off his feet, as you just cannot seem to get people who want to work with pigs, especially when the weather is cold. It’s a shame, says Neil, as there is a good job going begging at Berrow, and he looks hopefully at Jazzer, who doesn’t rise to the bait. Just then, Neil’s phone rings – some of the pigs delivered that day have escaped (don’t tell Elizabeth, or else Rex will stand no chance of getting the Lower Loxley land.) Jazzer helps Neil round up the errant swine and Neil remarks that he is a natural when it comes to pigs. I think he meant it as a compliment, but you never know with Neil.

Neil takes the opportunity to give Jazzer a guided tour of the facility, and carries on with the not-so-subtle propaganda. He cannot believe that Jazzer could prefer working with fish and hydroponics, rather than pigs, but Jazzer counters by saying that the work is not taxing, fish are not escape artists and the polytunnels are warm. Besides, it gives him somewhere to store his home brew. 

It would appear that seemingly nobody can look at Jazzer without thinking ‘pigs’ – on Thursday he is showing Tracy round the hydroponics set-up at Home Farm (does this boy know how to give a girl a good time, or what?) and she notices that he is a tad despondent. What’s up? she asks, and he replies that it’s all a bit boring and that fish don’t have personalities like pigs. This is in answer to Tracy’s observation that “Pigs, fish; it’s all livestock.” 

Tracy urges him to consider chucking it all in and going for the Berrow job – he’d be doing something that he enjoys and which he’s good at. But what about the Home Brew? he asks. No problem, says Tracy; he can store it in the shed at the cricket pavilion where they store the roller, nobody goes there and, as captain, she has the key. A word of advice, Jazz; I’d get a duplicate made, just in case this relationship goes sour.

Jazzer then reveals a hitherto-unexpected vulnerability when he admits that, when he went (unsuccessfully) for a job at Berrow some time ago, it knocked his confidence back. “This time you’ve got me behind you” Tracy says, adding that, even if he didn’t get the job, she would still believe in him. Jazzer is convinced, and says (not unkindly) “No harm in trying, I suppose – and it will stop you nagging.” 

I will quickly pass over the cameo where Lilian and Justin are going through their memorabilia for things to put in Ben’s Time Capsule. I say ‘they’ but it is really Lilian and she comes across a cigar box with mementoes of his earlier life, including what she describes as “a ping-pong medal” (“table tennis”, he corrects her) and a letter to him from Denis Compton, the England cricketer. Gosh! The excitement!

Let’s deal with the story about Sgt Burns and Alice. She goes to see him and apologises totally for what happened last week (for new readers, she got slaughtered and tried to kiss Harrison, who pushed her away – now read on). She was completely out of order (and also of her skull) and is terrified that Harrison will tell Chris what – or what nearly – happened. Has he told Fallon? No, he replies, but she suspects that something is up and, if push comes to shove, he cannot lie to the person he loves.

Cut to the chase, and he does in fact tell his wife that Alice came on to him, but he repulsed her advances. Laugh? Not exactly; in fact Fallon goes ever so slightly ballistic and cannot understand why he never told her earlier. Wait! There’s more – Harrison tells her that Alice is an alcoholic, and is more to be pitied than condemned. He has a dilemma – should he tell Chris? Fallon is all for it – who knows what Alice might do to herself, or Martha, if she has another relapse?

Eventually, Fallon tells the Carters that she and Harrison no longer want to be Martha’s godparents, and proffers some lame excuse. Chris is nonplussed and wonders if he should go and see Harrison and sort it out? Alice is firm and says no – leave it with her and she’ll talk it over with Fallon. This she does, and Fallon says that she’s heard all the excuses before from Wayne (and what’s happened to him, I hope?). She says that she won’t tell Chris, but she thinks it best if she and Alice kept their distance from now on. 

Exactly how this affects the refreshments for Martha’s christening is not made clear – has Fallon turned the commission down, or will Alice be offered a separate plate of dishes, along the lines of ‘try these hemlock pies, Alice – they’re delicious’ or ‘you might find these canapes taste a little of almonds’?

It all gets too much for Alice and, in the last episode of the week, husband Chris comes home to find her packing a suitcase. What’s up? She says that she can’t be with him any more, because all she’s doing is hurting him. He keeps on at her (perhaps not surprisingly, as your wife is standing there with a packed case and constantly saying how much she loves you, while preparing to walk out and leave her new-born baby behind – I too would be a bit confused). 

In the end, she tells him about making a pass at Harrison and he demands details – was it Harrison’s fault? She tells him no and he mustn’t blame him. She tells Chris to get out of her way and – oh yes – she really loves him. Chris opens the door and says “If you want to leave, then leave.” Alice replies that he must believe that she loves him. “I don’t think I know anything any more” her husband replies, as the theme music plays.

I usually hate leaving on a downbeat note, so let’s return to the Jazzer/Tracy scenario. In what would appear to be the triumph of hope over experience, a dinner has been arranged at Greenacres with Tracy, Jim and Jazzer (I don’t know if Alistair was there). Tracy is worried, having heard about how disastrous the previous exercise (with Jade) proved. 

In order to have some topics of conversation handy, she has been boning up on the Greeks (and not for the first time, if I’m any judge) but moving on… The evening goes swimmingly and Jim says that he was impressed with the conversation. Tracy admits that she was looking for things to talk about, but it wasn’t necessary; “It’s been a lovely evening, thank you Jim” she says, warmly. And what does Jim think? “Let’s open another bottle of wine” is his verdict.