It Must Be Something To Do With Lent

 David Troughton (Tony Archer)

In previous years, we have eagerly awaited the latest mad idea from the Reverend Alan Franks to celebrate the period of Lent – you remember; performing random acts of kindness, cooking meals for neighbours, holding your breath for forty days and suchlike (one of these ideas was just to see if you are paying attention). In fact, we were certain that the vicar had a monopoly on (and an unlimited source of) madcap ideas.

But not this year! Alan is horribly busy and the last thing he needs is for some nutter to come up with a daft idea. Step forward Lynda Snell, who is deeply concerned that, following the revelations of Philip’s use of slave labour, the village is in dire need of spiritual cleansing. “What’s needed is some kind of communal purge” she tells Alan. Alan has an imminent urgent appointment, but instead of telling Lynda that she is confusing him with someone who gives a toss, he asks what does she have in mind?

She says that, following the example set by Jesus, he should wash the feet of everyone in the village, whereupon Alan realises that Lynda has gone mad. He bursts into almost-hysterical laughter and reminds her that he has four parishes to look after and, anyway, twelve pairs of feet were enough for Jesus and here is Lynda, suggesting that he washes several hundred. Lynda says “what about the bishop?” I cannot help feeling that asking your boss to clean a crowd of people’s feet is not the best career move that you could possibly make. Plus, as Alan points out, it’s difficult to wash someone’s feet whilst maintaining social distancing, although I suppose he could use a high pressure garden hose.

Undeterred, Lynda has another idea – why not revive the Mystery Plays that were so popular a few years ago? Again, Alan pleads pressure of ecclesiastical duties, but Lynda replies that he need not get involved, as she has just the person in mind. That person is Kirsty, whom Lynda approaches and tells her that she will be ideal as the producer. Kirsty says ‘no thanks’ but Lynda warns her that she will not give up, and will employ ‘gentle persuasion’ (ie keep on nagging her until she gives in.)

I know that I am in danger of sounding like a broken record, but why oh why cannot someone just say, politely but firmly, something along the lines of ‘I couldn’t care less about village events – I’d just like to be left alone and I do not want to get involved. Please just try to get it into your head that I have no interest in your idea, neither can you appeal to my social conscience, as I don’t have one, so please just go away for ever.’ I tell you – I knew this giving up theatrics was a load of rubbish and the Mystery Plays gambit is the Christmas extravaganza ten months early. 

As predicted, Lynda keeps on at Kirsty, who sounds like she is beginning to waver, although she still says ‘no’. Stay strong Kirsty! Lynda lays it on with a trowel, telling Kirsty that she knows it will be “marvellous and magical” with Kirsty at the helm. Don’t listen Kirsty! Haven’t you got down-and-outs to track down? Having had a rant, I know that I am peeing against the wind and that Lynda’s will will prevail – even worse, since the Grey Gables explosion, she can always play the ‘look at me, I’m injured’ card. There should be a law against it.

Let’s ignore Lynda for now, so that my blood pressure can recover. Last week was Tony’s 70^th birthday and his son Tom has a dilemma – should he tell his father about the less-than-caring video message that Tony’s mum Peggy has contributed as a birthday tribute? In the end, and after a few sleepless nights, Tom decides that it will be less of a shock if Tony is prepared for it, so Tom lets him listen to it, and expresses the hope that Tony could laugh it off as a joke.

Ha! In your dreams Tom! Tony angrily tells him to turn it off and then goes off on one, saying that he has never been good enough in Peggy’s eyes and he’s not going to put up with it any longer – his mother is not welcome in his house any more and Tom is to ban her from his party. Interesting; I’ve never seen a 70 year-old throw his toys out of his pram before.

Tom is in a quandary – he doesn’t want to bear bad news to his gran, so he has the idea to get auntie Lilian involved. Lilian turns up at Bridge Farm and spells things out to her brother – Tony shouldn’t feel unwanted; he was unplanned, for sure, but Peggy loved him from first sight. She had a terrible birth, with the umbilical cord wrapped round the baby’s neck (so the birth wasn’t much fun for Tony, either). Even worse, the doctor told Peggy that the difficult birth was the result of her negative feelings during pregnancy; in short, if Tony had died, it would have been Peggy’s fault. 

Lilian says that Peggy has never been good at showing her feelings and, at the age of 96, she’s not likely to change now. “How would you feel,” asks Lilian, “if mum died tomorrow and the last thing that you had ever said to her was ‘I don’t want you to come to my birthday party’?” Tony capitulates and replaces the toys in the pram and, as we learn from Helen the following day, mother and son were very close and happy on the day. Incidentally, when I talked about Tony throwing his toys out of the pram, I did not include his present from Lilian and Justin, which was an expensive locomotive for his model layout – of course, Tony would strenuously deny that it could ever be classed as ‘a toy’…

I know the Archers is a story about country folk, but they have a fifth columnist in Ambridge, as we learn that Mia has come out as a Vegan. It seems only a few months ago that she was prattling baby talk, but now she has progressed to talking about ‘subverting the patriarchy’ when discussing Clarrie and Eddie renewing their marriage vows. Furthermore, she insists that they make sure that any confetti they have is 100% natural and biodegradable. Only then will she agree to be their bridesmaid – and even then, only if she doesn’t have to wear a fancy dress.

Mia is obviously a Greta Thunberg fan and she apologises to Eddie for criticising his ham sandwich at lunch the other day. Eddie points out that meat production is what Grange Farm and lots of surrounding farms do to make a living. Mia, who, I am afraid, is potentially growing into someone that I would cheerfully slap, gives Eddie a lecture on climate change. Eddie tries to put forward his point of view, but Mia is on her high horse – “Your generation just can’t see it” she tells her step-granddad. Meanwhile, Clarrie is pondering how she can make a pasta bake without using milk, butter, cheese or eggs. I think Mia is going to prove a bit of a handful.

Over at the playground, Emma has roped in Rex to help her construct the obstacle course that she wants to build for the ‘cleansing’ of the site – children (or, I suspect, their parents, more likely) have been boycotting it since they learned about the slave labour. She’s cut it a bit fine, as the place is supposed to re-open in a couple of days. Rex comes up with a few ideas and solutions, and the pair talk about what it is to have dreams Emma says that she was desperate to have a home in Beechwood, but now she couldn’t be happier with her mobile home and her family around her at Grange Farm.

For his part, Rex tells her that he is applying for the Council Farm, but he is pessimistic about his chances. Emma replies that, even if he doesn’t get it, she is sure that something else will come along; meanwhile we all need our dreams. Thank you, Mrs Micawber of Ambridge.

Helen is in a spot of bother – she has some urgent work to get done, but she has promised to take the boys to the playground opening. No sweat – Lee says that he can take the boys and she can get on with work. At the playground, Emma asks Lee if he and Henry will be entering the ‘father and son’ event. Lee says he doesn’t know – he’ll ask Henry. Panic! Henry is nowhere to be seen and Lee progresses swiftly into meltdown – should he call Helen? Should he call the police and report a missing child? Emma tells him not to worry; Henry is probably of playing with his mates. Sure enough, he turns up with George and other friends and Lee calms down.

Speaking to Lee on the phone later, Helen is amused at Lee’s reaction; even more so when Lee reveals that he bought Henry an ice cream (with a Flake); “a novel approach to discipline” Helen teases him. But Lee is serious and says that the two of them need to talk, to establish some ground rules about how to behave with each other’s children. Come on Lee, lighten up a little.

On Thursday, Kirsty has managed to shake Lynda off and she meets Helen to tell her that she (Kirsty) is going to visit Gavin in prison. Gavin is pleased to see her and, in answer to her questions, he says that he has told the police everything he knows about Victoria, the slave master, and the sale of the lads. He also mentions that Victoria has a reputation for being ruthless – something that does nothing to ease Kirsty’s disquiet about the lads’ fate. For his part, Gavin regrets the fact that he did nothing and even helped Blake put his bag in the car when the three lads were driven away after being sold.

Gavin goes on to say that his attitude to the lads changed when he had to spend some time looking after them in the flat and, after the sale, he had had enough and ran away. He admits that he missed the boys. He slept rough for some time “where I saw the best and the worst of some people” and the experience affected him and changed his outlook on a number of things; not least his attitude to his father Phil.

Kirsty asks how will he get on in prison, and Gavin replies that he will keep his head down and take what’s coming. He knows he doesn’t deserve Kirsty’s sympathy, but he’s glad he’s had the chance to say ‘sorry’. It seems that Gav is not the only one who has had a change of heart, as Kirsty says that she’d like to come and see him again. “You don’t have to” Gavin tells her, but she replies that she’d like to.

Gavin is either a superb actor, or he is genuinely repentant, as he says “When I get out of here, I’m going to be a better man – my own man this time.” Kirsty is impressed, and says “You know what? I believe you Gav.” He is obviously touched, as he tells her; “Thanks Kirsty – that means the world to me.”

That’ll Teach You To Talk To The Press, Neil

Brian Hewlett (Neil Carter)

There is a feeling among some people that journalists are not to be trusted, as they will twist everything you say. This attitude is, of course, totally fallacious, as the vast majority of journalists are honest, hard-working seekers after truth who wouldn’t dream of misrepresenting what they are told. But that’s enough about me – I have to admit that not all scribblers aspire to the same high standards.

Someone who would heartily agree with this point of view is Neil Carter, who was only too pleased to take the opportunity to talk to Rebecca – the reporter from the Echo – about the effect on the village of Phil Moss’s use of slave labour in his building work. In retrospect, perhaps it was unwise to mention that it was Neil who authorised Phil’s work at Berrow Farm, and it was Neil who gave him the job of renovating the church tower, and who grabbed Phil’s hand off when he quoted an absurdly low price for repairing/refurbishing the children’s playground. But what’s the harm?

On Monday, Susan mentions how much she is looking forward to seeing the article in print on Thursday; she thinks that people will be impressed by what she and Neil had to say and – who knows – it might even lead to her getting her Radio Borsetshire afternoon slot back? Even as she says this, Neil gets a call from Brian, who says that he’d like to see Neil at Berrow Farm – now.

Brian is definitely not happy – while it is true that the Echo comes out on Thursday, the content is available on the paper’s website, and Brian has been reading the article detailing the Carters’ interview. It identifies Neil as the pig manager at Berrow and mentions the work Philip’s crew carried out. An apoplectic Brian tells Neil that the article makes the Berrow management look heartless – why on earth did he go to the press? Neil’s explanation that the reporter came to them and said she wanted to write a ‘feel good’ piece about the effect on the village, does nothing to make Brian feel better. Martyn Gibson, Brian tells Neil, is ready to strangle Neil and Brian has been summoned to an emergency BL Board meeting. Brian adds that he will try to defend Neil, but it looks bad.

When Neil returns home, he finds Susan on the phone, threatening to sue the paper. Neil tells her to hang up, and does this for her, saying she’s probably done more harm than good. Susan wails that it is all her fault “and what will people think of us?” Neil’s response is that he is more worried about losing his job.

The following day, Tracy seeks out Susan, who has got cover for her stint in the shop, as she is too ashamed to do it. Neil, who is off to work, tells Tracy that the BL board is meeting to discuss the situation. When he has gone, Susan tells her sister that she has been the target of some extremely nasty comments online – she cannot believe how vile some of the language is and she is frightened. Susan has also told the radio station that she does not want her job back.

A disturbed Tracy seeks out Neil. He is pleased because the board did not sack or suspend him. However, he is less pleased when Tracy tells him how upset his wife is at being trolled and that people think that the Carters were involved in the slave labour racket. Neil is appalled and feels awful, but he resolves that he will not let Susan bear this burden alone.

Neil is feeling the pressure too, and on Thursday he goes to see Alan, but the vicar is away on church business and he is met by Shula. Can she help? Neil says she can pass on a message – he would like to resign as Churchwarden. Shula assures him that people are not judging him, and is he sure that he really wants to do this? Neil replies that he doesn’t want to bring St Stephen’s into disrepute, and Shula invites him in for a chat.

Neil repeats what he said to Brian – that he thought he was doing the right thing in giving the interview – and that the current situation, including Susan’s fears, is all his fault. Shula says that he has done nothing wrong and that he is “a good person; honest, caring, community-minded – an asset to Ambridge.” She admits that she is thinking of discontinuing her ordination process and Neil says she shouldn’t, as what she said about him applies to her as well, as “you’ve always been a special person.” In the end, they agree a deal; he won’t resign as Churchwarden as long as she doesn’t stop training for the priesthood. Says Neil; “Neither of us is ready to give up – not really.”

At the beginning of the week, Alice is in the office with Brian, who asks how will he manage without her when she goes on maternity leave? “Still, it’s only for three or four months, isn’t it?” he says, complacently. Wrong! Alice tells him that she was thinking of having a year off, which makes him sad, as Alice in the office is much more fun than Adam. Never mind – he has a little surprise present for his daughter; a cheque to help with the expenses for the baby. Not only that, but as we learn later when Alice talks to Chris, it is a cheque for £2,500. Just think what might have been, Alice, if you’d said that you wanted two years off. Alice reminds Chris that they are going to Peggy’s for dinner tonight. There is a scream, as Chris has shut his hand in his van door, and Alice later cancels the meal. Come on Chris – you could have just made an excuse not to go.

Emma is at The Lodge, talking to Peggy. Emma reveals that, since the revelations about Philip, the playground has hardly been used. Peggy thinks that this is ridiculous – the children shouldn’t be punished. Peg also talks about Chris and Alice – how are they? Emma feels a pang of remorse, as she has had no contact with them for ages. On Friday, she goes to see her brother at his forge. 

She sympathises with his hand injury (fortunately it’s not that serious) and tells him that Peggy said that Chris needs the support of his family because of the baby and Emma is family. She says that the four of them (including Alice and Ed) have always been close. Emma has an idea to ‘rehabilitate’ the playground – she suggests that they should make it into an assault course, charge people to enter and donate takings to an anti-trafficking charity.

Chris says that it sounds like a great idea. Emma then tells him that she would like to talk to Alice and why doesn’t she come to the Tearoom later for a chat, and complimentary tea and cake? Chris is not so sure that this is a good idea, but then goes on to ask “what sort of cake?”

Alice does indeed go to see Emma, who says she knows the two of them never really got on, but Emma is sorry for the things she said about Alice. For her part, Alice is sorry for the message she left on Emma’s phone (Alice was off her face at the time). Emma replies that they both said things they regret, so why not put it all behind them? Alice agrees, and tells Emma that she is prioritising the baby in everything. 

The talk turns to pregnancies and babies and Alice asks if childbirth is as painful and horrific as everybody says? Now I wanted Emma to say that it’s a piece of cake, as long as you refuse gas and air or an epidural, but she let me down when she says “it’s agony”, but she qualifies this by saying that she wouldn’t have missed it for the world and it is amazing and extraordinary. They both start crying and it seems that the rift is well and truly healed.

A digression here as Justin turns up at Bridge Farm to see Tony – he has been told to go by Lilian to look at Tony’s model railway. Justin makes it plain that he doesn’t want to be there (Lilian thinks he needs a hobby) and after a (very) few words, he says that he’s done what Lilian wanted, so he’ll go now. In the end, Tony gets him to look at the layout (Hollerton Junction in the 1960s) and reveals how he built it from scratch and painted each individual brick and building. Justin is appalled and says that he wishes that he was so easy to please. Having said that, he thinks that a new, joint business venture could be just the thing that he and Lilian need to rekindle their interest and zest for life. Railways, he tells Tony, are not his scene, and he is not ready to retire just yet, but “I admire your ability to settle in the slow lane.” Tony starts to protest, but then stops while he works out if he has been insulted or not.

Let us end with Shula, who has been sought out by Kirsty. Kirsty tells her that the police have told her that “she’s no longer a person of interest”, which seems a little harsh; she’s quite pleasant, really, although a massive relief. Kirsty turns the conversation round to Philip and Shula admits that she went to see him in prison, but she realised that it was a terrible mistake, as Philip would not admit that he had done anything wrong. Kirsty asks her if she will be going back to visit Philip again? “Absolutely not” the trainee priest answers.

Kirsty then asks if she would return if she thought she could do some good? She goes on to explain that she cannot sleep at night for thinking about the lads and the only person who knows where they are is Philip. If Shula could go and see him often enough, then she could win his confidence and he might reveal who he sold them to. Once they have this information, Kirsty the masked avenger could swoop and rescue them. Good plan, huh?

Shula is aghast; “You want me to use my clerical training to spy on him?” Kirsty counters by saying “I wouldn’t call it spying, exactly.” I suppose Shula should be grateful that Kirsty never asked her to trample on the Crucifix, or hold a Black Mass in Philip’s cell. “Do you realise what you are asking?” Shula asks; “You want me to deliberately gain someone’s confidence, and then betray them?” “In a very good cause” Kirsty answers. Oh, that makes it an awful lot better, and you could always cross your fingers behind your back, Shula. 

Shula informs Kirsty that she could be putting the lads’ lives in danger – if the traffickers got an inkling that Kirsty was on to them, then the boys could simply disappear (again) and then Kirsty would feel as guilty as hell. “Let the police deal with it,” says Shula, adding; “You have to stop this now and concentrate on sorting your life out. You are so close, you can’t see right from wrong.” Kirsty replies sullenly that she’s sorry she asked, but “I know now that I have to find out the truth for myself.” There is another, simpler solution; Kirsty’s body is found floating in the Am. That way, Victoria (slavemaster) is rid of an annoying pest and, as an added bonus, she gets to keep the three lads as slave labour and nobody is still any the wiser as to their whereabouts. Mind how you go, Kirsty - and keep looking behind you.

A Mother’s Love?

June Rosalind Spencer CBE (Peggy Woolley)

Nobody could accuse Peggy of being over-expressive when it comes to showing affection towards her children; especially when it comes to her youngest, Tony. Tony is coming up to his 70^th birthday (16^th February, so there’s still time to send a card) and Natasha has the bright idea of contacting his close relatives and asking for a short video tribute from each of them to mark the occasion.

Her husband (and Tony’s son) Tom is deeply impressed by the idea – even more so when Natasha reveals that, not only has Peggy agreed to submit a contribution, but she has already practically finished it and will ping it over that same day. “You got Gran to do it?” he says, in a voice that combined surprise and pleasure in equal amounts.

The pair listen to Peggy’s offering, and it soon becomes clear that, in her case, the phrase ‘close relative’ just means ‘a family member who happens to live nearby’, as the tone of the message is almost totally devoid of affection. Natasha describes it as “a bit cold” but that is a massive understatement – while Peggy doesn’t actually call her son ‘whatshisname’, or preface her message with ‘to whom it may concern’, it is definitely lacking in maternal warmth. 

Peggy kicks off by saying that she and Jack had never planned on having three children and “it was something of a surprise when we found out that you were coming along – actually, ‘shock’ is more accurate.” She goes on to say that when she held him for the first time, her first thought was ‘how will we all fit in our tiny cottage?’ After two daughters, Peggy didn’t really know how to handle a son. “You were so different from your sisters,” she tells him, “more aimless. And so stubborn – it made life quite difficult, I can tell you. 70 years – I can hardly believe it; happy birthday Tony.” Not once in the message does Peggy mention the word ‘love’.

Tom and Natasha are shocked, with Tom saying that there’s no way they can include that message – Peggy practically said that Tony was an unwanted baby. If Tony hears what his mother said, he will be devastated. Tom says that Peggy has always been hard on Tony – nothing he does is ever good enough for her. Come on Tom, be fair; she lets him drive her to the shops, doctors and the like; and sometimes she doesn’t spend the entire journey moaning. Regarding the message, Natasha says that Peggy is from a different generation, but if they do not include it, then a) Tony will be surprised that there is no contribution from his mother and b) Peggy will wonder what happened to her video. “What are we going to do?” What indeed? I can’t wait till the 16^th to find out.

All this happened towards the end of the week, and it was a week which Tom spent most of firmly in the doghouse. On Tuesday he mentions to Natasha that he will cook her a special meal that evening, to which she replies that she’s sorry, but she is going out with Kirsty to continue the search for the lads. Tom, who obviously has a poorly-developed sense of self-preservation, says no she isn’t “I’m putting my foot down – I’m your husband and I’m saying that I won’t let you go.” Brave man! Natasha says “What?” and adds in a dangerously low voice; “We don’t live in the 19^th century – you don’t get to tell me what to do.” I should have mentioned that Tom said earlier that, if Natasha is going, then he will join her and Kirsty. Natasha replies that she doesn’t want him standing around, glowering at the down and outs.

When he is alone, Tom rings Harrison Burns – he wants some advice. Tom relates the saga of the search for the slaves and asks whether Harrison could have a quiet word with the girls, as he is worried that they might be putting themselves in danger. Harrison immediately moves into Sergeant Burns mode, as he tells Tom to wait while he gets his notebook, and then start from the top, and leave nothing out.

Later that day, Sgt Burns is lurking outside the shop, waiting for Natasha to emerge. He does indeed have a quiet word, but he is not so much worried about the potential dangers, rather that the two girls could be accused of interfering with potential witnesses and, as the wife of someone on remand for a very serious crime, Kirsty (and Natasha) could find themselves in seriously hot water.

Harrison then asks Natasha what would she have done if they had found the lads? Traffickers, he says, are not very nice people and the two girls could be putting the lads’ lives at risk. He tells Natasha that it’s got to stop. He then adds “At least Tom had more sense – you’re lucky he called me when he did.” Never mind the lads’ lives, Harrison; you could have just signed Tom’s death warrant when Natasha gets home.

When she does, she is spitting feathers and is dismissive of her husband’s motives "for dobbing me in to the police.” Tom then mentions that he is meeting Harrison and Roy that evening for a socially-distanced drink to celebrate Roy’s birthday. “Good – at least I will have the flat to myself” is Natasha’s comment.

The girl is most definitely not a happy camper and I don’t know if Tom had any expectations for some post-pub hanky-panky, but I really don’t fancy his chances; I wonder if the flat has a spare bedroom?

The Tracy/Jazzer story continues to move at the speed of an arthritic snail with lead wellingtons moving through glue. On Monday, he rings her at Grey Gables to invite her over for Pizza. How does she fancy a meat feast, or a thick and crusty, with something on the side? Jim and Alistair will be out bird watching, with their new night-sight binoculars – rather them than me with the weather the way it is at the moment. She agrees and says she gets off at six and she’ll see him then.

Except she doesn’t – as she is getting ready to leave, Oliver approaches her, his face a picture of woe, as bookings are scarce, bordering on the non-existent. He says that he is looking at offering cut-price vouchers – after all, Grey Gables has little in the way of reputation to lose. He mutters something about time being short and Tracy says that she will stay behind and they can talk about it.

While this is going on, Jazzer visits Johnny, who is doing something to his recently-acquired car. The pair make small talk, and Johnny apologises for the night he spent recently with Jade (although I think he was boasting really). Jazzer waves the apology away – he has moved on since then. Johnny is intrigued and, when Jazzer won’t tell him who his new paramour is, he persists with questions and eventually guesses that it is Tracy. Jazzer says that he has matured, and compares Tracy to a fine single malt. He swears Johnny to secrecy.

Back at Grey Gables, Oliver is pouring out his troubles to Tracy – time is short, he tells her, and he may have to sell up within a few months. While they speak, she keeps getting messages on her phone, which she ignores.

Eventually it rings and she goes off to answer it. It is Jazzer, who is agitated as he has two pizzas in the oven. Tracy is short with him and the conversation becomes acrimonious, with Tracy telling him that something has come up and not to ring her again.

A fed-up Jazzer goes back to see Johnny, taking pizzas, sides and beer with him. He admits that he has been blown out by Tracy. “Good riddance” he tells Johnny. Just then Jazzer’s phone gets a message – it’s Jade asking to meet, and Jazzer texts her back, saying ok. Johnny wonders if he’s made the right decision, but Jazzer replies “At least with Jade I know what I’m buying.” Buying? Is there something about this particular single malt that we should be told about? A couple of days later, Tracy takes the opportunity to go and see Jazzer – does he fancy doing the pizza thing again, and this time she’ll buy them? An embarrassed Jazzer lets slip that he’s arranged to see a girl and Tracy says she’s pleased – at least it will put a stop to “all this nonsense about you and me. See you around” As she leaves, Jazzer says sadly “Aye”.

Over at the Snell residence, Robert is excited to get a call from the Echo – can they send a reporter to interview Lynda – they want to run a story about Lynda’s role in the community, featuring her award of the OBE. Robert asks her if she’s interested? Yes, she thinks she is. As the time grows nearer, Lynda is having second thoughts; Rebecca (the reporter) wants to bring a photographer along and Lynda doesn’t think she’s ready to have her photo published just yet. Robert reassures her – if she doesn’t want her photo taken, it’s up to her. Lynda agrees.

Rebecca asks if she can record their conversation and then suggests that they start by talking about the Grey Gables explosion. Lynda smells a rat – she thought the interview was about her work in the community, and is this relevant? Rebecca replies that it’s context and then produces a list of projects that the Moss’s worked on – does Lynda know these locations?

To cut to the chase, Lynda accuses Rebecca of tricking her way into Lynda’s garden under false pretences and she has no interest in Lynda’s community work, theatrical triumphs or the success of the Speedwatch project. “You’ve just come to dig dirt” says Lynda indignantly and, noting that Rebecca has finished her tea, she asks her bluntly to leave.

Rebecca’s day gets worse, as she spends more than an hour doorstepping Justin Elliott. When he emerges from home, apparently he is terse to the point of rudeness, leading Rebecca to seek consolation by going to the village shop and buying a bottle of wine after about ten seconds’ thought. “Having a bad day?” asks Susan, who is behind the counter. The pair talk and Rebecca reveals that she is a reporter. Susan recognises a fellow media star and, when Rebecca says she is just trying to write a feel-good story about the village, Susan leaps on her excitedly – she can help her. 

Susan invites her home for a chat, during which she (Su) reveals that yes, the Grey Gables explosion has affected the village and it was even worse for her husband Neil, who oversaw the Philip Moss/Berrow Farm project, plus he was responsible for awarding the Parish Council contract to Philip for the playground repairs (“It was so cheap that Neil grabbed his hand off”) and also the church tower repairs. Neil comes home and Susan encourages him to talk to Rebecca. He does so and, afterwards, Susan asks how did it go? Neil says Rebecca was very sympathetic and he feels better for having got it off his chest. He hopes the article does some good, and Susan is confident that it will. Neil agrees, and says “After all, we are all victims, aren’t we?”  When the article is published and your name is linked with all these dodgy contracts, Neil, you might well find that some people are more victims than others.

You Have My Admiration, Natasha – And My Sympathy Too, Of Course

Mali Harries (Natasha)

When she first made her appearance in our favourite soap, I must admit I had my reservations about Natasha; from all accounts she is very attractive, as well as being an exceptionally clever and successful businesswoman. How sad then, many of us thought, that she is obviously a few sandwiches short of a picnic, when she started going out with Tom Archer. This opinion was modified when she married Tom – not so much short of a few sandwiches, rather the entire picnic, although she could always be a masochist, of course.

On Tuesday, the couple demonstrated the truth of the old adage ‘it’s an ill wind, etc, etc’ when they were congratulating themselves on launching Bridge Fresh (the online food ordering and delivery platform) at precisely the right time. While I don’t begrudge them their success, I think we could have done without the pandemic that contributed so much towards it. They also wonder what they can get Tony as a 70^th birthday present. “What has he got on his Bucket List?” Natasha wonders. “Probably a bucket” Tom replies, and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t joking.

Natasha notices that her husband is a bit distracted, and she shrewdly guesses that he’s concerned about Kirsty. He is worried that Natasha will not understand, but you can add ‘sensible’ (apart from when choosing a spouse, of course) to her list of attributes in paragraph one, when she says “Just because you stop loving someone doesn’t mean that you stop caring” she tells him and she urges her husband to go and see Kirsty and find out how she really is.

Tom does just that and Kirsty thinks that Helen sent him (the two girls have fallen out slightly over Kirsty’s insistence of roaming the streets, searching for Blake and his two fellow ‘slaves’), but Tom insists that he is worried about his very-nearly-ex-wife. Kirsty aims unerringly below the belt when she retorts “You didn’t worry about me when we were together, so why worry now?” Ouch! “I deserved that” Tom says, accurately and honestly, but Kirsty apologises. Instead of letting well alone, Tom rashly says “If there’s anything I can do to help…”

Funny you should say that Tom, me old mate, as Kirsty says that she is going to continue with her search for the three lads, so if Tom would really like to help her – how about tonight, or tomorrow night? Tom prevaricates, but we find out later that he has agreed to help Kirsty out by accompanying her in a couple of evenings’ time – or at least that’s what Kirsty thinks, and Tom does nothing to disabuse her.

Tom returns home and Natasha asks how did he get on? Tom is a bit evasive, but says that she seems to be getting on ok, all things considered. Natasha wonders if she could help in any way – perhaps she could give Kirsty a bell? “No, no!” replies a slightly-panicky Tom, adding: “I’ve got this.”

Thursday evening arrives and Natasha tells Tom that Helen is dropping Henry and Jack over tonight, while she’s busy. Tom says glumly that he has to go out to see someone. Later he confesses that the someone is Kirsty “But it’s nothing dodgy, honest.” “I never said that it was” his wife replies.

As the evening progresses, Tom tells Natasha about Kirsty’s search for Blake and the other lads and that he is supposed to be meeting her tonight, but he doesn’t know how to get out of it. Natasha is appalled and says she cannot believe that Tom is intending to ditch Kirsty – again. Oh dear – it must be getting a bit tender beneath that belt now, Tom. Natasha snatches up her car keys – where is she going? “To meet Kirsty – she shouldn’t be out there on her own” Natasha answers, leaving the words ‘and don’t bother to wait up for me’ unsaid, but hanging in the air.

Natasha finds Kirsty and produces a map of the town so they can mark off streets where they have made enquiries. Kirsty is surprised to see Natasha, who explains that Tom is delayed, but she wants to help. Well, I suppose it sounds better than ‘his yellow streak is playing him up again’ or ‘he’s trying to grow a backbone, the invertebrate’.

The two girls decide to call it a day after Natasha is hit by a can thrown at her (empty, of course – no down and out would risk losing a full can) and Natasha gives Kirsty a lift back to her car. Kirsty asks if she is being ridiculous, but she feels that she cannot just sit back and do nothing. Natasha assures her that she (Natasha) is there tonight by choice and Kirsty tells her that she is deeply appreciative.

As the girls walk, Natasha confesses that she is used to walking the streets at night in the rain (well, she did live in Wales). Before you start leaping to erroneous conclusions, it turns out that her dad suffered from bipolar disorder and would often go walkabout, so the whole family would turn out to look for him. Kirsty can only repeat how grateful she has been for Natasha’s help, but Natasha says no problem and, if Kirsty wants to go walking the streets again, she only has to say. “I’d be glad to help” Natasha adds. So, it seems like an unlikely friendship is developing, but I’d have given good money to eavesdrop on the conversation when Natasha got home to Tom. I hope he’d done the washing up, at least.

In this blog last week, we wondered about the future of Rewilding Ambridge, and there was another twist last week, when we learned that Pip had, after what seems like five seconds’ thought, decided to quit the project. This was not, Pip told her mother, a knee-jerk response to recent actions of that traitorous bastard Rex (I am paraphrasing here) but a considered response after due consideration of her workload and future commitments at Brookfield. Rooooth is not convinced, but Pip is adamant. Perhaps she should have added that another pressure is that her daughter appears to be a kleptomaniac, as Rosie keeps returning from nursery with another girl’s toy in her pocket, feigning amazement and innocence when it is discovered.

Brian has taken over from Justin as BL’s representative on Rewilding Ambridge and he has called a meeting to discuss the project. Brian is disconcerted when Justin turns up, but the latter says that he has some important news. Phoebe tells him that Rex cannot make the meeting and – oh yes - Pip has quit RA. Justin can’t resist a dig at Brian – since Brian took over, things have been going well, with one AWOL and one deserter; not bad out of a total of three. Brian retorts that his job is to prevent further reputational damage to BL after the Berrow/Phil Moss incident.

Phoebe tells them to keep their squabbles to themselves, and what is Justin’s news? It transpires that he has re-assessed his commitment to the barn/business units building project and it no longer figures in his plans. RA can either buy him out (he owns a major stake in the project) or they can put the units on the market. This was going to be RA’s new HQ, but Phoebe is not fazed and, to Justin’s indignation, she says that RA backing out of the project could be an advantage, as it distances them from accusations of working with slave labour.

When Justin has gone, Brian questions his granddaughter – isn’t she being a bit blasé? What will happen to RA if Brookfield wants Oakey Bank back? Phoebe says that that should not prove a problem and she reminds Brian that he warned her some time back about Justin interfering with RA – isn’t that exactly what Brian is doing now? It’s Brian’s turn to be indignant now and he tells his granddaughter that he is not interfering, but giving her the benefit of his considerable experience. Perhaps he is stung by the fact that Phoebe referred to the BL Board earlier as “dinosaurs”, but whatever, he obviously regards himself as the cavalry, riding to the rescue. “I think I’ve come on board just in time” he tells Phoebe, somewhat immodestly.

There was the latest in a spat between Archer siblings, when Shula told sister Elizabeth about her visit to Philip Moss in prison after he phoned her, begging for her help and understanding. Elizabeth is appalled that Shula actually went to see him – has she forgotten that the man was nearly responsible for the death of her son Freddie? Shula talks about her duty as a trainee priest, and how she felt that God was testing her and she feels that she failed and is questioning her abilities. Lizzie’s viewpoint is simpler “What I can’t understand is why you didn’t just tell him to go to hell!” Talking to Alistair later, Shula confesses that she is seriously wondering whether or not to continue the ordination process. Have her priorities become warped? As she tells Alistair “If it’s going to drive a wedge between me and my family, I don’t think I could bear it.”

The rift between the sisters disturbs Freddie, who says that he is probably the only person who can understand how Philip is feeling. Philip is facing a lengthy jail sentence, and Freddie says that he himself only just survived six months inside. He sits his mother down and tells her how much help Shula was when Elizabeth was suffering from depression – isn’t it time to return the favour? To cut a long story short, the two sisters make it up.

Freddie’s reward for being a peacemaker could come sooner than you might think – Vince’s daughter Stephanie (sorry, Steph) visits Lower Loxley to discuss wine with Elizabeth. Elizabeth is called away, and leaves Steph in the care of Freddie. Steph is convinced they have met before – Fred doesn’t think so, but it turns out they were both at the 2017 Isle of Wight Festival admittedly Fred was off his face for the duration.

Steph is very flirtatious and books Fred in for the DJ spot at her evening wedding disco. She keeps sending him risqué texts and, when she arranges to come over to L-L to discuss details, he enlists Lily’s help; on no account is she to leave them alone. Lily is amused, and goes off to get them some drinks. Steph takes the opportunity to ask Freddie if he is dating anybody? He replies in the negative and she says seductively “That’s good – it means you are a free agent.”

When Steph has gone, Lily questions her twin – was Steph looking for one last fling before tying the knot? Something like that, admits Freddie – in fact, he thinks that he has just declined a ménage a trois with Steph and her fiancé Liam. Steph showed Freddie a picture of Liam and he’s good looking, well-muscled and rich to boot. Lily asks how did Steph take this tactful rejection? The answer, says Freddie, was pretty well – Steph was cool about it, but she did ask Freddie whether he thought that Lily might be up for a threesome with her and Liam? How times change; when I was younger, the most exciting thing that happened at wedding receptions was uncles and aunties getting enthusiastically stuck into the Hokey Cokey and wondering whether or not to risk another Port & Lemon.