Monday 31 May 2021

If You Really Loved Her, Vince, You’d Clear Up Your Own Pig Muck

Tony Turner (Vince Casey)

Vince Casey is spending a lot of time at Lower Loxley, and Elizabeth is by no means the only centre of attraction, as Vince appears to be developing a relationship with Rex’s pigs. He also seems to be taking Rex under his wing and has lots of ideas to improve Rex’s business, such as suggesting that he purchases industrial fridges. Vince points out to Elizabeth that he has a lot of experience in the meat business – admittedly not pork – and he likes Rex, so why shouldn’t he give the lad a leg up?


Elizabeth reminds him that having pigs at Lower Loxley is her project, so don’t get too involved and she is taken aback somewhat when Vince says that he wants Rex to be successful for Lower Loxley, as it’s his way of showing her that he loves her. Lizzie doesn’t know what to say – she enjoys being with Vince, but can they not continue the way they are, just having a fun time?


He agrees, and a potentially awkward moment passes. Elizabeth notices that, when he came into the kitchen, he trailed in some pig muck, and she tells him to clean it off his shoe, while she cleans up the kitchen – sounds almost like love to me, Lizzie, but we’ll see how it develops.


The main story last week continued to be about Alice’s battle with the bottle. Actually, ‘battle’ is probably the wrong word, as she always appears to surrender unconditionally after only a few seconds. At least she didn’t smash anybody else’s windows this week, so we should be grateful for small mercies, although local glaziers are disappointed.


There is a siblings’ meeting at the Dower House when Jennifer, Lilian and Tony get together to discuss the Alice situation. Jennifer admits that she assumed it was all due to the stress of the pregnancy and rather unorthodox birth, but she realises it goes back much further than that. She tells her siblings that the visit they had from Social Services was upsetting, as SocServ seemed to think that Martha might be in danger of being abused. Alice reassured them that she is quite happy with Martha living with Chris and his family at Ambridge View. And what about her – would she like a referral to the Borchester Drug and Alcohol Services? Alice’s answer to that is ‘no thanks’ and Jennifer is in despair, as she says that it looks like Alice doesn’t want to give up drinking and doesn’t seem to be in the least concerned about Martha. Jennifer also says that she doesn’t know where to turn next, as she has come to realise that, when Alice appears to be behaving like the ‘normal’ Alice she remembers, then that means that Alice has been drinking.


Jennifer leaves her brother and sister, who continue to debate the situation – it seems hopeless, as Alice will not agree to a detox programme. Tony suggests that perhaps a change of scene might help – does Lilian think that Alice would like to come and spend some time at Bridge Farm? On the ‘1 to 10 scale of good ideas’, this suggestion comes in somewhere around -87. Just try and imagine spending your days in the company of Tony and Pat. No – on second thoughts don’t; I’ve just tried to think about it and I’ve had to go and open a bottle of Scotch, and it’s only 5.30 pm on Saturday, so perhaps not a good idea for Alice?


From ‘most stupid suggestion’, we move to ‘most stupid question’, as Lilian asks her brother if he thinks she is an alcoholic? She confesses that she encouraged Alice to have a drink when she was pregnant (Alice refused) and goes further, admitting that she regularly drank when she was pregnant with James. All I will say is that, if Lilian isn’t an alcoholic, she’d certainly do if you needed one in a hurry; and, secondly, that answer explains a lot as far as James is concerned…


We might as well deal with the third sibling; Jennifer. Brian is at home with Ruairi, letting his son watch him change the tractor oil, or something equally spectacular. Ruairi outlines his plan to help deal with the Alice problem – why not let her move into Willow Cottage with Jen and Brian and he can move into Alice’s place, or he can go to live with a couple of college mates? Suddenly, we hear the clinking of numerous glass bottles. ‘Hello, Alice is home’ I thought, but I was mistaken.


In fact, it was Jennifer. What is she doing? Brian asks – are they his bottles of Rioja? No – they were his bottles of (expensive) Rioja, which she has just emptied down the drain. With commendable restraint, Brian asks for an explanation. Seized by an almost Messianic zeal, Jenny explains that the family is the root cause of Alice’s problem – consider; they have wine with every meal (have you ever had Weetabix with Rioja – other wines and cereals are available?). Call me Mr. Picky, but wouldn’t have been easier and more beneficial (and certainly cheaper) to put a special lock on the wine cellar (or wine cupboard, as the Aldridges have had to downsize) door, thereby keeping valuable wine stocks intact; keeping Alice out, and stopping the Aldridges being prosecuted (again) for polluting the Am, when the Rioja tsunami meets the local watercourse. 


Jennifer told her siblings earlier that “local gossips are having a field day”. Too right they are! Clarrie gives Helen a list of Alice’s sins – remember how drunk she was at Nic’s funeral? Not to mention how she upset Ed and Emma when she imagined a romance between him and Alice.


Suffice it to say that neither Brian nor Jenny are keen on letting Ruairi move in with his college mates – he might start enjoying himself, Heaven forfend! Brian has a suggestion, and we learn later that his idea is for Ruairi to move in with Adam and Ian – Ian is quite phlegmatic about it, but Adam calls it “a bombshell.”


Before we leave the Alice story, Neil is visiting Shula at the Stables – apparently Banjo’s teeth need filing (I hope to God that Banjo is a horse) – and the pair get talking. Neil admits that Susan is getting run down and that she found the visit from Yvette (social worker) very intrusive. Yvette was, says Neil, very professional and she said that she had no concerns about Martha living at Ambridge View. However, Neil could see the shame in Chris’s eyes throughout the visit.


Personally, Neil doesn’t blame Alice 100%, but it’s different for Susan – she was terrified when the shop window shattered. In answer to Shula’s question, Neil admits that he doesn’t know if Alice and his son will get back together, but part of him thinks that a baby needs her mother, and what would happen if Alice decided that she wanted Martha back? “That would be a hard road for all of us,” Neil says, “Courts, lawyers etc and bad blood between everyone; that’s what I’m afraid of, Shula.”


Quite often, Neil adds, Chris is so knackered with trying to catch up with work, that he sleeps through the night and Susan has to do the night feeds. That makes Chris feel guilty in the morning, but he won’t open up to anybody, and that upsets Susan even more. Neil and Susan are finding it difficult to talk about the situation and he’s not convinced that there is a right way for any of them to turn at the moment. A sympathetic Shula advises him to stop for a bit – he’s got to look after himself “And it’s hard when you’ve got to be strong for everybody else” she adds.


Let us turn now to Lee and Helen, who (along with Henry and Jack) are moving into Beechwood; Kirsty’s old house. Remember Beechwood? It was Kirsty and Phil’s dream house and Philip had made a number of improvements and additions, as well as decorating it beautifully from top to bottom. How times change! Helen tells Lee to take the boys shopping so that they choose what colours they would like in their rooms. He also resolves to buy an electric drill so that he can fix up a set of shelves and the odd cupboard or two – how hard can it be? Helen is spending a night or two at Bridge Farm, as she has an early start making the latest batch of cheese, so Lee reckons that he can knock the decorating off in a day or so. Philip would turn in his grave – or at least, his cell, if he knew.


Lee soon finds out that things aren’t always as easy as they seem and, when Adam goes round to deliver some furniture that Jennifer is letting them have, a scene of carnage meets his eyes. From being Kirsty’s dream home, Lee has – in only one day – transformed it into what looks like a candidate for ‘Homes under the hammer’ – and I’m talking about the part of the programme before they renovate the property.


Shelves are positioned at interesting angles, plasterboard has holes in it and the colour scheme is funereal, bordering on depressive. Ian, who goes round later to see it, at Adam’s prompting, describes it as “Dracula’s man cave”, but he suggests that the three of them can redecorate it before Helen and the boys return. Adam is not so sanguine – “Are you out of your mind, Ian?” he asks his husband.


Nevertheless, they set to – shelves are taken down and put up again, only this time they are horizontal; holes are filled in, cupboards fixed to the wall properly and the rooms given a complete paint job, but this time not in suicide-inducing colours. All is going swimmingly, then, when inspecting Jack’s room, Ian looks up at the ceiling and emits a gasp of horror. “What on earth possessed you?” Adam asks. “You don’t like it?” Lee replies. “It’s the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen!” Adam replies. So, we’ll mark that down as a ‘no’ then shall we Adam?


I won’t keep you in suspense – ‘it’ is a stencil of a giant spider, but Lee won’t let Ian paint over it, saying that he wants Jack to decide if he wants to keep it. As it turns out, Jack loves it, saying that it’s a friendly spider and it will look after him. Helen is amazed at the redecoration and praises Lee. “I had some help” he says, modestly. Yeah – like the UK had ‘some help’ from the Americans in WWII.


Later, Helen and Lee are in the garden and she tells him how happy the boys are, and how happy she is. The boys’ happiness, she tells him is that Lee is there to look after them (along with the spider). The pair kiss and Helen says “I think we’re going to be all right here, don’t you?” Normally, such a pronouncement would have us shaking our heads in foreboding as we await the oncoming catastrophe, but I really hope Lee and Helen make a go of it. However, I wonder if a snake has entered this Eden, as Lee has messaged Helen that an old mate of his has decided to get rid of his drum kit and has offered it to Lee (who used to play drums) - how does she feel? Helen tells Ian this and he voices doubts, but she says “I love him, Ian – he’s a wonderful man, and if he wants to play drums, that’s fine by me.” Hmm. I cannot help wondering whether her attitude might change when Jack and Henry start doing Ginger Baker impressions (look him up if you’re too young to remember) at six o’clock on a Sunday morning. 


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