Susan is facing a dilemma; she badly wants to play the part of one of the kings in the Mystery Play, but she is terrified of horses and Lynda insists that she will have to make her entrance on horseback. Instead of telling Lynda to shove it, Susan goes to see Shula on the quiet for some riding lessons. Shula criticises Susan’s posture and suggests that Susan could do with working on her core muscles if she is to ride the horse properly.
Later in the week, Lee is in the shop with Susan, who asks him about exercising core muscles – not for her, you understand, but she is concerned that Neil could do with improving his fitness. So it is that she later mentions to Neil that Lee is coming round in ten minutes to demonstrate some core strengthening exercises, as he seems to have got the idea that Neil needs them and that Susan is just tagging along to keep her husband company. “Now, I wonder where he got that idea from?” Neil laughs, adding “what if I say no?”
Susan replies that he can’t refuse, but Neil is still against the idea – he gains an instant Brownie Point when he says that he likes Susan just the way she is, then loses a shed-load of BPs when he adds that he finds her muffin top quite attractive. That’s the way it is with Brownie Points if you are a man; you gain them singly and lose them by the dozen.
Lee gives the couple a gentle workout, but Neil cries off halfway through, pleading an urgent need to update some feed records, or something equally flimsy. At work next day, Susan appears to be in extreme pain, doubling up with stomach cramps and wincing a lot. So bad is it that Helen and Clarrie are on the verge of calling an ambulance, but Susan stops them and reveals that she is wearing an Abs stimulator, which she borrowed from Lee (telling him that it was for Neil, of course) hoping it would prove a short cut to losing weight and toning her core. Helen tells her that you are only supposed to wear it for a short time and a mortified Susan makes her and Clarrie promise not to tell anybody.
I ask you; are these damn Mystery Plays of Lynda’s really worth all this trouble? As well as Susan rolling around in agony, there’s going to be mega disruption at Brookfield, with the audience traipsing all over the farm and then being squashed into the kitchen for the Annunciation scene. Clarrie is afraid that the Grundys will be ostracised by everyone in Ambridge because of Eddie’s decision to take part in Darrington’s production. And when will they be performed? Next weekend is Easter Sunday and it’s cutting it a bit fine, to say the least.
I have to confess that I am rapidly getting cheesed off with the storyline about Chris and Alice Carter and new baby Martha. The doctor at the hospital says that Martha is doing fine and gaining weight and the Carters can take her home. Chris is delighted, but Alice has reservations – is the doctor absolutely sure that Martha is ready to leave the hospital? Yes Alice – he’s a doctor; the stethoscope and white coat are a bit of a giveaway. He tries to boost Alice’s confidence by telling her that she has done well and she has a lovely baby, and she should enjoy it. Fortunately he stops short of suggesting that she has a drink.
The pair are treading on eggshells with their new baby – Chris has to go and shoe a horse for Jakob, but he is reluctant to leave Alice alone and suggests that they ask Jennifer or Susan to pop over. “Or there’s Kate” Chris says, but Alice shows that she hasn’t lost it completely when she answers “God. No!” to this last suggestion. She tells Chris to go and see to the horse – she’ll be fine.
Except that she isn’t. Chris receives a call from his wife, panicking because Martha won’t stop crying and Alice doesn’t know why – she’s tried feeding her, changing her, but all to no avail. She’s all for phoning the hospital, but Chris stops her and says that he will come straight home. Alice is on the verge of hysteria when he turns up and they start rowing, with Alice saying that Chris just won’t accept that Martha might not be normal. Chris retorts that, if Martha isn’t, then whose fault is that?
All in all, this wasn’t the cleverest thing he could have said and he immediately says that he didn’t mean it. Too late, Chris! That crashing sound you hear is of hundreds of your Brownie Points falling off a cliff. Chris eventually gets Martha to go to sleep and Alice says that they need to talk – whenever Martha falls ill in the future, Chris will blame Alice. He denies this and says that it just gave him an awful shock when he first saw Martha in the incubator. He says that he’s proud of Alice and he loves her, and the pair of them should be happy for Martha’s sake. “She’s the only one who matters now.”
I’m with Alice on this one – Chris seems only too ready to play the blame game at each and every opportunity and you cannot help wondering how long this will go on for. Imagine the scene a couple of decades hence, where a disconsolate Alice comes off the phone. ‘That was Martha,’ Alice tells Chris, ‘She rang to say that she’s just failed her driving test.’ ‘Well,’ replies her husband, ‘What did you expect? After all, you did drink alcohol when you were pregnant with her, don’t forget.’ I just hope that Martha enjoys a childhood of rude health, or else Alice certainly will not be allowed to forget – ever.
Elsewhere, things are not exactly going swimmingly for the two remaining Rewilding partners. Rex is on tenterhooks about his application for a Council Tenancy and his anxiety increases when a friend rings to say that he (the friend) has been turned down. Is this good news for Rex? At least one potential competitor is now out of the running. Sadly, he gets another call – he too has been turned down for the Tenancy and he tells Phoebe that he may have to leave Borsetshire to try and find some land. She tries to jolly him along and he snaps at her, so she says that she will keep her mouth shut if that’s how he feels.
It’s not a good day for Phoebe – she has a meeting with Brian over Rewilding and Kate tags along because she wants to talk about tree houses and what a great idea they would be for Rewilding. Phoebe never wanted Kate at the meeting, but Kate says she won’t open her mouth – in fact, she keeps on saying it, much to her daughter’s annoyance.
Brian on the other hand, wants to talk cattle. Originally the three Rewilders decided on Longhorns, as one of the oldest breeds they could find and which fits in best with the Rewilding ethos. Brian, however, thinks that Aberdeen Anguses would give a better return. He also thinks that Kate’s idea about having tree houses has some merit, as they could charge guests a premium for them.
It is all too much for Phoebe, who explodes. It is obvious, she says, that neither Brian nor Kate have the first idea about what Rewilding means. Brian’s contribution is just to ensure that the money isn’t misused in any way – he has no say in the running of the project and Phoebe and Rex will make all the commercial decisions, the first of which is Longhorn cows, not Anguses. Rewilding is not designed to make vast profits and Kate’s tree house idea would frighten away the natural wildlife and is a non-starter, so would Brian and Kate just shut up and not interfere, please?
In these days of the Covid pandemic, meetings such as the Parish Council are held using Zoom, or similar. Neil and Jim have a pre-meeting chat, at which Jim tries to dissuade Neil from resigning from the PC – if he goes, who will take over as Chair? Neil says his mind is made up and this will be his last-ever PC meeting. He suggests that Jim would make a good chair, but Jim replies that he would not have the patience, and besides, the Parish Clerk is not allowed to run for Chair. After the meeting, Emma and Jim talk. Apparently Richard Thwaite indulged in some serious nit-picking over the cost of a stapler. “I’ll resign if he ever becomes Chair” Emma promises.
So who will be the next Chair? We don’t know, as nobody volunteered. “It was a wave of apathy” Jim tells Emma. He suggests that Emma puts herself forward for the job – he knows that he could work well with her. Unfortunately, she says that she doesn’t have the time and, anyway, she doesn’t want all the backbiting.
As they are talking, Jim’s phone rings. It’s Hilary Noakes, telling Jim that she intends to stand in the PC elections in May. Not only that, but she understands that there is a vacancy for Chair and she might be willing to apply for it. Both Jim and Emma agree that she would be hopeless as Chair, with Emma remarking that all Hilary can talk about is Star Signs and her blasted cockatoo – she’d be a disaster. “We’ve got to find somebody else" Says Jim, adding; “As quickly as possible.”
Actually, the appointment of Hilary could add another dimension to PC meetings. Consider; we already have Richard Thwaite on the Council and he never says anything. Hilary Noakes is another non-speaking character. So if she were to be elected and could persuade a few other NSCs (Sabrina Thwaite, Cecil Jackson, Snatch and Baggy, Fat Paul et al) to stand for office, then we could have an entirely silent Parish Council – just think how much fun their Zoom meetings would be.
No comments:
Post a Comment