The Rewilding project does not appear to be going according to plan. First of all, Pip jumped ship, thereby removing all the trio’s (Pip, Phoebe and Rex) cattle expertise at one stroke. Then there was the bad feeling between Pip and Rex, following Brookfield giving the Fairbrothers notice to quit Hollowtree. BL appointed Justin as their man on the spot to oversee the project, but Justin was forced to take a step back after the BL Board thought that he might be too closely associated with the Philip Moss slave gang – in the minds of the public, even if not in reality.
Justin’s replacement was Brian Aldridge who, at his age (78 in November) could be forgiven for reaching for the pipe and slippers, but not a bit of it. True, he did say to his son Ruairi that he might not be able to take on as many shifts in the lambing shed this year, but he is still deeply involved in the day-to-day running of Home Farm.
But what has this got to do with Rewilding, I hear you scream? The answer is that Brian is well aware of the lack of bovine knowledge among the other two principals of the Rewilding project and, at the meeting held on Tuesday (for which Rex was late) he tells Phoebe that Peggy is concerned because Pip has left the project. Perhaps, he ventures to suggest, if Phoebe and Rex wanted the benefit of someone who has decades of experience in handling cattle…?
Phoebe is quick to try and scotch this attempt by Brian to get his foot further in the door, by telling him that they can handle it, thank you very much Granddad Brian. Imagine then how pleased she was when Rex did eventually turn up and, when the topic of cattle was raised, he was all for roping in Brian for his vast experience. Phoebe didn’t actually try and kill Rex, but you can be confident that she will be having a few words later with her Rewilding partner. There were other indications that Brian’s presence might not dovetail with the duo’s plans as, when Phoebe outlines their idea to get some basic facilities set up so that they could attract campers, Brian expresses doubt about the wisdom of this, saying that it could be in competition with Kate’s Spiritual Home.
For what it’s worth, my view on this is ‘tough’. From my point of view, I don’t see how having a site in a field with some very basic amenities can conflict with furnished yurts with hot and cold running joss sticks, and also, surely we are talking two different markets here? I submit that campers are just looking for somewhere to pitch a tent and get some potable water and couldn’t really give a toss whether their shakra is aligned (whatever that means) or if the site has been fully feng-shuied.
Perhaps Brian is trying to relive his days when he was lord of all he surveyed, by proxy – passing on the baton to the only one of his children (or his natural children, at least) who is interested in farming; yes, we speak of Ruairi. Brian takes his son walking Home Farm, and it is during this perambulation that we learn of Brian’s intention to cut down on nights in the lambing shed. What he’d really like, he confides, is to get out of sheep altogether.
Ruairi mentions that, by an odd coincidence, Brookfield are thinking of abandoning sheep as well (more accurately, Rooooth and Pip want out – David still favours a mixed farm). Ruairi has what can best be described as an Epiphany, or at least a lightbulb moment, and excitedly tells his dad what he thinks – why not get rid of the sheep and rent the fields out to Brookfield for their sheep?
Brian thinks this is a bonzer idea and, when Adam joins them in the lambing shed, Brian floats Ruairi’s idea. Adam is horrified at the thought – sheep mean much more than fleeces and meat; for example, their dung fertilises the land (for which farmers receive payment) and their grazing keeps the Black Grass under control. Ruairi counters this by saying that the sheep will still fertilise the land and keep weeds under control, be they Brookfield or Home Farm animals, plus Home Farm can charge Brookfield rent. Adam is momentarily at a loss, but Brian sticks his oar in by saying that he will bring the subject up at the next Partners’ Meeting (Ruairi’s first) and that he is fully behind the idea.
Adam gets Brian on his own later and says that the Meeting is the wrong forum to introduce such ideas; Ruairi should have gone through Adam first. “Is this going to happen with every hare-brained scheme that Ruairi dreams up?” Adam asks his stepfather, adding that this is not the sort of thing with which they should be wasting the partners’ time. Brian replies that he thinks it’s a sound idea – and oh yes, he understands from Jennifer that the rewiring of Honeysuckle cottage is going to cost a lot more than Adam and Ian thought – would they like him to help with the cost? In an icy tone, Adam answers that they can manage, thank you.
Now it’s time for a lesson in manners and etiquette, and for this we could have no better teacher than Jazzer’s girlfriend Jade. I hope that you realise that we are employing irony her, as Jade is to politeness what King Herod was to child welfare. Jim has invited Jade to join him, Jazzer and Alistair for dinner at Greenacres – an early dinner, as he knows Jade and Jazzer are going on somewhere later. The first course (prepared by Jim) is a salad. Jade describes this as ‘garden food’ and it is returned uneaten.
Jim removes the salad and Jazzer suggests to Jade that she might have upset Jim, but she can’t see this. She does compliment Alistair on the main course, but says that it would go better with a beer. Jazzer is out of the room looking for one and Jade makes some disparaging remarks about the Scotsman, to the extent that Jim asks her what does she see in Jazzer, if she’s always slagging him off? No-one could accuse Jade of beating around the bush, as she replies “Jazzer is a laugh a minute, when he’s not stuck in here with you two relics.”
Jazzer returns with the beer and Jade really goes for the throat, describing Jim as “a retired nobody, who enjoys lording it over anyone who’ll take it.” Not surprisingly, Jim is outraged at this and says that he invited her for dinner because he knows how much she means to Jazzer, but all she has done is take cheap shots at them all. Jade contradicts him, saying that he invited her just to make her squirm, but she doesn’t give a monkey’s. “Screw this” she adds and walks out, with Jazzer calling after her.
When Jazzer returns, he is less than happy and asks what did Jim and Alistair say to Jade? Jim explains what she was saying about Jazzer, and, indeed, about them, but Jazzer says can’t they take a joke? He adds that Jim and Alistair made up their minds about Jade the minute they met her, and with that, he too storms out. Perhaps Jim should install a revolving door? As it is, Alistair sums up the evening when he says “Well, that went well.”
The next day, Jim is in introspective mood – perhaps Jazzer is right; maybe Jim is a snob. He goes further, wondering whether Alistair’s and Shula’s marriage would have survived if he had been more supportive? Alistair dismisses this train of thought and, regarding their current situation, he is sure that Jazzer will come to his senses eventually and, when he does, Jim and Alistair will be there for him.
Lynda’s production of the Mystery plays is gaining momentum, as we both feared and predicted. Susan is miffed because she hasn’t been offered a part, while Clarrie is determined to show Susan that she can act. Susan, meanwhile, is clinging to the hope that the new policy of gender fluidity, where the sex of the actor does not necessarily mean that men play male parts, or women female ones, could yet lead to her bagging not only a part, but a leading one at that. “I think I’d make an excellent Jesus” she tells Clarrie, somewhat immodestly. Sadly for her, that part has been offered to Harrison and, after initially saying that he thinks he ought to rein in on non-police activities, he agrees to accept the part.
Lynda has heard that Darrington will be producing their own Mystery plays, and she is determined to come out on top. No details of what she is planning have been released and the cast are sworn to secrecy. A good plan, but it could well be scuppered by Clarrie. Cast as one of the three kings, she fears that her voice isn’t regal enough and she enlists the well-spoken (not that we have ever heard her speak) Sabrina Thwaite for elocution lessons. The cat could soon be out of the bag.
Even worse, Lynda has enlisted Eddie as her spy in the Darrington camp, to keep an eye on their progress. If you want a double agent with guile, discretion and keeping your wits about you in tight situations, then I venture to suggest that Eddie is not the man; just think back to the metal detectorist debacle. What, between Clarrie’s breach of trust and Eddie’s bungling, I’ll give it a week before the Darrington players start to smell a rat.
Towards the end of the week, Alice is surprised – nay, startled even - when Kate and Adam turn up at her front door, dressed in onesies. They have decided to throw her an impromptu baby shower and she is horrified when they tell her that they have brought drink for her. Much of this is non-alcoholic, but they have champagne and try to persuade her that a small glass won’t hurt. In a panic, she rings Chris – he’s got to help her out, as there appears to be no escape. Chris tells her he will think of something.
As Alice’s siblings increasingly press drinks on her, Kate’s phone rings. “Oh no!” Kate exclaims and she tells Adam that they have to go – now! The call was a message from Peggy; she’s had a fall. Kate and Adam rush off and a grateful Alice pours the champagne down the sink.
Later on, Chris is on the phone to Peggy and it turns out that the message was a white lie, as Peggy has not had a fall. She does wonder though whether it might be time to tell Jennifer and the rest of the family the truth – that way there would be more support to help Alice get through her problem. Chris is adamant, however; this is between Alice, him and Peggy and nobody else must know. He gets Peggy to give him her word that she will keep quiet and, reluctantly, she agrees, although she does warn him that the baby and its health must come first. Besides, as she reminds Chris “There are only so many falls that a grandmother can have.”
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