John Rowe (Jim Lloyd)
On Tuesday, the three amigos (Jim, Alistair and Jazzer) set off for the frozen north for Harold Jayston’s funeral. Alistair is driving and Jazzer starts quizzing Alistair about his date of birth, likes and dislikes and preferences regarding types of women. Alistair wants to know why he wants to know and Jazzer replies that he is signing Alistair up to a dating App - it’s time he got back in the saddle.
Alistair protests, but we learn later that he was just playing along and trying to pass the time on the long trek north. When they arrive at the inn that Jim has chosen, Jazzer confesses that he was just winding Alistair up and Jim thanks his son for going along with the pretence, as he knew Alistair was trying to protect him from the forthcoming ordeal.
They have a meal and a drink and prepare themselves for the next day’s funeral. On arrival at the church, they are appalled to see vast crowds having turned out for HJ’s interment and a show of flowers akin to the tributes to Princess Diana (OK, I could be accused of exaggeration here). Whatever, it proves too much for Jim and he says that he cannot do this, and could they leave. Jazzer suggests a drink (surely not?) and Jim wants to get well away from the town where HJ dwelt.
Jim apologises for leading them on a wild goose chase and wants to pay for the drinks - what about the overnight stay, meals, drinks and petrol? - but Alistair won’t hear of it. In the end, the three decide that, rather than waste the whole trip, they will stay another night and go to visit a Roman fort on the morrow. Morning comes and Jazzer and Alistair are complimenting the breakfast when they realise that Jim is missing. They get his room checked out and he is not there - his bed is made and his bag packed, but no Jim.
Cut to the cemetery, where we find Jim surveying HJ’s grave (and, oddly enough, not dancing on it). He is disturbed by a visitor (whom we later learn is called Michael). Michael asks if this is HJ’s grave and, on learning that it is, he says that he has come to spit on it. The pair converse and it turns out that Michael too was abused by HJ in his youth. Furthermore, he has never told anyone (and he has a wife and five children) of his ordeal. Jim urges him to trust his family and says how much his family’s support has meant to him. Jim also gives Michael his contact details and says he can be contacted any time - day or night. To make the weekend complete, when Jim gets in touch with Alistair and Jazzer, he says that he will forgo the Roman fort and can they go straight home, please? As we said at the opening, the car could probably have used a long run.
Let’s turn to someone who has not featured much recently - step forward Ian Craig, erstwhile chef at Grey Gables, who is on nine months’ paternity leave. Ian is visited by Freddie, who is keeping Ian abreast of happenings at G-G while Ian is looking after son Xander. Freddie tells Ian about the team-building exercise, led by Kate, but Ian is more interested about what stand-in chef Hugh is doing in Ian’s kitchen.
Freddie hands Ian a copy of Hugh’s latest menu and Ian is appalled - Beef Wellington? What is this - 1972? When Adam comes back from work, Ian suggests a night out. Where? How about Grey Gables? The couple turn up and Ian is critical about everything on the menu. “Steak Pie?” he exclaims. “I quite fancy steak pie” Adam says. The evening continues, with Ian continually criticising the food and presentation. “That sauce was so - obvious” he says. When it comes to bill time, Ian says that he should pay, as he asked Adam out, and the Irishman is horrified to see that Hugh has put the meal on the house. “Damn his generosity!” says a frustrated Ian.
Helen is keen for Ian to meet Lee, as she would like her best friend to meet her lover. Ian turns up with Xander and, when Lee arrives, it quickly becomes apparent that the two men have very little in common, apart from affection for Helen. The conversation is awkward and, when Lee has left, Helen asks Ian what went wrong? Ian says that they had little in common, but Lee seems a nice guy and is obviously crazy about Helen.
On the subject of love and romance, we have the ongoing saga of Kirsty and Philip. He proposed, she accepted, but then she began to get stressed over the preparations, especially when her mother started talking about the numbers of relatives that would need to be invited. Phil noticed that Kirsty’s enthusiasm was waning and asked her what was the matter? She told him and he replied that they didn’t have to get married. “But we’ve told everyone now” Kirsty says.
“So what? What I want is for both of us to be happy.” Philip answers, and he gets down on one knee and un-proposes, asking her if she’d do him the honour of not being his wife? She accepts and feels better and less stressed already. But how will they tell everybody? Not a problem, Philip says, adding “This is Ambridge, after all.”
A happy ending - you reckon? Kirsty meets up with Helen and tells her that the wedding is off. Helen is horrified - after all Kirsty said about Helen to stop faffing around about Lee, she’s pulling out?
“Men like Philip don’t come along that often” Helen says, and goes on to tell Kirsty that she should live her life for herself and not for what others think. There is reference to the aborted wedding when Tom left Kirsty at the altar and Helen urges her to go ahead; “Don’t let the past spoil your future” she tells her friend. If we fast forward to the end of the week, we find Kirsty and Phil embracing - she has decided that they should, in fact, get married; it wasn’t that she doesn’t love Philip and didn’t want to marry him, but that she couldn’t put up with all the fuss and palaver of the build-up to the ceremony. Why don’t they just slip off on holiday, find a couple of witnesses and return home married? I hope you are listening and learning, Gavin, you parasite.
Elsewhere, you start to wonder about Josh - is he shady or just bloody stupid? Rex meets Toby at Brookfield; Rex is preparing to take his pigs to the abattoir and has given them every luxury that a doomed porker could expect. Toby is worried that the experience might be too much for his brother and, when Rex returns in a foul mood, Toby asks if it went OK with the pigs? Rex’s answer is along the lines of ‘sod the pigs - a farmer said that I had stolen his trailer, which went missing last summer - he recognised it from a dent in the front.’
Toby said that should be easy to confirm - just check the chassis number. Rex thinks he should have thought of that and looks. Where the number should be is a space where an angle grinder has been used to obliterate the number. “I’ll kill him!” shouts Rex, adding: “Josh has got some big explaining to do.” He returns, with Josh having explained that the farmer must have made a mistake. I am worried here, as Rex has already been spoken to by the police with reference to the digger used in the ATM raid , and now he is being accused of theft (the farmer said that he was going to contact the police). Take care, Rex.
A brief digression here - Natasha is worn out travelling to her admin hub (office) in Basingstoke and back to Ambridge every day. She and Tom are having a cocktail mixing experience one evening and she falls asleep. Tom wakes her up and she goes off on one, shouting and ranting that it‘s easy for Tom - his work is on his doorstep.
Later, she apologises and says that, while she cannot physically move her orchards, she can move the admin to Ambridge and spend more time with Tom. Personally, I fail to recognise any advantage in this, although I suppose it does spare her a twice-daily commute.
Now we come to the main story of the week and, yes, I’m sorry, it’s the saga of The Bull vs. The B@Ambridge. It may not have escaped your notice that this weekend included Burns’ Night and The B@Ambridge has organised a number of events (Burns’ Night Bop’, Burns’ Night supper with addressing the haggis and a quiz) to tempt punters in.
Many of Ambridge residents are very anti the name change and, at the Cider Club on Sunday, Eddie has a light bulb moment when Jazzer wonders whether or not he should pull out of his agreement to play the bagpipes in The Bull. “Oh yes,” says Eddie; “That’ll really show them how people feel.”
Eddie’s idea is to run a rival selection of Burns’ weekend’s events to The B@Ambridge. He manages to poach Jazzer as the piper and The Bull brainstorms ideas to fight back, one of which is to offer a free drink to anybody wearing tartan. Lilian suggests a Scottish-themed male stripper, but Jolene and Fallon put their feet down when Lilian says perhaps Harrison would do it (he used to strip to make money when a student).
The result is an overwhelming victory for Grange Farm over the weekend. The Bull did try to drum up trade by having Roman as a comic Scottish waiter, but this was offset by Tracy negotiating free meals and drinks for her and Roman throughout the evening. When they come to cash up. Jolene, Emma and Fallon are appalled at the size of Tracy’s bar tab and it has been a financial disaster. On the other hand, Eddie remarks to Clarrie that the enterprise has made them a fair wedge. She is worried that Eddie will want to do this every year and warns him that if they take this too far, they could put the pub out of business.
I have a suggestion - put The Bull on the market (I’m sure AmSide could develop it for housing and it would be a nice little nest egg for Kenton, Jolene and Lilian) and, if the anti-name change brigade backs down, then continue to run it as a pub, on the express condition that Eddie Grundy is barred as a customer sine die.
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