To Bee Or Not 2B?

Buffy Davis (Jolene Perks)

The phrase that springs to mind to describe last week’s storyline about the grand unveiling of the new name for The Bull is ‘anti-climactic’. Jolene let it be known that all would be revealed on Thursday evening and there was much speculation about exactly what it was that would be revealed. Eddie thought The Bull would be producing its own beer, while Bert was convinced that the pub was going to shut down. 

On Thursday, Jolene (who had had her hair done specially) was playing the crowd, keeping everybody guessing and happy hour was steaming along nicely - Kate even bought Oliver one of the cocktails; a hanky panky – then Jolene stood up and made her speech. She began by praising the customers for their loyalty and wishing everyone a Happy New Year. The new year, she continued, is a time to look forward; a time of change and, with this in mind, The Bull would no longer be called The Bull; henceforth it would be known as (cue drum roll) “The B at Ambridge!”

There was some muted applause and a lot of consternation. “Is that bee as in the insect or as the letter B?” asked a mystified Kate to nobody in particular and the general response was neatly summed up by Alistair, who said “I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that.” Whatever, the words ‘damp’ and ‘squib’ spring unbidden to mind. But let’s leave the locals in a somewhat bemused state and move on to other matters; but, before we do, if you have any ideas what the ‘B’ might stand for, we’d love to hear from you. Keep them clean, please!

Earlier, we said that Kate bought Oliver a cocktail. While setting out a display of Spiritual Home brochures, Kate noticed that Oliver was looking distinctly stressed – she sensed a great deal of negative energy at Grey Gables and suggests that Oliver undergoes a course of de-stressing. By an amazing coincidence, she has had a cancellation for that very evening and Oliver needn’t worry, as they do take credit cards. Oliver admits that he does feel a bit better after having the treatment and, before you can say ‘hot stone massage’ Kate has stitched him up like a kipper and he has agreed to have the Grey Gables staff all booked in for team bonding days.

This is not universally popular – indeed, Kirsty is quite anti and, when Philip thinks that maybe it could be a good idea, she says sourly “Would you want to be stuck in a freezing yurt, chanting mantras with a load of work colleagues?” Philip says no, but urges Kirsty to join him at the lake, as Robert Snell has told him that a flock of widgeon are roosting there and it’s a truly impressive sight.

To be honest, Kirsty would rather have a long, hot bath, especially as she cannot feel her feet as they are numb with cold. Why are the two of them sitting outside in the cold and wind and not watching from the comparative shelter of the hide? Philip explains that the view is better from this side of the lake and look! Here the birds come! Kirsty has to admit that it is a beautiful sight, but Philip has a surprise in store – he and Kirsty then go inside the hide and it is decorated with fairy lights and cushions, plus there is mulled wine.

The hide, he says, is a special place for them, as it’s where they first got together. There are various protestations of love and Philip gets on one knee and proposes. At first Kirsty hesitates and Philip thinks he has blown it, but Kirsty’s initial silence is due to shock and she tells Philip that she had been so unhappy “then, when you came along, everything made sense again, so yes – of course I’ll marry you!” Isn’t that sweet? Of course, if they get married, she might have a say in Gavin’s plans to blow £20k of Philip’s money on a wedding in Bali. Or they might have a double wedding – if two can proverbially live as cheaply as one, then there might be economies of scale to be achieved by getting married together.

Josh returns from his holiday in Thailand, full of what a great experience it was. David picks him up from the airport and, according to Josh’s account to Rex, his father bends Josh’s ear all the way home, telling him to sort it out with the police. Once home, Rooooth takes over from David and Josh is subjected to yet more earache.

Rex is just grateful that the police never asked him for any invoices or paperwork (there was none) and Josh went to see the police, reporting back to mum and dad that everything’s cool and he hopes to have his digger back within a week. Now, my experience of using an industrial vehicle to rip out an ATM is very limited, but I cannot help feeling that the law would be asking the criminals some pointed questions, such as ‘where did you get this digger from?’ and ‘can we see the paperwork?’ 

For everything to be over so quickly and neatly doesn’t ring true to me, and I suspect that Josh might be seeing something more of the boys in blue. Certainly, I cannot believe that he can just walk in and take away the digger – won’t it be wanted for the trial as evidence? Again, I have the feeling that it’s not going to be plain sailing for Josh – and a good thing too in my humble opinion, because he certainly comes across as a cocky little sod and perhaps a good fright is just what he needs. Whatever, I don’t think this story is over yet – not by a long chalk.

Rex is stressing a bit about taking his pigs to slaughter – he has bonded with them – and he seeks Neil’s advice. Neil says he should view rearing pigs as a journey and you are just helping them on the last bit of it, making it as peaceful and comfortable as you can. Just better hope that no pig asks where the return ticket is, I say. Neil has his own problems – another outbreak of tail-biting at Berrow and he has to put one animal down. Susan is worried that he will suffer executive burn-out (!) and tells him that money isn’t everything, which is a bit different from what she said when he was first given the job.

There’s good news for Rex when Pip tells him that she and Phoebe have had a meeting and cleared the air. This was after a conversation between Pip and Justin. Justin says there’s nothing to be gained by the three members of Ambridge Rewilding blaming each other – the project gives them a real chance to make a difference, so sort it out, please. The meeting between Pip and Phoebe descends into one massive drinkfest and the two girls get absolutely slaughtered, before pledging eternal sisterly love for each other

Over at Greenacres, the death of child abuser Harold Jayson casts a blight on Jim Lloyd’s life. Jim feels cheated when he learns of it because he wanted to confront Harold and make him apologise. “By dying, Harold’s won!” Jim rants. He is a seething mass of anger, ready to erupt at the slightest provocation and, as Alistair tells him, he is driving his son and Jazzer away; just as he did before he revealed the secret about his childhood abuse. Much of this anger is taken out on the builders, who are working on the house extension – Jim berates them when he finds a tyre track on his lawn and goes ever so slightly berserk when he discovers the builders in his garden shed, drinking tea.

So bad does it get that the builders walk off the site and don’t come in the next day. Alistair pours out his troubles to Philip, who says that he knows Pete, the builder and he owes Phil a favour. The result is that Phil rings Pete and asks him to return to the job. Pete agrees and Phil tells Alistair that it might just be a good idea to get Jim to back off a bit.

Jim tells Alistair that he still feels overwhelming anger whenever he thinks of Harold, so he has decided to go away for a few days. ‘Good idea’ Alistair thinks – it will give Jim a chance to put it all behind him. “Sort of” says Jim and reveals that the week after next is Harold’s funeral and Jim wants to be there and is going, whether Alistair likes it or not. ‘Bad idea’ Alistair thinks, but Jim is adamant. At least it will allow the builders to finish and we might all be treated to the sight of an elderly academic dancing and ranting dementedly on a freshly-dug grave in Scotland.