I Think Russ Is Up To Something

Andonis James Anthony (Russ Jones)

It wasn’t a good start to the week for Russ, as he had a falling out with Kenton, as the latter wanted him to wear the Easter Bunny costume at Lower Loxley’s forthcoming Easter Egg eggstravaganza. Russ refused point blank and goes off to help Lily clean up Freddie’s room. Freddie will be back next week and Russ is a tad worried, as he is sure that Freddie won’t like the fact that Russ is living at Lower Loxley. Russ suggests that he and Lily go out somewhere for a break, but no can do, as Lily reveals that she has an interview at the call centre that afternoon and was hoping Russ would drive her. Good of her to tell him.

He does so, moaning all the time about Kenton and the Easter Bunny – he cannot believe that Kenton even asked him. For his part, Kenton thinks that, as Russ is living rent-free at Lower Loxley, prancing around in a bunny costume is the least he can do to help make the day a success. Russ’s mood is not improved when Lily tells him that she passed the interview and begins training tomorrow. I’ve said it before – there’s something about Ambridge women and jobs; they go for an interview and it’s only seconds before they are given a job. First Alice and now Lily. Of course, it doesn’t apply to all Ambridge females, as Kate continually demonstrates that she’s a complete waste of space.

On Friday, Elizabeth asks Russ for a favour – her therapist has suggested that she tries to get out a bit. She has had an invitation from a friend who is opening a café and is having a soiree (invitation only) to mark the occasion. Would Russ mind awfully if she took Lily along? Russ tells her that he doesn’t mind and she and Lily should go and enjoy themselves.

Ah! The best-laid plans and all that – it turns out that Lily absolutely smashed her sales target (of course she did) and it is a tradition at the company that the best-performing sales person buys the first round when they all go off for a drink after work. As such, Lily won’t be available for the soiree. Russ to the rescue! He drives Elizabeth, who tells him how grateful she is, then spoils it a bit by tactlessly saying that it’s good for Lily to spend time with people of her own age. Russ lets this pass and congratulates Lizzie on the fact that she is “challenging herself” by going out.

In fact, Elizabeth is enjoying herself and she and Russ indulge in a little harmless banter. Russ tells her that she is doing very well – Lily would be so proud of her – and Elizabeth replies “you’re part of our family now Russ.” She also adds that she will have “a firm word” with Kenton about the Bunny costume. No need, as Russ has decided to do the bunny gig – it is for Lower Loxley, after all and, much as Russ hates to admit it, Kenton was right – besides, Russ says that nothing would irritate Kenton more than Russ being the best Easter Bunny in the county. With all this mutual admiration between Russ and Elizabeth, I did wonder briefly whether the couple would eventually end up as an item – after all, they are better suited, age-wise – but then Russ told Elizabeth that “I love your daughter very much.” Pity, really, it would be interesting to see Freddie’s reaction to having Russ as a stepfather. I don’t think Lily would be too chuffed, either. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that Russ has some ulterior motive. Time will tell.

Someone else with an ulterior motive was Peggy, who is desperate for Kate and Alice to stop being at daggers drawn and, if not actually becoming friends, then at least enjoying a state of armed neutrality. Peggy invites Alice over for lunch, assuring her that Kate will be elsewhere. You little fibber, Peggy! Alice is horrified when Kate turns up and, to be honest, Kate isn’t that pleased, either. Triumphantly, Peggy tells them to go to the kitchen and prepare something for lunch, leaving them to it. “And we’ll all eat together” Peggy says. A few minutes later, she is back in the kitchen, asking what all the raised voices are about (Alice just accused Kate of being responsible for the loss of the farmhouse, while Kate retorted that it wasn’t she that poisoned the Am). Peggy appeals for calm, but Alice storms out. “Drama Queen!” Kate calls after her. Things could have gone better, Peggy.

Peggy’s not the only fibber in the village, as Helen, who is trying to avoid running into Lee, told Henry that he couldn’t go to karate, as it has been cancelled. However, Keira blew the gaff by saying how good it had been and Henry shouted “I hate you!” at his mother. Helen eventually agreed to let Emma take Henry in future and it turned out that she needn’t have bothered anyway, as Lee is ‘having a few weeks off’ and the class was taken by Bryn. Helen smoothed things over with Henry by saying that she obviously misread an e-mail and got the wrong end of the stick. Helen deflects Emma’s enquiries about how things went with Lee by saying that she’s too busy with the cows and the cheese for karate. In private, she tells Henry that she loves him and Jack and that they are enough for her.

It looks like Jolene might be on a nice little earner, as she is contacted by an impresario, who’d like her to join a three-week country and western tour as a backing singer. Jolene is keen, but how would Kenton cope with running the pub? (‘very badly’ is my guess). He encourages her to take up the offer, telling her that they will manage. Jolene is over the moon, yelling “Jolene Archer is going on tour!” Steady on woman, you are going as a backing singer, remember and not as the star.

Be that as it may, Jolene and Kenton could certainly use a cash injection, as David has spent a long time trying to pin Kenton down for a discussion about re-starting the loan repayments. With his dislocated finger precluding him from heavy farm work, David can devote more hours to tracking down his sibling and Kenton is running out of places to hide. David’s quest is made more urgent by the fact that the new automatic milking parlour is up and running at Brookfield and it cost the farm a lot of money to buy and install.

Regarding the opening of the parlour, there was no formal ceremony (thank God – had there been, no doubt Bert would have composed a poem) and we learn that it is working like a dream and has shaved off an hour from the milking time. This, however, isn’t enough to stop Pip from falling asleep in front of the TV.

On Friday, Toby is at Rickyard and Pip remarks that he seems to have brought some more of his things from the bungalow. Toby’s response is that it doesn’t make sense for him to keep schlepping back to Bert’s when most of his stuff is at Rickyard anyway. Pip counters by saying that his stuff is at Rickyard because he keeps bringing it here and, if he’s not going back to Bert’s, then that means he’s living at Rickyard, which he definitely isn’t. “You make it sound like it’s a bad idea” says Toby, in a hurt voice, to which Pip replies that it is a bad idea – they’ve been here before and it didn’t work.

Toby argues that things are different now that they have Rosie to consider, but Pip asks “what if you wanted to bring a girl back here?” “I’d go to her place” Toby replies and Pip tries again “What if I wanted to bring someone back?” There are numerous ways of reacting to a statement like this and Toby’s choice is not the most diplomatic. First he sniggered, then he made remarks like “where would you find time? You change from one set of grubby work clothes straight into another” and “when do you ever go out?” Toby is saved from death or maiming by a knock at the door and escapes to answer it. “This discussion is not over” Pip warns him.

The visitor is Alan, the vicar, and he and Toby stand there looking bemused at each other before Toby belatedly lets him in after he says he’d like to talk to Toby and Pip. It turns out that Robin Fairbrother (Toby’s dad) called Alan about arrangements for Rosie’s christening, which he thinks should be sooner, rather than later. As Alan prattles on, the vacant looks on Pip and Toby’s faces make him realise that they haven’t the faintest idea of what he’s on about. Eventually Alan asks if either of them are interested in having Rosie christened – has it ever crossed their minds? The short answer is “no” and Alan leaves in some confusion, saying that he’ll leave them to it. Pip is almost speechless and tells Toby that he had better ring Robin and ask what is he playing at? “What is your dad on?” she asks. Toby, meanwhile is musing about whether a christening might be a good idea, as a great way to welcome Rosie into the world. Pip is not convinced – neither of them have any religious convictions, after all. I reckon the real reason that she is against it is that a christening would reveal that Rosie’s full name is Rosie, Ruth, Grace Archer and the third Christian name would drive Jill to apoplexy. Stick to your principles, Pip and, while you’re at it, make Toby take his stuff back to the bungalow.

Speaking of Jill, she seems to be getting on famously with Leonard, who, we learned last week, has quite a talent when it comes to painting pictures. He is certainly well-mannered and a gentleman; Rooooth booked Jill in for a makeover session with Natasha, although Jill protested that Natasha would have her work cut out with someone of Jill’s age. Nonsense, says Natasha – Jill has wonderful skin and super hair and, by all accounts, the makeover is a great success. “You’re beautiful” breathes Leonard, racking up yet more brownie points. Leonard was also struck when a baby lamb was brought into the kitchen and put in the oven to warm up – he had no idea of what goes on on a working farm.

Speaking of Natasha, I can’t make up my mind – she seems nice, and intelligent (marrying Tom was an aberration, obviously) but is she a bad influence? She takes Tom to a dinner party at some friends’ house, where all the other guests are high flyers. She and Tom leave after the meal – and Tom is buzzing - these people have such great ideas. One thing he is sure of – his clever, beautiful wife deserves a beautiful home, so sod the flat over the shop in Ambridge “Let’s take the Penny Hassett house – it will be worth every penny!” I hope your, slightly drunken, gob isn’t writing cheques that your bank balance can’t cash, Tom.