Got A Taste For Porridge, Freddie?

Toby Laurence (Freddie Pargetter)

Freddie spends the beginning of the week closeted in his bedroom, seeing nobody and going nowhere. On Sunday, Shula tries to tempt him out for a ride, but he’s not interested, saying that he’s going back upstairs. He also implores Shula not to tell Elizabeth (who is coming over to see her son later) how down and despondent he was on Friday - it was a one-off he tells his aunt, Shula thinks that it would be better to come clean, but eventually reluctantly agrees to keep quiet.

When Elizabeth does turn up, Shula suggests to her that it might do Freddie good to get away from Ambridge for the day - how about Felpersham? “Or even Birmingham” says Lizzie, thoughtfully. When Freddie comes to greet her, she tells him that they are going to Birmingham and they go to the Sea Life Centre. Freddie had forgotten how amazing the place was and there are happy memories of going there as a child, with Lizzie, Nigel and Lily. Where can they go next? Lizzie suggests tenpin bowling and Freddie agrees enthusiastically.

He beats his mother easily and says that he’s starving. Lizzie says that she’s missing Lily, but Freddie is sure that his sister will see sense eventually. “The key thing is to learn from your mistakes - like I’m trying to do” Freddie tells his mother, and she replies that she is so pleased to hear him say that. But enough about Lily, says Freddie; he’s still starving and could murder a burger and a shake - his treat. “After all, there’s no point saving, is there? Live for today and all that!” “Absolutely!” Elizabeth agrees.

We should have mentioned that Freddie finally gave in to Elizabeth’s drip, drip, drip nagging and agreed to go and see Usha and change his statement, admitting that he has dealt drugs before and grassing up Ellis as his supplier. It was, as he tells his mother on the phone, a traumatic experience and he’s still shaking. Ellis, it would seem, has already been dragged in by the police, but we hear no more of what has happened to him. Elizabeth tells Freddie how proud she is of him and they agree to watch some movies together.

On Thursday, he and Elizabeth are in the village shop, choosing films to look at for the evening. Susan, behind the counter, says that she will pay for them, as she’s been in Freddie’s position and knows what he’s going through. “Good luck for tomorrow” she tells Freddie, who seems genuinely touched. “That was kind of her, wasn’t it?” Freddie asks his mother and she agrees. I must admit that the note of surprise in his voice was echoed in my thoughts.

Elizabeth has a surprise for Freddie, as she drives him back to Lower Loxley in defiance of his bail conditions, as she wants him to have one night in his own bed (lucky that Russ has gone to Manchester with Lily). Freddie ends up on the back seat, hidden under a blanket as he is smuggled into the stately pile, calling Elizabeth “amazing” and adding “you’re the best mum in the world!” Wouldn’t it have been a jolly jape if they found PC Burns there, who had just turned up to wish Elizabeth all the best for the sentencing tomorrow? Unfortunately he wasn’t there and Lizzie (and Freddie) got away with it.

There was one moment that I found amusing - when Elizabeth was on the phone to Freddie, she asks him if he has had breakfast. He replies that he has had some porridge and I thought ‘Good, get used to it.’ And, indeed, that turns out to be the case, as, at the Sentencing hearing, the Judge takes a dim view of Freddie’s crime and sentences him to a year in a young offenders’ institution. She also had some harsh things to say, including that the only reason that Freddie dealt drugs was for “self gratification” (presumably if he’d been doing it for pure financial gain, that wouldn’t have been so bad). Furthermore, he was “reckless and uncaring of the consequences for his victims.” “I’m sorry mum, I’m sorry!” shouts Freddie, as he is led away. “I love you Freddie!” Elizabeth shouts back.

Driving back to Lower Loxley with Shula, Elizabeth is blaming herself, telling her sister that she has lost both her children. Shula says that Lily will come round soon (especially when money gets tight, I would suggest) and that Elizabeth will be able to visit Freddie. “I don’t even know where they are taking him!” Lizzie wails, but Shula reassures her that someone will tell her soon - and it’s true that criminals are hardly ever spirited away to serve time in unnamed prisons, nowadays. Not in the UK, anyway.

Shula also points out that Usha reckons that Freddie will be out in six months. “That’s an eternity!” gasps Elizabeth. No it isn’t - listening to one of Bert Fry’s poems, or hearing Tom banging on about, in chronological order, Ready Meals, then fermented foods and, now, the benefits of agro-forestry - that’s an eternity. Lizzie says that Freddie is too soft and he’ll never cope. Don’t worry Liz - give Freddie a month or so and he could well be the leading drugs baron of the institution, coining it in hand over fist.

Elizabeth is in full self-blame mode and tells Shula that she should never have made Freddie tell the police about Ellis. ”I’ve made things worse, haven’t I? Now he’s in prison and it’s all my fault.”

Emma is trying to drum up enthusiasm for an adult karate class and asks Lynda if she might be interested? Lynda declines, as she’s much too busy “which is why I won’t be doing the panto this year.” Oh yes - we’ve heard it all before; our hopes have been raised and then, at the eleventh hour, Lynda reappears like the Demon King and takes charge - you don’t fool us, scriptwriters; not again. 

But perhaps I do the writers an injustice, as Lynda and Robert are in conversation. She has bought a load of books, including a copy of The Silmarillion, to replace the copy destroyed by Lady, the dog. Lynda has a master plan - she tells Robert that Alan is too busy to take charge of the panto, but “Ambridge is crying out for one, last grand production in place of the panto - a production for the ages - one last, artistic statement as producer, director and actor.” What does she have in mind, asks Robert, all agog, only to be told that it’s too early to say, but the first step is to get an invite to Justin’s soiree next week.

That’s all we know, but I can confidently say that, whatever it is, it sounds like the usual load of pretentious twaddle to me and I hate it already. Having said that, I can maybe take comfort from the fact that, in her speech to Robert, Lynda did use the word ‘last’ twice. I live in hope.

Brian and Peggy’s espionage attempts to get secrets from those entering the Flower & Produce show have been scuppered, when Emma realises what they are up to and warns other villagers to watch what they say. Brian tells Peggy that he actually enjoyed the subterfuge and she agrees. He also says that the whole retirement thing is doing his head in and he’s rattling around the house like a spare part. Peggy has previously suggested that she could liquidate an asset or two and pay off Home Farm’s debt, but Brian won’t hear of it - the house sale should bring all their problems to an end.

The ongoing row between Fallon and Kenton over PCB’s arrest of Freddie is still simmering. Harrison goes to The Bull (Kenton is away) and gives Jolene copies of the wedding photos she had ordered. He and Jolene agree that it is down to them to sort out the problem, with Jolene remarking that she’d like to bang their heads together. Harrison suggests that they come over for a meal on Tuesday and they can go through the other wedding photos. He phones Fallon to tell her and she is not best pleased that he didn’t ask her first. “But Kenton’s dead keen to see the photos” he tells his wife, lying through his teeth. Fallon has to end the call to serve a customer and Jolene says that all she has to do now is to convince Kenton. Good luck with that.

The evening arrives and, predictably, it ends in disaster, with Fallon saying (quite innocently) how lucky it was they got a DJ to replace Freddie. She says that she meant that Freddie’s choice of music wasn’t to her taste, but Kenton thinks she is referring to Freddie’s arrest and he goes off on one, storming out of the house and ordering Jolene to follow him, which she does. I wonder how Kenton will react when (and if) he learns that, far from Freddie just making one mistake, he is, in fact, a seasoned drug dealer? Will he seek out Fallon and PCB and apologise abjectly? Will there be a complimentary bottle of champagne to make up for all the harsh words? No, I don’t think so, either.

A couple of weeks ago, we asked ‘Whither Bridge Farm?’ and it seemed a straight choice between a micro dairy herd to ensure top-quality milk for Helen’s cheese, or Tom’s agro-forestry, which will ensure - well, a lot of trees, if we’re honest. So which did they choose? The dairy herd - let’s hear it for Helen! Oh yes, they chose the trees too, which made Tom happy.

He tells Hannah the good news and she says that Johnny is out until the evening, so if Tom fancies a shagfest, she’s up for it. So too is Tom and he suggests getting “a bottle of fizz” to celebrate. I just hope that he doesn’t mean lemonade. The pair are in bed and Hannah asks how he managed to swing the agro-forestry decision and he replies, in his best Machiavellian manner, that, if Helen had voted against it, he’d have vetoed the dairy scheme. Can you believe that two young people of different genders would be in bed together and are talking about bloody trees? Fortunately, this scintillating pillow talk is ended when they hear noises - Johnny has returned early, but they are not discovered. I’m glad Johnny came back, as the conversation might have moved on to Kefir and I don’t think I could have stood the excitement and sexual tension.

Actually, Hannah is definitely her own woman - she and Tom meet in the garden of The Bull and he is keen to have another horizontal conversation about trees. She, however, says that she has a date with Chad - the guy who dropped her last week. Tom is surprised to say the least - what does Chad know about agro-forestry? - but Hannah makes it plain that she likes different people and she can see Chad and she and Tom can still have the occasional casual bonk on a low-key basis (presumably having given Johnny a few quid to go to the movies). Hannah also suggests that Tom pursues Natasha, whom he fancies. Now, that isa good idea - after all, she should be extremely knowledgeable about agro forestry.