Confession Is Good For The Soul, Susan

Heather Bell (Clarrie Grundy)

Susan was very touchy on Sunday - Shula was praising Alan’s sermon about forgiveness and she was particularly taken when he quoted ‘let he that is without sin cast the first stone.’ Susan, whose conscience is troubled by her llama-napping on Fallon’s Hen Night, takes this as a slight on her and she was quite short with Shula, who stammered an apology and said that she was speaking generally.

As Shula goes, Clarrie asks Susan what’s the matter with her - Shula is having a hard time with her divorce and Susan should make allowances. Susan confesses about her part in what we shall call llamagate and she feels stupid and ashamed. Clarrie says that Lynda will never let the matter rest and that Susan will have to tell Lynda; and the sooner the better.

Nevertheless, two days later, Susan still hasn’t ‘fessed up and Clarrie calls her a coward. Stung (or so we believe) Susan seeks out Lynda and finds her in the shepherd’s hut, reading ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ as the latest in her epic reading list. Susan makes small talk, asking if the book was based on the film, starring Gregory Peck. Sighing mightily, Lynda asks her what does she want - she didn’t pop round to discuss literature, surely? Susan says that she knows something about the kidnapping of Constanza and that the person in question is feeling ashamed and contrite - such behaviour was not how the person normally behaves. Lynda says she is pleased that Susan is confessing, only for Susan to reply “oh no - it wasn’t me; it was Clarrie.”

I’m sure that many listeners, including me, thought ‘you sneaky cow - how could you treat Clarrie like that?’ However, we judged her prematurely as, the next day, the two women were in the dairy and Clarrie asks how did Susan get on with Lynda? Susan’s answer was “it worked like a charm - she swallowed it hook, line and blooming sinker!” and the two of them fall about guffawing and shrieking with laughter.

It transpires that the whole deception was Clarrie’s idea and Susan is grateful that Clarrie put her reputation on the line to save Susan’s “You’re a true friend” Susan tells her. Clarrie’s response is that she was pleased to do it - Susan has behaved wonderfully towards her family (especially thinking up the rota of help for William after Nic died). Also, Clarrie adds that she hasn’t had a laugh like that in a long, long time and that starts the pair off on another round of hysterical laughter.

Someone who isn’t laughing is Helen, who is having trouble with Henry. “Whatever happened to my sweet seven-year-old?” she asks, after putting him on the naughty step for the umpteenth time. Henry threw his toys on the floor and refused to pick them up, telling his mother that he hates her. Later on he pinches Jack and kicks him. Back on the step Henry!

Pat tells Helen that this is how children treat their parents, no doubt thinking of the grief that Helen has caused her in the past. Clarrie then turns up to tell Helen that Henry is kicking his ball about near the polytunnels and it would seem that, when Clarrie remonstrated with him, he gave her some backchat. Helen goes to drag Henry away to the step yet again. A good slap never did anyone any harm Helen - just a thought.

As well as trouble with Henry, Helen is trawling through her cheese-making records to try and track down a reason for the deterioration in the taste of Borsetshire Blue. After hours of detective work, she realises that the decline began soon after they stopped using their own milk (they sold the herd, if you remember) and used outside suppliers’ milk. One such supplier had to supplement his grazing with silage and this affected the quality of the milk. She will investigate and Tom advises her to be tactful when she tackles the man.

Tom realises that his sister is under the cosh somewhat and rashly offers to have Henry for a sleepover one night. Helen accepts with almost indecent haste and Henry is farmed out to his uncle. We learn after the event that it was rather a fraught night for Tom; on his arrival, Henry stated that he was going to stay up all night, which meant that Tom had to do likewise. The next day, a weary-looking and bleary-eyed Tom tells Jazzer that Henry eventually fell asleep around 4am. Hannah says that Henry has put her off kids. I think that young Henry has probably just had his last sleepover at uncle Tom’s cabin, even though Helen tells her brother that he is Henry‘s new favourite and Henry cannot stop talking about him. 

Jazzer is under a cloud also. Jim suggested that perhaps Alistair is carrying a bit of extra weight and makes references to the Felpersham half marathon in January. Shula tells Elizabeth that she saw Alistair in T-shirt, jogging pants and trainers - he’s obviously in training for something. However, it appears that Jazzer mocked Alistair’s weight and running style, as Alistair turns up at the shop, saying that he is in sore need of chocolate and cake. Tom says “but I thought Jazzer said - “ and is interrupted by Alistair saying that he doesn’t care what Jazzer said.

Jim has words with Jazzer, who says that what he said was “only banter”. In Jim’s opinion, it was more like bullying and Jazzer “was being unkind” and Alistair has given up running. I reckon Jazzer must be wishing he had somewhere else to live (he’d already given up his more spacious bedroom for Alistair’s boxroom, complete with piano) and he rings Alistair to apologise and to offer him a proposition.

This turns out to be Jazzer going running with Alistair and both of them competing in the Felpersham half marathon. We find this out when the two of them turn up at The Bull after a run, where Tom screams “Those shorts are obscene!” ‘Those shorts’ are worn by Jazzer as part of his running kit and we can imagine what they are like when Jazzer says that they were what George Best used to wear, meaning that they are the sporting male equivalent of the sixties’ micro skirts - it’s at times like this that I curse my vivid imagination.

Tom is obsessed with Natasha’s analysis of Bridge Farm’s performance and he asks Helen if he can run it past Adam, who thinks she might have some points - is Bridge Farm a farm, a retailer, a food manufacturer, or what? Tom has already told his sister that Natasha thinks they have over-diversified in too many directions (memo to Pat and Tony - this is what happens when you hand over control to the kids - lucky you trousered Justin Elliott’s £900k) - and see what I wrote earlier about giving children a slap. 

And now to the trials (no pun intended) of the Pargetter family, or, to be precise, of Elizabeth. We didn’t hear much about Freddie, apart from the fact that he seems to be bearing up, and that Shula is eating well, as she has to cook Freddie’s meals. Elizabeth has more than her fair share of grief, as the Licensing Authority is meeting to review the suspension of her alcohol licence. Shula drives her to the hearing and they get caught in roadworks, just making it in time. Oliver has turned up to speak in Elizabeth’s favour, but the Authority upholds the licence embargo. Lizzie is philosophical, but she does have worries how the ban will affect Lower Loxley wine production and sales.

At the beginning of the week, Lizzie and Lily are talking and Lily is full of admiration and praise for the way that her mother has handled the whole Lily/Russ situation. Indeed, it has to be said that Elizabeth’s reaction to the whole scenario is laid back to the extent that she is practically horizontal. We learn that she has an ulterior motive, as she tells Shula that Lily will be off to Manchester Uni in a couple of weeks “and Russ will be just a holiday romance.”

Elizabeth has put on a brave face, but she confides in Shula that she really misses Nigel and she cannot be both father and mother to her twins. Still, Lily will soon be away at Uni.

The first warning signs came as early as Sunday - the same day that Lily was praising her mother’s attitude to the romance - she thought her mother would go ballistic. Elizabeth says that she remembers what it’s like to be in love and would Lily mind if she told Usha, as Russ’s and Lily’s relationship might make his character reference for Freddie invalid? (Don’t worry, it doesn’t).

Lily responds by saying that she knows Elizabeth will love Russ when she meets him socially and she has invited him to a kitchen table supper on Friday - just the three of them. “That sounds absolutely delightful” says Elizabeth, in a somewhat stunned ‘oh no it doesn’t’ tone of voice.

Lily is still keen for Russ to tell his wife that he will be leaving her, and he says “as soon as she walks through the door”. Not so, as he tells Lily that his wife has been away on some sort of training weekend and she is often fragile afterwards - he needs to pick his moment. However, he is adamant that he willtell her soon, or some time soon and that he and Lily belong together and are a perfect couple. She just has to have faith.

In the meantime, he has a problem - he’s never eaten in a stately home, so what should he wear? And what dessert should he buy? It’s a kitchen supper, for Heaven’s sake man - there probably won’t even be a butler. The crawler (clad in jeans and T-shirt) brings Lizzie, wine, chocolates and flowers and is mortified because he brought red wine and they’re having chicken. The conversation doesn’t flow very freely and eventually, Russ goes.

Elizabeth and Lily carry on talking and Lily lets slip that she won’t be staying in a Hall of Residence in Manchester. “We’re going to get a flat” Lily says brightly. “We?” asks a startled Lizzie. Her daughter replies that it’s amazing - she can hardly believe it herself, whereupon Elizabeth says that she’s just remembered - she promised to call Shula and rushes off to do just that. The week ends with Elizabeth in floods of tears, telling her sister that she has just learned that Lily is on the verge of ruining her life.