Rexit Doesn’t Mean Rexit

Anisha is frantically getting ready to depart for her new job in Newmarket, but Rex wants to talk to her. They eventually get some time together on Tuesday at Blossom Hill Cottage and Anisha asks Rex if she should take his spare toiletries for when he comes to visit? Rex says he's sorry, but he won't be moving to Newmarket - he doesn't want to hurt Nish "but I can't see myself anywhere but here in Ambridge; it's where I belong." He cites his business and his new niece (of which more later) as reasons for staying, plus, he has to keep an eye on Toby to make sure he doesn't mess things up.

 

Nish isn't that surprised - she was initially surprised that he had agreed to go in the first place - and she said that at least they had a lot of fun. It was just sad that she obviously wasn't "the one" and neither have any regrets, although she did shed a tear or two. Rex and Nish meet at Blossom Hill Cottage on Friday (the day she is due to leave) and they have a touching farewell. She calls him "a lovely man who deserves someone special." "So do you" Rex replies and there is the sound of a long-drawn-out kiss before Rex walks out of her life forever.

 

I was disappointed that Rex and Nish didn't get it together permanently, but did they need to split up? My PC tells me that it is 111 miles from Newmarket to Birmingham (which we know is somewhere near Ambridge) and that's hardly halfway round the world, is it? I know people who commute longer distances on a daily basis. Let's examine the pros and cons for staying; Rex has his pig business, but I cannot believe that this is the culmination of his life's ambition, neither does he have the (slightly creepy) affection that Jazzer exhibits for his porcine charges, so leaving would be no great wrench. 

 

True, he has his new niece (I haven't forgotten) and then there's Toby. Why Rex feels he has to look after his brother is a mystery - Toby is old enough to stand on his own two feet, surely? In fact, if I were Rex and I had the chance to leave Toby behind, I'd start walking to Newmarket right away.

 

It was a busy week for Rex. Pip left the fete early on Sunday and asked Emma to tell Rooooth. Rooooth thinks she should give her daughter a call, but she has left her phone at home. Meanwhile, Pip is in some discomfort and she discovers that there is nobody at home. In a panic, she phones Toby, but it goes to voicemail. Pip says she is having contractions and this is not a false alarm - the baby is coming. "Toby, get here. I need you here - NOW!" Pip yells at the phone.

 

Toby doesn't make it, but luckily Rex is passing and Pip flags him down - she needs to get to hospital. Rex takes her and they pick up Rooooth on the way. Toby eventually arrives and he is as much use as a one-legged man at a bum-kicking party ("Shut up Toby" Pip snaps at one piece of fatuous advice) and Rex calms him down, before making his exit. To cut to the chase, after a long and difficult labour and a caesarean, Pip and Toby have a beautiful daughter and both are delighted. Toby nips out to phone Rex and finds that his brother spent the night at the hospital. Toby takes him back so that he can see and hold his new niece and Pip can't believe that he stayed all night.

 

On Wednesday, Pip is ready to come home and David is fussing like an old woman while Toby tries to fit the baby seat in the car. He does so and drives off, with David telling Rooooth that he would have preferred to have gone instead of Toby. On the way home from hospital, Pip is pointing out to the baby where the various members of the Archer family live and Toby keeps referring to his new daughter as 'Juniper'. Pip is not amused and, when they get to Brookfield, we learn that the new arrival will be called Rosie Ruth Archer, Rose being Pip's middle name. 

 

The new grandparents (and great-grandmother Jill) are besotted with Rosie and David has made a cot for his granddaughter. Having this baby could be the best thing that Toby has ever done as, on Friday, he is walking in the garden, carrying his daughter and he runs into Jill. Jill says that they are having a family get-together to celebrate Shula's and Kenton's 60th birthdays (8thAugust, so you've got time to send a card) and they would be delighted if Toby would join them. He says thank you - he'd be delighted.

 

How things change! It was only a few months ago that she banned Toby from her birthday celebrations and she would only have him in the house if she could flay the flesh from his bones and then roll him in salt. In short, he was not her favourite person. Now, one great-granddaughter later, he is being invited to family gatherings. Even better, Jill invites him (and brother Rex, who has just turned up) inside for a cup of tea and some ginger snaps that she has just made. Toby lets her hold Rosie and Jill says that she will change her nappy. While she is out of the room, Rex tells Toby about Anisha. Toby says he realises how hard a decision it was to make, but he is chuffed that Rex is staying. Just then Toby's phone rings and it is the boys' father - he's coming to stay. They break the news to Jill and, as she is of the opinion that Robin Fairbrother is Satan's more evil brother (he was the half brother of Grace, Phil's first wife and he had a fling with Elizabeth, resulting in Liz throwing a glass of wine in his face), then this will test Toby's new status to the limit.

 

At Home Farm, Adam is having trouble with the pickers, many of whom have decided that they have earned enough money and want to go home, before the season ends. Adam says that he will have to offer them a pay rise. "Get their names," Brian advises, "so that we don't have them back next year." I thought that there was a dearth of foreign pickers this year - Adam was desperate a few weeks ago (he still is) so Brian's attitude might be a bit short-sighted. Mind you, I suppose we are lucky that he didn't recommend flogging them, or dragging them behind the combine.

 

However, Adam has a lot on his mind, as he has just learned that Lexi's second fertility treatment was unsuccessful - now he and Ian (and Lexi, of course) have only one attempt remaining. Jennifer is devastated for her son, but is hopeful that it will be third time lucky.

 

Now that the decision to sell the farmhouse has been made, Jenny is keen to get it over with and tells Brian to contact Estate Agents right away. Adam tells Brian that Jen's attitude is all an act and leaving the farmhouse will break her heart. Brian says he knows. Someone else who wasn't happy was Debbie who, as she prepared to return to Hungary had "one last look" at the views from the house. She feels that her visit didn't do any good, as she failed to prevent the sale of the house and I reckon she's probably relieved to be leaving - especially as Kate is still convinced that the sale isn't going to happen. God knows who she thinks that man is, going round the house with a clipboard and a tape measure and a 'Rodways Estate Agents' badge.

 

Earlier, we mentioned the Fete and tempers were frayed at the Pets' Party Pieces competition. Lynda caught Lilian smearing the roof of Ruby's mouth with peanut butter - Ruby's trick was to lip-synch along to Abba songs - and complained to judge Neil. Lilian got her revenge - Monty's turn was as the mathematical dog; Lynda would ask questions, such as 'what is four divided by two?' or 'what is the square root of 967?' and Monty would bark the answer. Lilian spotted Robert in the audience, signalling to Monty when to stop barking. Lynda denied it, but the fact that Robert was waving an ostrich feather took some explaining away. Lilian promptly complained to Neil as well and he was so fed up that he docked points from both women. The eventual winner was Lavinia, who kept winking at Alistair and blowing him kisses, much to his embarrassment.

 

Emma, who was at the Fete in her position of goalkeeper in the 'Beat the Goalie'competition, thought that she had pulled off a coup when she buttonholed the reporter from the Echo and explained about how Damara were reneging on their promise to build a certain number of affordable houses. The scribe seemed very interested, Emma said afterwards, and she was looking forward to next week's issue, as the reporter said there would be a substantial article in it. Her hopes were dashed when the paper appeared and, under the headline 'Parish Councillor drops the ball again' there was a picture of Emma in goal, being tripped up by the dog Holly as the ball nestled in the net. Not a single mention of affordable homes - something that Emma put down to the Echo being scared of losing Damara's advertising.

 

Lavinia's behaviour at the Fete caused gossip all round the village and, when Alistair is hungover one morning, Shula berates him, saying that she doesn't care what he does, but don't flaunt it. Alistair protests that he hasn't been with Lavinia, but that he has 'slipped up' and wants to explain further, but Shula isn't interested. Neither is she happy when Alistair presents her with an invoice for work he has done for the Stables over the past three months, but remains icily calm when she tells him that it will be paid. Sounds like Alistair is gambling again - seek help now, man.

 

Lily and Phoebe are picking fruit at Home Farm. Actually they are talking - "Less talking, more picking please" Adam admonishes them. Phoebe refuses to believe that Lily is a lesbian, or bi-sexual and, eventually, Lily tells her about Russ. If Phoebe was staggered by the news that Lily and the Vice Principal were having an affair, her incredulity rises another notch when Lily mentions that he is married. She's got it all worked out - when she goes to uni, Russ will go with her, after telling his wife. Phoebe asks what will they live on, as he will never be allowed to teach again. That's OK - he's going to be an artist, plus they will have Lily's student loan.

 

Phoebe cannot believe her ears and tells Lily that it is just not going to happen and "Get real!". Lily is unperturbed and explains that she doesn't need to, as Russ would never lie to her. I know love is proverbially blind, but it also seems pretty dense in this instance.

 

Finally, let us return to the newborn Rosie. Some of the older residents of Ambridge, and older listeners too, might recall that, in 1965, Walter Gabriel bought an elephant to appear at the summer festival and its name was - yes, you've guessed it. Let's hope for her sake that Pip's new daughter doesn't grow up to be a bit on the chubby side, or comparisons might be made.