If you’ve been listening to Radio Four over the past week or so – and I assume you have, or else you wouldn’t be reading this blog – it cannot have escaped your notice that Friday 1ST January was a significant date in the saga of our favourite village, as it marked the 70th anniversary – to the day – of the first broadcast of the Archers. Yes, it was on New Year’s Day in 1951 that the world first learned of Ambridge and its inhabitants (only eight characters initially, apparently).
Yes, we have had good people, bad people, stupid people, over-sexed people (hello Brian), drunks (hi Lilian and Alice) and some who are, to put it bluntly, just bloody annoying. Don’t worry; this is not going to be another rant about Susan Carter, as I am referring to the Queen of patronage and condescension – Ladies and Gentlemen, we are here to discuss the one and (thankfully) only Lynda Snell.
On New Year’s evening, Kenton and Jolene have organised an ‘About Ambridge’ quiz, which involved the local inhabitants invading the village, looking for answers to questions and, presumably freezing their bits off. One can only hope that they are socially distancing themselves. The official starter for this exciting event (surely the evening TV can’t have been all that bad?) is the aforementioned Lynda. However, before saying ‘they’re off’ she has a few words, which comes as no surprise.
What is a surprise is that she reveals that she has been put forward to receive an MBE in the New Year’s Honours list, and she has gracefully accepted this accolade. Apparently she was nominated by ‘the community’, which suggests to me that a lot of people wanted to remain anonymous. Lynda says later that it was a struggle to keep it secret, but it wasn’t all that secret, as Kirsty and Roy reveal that they both knew she had been nominated. Anyway, Lynda is thrilled and tells the assembled throng on the Green “Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Discussing the award later as they roam about Ambridge, looking for clues to the quiz, Tracy and Jazzer have seemingly different opinions on the merit of the award. Tracy is made up for Lynda, but Jazzer says that she will be even more insufferable now. “But we wouldn’t have her any other way, would we?” Tracy asks. I admit now that my immediate thought was ‘how about spit roasted?’ but I then thought that, in view of her involvement in the Grey Gables explosion, this was churlish in the extreme, so I say here and now (albeit through firmly gritted teeth) congratulations Lynda. Jazzer would appear to be of the same mind, as, in answer to Tracy’s question, he says “Aye, right enough.”
We are going to have to keep an eye on Tracy and Jazzer. At the beginning of the week, Tracy is on the phone to sister Susan, who, in her best ‘rubbing salt into the wound’ manner, says how much Tracy must be missing Roman. “Who?” is Tracy’s response, but then she breaks off the call, as she has noticed a light on in the cricket pavilion and goes to investigate. She finds Jazzer, surrounded by bottles of his home brew – why is he here? she demands to know. The answer is perfectly obvious – he has run out of storage room in the polytunnels and it has to go somewhere.
All this makes me wonder if Adam is keeping a firm hand on the tiller, as you think he’d notice a little thing like a polytunnel – originally designed for soft fruit, and now (unless I have missed something along the way) home to aquaponics and fish – is full of bottles and flagons of home-made booze. Be that as it may, Jazzer mentions that there seems to be a lot of knick-knacks and women’s magazines in evidence in the pavilion. Eventually, Tracy admits that she went to the pavilion on occasions as a love nest with Roman and to get some peace and quiet away from her family. If I had her family, I’d go to Tashkent (or even further). The upshot of all this is they agree to keep each other’s secret.
A couple of days later, it is New Year’s Eve and Jazzer is having a quiet night in with Jim. There are fireworks and the two discuss whether they should step outside and show their faces? In the end, sanity prevails and they realise that they have all they need; a warm fire, plenty to eat and ample supplies of booze, so why venture outside? Just then, Jazzer’s gets a text and he tells the Prof that he has to go – he’ll “Be back before the Bells”.
The text was from Tracy – she’s at the cricket pavilion and has accidentally locked herself in the changing room. As Jazzer is the only one who knows their secret, she chose him. Jazzer turns up and forces the door open, but, as they are getting stuck into the home brew, Jazzer lets the door go and now they are both stuck. Midnight is approaching and Tracy says that she thought she would be spending it with Roman. Jazzer says that his experience of New Year’s Eve is to grab the nearest person for a snog. Jazzer asks Tracy if she wants to phone Susan or brother Gary? “I couldn’t stand the embarrassment – no offence” she replies. “None taken” says the Scotsman. Jim then rings him – where is he? Jazzer replies that he’s a bit busy at the moment. “I knew it – he’s had a better offer!” Jim cries triumphantly and congratulates Jazzer. Just then, the midnight bells start ringing and Tracy tells Jazzer “Shut up and come here” and we are treated to what sounds like a sink plunger at work.
On New Year’s Day, Tracy runs into Jazzer at the ‘Around Ambridge’ quiz and the conversation is a bit awkward. Tracy says that the Hogmanay kiss didn’t mean anything really, and Jazzer readily agrees. “In fact, I didn’t enjoy it much” she continues. “Me neither” Jazzer replies. Hmm, I’m not so sure, but we will wait and see what happens.
Back to New Year’s Eve, and Peggy buttonholes Chris on the village green. She tells him that she knows that Alice has a problem with alcohol (me too – they keep putting the prices up). In vain, Chris tells her that it is all under control, but Peggy know whereof she speaks, as she tells him that her husband Jack was an alcoholic. I should point out here that we are not talking about Jack Woolley, but Peggy’s first husband, who was also called Jack.
Peggy tells him how difficult it was for her and how she nearly left her husband “But you didn’t do that in those days.” Nevertheless, she still feels guilty at the effect of having a lush for a father might have had on her children. All I’m saying is look at Lilian. Peggy is afraid that Chris might end up leaving Alice and she is very worried for them both. Chris, whose New Year’s Eve has definitely had a bit of a damper put upon it, assures her that Alice is undergoing treatment and that they will see this thing through together.
Let us now turn to Kirsty Moss, nee Miller and the latest developments in her love life. If the old adage ‘lucky at cards, unlucky in love’ has any truth in it, then Kirsty must be one of the world’s greatest card players. Consider – she was jilted at the altar by Tom Archer, suffered a miscarriage and then moved in with – and recently married – Philip Moss. Philip seemed like a nice person and he even renovated the children’s playground at his own cost. True, one of his workers was responsible for the Grey Gables explosion, but you cannot have everything. It was only fairly recently that we had it confirmed that Philip was not actually paying his workers anything- he told Kirsty that he was paying them in kind, but this could not have been much, as the Grey Gables explosion was caused by Blake, due to the fact that he was starving and tried to make some toast when the room was filled with inflammable fumes.
Last thing we heard of Philip, he was helping the police with their enquiries, and son Gavin had gone home to his mother’s. Or so we were led to believe, but Kirsty gets a phone call from Rhiannon (Gavin’s mother) who says she is worried sick, as two policemen turned up earlier, looking for Gavin. Kirsty had a long talk with Rhiannon, who told her that Philip had told her that the whole incident was ‘a misunderstanding’. Mind you, Rhiannon went on to say that Philip always had an inclination towards using people to get what he wanted. Why is it that people do not tell you these things before it all hits the fan? Anyway, Kirsty’s mind is made up and she tells Roy that she will be contacting a solicitor regarding a divorce. “I made a huge mistake marrying that monster” she tells him.
Kirsty is staying at Roy’s, as she cannot bear to live in the house that she shared with Philip. Roy’s daughter Phoebe opens her heart to Kirsty – the Ambridge Rewilding project is not going well, as Rex and Pip are hardly speaking to each other because of the imminent eviction of the Fairbrothers from Hollowtree, and it’s all in danger of collapse. Kirsty urges Phoebe to be strong – what she is doing is the right thing and will ensure a better future for the village. Keep the faith!
Kirsty asks Roy to call Freddie and tell him that she cannot continue to take part in Freddie’s production, where she plays the somewhat pivotal role of host – directing people to their next socially-distanced experience, around the house and grounds. When he gets this news, Freddie goes into meltdown – who can he get to take on the role at such short notice? He needs someone who knows the route that the guests need to take and who is doing what and where. Eventually, about ten minutes after the rest of us, Freddie realises that, as heir to Lower Loxley and with an extensive knowledge of the place, and as producer of the show, the obvious candidate is (drum roll) – Freddie! Well, blow me down; who’d have thought it? He is a great success and is congratulated by the Trustees.
Kirsty has been coaxed out by Phoebe to take part in the About Ambridge treasure hunt/quiz and is enjoying herself. At least, she is until a police car arrives on the scene and a Detective Constable Tanner shows up, who arrests Kirsty on suspicion of human trafficking, and takes her away in the squad car. Roy is incensed and berates DC Tanner, saying that she has got the wrong person and they have let the guilty party go (Philip has been released on bail). So vociferous is Roy that the policewoman threatens to arrest him for obstruction if he doesn’t shut up. David and Kenton, who, along with half of Ambridge, have been watching this happen, are stunned – especially when Roy is ranting about ‘slave labour.’
Has Philip tried to pin the rap on Kirsty (she did do his books for him – well, one set anyway)? Surely Gavin can put the record straight; but where is he, and, should he be found and questioned, will blood prove thicker than water? Whatever happens, I think we can safely say that Kirsty has had less eventful – and much happier – New Years’ Days. Welcome to 2021 Kirsty, and I for one hope that things start to improve for you very rapidly. Personally, I’d like to see Kirsty and Roy get together.
Finally, congratulations to the show on its 70th anniversary!
They're gonna have Jazzer and Tracy getting married, I can smell it.
ReplyDeleteLynda Snell is a lion of a woman; a modern day Boudicca, with a kind and soft heart. She's lovely. We don't deserve her.