Monday 18 January 2021

Sergeant Burns Gets Heavy

John Rowe (Jim Lloyd)

Sergeant Burns stops Brian as he drives through the village and asks him if he knew that he was speeding? Brian is very much the ‘hale fellow well met’ and says good Lord, was he really? “How fast was I going Harrison?” he asks. The answer is 37mph in a 30mph limit, and Sgt Burns is icily formal, calling Brian ‘Sir’ all the time and asking him for his name and address. Brian is still trying to be all matey with Harrison (who refers to Brian as ‘Mr Aldridge’ and says that he will have to report the speeding offence, as Brian was going too fast to escape with just a warning).


You can imagine what this news does for Brian’s temper and he is fuming as he calls into the shop, where Jim is behind the counter, serving Kirsty, who is in urgent need of a packet of biscuits. “Ah! One half of the gruesome twosome” Brian says, and adds nastily “come in to put an advert in for more slave labour, have you?” Jim is indignant, telling Brian that Kirsty knew nothing about Philip’s shady dealings, but Brian is in full flow, telling Jim that Kirsty was in the vanguard when it came to protesting about the poisoning of the Am.


Kirsty leaves the shop and Jim takes him to task – can he not see how upset Kirsty was? Brian is unrepentant and says he was more than a tad upset when he lost his home; “it broke Jenny’s heart and that woman revelled in it, so forgive me if I don’t feel much sympathy for her now, Jim” he snarls.


Come on Brian – it’s not Kirsty’s fault that you were driving too fast, is it? And be honest – you did poison the river, didn’t you? We learn later, when Harrison is talking to Fallon, that Sgt. Burns is having a moment of self-doubt and wondering if perhaps the inhabitants of Ambridge regard him as a soft touch? Furthermore, he is beating himself up because he spoke to Philip after the Grey Gables explosion and never suspected that anything was wrong. Fallon protests that other officers interviewed Philip and they never noticed anything amiss. Besides, Harrison was talking to Philip as a witness, not a suspect. This cuts little ice with Harrison, who tells his wife that he’s not going to cut the villagers any slack from now on.


Meanwhile, Kirsty is telling Helen about her experience with Brian, and Helen is outraged, saying that she’s got a good mind to go round and give him a piece of her mind. Kirsty is also beating herself up because she never spoke to the three slaves and they are the only real victims in all this and, if she’s going to live with herself, she’s got to do something to put that right.


Over at Hollowtree, Rex is feeling extremely bitter, especially when Josh asks him for help in fixing the roof. Rex accuses the Archers as not owning up to their mistakes – not only do they not care that Rex is being turned out of Hollowtree, as are the pigs, but he notices that they have had their barn tarted up, and don’t seem to care that it was done with slave labour. Josh starts to protest, but Rex says that he has to go to view the council farm that he is hoping to take on.


He is joined by brother Toby, but Rex is still upset about the Archers’ attitude. Neil, Rex tells Toby, is in bits about using Philip and slave labour to carry out work for Berrow Farm and for repairing the children’s playground, but the Archers do not seem to care. Toby urges Rex to lighten up a bit and look forward, rather than back. “This place could be our future” Toby tells his brother. There is an ominous pause, then Rex says “Our future?” to which Toby says obviously, they will have to take it on together, as it’s too large a project for Rex to take on single-handed. “And exactly what would you bring to the table?” Rex asks. “I’m the ideas man” Toby replies, to which his brother’s response is an unbelieving snort. 


Rex is in a really bad place, mentally, and Toby notices that Rex is about to post a vicious text, bad-mouthing the Brookfield Archers. Toby says that his brother has lost it big time, and he cannot send such a message. But Rex sends it anyway. A bit later on, Josh arrives at Hollowtree, carrying a few beers. He tells Rex that he wants to apologise (for what?) and to sort some things out. Josh says that David, Rooooth, Pip and himself all feel bad about the slave labour situation and they are “devastated”. “They are good people” Josh tells Rex, who eventually agrees, presumably regretting his recent post.


There were developments in the Tracy & Jazzer story, when the pair have a blazing row about Jazzer’s motorcycle blocking in Tracy’s car. He calls her ‘loud’ and she retorts that Jazzer’s motorbike makes far more noise than does she. The argument is becoming heated, but we learn later that it was all staged to end any rumours that might be spreading about the pair’s suspected developing relationship. They meet up at Jazzer’s later in the evening (around 10pm) and congratulate themselves on the success of their ruse. Why did Tracy come round? She explains that she wanted to put the record straight about Roman – far from running out on her, he wanted her and the children to go with him to the Maldives. Jazzer invites her in and they agree that they need to sort out the situation. They also agree that they are not each other’s type and the conversation ends, as is often the case between them, in a quarrel.


Given the above, it is therefore surprising that Tracy wakes up in Jazzer’s bed on Wednesday. It is Jazzer’s day off and Jim shouts out to him does he want breakfast? Jazzer whispers to Tracy not to worry, as Jim always goes for an early morning constitutional. But not today – the weather is foul and Jim says he’ll give it a miss. Jazzer starts to panic at this and tries, not very subtly, to get Jim to go to the shop for some maple syrup, but Jim says didn’t Jazzer hear what he said about the weather?


Shortly after this, Jim changes his mind and says that it looks like it is clearing up and he will go out after all. When he returns home, Jim asks Jazzer “who was the woman?” He adds that it took him a while to cotton on to the fact that Jazzer wanted him out of the way, but when he did, he took the hint. Jazzer replies that it was nothing serious and he will not see her again, and Jim observes that Jazzer looks dejected. He also says that it is one thing to abandon social distancing for love, but quite another to do it for a one-night stand and he is disappointed in his lodger. Jazzer, who certainly sounds dejected, says that the woman isn’t the one for him and he’s perfectly sure about that. “Hm – methinks the lady doth protest too much” Jim remarks, leaving Jazzer to wonder what the hell he’s talking about.


We learn later from Tracy that she actually climbed out of Jazzer’s window (lucky it’s only a single-storey extension) and she seems to have quite enjoyed the experience. We know from her and Jazzer’s early morning conversation that she needed to get home in order to give her kids their breakfast and get them off to school, as well as serving breakfast to her dad and idiot brother Gary, which begs the question how come nobody noticed that she was not at home all night? I suppose we should just thank God that Susan never twigged that her sister went awol – can you imagine the reaction?


The fallout from the use of slave labour by Philip and Gavin continues – Neil is a nervous wreck and he phones Brian to say that he cannot sleep. Even worse, he had a call from one of the processors; they are sending an auditor to Berrow Farm shortly, so what should Neil do? Brian’s advice is that he should pull himself together; he’s done nothing wrong – it was Justin who did all the negotiating with Philip. But Neil is not reassured – what about the refurbishment of the playground; Neil signed that off as Chair of the Parish Council? Brian points out that Phil & Co. carried out the refurbishment for practically nothing and no-one in their right mind would turn down an offer like that. Once more Brian tells Neil to pull himself together and, when he goes in to see the auditor, put on a smile for God’s sake.


On Thursday, Kirsty reveals that she wants to volunteer at the Elms homeless shelter; she thinks that she might run into Philip’s lads. Helen, to whom Kirsty is telling this, thinks it is a bit early for Kirsty to take this step and Helen is horrified to learn that Kirsty has been roaming around the streets, asking about Blake and the others. “You’re not thinking straight” Helen tells her friend.


There was another surprise on Thursday – Alistair had been called out on an emergency and Jim was away. When Alistair returns, he is shocked to see Philip at the front door. Philip says that people have been spreading lies about him and ‘the lads’ – the story that they didn’t want to work for him is totally fake news and he wants to put the record straight. Alistair says that he finds it difficult to believe him – what about Gavin’s fake gambling addiction, for example? Philip says that it is precisely because Alistair tried to help Gavin that Philip has come to see him. Alistair agrees to give Philip five minutes and invites him inside.


It emerges that Philip would like Alistair to talk to Kirsty and explain that it is crazy to believe that the lads were slaves, but Alistair is unhappy and does not want to get involved. He asks Philip to leave, but just then Jim returns and tells Alistair to make a cup of tea, as he would like to hear Philip’s side of the story.


Philip spins Jim a yarn about how he rescued the lads from the street, but Jim isn’t taken in and questions him closely. When Phil says how happy the lads were to work for him, Jim goes for the throat and says “You disgust me – you took appalling advantage of those poor young men, yet you still play the part of misunderstood victim!” Philip says he’s out of there, but Jim hasn’t finished and shouts “Run as far as you like, Philip, but until you turn around and face who you really are, may you be trapped in a living hell!”


A stunned Alistair asks his dad if he’s OK? Jim replies that he has been waiting nearly 70 years to say that, but he didn’t have the words then, “But if even one verbal punch landed and helps Philip Moss see the monster he really is, then yes; I’m quite all right, Alistair.”


So, pretty safe to say that you’re not really a Philip Moss fan then, Jim?


 

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