Lily’s Extracurricular Activities

Katie Redford (Lily Pargetter)

Russ James is a bit of a smoothie, isn’t he? In case you don’t know, he’s the Deputy Principal at College who has been indulging in extracurricular activities (of the non-academic kind) with Lily Pargetter. Freddie cannot understand his twin sister – she has looks and brains and she could have any boy she wanted. Lily explains that that’s the point – they are boys and, as such, they are boring and shallow. “At least they’re single” Freddie tells her, cuttingly.

Lily, who for someone so intelligent would appear to have a gullible streak a yard wide, says that she and Russ love each other and he is going to leave his wife for her. Freddie cannot believe that she has swallowed what he says is the oldest line of all and hatches a plan. At college the next day, Russ asks him if he has thought more about their conversation of a few days ago (Russ asked Freddie if he had been dealing drugs) and Freddie says yes – there is something he’d like to tell Russ.

The two meet later that afternoon and Russ asks again about drug dealing. Freddie repeats that he knows nothing about it, to which a perplexed Russ asks then why are they having this meeting? “Keep your hands off my sister” Freddie tells him. At first Russ feigns ignorance, but Freddie says that it was Lily who told him about the affair and Russ then says that he hopes they can be civilised and he hopes that one day Freddie will come to see him as a friend. “That’s not going to happen” spits Freddie, adding that Russ must finish with Lily. “That’s not going to happen” Russ replies, upon which Freddie accuses him of taking advantage of his position and what would the Principal say if she knew?

Russ seems unperturbed and mentions the drug dealing again – the only reason he hasn’t taken the matter further is because of his feelings for Lily. Smooth as ever, Russ thanks Freddie for his concern “Now, is there anything else you’d like to discuss?” he asks.

Well Freddie, that went well, didn’t it?  Freddie turns his attention to Lily – maybe he can make her see sense. The pair have a heart to heart and Lily complains that it is always she who has to keep Elizabeth calm and who has to look out for Freddie, but who notices when Lily has problems? The answer to that is Russ and he comforted her when she broke down because they were talking about the picture Nigel left her. Freddie seizes on this – is she overcompensating; is Russ a father substitute?

Eventually, Lily says that if Freddie wants to ruin her life, then tell the Principal tomorrow. She goes further – if he’s that keen on the truth, then seek out Elizabeth now and tell her what’s going on. Freddie says that he can’t do that – he knows she is making a big mistake and it will all end in tears but he cannot tell on her. The twins hug and it seems that both secrets are safe for the moment.

One thing that isn’t a secret is Alistair’s liaison with Lavinia Rafferty – Shula tells Jill that the whole village knows and she will damage the next person who regards her, head tilted on one side and asking if she is feeling all right. Jill takes this as a sign that Shula cares for Alistair and “perhaps things aren’t as over as you thought” adds Mrs Optimistic. Perhaps not everyone in the village knows, as Jazzer tells Jim that he should be chasing after his piano teacher (Kiki), as he is falling behind his son in the love stakes. “What?” asks Jim and Jazzer tells him the whole story about Lavinia.

If Shula is finding things difficult, so too is Alistair. He returns a frozen meal to the shop on the grounds that it was all sauce and no chicken and Susan is very short with him. “Have I offended you in some way?” Alistair asks, to which Susan replies that “sometimes people disappoint you.” She then goes on to tell him that she knows all about Lavinia and it’s little wonder that Shula couldn’t stand any more if that had been going on under her nose. Alistair protests that it only happened once, but then he seems to realise that it’s sod-all to do with Susan anyway and, when Susan describes Shula as ‘a saint’ and everyone says so, Alistair loses his cool “Well, everyone should butt out,” he says, raising his voice and Susan tells him off for bad language. “This village is unbelievable and, frankly, I’m sick to the back teeth of it” says Alistair. He then wedges the frozen chicken dinner into Susan’s gob (where it didn’t touch the sides) and stalks off. Actually, he doesn’t, but I really, really wish he had.

Poor Alistair only has one person he can confide in and that’s Phil, who would appear to have undergone every possible marital upset and tragedy. Then there’s Jazzer, of course, who gives advice in his own inimitable way, telling Alistair that he’s done nothing to be ashamed of and he’s glad that “he got back in the saddle so swiftly.” “Don’t use that phrase” Alistair begs and, when Jazzer says “it’s just like riding a bike” Alistair adds “nor that one.” Things seem to be coming to a head at the Stables, as Alistair tells Shula at the end of the week that he has contacted a solicitor. He also tells her that he has told Lavinia that the couple have no future together and he’s glad he told her. Regarding the solicitor, he hopes that everything can be amicable, but it’s time that they got on with separating their lives. “I’m sure it’s the best thing for us both” he adds, but Shula didn’t seem so sure – surely Jill can’t be right after all?

At Home Farm, things are still tense between Brian and Jenny and are not made better by the fact that Brian has to go to BL and sign the papers, selling them his 300 acres at below cost. He’s sure that Martyn Gibson will take the opportunity to stick the knife in. During the meeting however, Martyn is subdued and looked uncomfortable. Brian asks Justin if he knows why. As it happens, he does – Pam Gibson ran into Jenny in Underwoods and there was much snide talk about Home Farm being short of money. Jenny was stung into retaliation and Pam later rang up Martin – on no account was he to deal with Home Farm.

Sadly for Martyn, the land deal was so good that, despite all his protestations and objections, the BL board voted it through. Justin told Brian that he would give anything to be a fly on the wall chez Gibson when Martyn’s wife finds out. So what did Jenny say to upset Pam? Brian questions her later and she was worried that she might have put the mockers on the deal. Apparently, she described Pam’s haircut as ‘original’. “What is the style called – electrocuted hedgehog?” Jenny asked.

It turned out even better for Brian as he and Jenny are at the pickers’ BBQ. In fact, there are a lot of people there, including Jazzer (well, it is free food and booze). Jazzer keeps following Brian around and this is worrying Brian “What is it?” he mutters to Adam “Am I wearing Irn Bru aftershave?” Eventually Brian gets Jenny on her own and tells her how abominably he has behaved. She doesn’t disagree with him and tells him how she has been feeling. He reveals that he has two tickets for a Nigel Kennedy concert on Monday – he bought them a while back, but the time had never seemed right to tell her. Jenny says that would be lovely, but the best is yet to come. The noise from the BBQ is becoming particularly raucous and a despondent Brian says “I don’t suppose I’ll get much sleep tonight.” “I don’t know,” Jennifer replies, “our bedroom is at the back of the house.” Brian immediately picks up on the ‘our’ and no doubt he is as pleased as we are that this saga appears to have ended.

Before we leave Home Farm, we should mention Kate, who is suffering at Spiritual Home. Her classes are poorly attended, but she still has to pay the instructors and is desperately seeking something original to stir up interest and bring the customers back in. “Have you heard of Goat Yoga?” she asks her parents. They hadn’t, and neither have I, so I looked it up. It’s a real therapy, in which the punter interacts with a baby goat and there were numerous pictures of people in various yoga positions with a young goat climbing on their backs. God knows what the goats think about this, but I am sure you will not be over-surprised to learn that it is popular in Los Angeles, among other places. 

Earlier, we mentioned that Jim has given up his piano lessons, following criticism from Joe. In the pub, Jazzer tells Joe this, adding that Jim is moping about the place like a lost soul in a pit of misery. Joe says that he thought Jazzer would be pleased (he is) but Joe is disturbed by the thought of the Prof being unhappy. “I’ll call on him later and see if I can cheer him up.” He says. Let’s pause here and try to imagine a situation – any situation – where a visit from Joe would raise your spirits. Nope, me neither.

Joe does indeed go to see the Prof and tells him that he shouldn’t give up and he should grab life by the throat. Besides, surely he’s not the sort who would deny a man his dying wish? Jim is mystified, but Joe assures him that he’d always hoped that Jim would play the piano at Joe’s wake. “Always hoped?” repeats Jim, ”I’ve only had the instrument for two months.” Eventually Jim agrees, but tells Joe that he will need a lot of practice, so it’s in both his and Joe’s interests that Joe stays alive as long as possible. Come on Jim don’t be so defeatist – get Kiki to move in and give you intensive lessons; you’ll reach concert standard in no time.

Actually, the day might come sooner than expected, as Jazzer returns home to find Jim playing happily – indeed, he says that he’s never been happier. Jazzer, who was secretly delighted when Jim packed up tinkling the ivories, asks why the change of plan? Jim tells him that it was all down to Joe, who persuaded him out of retirement and isn’t it wonderful? “Aye,” says Jazzer, “I’ll see Joe later in the week and make sure he gets the thanks he deserves.” Never mind grabbing life by the throat Joe, Jazzer might well do the same to you.