At the beginning of the week, we learn that Shula is one year into her Ordination course and it has involved a lot of reading and writing. She tells Alice (who has come to see her horse Banjo) that at times, she is just grateful to be around horses at the Stables. There is a slightly awkward moment when Alice asks if she can take Banjo out? Shula says that it is up to Alice, but she must promise 1. That Banjo will be totally safe in her care, and 2. That Alice has not been drinking today. In the end, Alice decides that it is enough just to groom Banjo and talk to him.
But what’s all this about a spark? I hear you ask. Patience, dear reader; we will get to that, although we listeners had to wait until Thursday. Meanwhile, Neil is getting earache from Susan, who is getting a bit ratty because of lack of sleep due to night feeds for Martha. Susan is also stressing because she and Neil haven’t spent a lot of time with their other grandchildren. So it is that we see Neil out for a walk with Martha, and he drops into the Stables to talk over an idea with Shula – how about riding lessons for Keira?
Shula thinks it would be a good idea, and suggests that they let Keira try it out to see if she likes it. Not only that, but Shula would like to help, so the first lesson or two would be on the house. Neil protests that this isn’t why he asked and so he and Shula arrive at a compromise – she will provide a free lesson or two and Neil will tidy up her garden, which it apparently needs. This atmosphere of amiability is broken by Susan, frantically squawking on the phone to her husband – where is he? Doesn’t he remember that Susan is supposed to be taking Martha to the Aldridges to see Jenny? No he doesn’t, is the short answer, so that’s another couple of Brownie Points gone west.
However, a riding lesson is arranged for Keira later in the week and Neil turns up at the Stables, saying that he might as well get started on the gardening, which he does. Shula is concerned about the weather forecast, but Neil is optimistic – wrongly so, as it turns out, as the rain descends in Biblical proportions and he and Shula are soaked to the skin. She suggests they get inside before one of them drowns, and this they do. As luck would have it, Alistair turns up, just in time to see Neil coming down the stairs, clad in one of Dan’s old tracksuits – a Harry Potter one, to be accurate. It doesn’t fit very well, which is reassuring, as Dan is an officer in the Tank Regiment and I cannot help thinking that him having such attire to wear around barracks would do sod-all for his street cred in the Regiment, nor would it command the respect of the men under his command, I venture to suggest.
By the way, if you are concerned about Keira during this downpour, then don’t be; they threw her in the Am just before it began, so she couldn’t get any wetter. Sorry, that’s a complete fabrication – her lesson was taking place in the indoor school, so she was bone dry throughout. Mind you, I prefer my version of events.
But back to the Shula, Neil, Alistair scenario. Remember, Alistair has seen Neil coming downstairs, looking like an aged and podgy Harry Potter, and Shula starts an uncontrollable fit of the giggles – in fact, she laughs her head off. Alistair offers Neil some old clothes that he has at the office, and Neil accepts gratefully, dons said clothes and goes to collect Keira and take her home.
Shula is still doing her impression of the Laughing Policeman and tells Alistair that she hasn’t laughed like that for years; “The neighbours will think I’m having an affair!” she jokes. And not just the neighbours, it seems, as Alistair is silent. Shula picks up on this and says the very idea is preposterous. “Is it?” he asks, and points out that Neil and Shula do have some history, back in the day. More than that; he has seldom seen her so happy recently and he thinks he might have glimpsed a spark of happiness – of radiance, even, plus she was a little bit flirty, he adds, and you know how easily gossip can start. Yes – just tell Susan.
Shula rubbishes the very idea and says that she and Neil are just good friends and, if she didn’t know better, she would say that her ex-husband was jealous. “You couldn’t be more wrong” she tells Alistair. Come on Alistair; Shula is halfway to becoming a priest, and I’m pretty sure that committing adultery – even with some poor sod married to Susan – would be frowned upon by the church authorities, so stop this silly storyline now, please, scriptwriters.
Elsewhere, Eddie’s scheme to offer people lifts in the limo (free of charge, although if you force it on him, he will accept a tip, or a contribution towards running costs – then he might unlock the doors and let you out) seems to be a nice little earner. Jill gave him £20 when he took her and Leonard to The Bull. £20! If you are talking about one end of Ambridge from the other, it cannot be more than two or three miles, tops, surely? No wonder that Clarrie (and here is an excellent example of the triumph of hope over experience) says that she thinks he might be on to something this time, and she has dug out Joe’s old driving gloves, which he wore when he took Bartleby out in the trap – and whatever happened to Bartleby and Gem, I wonder? To cap it all (and yes, I am making a pun) she has found a chauffer’s hat.
We had a clash of two mighty intellects, when Rex and Eddie met up when Rex had been shopping. Eddie says that Rex should organise himself better and have just one weekly shopping trip “like Peggy Woolley does”. Rex corrects him “did, you mean” and goes on to explain that he always used to take Peggy to Underwoods once a week, but this week she rang him and said he wouldn’t be needed. Rex then notices that Eddie is wearing a suit and tie, and is he going on somewhere? Eddie replies that he is taking Lynda out for a ride in his limo, as a ‘thank you’ for organising the Fete, yet again. He’s then taking her to the Tea Room for cake and coffee. Rex doesn’t notice anything suspicious about this.
There’s a bit of backstory needed here, as Eddie rang Lynda earlier, ostensibly to congratulate her on doing the Fete again. Lynda says that you’d think it would organise itself by now, but once again she has to shoulder the burden. “It needs a concept; an inspiring vision to give it shape,” she tells him, adding that “years of doing it have left my inspirational cupboard somewhat bare.” Tell you what Lynda, why not make this year’s theme ‘Pretentious Claptrap’? Eddie however has an idea – what she needs is a break, and what better than a ride in a limo? Lynda is persuaded and says that she would really like to be driven to Darrington.
Fast forward to 4.45 pm and Rex is at the Tea Room, talking to Lynda. Lynda relates her trip to Darrington, where she instructed Eddie to drive slowly past Evangeline Lowminster’s (the organiser of Darrington’s Mystery Plays) house and hoot his horn. Evangeline emerged, just as Lynda gave her a regal wave, then turned and bolted indoors. In a voice dripping with smugness, Lynda told Rex how much she enjoyed it.
It would appear that Rex’s mental gears have been engaged, but, like the Mills of God, they grind exceeding slowly. Rex has put together the limo, the lack of customers for his taxi, and Eddie’s smart attire and realised that Eddie has been poaching his customers. Just then, Eddie returns and Rex confronts him – he has been poaching Rex’s regular customers, and the more work that Eddie gets, the less there is for Rex. Eddie protests that he offers the service for free, but if people want to give him a tip, or expenses, who is he to refuse? In response, Rex says that he’s pretty sure it’s not legal (ask him if he declares it as earned income to HMRC, Rex) and Lynda steps in as peacemaker – how would it be if Eddie continued offering his ‘free service’ (my inverted commas) to the village, but agreed not to poach Rex’s regular customers? There is much grumbling from both sides, but they agree. Rex says “But I’m warning you Eddie – I’ll be watching you.”
The main story of the week involved Adam. On the eve of his birthday, he invites Lee round for a few beers. Ian is at home and, when Lee asks Adam how did he get on with clearing the air with Brian, Adam begs him to keep his voice down, as Ian knows nothing about the row between Adam and Brian – and that’s the way Adam would like it to stay for now.
Ian wants to sound the other two out about an idea he has had – supplying mobile artisan food. I must admit I had the vision of a sort of upmarket fish and chip van. Adam is appalled at Ian’s timing and asks where would they get the money from? Ian replies that he is sure that they could find enough for a van, but only Adam knows that they couldn’t afford a bicycle with a box on the back, never mind a van. Ian appeals to Lee – what does he think? This puts Lee on the spot, and, to Ian’s disgust, he sides with Adam. Ian warns that he won’t give up on his idea.
The next day, at Home Farm, Brian tells Adam that he’s got to go to Ambridge View to take Chris’s birthday present and it quickly becomes obvious that Brian has totally forgotten that it’s Adam’s birthday too. He only finds out when Brian asks why is there a cake on his desk? “It’s from mum for my birthday” Adam replies and, to his credit, Brian is mortified and apologises, blaming the stress of the Alice situation. The two of them start talking about the current situation at Home Farm and it soon deteriorates into the usual slanging match, which ends when Adam says perhaps what he needs is a fresh start. Brian says fine, but can Adam at least stay until harvest is over? They agree not to tell the family just yet – a wise decision, I reckon, as if Jenny thought Adam was leaving, she would go totally Orang Utan poo and Brian’s life would be made hell.
Adam decides to put out a few feelers (well, one actually) and he asks Justin what would happen if a rival farmer bid for the BL contract? Justin replies that they would have to consider it, but it would be a foolish farmer that tried to undercut Brian. “Your stepfather has a well-deserved reputation for ruthlessness” he explains, and goes on to say that Brian could make things very difficult for a potential rival. Justin is well aware what Adam is getting at and offers some advice; he thinks that if a hypothetical farmer wanted to go his own way, it would be so much better to make a completely fresh start and not just do a different version of the same thing time after time. Adam thanks him for being so helpful.
There’s your answer Adam – a completely fresh start is what’s needed, so forget farming and forget Home Farm. As it happens, I might know of a chef who could be looking for a delivery driver for his newly-created artisan food delivery venture…
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