Thanks For The Advance Notice, Kirsty

Annabelle Dowler (Kirsty Miller)

Let’s begin at the end of the week. Kirsty goes to see Helen to ask her for a favour (“Nice dress” Helen tells her in passing) now what was the favour? “Are you busy this afternoon?” Kirsty asks and, to cut a long story short, it turns out that she and Philip have decided to get married and Kirsty would like Helen to be a witness (Gavin is the other one). Oh yes – one more thing – the ceremony is taking place today at 2pm.

So we have Helen applying her eyeliner in a car being driven at 40mph as the two girls speed off to the Register Office. Meanwhile, Philip and son Gavin are getting outside a pint or two of Dutch courage. In fact, one suspects that Philip has had a head start, as he – uncharacteristically – thanks Gavin. “What for?” his son asks. “For everything” Philip replies. Gavin then brings up the subject of the labourers that Philip has sold on to Victoria, the gang-master. Gavin has heard unsettling rumours about how one of her workers was taken to hospital, half-starved and beaten up, and Gavin pleads for Philip to reconsider selling the lads on. Philip, however, is having none of it “It’s my wedding day” he tells Gavin, adding that he wants to hear no more about the subject. Another example of spectacularly bad timing Gav.

At the Register Office Helen and Gavin start talking (well, there’s no-one else, to talk to is there?) and Helen recounts how she was trapped in a bad marriage and how Kirsty was the only one who could see how manipulative Rob was. Helen realises that her story is rather inappropriate for such an occasion as a friend’s wedding and she apologises to Gavin for putting a downer on things. He tells her not to worry, and then he has to go to the foyer, to pick up the buttonholes which he has inadvertently left there.

It’s obviously Gavin’s day for having young ladies pour out their hearts to him, as he finds Kirsty there, having a quiet sniffle or two – she has just been talking to her mother and was overcome with emotion. Gavin is very quiet and Kirsty immediately apologises to him, thinking that all this wedding activity must be reminding him of when he was planning to marry Kelly. Gavin tells her that she is very thoughtful and that he hopes that she and Philip will be really happy, to which she replies that she is very happy. And not only that; she is extremely proud of how Gavin has faced up to the problems in his life. It is in this mood of mutual self-congratulations that we move on to the actual ceremony (where we learn that the happy couple’s middle names are Cyril and June) and Philip says a few words about how Kirsty has made him a better person. 

At this, Kirsty leaps on him and has to be reminded by the Registrar that the service is not yet over and would she please get off him and carry on making her vows? At least the Registrar didn’t have to throw a bucket of water over them.

Elsewhere, Chris picks Alice up from the detox clinic and she announces her intention of going back to work tomorrow. She phones Helen for a catch-up and Chris is astonished at how glibly and convincingly his wife can lie about where she has been for the past two weeks – she tells Helen that she was staying with a friend in Bath and goes into great detail about what she did in her time in the city. I don’t know why Chris should be so surprised at his wife’s capacity for mendacity – after all, she pulled the wool over his eyes regarding her alcohol dependency for many, many months.

The trouble is that Chris is now in danger of becoming paranoid, as he is constantly checking up on Alice’s movements. For instance, Alice told him that she was coming straight home from work, but she was 10 or 15 minutes late – where has she been? Tied to the chair and with the spotlight shining in her face, Alice admits that she went to the shop. What for? Groceries for tonight’s dinner – and she has the parsnips to back up her story. Chris is still suspicious, but Alice says that if he carries on like this, he will drive her back to drink, which is not perhaps the most tactful thing to say.

Such is Chris’s growing paranoia that he even rings the midwife to discuss what possible effects Alice’s drinking could have had on the baby. Of course, Lauren (the midwife) doesn’t know and all she can say is that the scans look OK and they will just have to wait and see. She also mentions that she cannot really discuss details of somebody else’s case.

One thing that Lauren did say is that Chris and Alice are a very strong couple and obviously love each other. To reinforce this, Alice shows her husband a card that she made when in detox, which lists five reasons for not drinking. Two of these are because she loves Chris and that she wants to protect her baby. Right on cue, she feels the baby move and, a few minutes later, Chris feels it as well. They say how much they love each other and Alice says “I’m going to beat this Chris” but he corrects her, saying; “No, we’re going to beat this – all three of us, together.”

Earlier on, we mentioned Alice’s expertise when it came to telling lies about where she had been for the past fortnight, but she met her match when she went to see Peggy. Peggy was delighted when she learned that Alice had been in Bath, as that is one of her favourite cities and she wants to hear all about what Alice did there. Lesson number one Alice is, if you are going to tell lies, then you need to prepare your story thoroughly. Under Peggy’s questioning, Alice makes the odd slip or two and this brings a frown to Peggy’s face – as she tells Lilian later in The Bull, she is not convinced that Alice was ever in Bath, as her story didn’t ring true. But if she wasn’t there, then where was she, and what was she doing? Could she be having an affair, perhaps? Peggy tells her daughter that she knows a thing or two about betrayal, as her first husband was always being linked with other women, as well as being a complete lush to boot.

Lilian, who is frantically trying to attract Kenton’s attention for another round of G&Ts, pooh-poohs this idea and tells her mother that she is letting her imagination run away with her – anyone can see how happy Chris and Alice are, plus the fact that Alice is pregnant don’t forget. Peggy agrees that maybe it does sound rather far-fetched.

December 12^th marked the 21^st birthdays of the Pargetter twins. Before the event, we learn that they have vetoed Elizabeth’s plan to hold a virtual party – one reason given by Freddie is that he cannot bear the prospect of spending an evening “teaching Uncle David how to unmute.” What then can they do? Lily is not fussed about not having a party and Freddie accuses her and Russ of being boring and middle-aged before their time – well, certainly in her case, although Freddie does say that Russ really is middle-aged.

Stung at the accusation of being boring, Lily says that they should go out together – in fact, they should go out that very night, and she goes off to get ready. They go to a club/casino and, from various references about James Bond, it would appear that Freddie is wearing a tuxedo. The doorman asks for I.D. and we learn that Lily has left hers on the kitchen table. Memo to Lily; forgetfulness is one of the first symptoms of the onset of middle (or even old) age. What to do now? 

When we next hear them, they are playing Bingo and Lily is getting ridiculously excited, as she only needs two numbers for a Full House. Freddie, who is feeling a trifle over-dressed for the occasion, tells her to keep quiet, or they will be thrown out. In the end, she does win the Full House, and with it the top prize of £20. She says that it is the most fun she has had in ages (poor kid) and, while £20 isn’t a fortune, it does at least mean that they can get fish and chips on the way home. What was that you were saying about not being boring, Lily?