Surely Not Such A Difficult Choice, Tracy?

Susie Riddell (Tracy Horrobin)

Roman, Tracy’s actor ‘friend’, is on the horns of a dilemma; he tells her that he has been offered a job as actor/director at a hotel complex. “But it’s not local” he warns his lover, adding “In fact, it’s over 5,000 miles away – it’s in the Maldives.” Tracy is somewhat taken aback, but Roman has another surprise for her when he tells her that he wants her and the kids to go with him.

Speaking to sister Susan later on, Tracy says that, if she didn’t have kids, she’d have her bags packed already, but as it is she knows the difference between a daydream and real life. “Give me three good reasons why you should stay here” Susan tells her, to which Tracy replies “Brad, Chelsea, Dad.” What part of ‘good reasons’ do you not understand, Tracy?

However, Susan presses on, seemingly unaware that she is making a rod for her own back, when she says that no problem is insuperable – if Tracy is worried about taking Chelsea away when she should be taking her GCSEs, then the answer is simple – Chelsea can stay with Susan until her exams are over, then she can fly out and join her mother and brother. Exactly what Chelsea would think about having to study while the other members of the family are relaxing in golden sunshine on white sands by an azure ocean, we aren’t told, but I’m willing to bet that it is not ‘I’m really, really glad I’m here in Ambridge.’ And what of Dad? Presumably Susan would have him put down.

Tracy promises Roman that she will give him her answer that evening, when the pair attend ‘Deck the Hall’ at Lower Loxley. She strings him along for a bit, then when he says that, if she doesn’t go, then neither will he, Tracy says “Go on then – let’s see if we can make this work.”

Roman sends her photos of the view from their apartment (this is at 2 am), but it soon becomes apparent to Tracy that her daydream is nothing more than a pipe dream and that neither of them has really thought this through. For a start, the cheapest flight that Tracy can find on the Internet is over £1,000 and the apartment is just two bedrooms – hardly big enough for her, Roman and two teenagers. She realises that this is just fantasy – what about visas? Would she be able to get work out there? 

Roman says he loves her, to which Tracy asks if he loves her enough to stay in Ambridge? When he doesn’t answer, she says “No; I didn’t think so.” The following day, Roman tracks Tracy down – he’s unhappy at the way their last conversation ended and wants to talk. “I’ll miss you – I’ve never met anyone quite like you” he says.

“I don’t really do long goodbyes” Tracy says, to which Roman answers “This is it then.” Whatever happened to ‘if you don’t go, then neither will I’? At least the parting is amicable, as Tracy tells him “Make sure you knock their socks off over there.” And that’s that. Throughout this performance, nobody seems to have given any thought to the fact that Roman is going to find it bloody difficult to direct the Lower Loxley Christmas extravaganza from the Maldives and that Freddie is presumably now in total charge – his task will not have been made any easier by the fact that nobody knows what parts they are supposed to be playing and that there has been nothing in the form of a rehearsal. I just hope that Lynda is not disinterred from her crypt to pull his chestnuts out of the fire.

When Susan finds out that her sister has turned Roman’s offer down, she is horrified and, when Tracy says that he was “only summer loving material” she is not fooled. Actually, Susan is probably relieved that Tracy is staying put, as she (Tracy) is leading the online ‘reinstate Susan Carter’ campaign. Yes, Susan has finished her final show on radio Borsetshire. She tells her listeners that she is leaving due to pressure on her home life, but we know that she has been tossed aside like a spent match. 

There is further disappointment when she asks Neil what did he think of her farewell performance? The answer is ‘nothing’, as he didn’t hear it (some people do have jobs to go to, Susan). Susan affects indifference, but Neil isn’t fooled and suggests that they listen together on catch-up. As well as the radio show, there are complimentary comments and demands for Susan to be reprieved on the website; presumably these are from the Borsetshire Masochists’ Society.

Early in the week we were treated to another example of Grundy incompetence. For reasons I don’t understand, Oliver is helping Eddie pluck turkeys – Oliver mutters something about repaying the Grundys’  hospitality or similar, which is a tad strange, as Grange Farm belongs to Oliver. Anyway, Oliver asks Eddie about the number of turkeys that he has sold – has he got a definitive list of customers? “It’s all up here” Eddie replies confidently, presumably tapping his head. Well, there’s plenty of room for it there, as a quick count up by Oliver reveals that Eddie’s orders are around twenty birds short of the number needed. What is Eddie to do – disappoint the new customers that he has recently signed up, or really hack off some of his regular turkey buyers by not providing them with birds? Either way, it does not bode well for customer relations, nor for business in future years. Christmas is fast approaching, so what can Ambridge’s most incompetent entrepreneur do to get out of this one? 

The answer seems obvious to Eddie – buy in some extra birds at the auction. Unfortunately, as a worker at the auction, Eddie would not be allowed to bid. Never mind – Oliver can buy the birds; Eddie will indicate which birds to buy and, when the bidding gets too high, he will scratch his left ear to indicate to Oliver that he should pull out. What could possibly go wrong? We are talking Grundys here, remember.

Firstly, Oliver has a bad attack of the ethics – people buy Grundy turkeys because they are hand- and home-reared and what Eddie is proposing is tantamount to fraud, in Oliver’s opinion. Eddie does a bit of semantic juggling, describing the turkeys as ‘supplied by the Grundys’ and, in the end, he wears Oliver down and he agrees to go along with the plan.

Snag number two manifests itself on auction day, when Oliver gets carried away by the thrill of the chase and continues to bid, even though Eddie is scratching his ear like a madman. Oliver took a dislike to one punter in particular and, as he tells Eddie afterwards, he (Oliver) was determined not to be outbid. While they are loading up the van, all Eddie can do is moan about how much it has cost him in lost profits. Oliver shuts him up by reminding him that if Oliver hadn’t noticed the shortfall in the bird numbers, then Eddie would be facing a lot of disgruntled customers. I just hope that they remembered to remove the Sainsbury’s labels from the birds (poultry from other supermarkets is also available).

The lads that work for Philip and Gavin had speaking parts last week. They were looking ahead to their new jobs and optimistic that the new guvnor would let them manage their own money and buy their own food. They spent a lot of the time bickering in the flat and I was quite touched when Blake suggested to Jordan and Kenzie that they should maybe buy Philip a present, as they won’t be seeing him very many more times. We learn later that they do buy Philip something, and that Gavin gave them some money to do it.

Being a big softie, I found this quite poignant and touching, as we listeners know that Philip is selling the boys to Victoria; a slave master. There is some dispute about whether Blake is damaged goods and is he really worth £20? But Philip says that he is selling the three lads as a package, which sounds quite noble (assuming you ignore the ethics of selling people like items of furniture, of course) until he tells Victoria “What you do with them after that is up to you, of course.” I hope the boys do not suffer too much.

Having said that, I begin to wonder if Philip is in for a Reckoning soon (after all, this is Ambridge, which we have often said in the past is somewhere where no bad deed goes unpunished). Not only that, but things seem to be going too well for Mr Moss senior for my liking, and you cannot help but think that he is riding for a fall.

The purchase of the property in Wales seems to be going along smoothly and Philip shows new wife Kirsty a slate house nameplate with the name ‘Cartrev’ on it. Helpfully, Philip explains that this means ‘home’ in Welsh. Other possible harbingers of disaster are when Phil tells Gavin “I’ve got the feeling that next year is going to be the best yet” and, when Kirsty asks Phil if he’s going to miss the boys when he retires and if he’s having any regrets, Phil replies “No, this is my time to move on.” He adds; “We’re going to start our new life in a fabulous cottage in the most beautiful country in the world.” A sure recipe for disaster if ever I’ve heard one. Incidentally, when listening to this last pronouncement from Philip, a friend said ‘Oh; aren’t they going to live in Wales, then?’ Biting or what?

Finally, as we approach the Festive (?) Season, Neil and Peter would like to thank all our readers for their support and comments, and thanks too to those who very kindly bought us some silage during the year. 

We wish you all a very happy and, above all, healthy Christmas and we will, hopefully, be back in 2021. 

Keep safe and well.

Neil and Peter