Let’s hear it for Emma Grundy. Husband Ed is away in deepest Wales, shearing sheep with Jazzer, but part of his mind is back at Grange Farm, worrying about the hay harvest. The hay has been cut, but needs turning regularly to dry it out and it needs to be got in before the weather breaks. This job has been delegated to Eddie and Will and Emma has been tasked with making sure that they get on with it.
Easier said than done - she gets in touch with them, but they are too busy to do it today. On the plus side, we learn that the tedder is ready to be hitched up to the tractor. In last week’s blog, we learned exactly what a ‘super’ is, in relation to beekeeping, and I commented that we like our blog to be informative and educational as well as (hopefully) amusing. In this vein, let’s explore what a ‘tedder’ is, and what it does. Agricultural experts may wish to skip the next few lines.
A tedder (or ‘hay tedder’) is a machine used in haymaking after cutting, which uses moving forks to aerate, or ’wuffle’ (I’m not making this up, I promise) the hay and speed up the haymaking process. It allows the hay to dry better, which, as I am sure you will appreciate, significantly improves aroma and colour. I thought that everybody knew that, but back to Emma. She realises that Eddie and Will are about as much good as an ashtray on a motorbike and if the hay is going to be turned (tedded?) then it is down to her and George.
To cut a long story short, the pair do a sterling job (although Emma notes that her son seems to have a disconcertingly comprehensive knowledge for his age of how to drive a tractor, until Emma takes over). The hay is turned and, when Ed returns from Wales, he takes a rest in the hayfield and is delighted with the job his wife has done, saying to himself that he is so glad that he never lost Emma and that they are all back together on Grange Farm. Emma, he thinks is “beautiful, clever and can handle a tractor - what more could a man want in a wife?” I can make one or two suggestions, offhand, but whatever floats your boat, I suppose.
The only cloud in Ed’s sky is that, when he returns from Wales, totally knackered, he finds that Will has, despite Ed’s express instructions, parked his car inconveniently, making it difficult for Ed to get his machinery and equipment into the barn. Ed lost his rag with his brother, but it was soon smoothed over and both men had a good laugh when they saw their children imitating them arguing with each other.
And now, a word of advice; if you ever want your broken toilet repaired, then don’t call Freddie Pargetter. Why not? Well, to paraphrase Winston Churchill, ‘give him the job and he will finish the tools.’ Monday sees him talking to himself, as is happening so often with the denizens of Ambridge nowadays, as he manages to get the cistern to fill up, then panicking when it won’t stop. Elizabeth wonders why Freddie didn’t get one of the maintenance staff to do it, but Freddie seems to think that a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and this job is down to him.
This is bad news for everybody else at Lower Loxley; especially for Elizabeth, as the other family members are using her en-suite. Now, I find it hard to believe that a place the size of Lower Loxley has only one functioning bathroom and toilet - didn’t Jill have a bedroom and bathroom when she stayed there for a while a few years back? Whatever, Freddie is determined to see the job through.
Given that, it is surprising that we next find Freddie on the treetop walk, which starts him thinking about his late father. Freddie has something else on his mind, which is that Lynda has written him a letter, and which he is trying to pluck up the courage to open - with his gift for procrastination, it could be a long time before Lynda gets a response.
But, back at the toilet… Freddie’s search as now taken him to the Lower Loxley attic, where Reg assures him that he ought to be able to find a blue bag containing various tools and bits of toilet paraphernalia and spare parts. Instead, Freddie finds a box of toy soldiers, which takes him back a bit, and a pile of paintings, which is yet another distraction. All thoughts of plumbing are now banished, and Freddie resolves to read Lynda’s letter (altogether now: GET BACK TO THE DAMN TOILET, FREDDIE!).
Lynda’s letter is an apology for the things she said when Freddie visited her in hospital (she had told him that she wishes he had never saved her after the explosion) and he says that he will write back to her. Perhaps you could ask her if she knows anything about plumbing, Freddie. I know you are all on tenterhooks, so I’ll tell you now that, miraculously, Freddie does manage to fix the toilet - a feat which, in his eventual letter to Lynda at the end of the week, he compares to painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling. He tells her that he realises how much he loves his home and he looks forward to showing Lynda the hidden secrets of Lower Loxley - well, you’ve certainly visited most of the place looking for parts for the toilet, Freddie. He signs the letter “love, Freddie.”
A big story last week was the virtual pub quiz at The Bull and the deadly rivalry between sisters Susan and Tracy. I do not propose to go into too much detail, but suffice it to say that both are trying to poach villagers for their respective quiz teams. Ed is getting calls from both Susan and Tracy to join their teams (just what you need when you are shearing sheep in Wales) and he isn’t really interested. He decides to toss a coin, but eventually thinks that he cannot be bothered and ducks out of the quiz altogether.
Susan is using her radio show to try and poach members of the cricket team, but Tracy imposes a three-line-whip. Susan plays a record for her sister, but Queen’s ‘We are the champions’ is a tad tactless, to say the least.
It turns out later on that the teams have to be re-jigged and Susan finds herself in a team alongside Neil, Brian and Jennifer Aldridge and - Tracy. Susan, rather unwisely, fortifies herself beforehand with a couple of gin and tonics and, by her own admission, is “a bit tipsy”.
Fast forward to the morning after and Susan is hungover. Her memory is somewhat hazy, but she remembers a couple of questions that she got right, including one at the expense of team-mate Jennifer. She also remembers that Neil poured her another G+T. Tracy recalls things differently; Susan apparently called Jenny ’a snotty-nosed cow’ and this sparked a lively debate among the team, to the extent that Lilian (quiz organiser) muted Susan for the final 20 minutes of the quiz.
Things are coming back to Susan, and she is worried; she hopes that she didn’t say anything too outrageous, but recalls “Mum always said that, when I was a kid, I should have had a brake fitted to my mouth.” Regular readers of this blog will not be astonished to learn that I think that I think Susan’s mother was obviously a very perceptive lady.
The quiz drew the two sisters together and there were many comments along the lines of ‘blood is thicker than water’, although Tracy is still of the opinion that Susan is herself a stuck-up cow. Nevertheless, there are protestations of sisterly love by both sisters.
Love, or the possibility thereof, is on the mind of Freddie’s mother Elizabeth, as she watches (and takes part in) one of Kate’s online yoga lessons. Elizabeth has Kate muted, which sounds totally logical to me, and her mind is wandering. One of the participants on screen is Iftikar; the erstwhile maths tutor of Freddie, and Elizabeth cannot help thinking that he looks pretty good.
When Ifty was giving Freddie extra-curricular lessons, there was a suggestion that he might also like to give Lizzie some extra-curricular tuition, but not in mathematics. As it turned out, Elizabeth didn’t feel that she was ready for a relationship (or even a night of passion in a tent - and yes, I do mean you Roy) so Ifty sank without trace.
Coming back to the present, we learn that Ifty has requested a video chat and that it’s good to be in touch again. Elizabeth’s mind seems to have flown off to another planet, as she wonders how her children would react if she and Ifty got together? She can’t remember what it’s like to share a bed (presumably this does not apply to sleeping bags). From here her imagination takes a massive leap and she says (to herself, of course) that, if they got married, she wouldn’t want to change her name. What? Talk about looking ahead - she hasn’t even agreed to the video chat yet.
Talking of which, she eventually decides to go ahead (only to the video chat, I should add). This throws up a whole new set of complications - what to wear? Smart or casual? Make-up or not? Should she do something about her greying hair? In the end, she ended up with just a hint of make-up and a semi-smart get-up. On the other hand, Ifty was scruffy and was cooking and eating on screen and Lizzie found the whole date - and, indeed, Ifty - very boring and not at all attractive. She admitted (to herself, of course) that she had been getting quite excited at the thought of getting dressed up and what might happen, but: “Now I’m thinking ‘do I want to be on my own for ever? [pause] I don’t know if I do.” Memo to Roy Tucker - get the tent out and give it an airing.
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