At Last, Some Good News

Barry Farrimond and Emerald O'Hanrahan (Ed and Emma Grundy)

While we are aware that Ambridge - and indeed, Borsetshire in general, has not suffered from the coronavirus pandemic, it is nice when there is good news about the village inhabitants to report. Last week, we had a positive story concerning Ed and Emma, which made a change from the recent ‘will they, won’t they get together?’ frustrating stories from recent weeks.

Ed wasn’t very happy, as dad Eddie had given him a load of errands to run and minor tasks to carry out. Ed rang his dad to check on how much money Ed should withdraw from the bank and Eddie asked how was he getting on? When Ed said that he’s nearly finished, Eddie remembered that he is running short of sharp sand, and could Ed just pop into the builder’s merchant’s and grab a couple of bags? Oh, and by the way, Chris would like to meet up and catch up, and there’s no need for Ed to rush back home.

Meanwhile, Tracy and Susan are having a discussion about Emma. While we poor listeners are being kept in the dark, obviously something is afoot, as Susan is worried and calls her daughter “brave.” Tracy says that Emma is getting her life back on track, but Susan is afraid that it (whatever ’it’ is) will all go tits up and Susan will be left to pick up the pieces, as usual. Tracy tells her sister that she hopes Susan isn’t doing her usual and putting the kiss of death on it, and an indignant Susan says that she’s just trying to protect Emma. “Have some faith and let her stand on her own two feet for once” Tracy replies, adding that Susan has got to let her daughter be independent.

Ed returns to Grange Farm and, after a while, he notices a mobile home in the yard. “What’s that?” he asks, incredulously. Er, it’s a mobile home Ed. Ed immediately jumps to the conclusion that it must be travellers and says he’ll get rid of them. He bangs angrily on the door, yelling “open up!” or he’ll get the police on them. The door opens and it’s Emma. She invites Ed in and shows him round, making a point of telling him that the kids are spending the night at Susan’s.

Edward admits that seeing the home was the shock of his life - where did it come from? Emma replies that a mate of Jolene’s gave her a good price, plus he offered to transport and install it inside a day, which he did. She goes on to say that she now knows what she wants from life. Never the quickest on the uptake, Ed asks if she means she still wants a divorce, and Emma (no doubt wanting to bang some sense into him) asks if she wanted that, would she really be living in a mobile home at Grange Farm?

Eventually the penny drops for Ed, especially when Emma says that her obsession with a house on Beechwood was all-consuming and all they really needed was a home. The mobile is perfect for them all, including Ed, and she wants them all to be back together “for keeps this time”. What does he think?

There is much talk about how they were a really good team and Emma says that she never stopped loving him. “We were a strong family and we can be again” she tells Ed. They both embrace and start crying, saying how much they love each other and how much they missed each other.

Proof of this is that they wake up together the next morning and Ed, not one to pass up an opportunity, asks how long will it be before the kids come home? Long enough Ed, and even long enough to take in a walk. They decide to open up a moving-in present from Eddie and Clarrie - it is a hand-carved name plate, with the name ‘Little Grange’ on it (I hope to God that Eddie spelt it right). They love it and it all gets emotional again, with the two of them agreeing that all they want is to grow old together. The romantic mood is offset somewhat by Ed wondering if a mobile home needs planning permission. Emma’s answer is that Eddie told her that Grundys always cut corners here and there, which I submit is not what you would expect from a Parish Councillor. Never mind; it’s good to have a happy ending to the week.

Of course, other things happened last week. Monday was Philip’s Stag Night at the Feathers. Phil, Gavin, Roy and, allegedly (we never heard him speak) Alistair were getting stuck into beers and whisky. There was a moment of concern when it looked like Tracy was going to gatecrash the party, but Philip had the brilliant idea of telling her that she could get the next round in, whereupon she suddenly decided that Roman needed to spend some quality time with her and fled.

Philip and Alistair made their excuses and left halfway through the evening, but Gavin persuaded Roy (whom he had been plying with Scotch) to join him at a club. Later on, the pair left the club and Gavin suggested going down a side road, as there was more chance of hailing a cab. A far-from-sober Roy complained about the lack of street lights, to which Gavin replied “you’re not scared of the dark, are you?” He then added “never mind - I’ll sort you out” and we were left, wondering whether Roy’s mangled corpse would be found at the bottom of some roadworks, or whether Gavin had some other, dastardly plan up his sleeve.

Roy made it home and all was well, apart from the fact that he’s lost his recently-acquired mobile phone. Oddly enough, on Monday, Gavin turns up for nets, having been invited to try out by Tracy. He turns out to be a more-than-useful batsman and, when getting changed, Gavin asks which is Roy’s bag, as Gavin has an energy drink for him, which he sorely needs after the Stag Night. Tracy is impressed by Gavin and goes to see SgtB about putting him in the team. Harrison, however, says that, as Gavin isn’t a permanent resident in Ambridge, he’s ineligible to play for the team. What is Harrison up to? First he turns down Roman, and now Gavin - has the bobby got money on Darrington winning the league? Tracy is at a loss to understand it, and she’s not alone.

On Tuesday, Roy announces that he’s found his phone - it was in his cricket kit bag and he cannot understand how it got there. Try dusting it for Gavin’s fingerprints, Roy, is my advice. There’s more to come, as an extremely angry Kirsty confronts Roy - the DJ who has been signed up for the wedding reception apparently received a text message, from Roy’s phone, cancelling the booking. The message was timed at 3am on the morning of the Stag Night. Roy cannot explain it - he has no recollection of making any such call.

Kirsty is spitting feathers; she is convinced it was a drunken Stag Night prank, but the DJ has taken another booking, plus he will not refund Kirsty and Phil’s deposit. Roy is getting worried - could it be a result of concussion? So worried is he that he goes to see a specialist, who has put him forward for a scan. He apologises once more to Kirsty and asks if he should step aside as Best Man? Kirsty is mollified by the fact that Freddie has offered to come out of retirement and offer his services as DJ at the Reception, and she tells Roy that he is her best friend and he is not allowed to resign; she needs him at her side. Reluctantly, Roy agrees, but he is very worried about what he perceives as lapses of memory, but what we know are the devious machinations of Gavin. Let’s hope he gets his comeuppance very soon.

Elsewhere, Leonie rings dad Robert Snell - Flat Leaf Parsley has told her some ridiculous rumour that Robert and Lynda are planning to re-open the B&B and Leonie told her sister that she must be mistaken. Not so, says Robert, to which Leonie says that Robert cannot possibly run the B&B and look after Lynda and the only answer is for Leonie to come up and give them a hand. Later on, Leonie tries to dissuade Lynda, but the latter says that she knows the guests and they have been booked on Lynda’s terms and she is ready to face them. Reporting back to Robert later, Lynda mentions that Leonie plans to bring Muppet with her. “Out of the question” Says Robert, firmly.

Lynda goes to work on Robert, telling him that Muppet is worried that Lynda is going to die, and besides, it would be so lovely to see their grandchild, wouldn’t it? Once again, Robert is steamrollered and he goes off to get Muppet’s room ready.

Finally, Pip talks to Lilian about the proposed barn renovation project; Pip thinks it’s a good idea, as long as they can have tenants with sustainable and environmentally-friendly businesses, but Justin isn’t so keen and, frankly, they need his backing. How would Lilian handle it? She replies that the best tactic is to let Justin think he’s won - why don’t Pip, Phoebe and Rex let Justin do what he’s best at (organise the purchase and the restoration etc) then Pip can step in and do what she does best; i.e. hijack the marketing. “After all,” Lilian points out, “if the offices are all snapped up by sustainable businesses, then Justin cannot complain, can he?” All I can say is that, if Justin falls for such a strategy, then he’s not the hard-nosed and clued-up businessman that I had him down as.

An Uncertain Future

Last week we learned that, because of the corona virus, The Archers will be taking a break until May 25^th and instead of the usual episodes, we will be treated (if that is the word) to selected episodes from the archives, such as Ed and Emma’s wedding and Adam and Ian’s Civil Partnership.

Obviously, we don’t want to report on these, but what else can we offer our loyal readers as a replacement? One solution is for readers to write and tell us how they think stories will pan out in the near future. Another is an idea unashamedly nicked from the Saturday Radio Five Live programme ‘Fighting Talk’, hosted by Colin Murray. As part of this there is a round called ‘Defend the Indefensible’, where participants are given a sentence and they have 30 seconds to defend what it says, not matter how outrageous. We could have 500 words instead of 30 seconds and we could ask you to defend such comments as ‘Rob Titchener was a much-misunderstood and warm character’ or ‘I would trust Susan Carter with my deepest feelings and secrets - she is the soul of discretion.’ or you could make up your own.

Equally, if you have any ideas of your own for games (Name three inhabitants of Ambridge who you wouldn’t - or alternatively would - like to be in lockdown with) feel free to let us know.

Alternatively, you can have a rest from the Archers, or browse our blog archive, but we will return at the end of May. Keep the faith and we will see you soon. Neil & Peter