Perdita Avery (Kate Madikane)
Sometimes I think that the Archers scriptwriters are a bunch of sadists, who play with readers’ emotions as a kitten plays with a ball of wool. Take last week as an example – Kate is obsessing about Xander’s naming ceremony and coming up with increasingly crackpot suggestions. For example, she thinks that each guest should write down a wish for Xander and, on each future birthday, one wish is selected and read out to him. A nice idea, but, as Peggy points out, if there are thirty or so guests, then half of them will be dead before their wishes are known – much better, surely to paste them all into a book and Xander can read them when he likes?
At the end of the week, Kate ropes sister Alice into helping with the naming ceremony, but Alice is reluctant in case this makes Chris broody again and Alice wants to establish her career before having children. Kate thinks Alice should be thinking about a family anyway and points out that, when she was Alice’s age, she’d already had three children. In her usual, tactful way, Kate says that Alice and Debbie aren’t doing much to pass on the Aldridge genes. And then, in a throwaway remark, Kate says “I might as well tell you that, by the end of the year, it will be four.”
Alice is astounded and asks her sister “You mean you and Jakob are trying for a baby?” Kate’s reply – “We’re not trying silly, I’m already pregnant” – is the news referred to in this week’s blog title. Kate goes on to say that Jakob will be a wonderful father; “He’s got a firm streak, which is good, as it will complement my giving approach to parenthood.” Alice still seems to be having trouble getting her head round this development and asks “So he’s pleased about it then? What did he say?” Kate gives a merry laugh and says brightly “Oh, I haven’t told him yet, but don’t worry about it – Jakob’s going to be delighted.”
Kate has insinuated herself into Jakob’s life (and his flat) by moving in and refusing to leave. The excuse is a broken boiler at The Lodge and, when Jakob points out that it is repaired now and Kate can go back and live there, she cocks a deaf ‘un and just talks over him. In vain does Jakob tell her how much he values his space and his privacy (“me too” she mutters, ignoring the point completely). Her habits get on his nerves and he forces her to clean the microwave (her porridge exploded in it) before she eats a meal. Add to this that her hair keeps blocking the plughole and she does sod-all around the flat and you cannot help but think that the delight of which Kate speaks will be of a different order to how the word is usually used. Jakob is at the end of his tether and Kate has only been moved in for two or three days. I sincerely believe that he could cheerfully throttle her and the news that she has unilaterally gone ahead and got pregnant is, I suspect, going to fill him with an emotion quite a way removed from ‘delight’.
Readers of this blog will know that I am not a massive fan of Lynda Snell, but last week she went down in my estimation (yes, I too didn’t believe it was possible, but it happened. I can forgive (just) the snobbishness and pretentiousness that she exhibits, but last week she was just plain nasty. The self-appointed leader of those against the name change of The Bull, she set out to deliberately sabotage a cocktail event being held there. The plan was to infiltrate a gathering of yuppies and get Bert and Jazzer to bore everyone to death. Bert will speak about ‘growing marrows in a slightly alkaline soil’ while Jazzer will expound on aquaponic fish varieties. These combined, Lynda believes, will empty the pub in no time.
However, the best-laid plans etc – the assembled yuppies hang on Bert’s every word and Jazzer has a crowd around him, with everyone having a wonderful time. Lilian cannot resist crowing and tells Lynda that she (Lilian) will tell everyone that Lynda is the resident llama expert. Lynda is furious at the scuppering of her plan and flounces out of the pub with the jeers of Lilian and Kenton ringing in her ears. "That made my week” Kenton tells Lilian. “It made my year” she replies, joyously. If The Bull is brought to its knees, what will Lynda do then? She has already had Hannah grumbling because she lives opposite a pub that she cannot go to. But why not? Lynda’s word is not law, whatever she may think, so why do so many people tag along with her ideas? It’s the Christmas show scenario all over again – tell Lynda to take a hike, ban her from the pub and get back in there and get some Shires down your neck is what I say.
Jill is worried about the fate of the pub and mobilises the Archer clan for a meal at the pub (her treat). David and Josh are lukewarm about the idea – Josh cannot bear the thought that everyone will be looking at him and David is looking forward to a quiet night in. Afraid not, lads – Jill tells Josh that there won’t be any customers there (which is why she’s organised the meal) so stop wallowing. As to David’s objection, Jill makes it clear that this is a three-line whip and their presence is expected, not just requested. Jill leaves and Josh asks his dad if he is going. David replies “You heard her – and if I’m going Josh, then so are you.”
Actually, Josh’s fears were realised, as Rex is talking to Pip. Josh says that he is sorry for the mess he’s caused, but it will soon blow over and then Rex will have plenty of work again. “Pardon?” Rex asks in a dangerously-calm voice, “Are you serious? I’m never working for you again – no way.” He goes further, telling Josh that he has one month to pay Rex for the dodgy trailer and his outstanding wages, plus Rex wants out of the egg business and Josh has one month to cough up the money that constitutes Rex’s share. Having said this, Rex storms out of the pub, leaving Josh and Pip somewhat shocked. “That was brutal, Josh – I don’t know what to say.” His sister tells Josh, no doubt Josh is just reflecting on what a good idea it was to have a family evening at the pub and how he is glad that he was persuaded to come along.
Helen meets Lee’s daughters for the first time and they are guarded and withdrawn, not saying much. She brought them a chocolate flower each and was a bit upset to find them later discarded in a bin, uneaten, but she didn’t tell Lee. Helen suggests that she and Lee go for a meal on Valentine’s night, but he admits that, with maintenance, rent and so on, he cannot really afford it. Helen is a bit embarrassed at her faux pas, but quickly says that they can have an equally good time in his flat. Better, I would venture to suggest, and certainly cheaper.
What else has been happening? Freddie gets himself trapped by a set of weights in the grey Gables gym and makes a complete prat of himself. Johnny is attending the gym every night, and Freddie is convinced he’s got a girlfriend, because he takes so long arranging his hair. Johnny’s not saying.
Over at Berrow Farm, Neil is agonising whether or not to take the job (and the paycut) overseeing the outdoor development of the pigs. Susan says she just wants him to be happy, but Neil spurns the chance to say ‘OK then, get upstairs and pack your suitcase’, and returns to his wonderings. He has a heart-to-heart with Jill – would he be able to find another job if he turned Justin’s offer down? She says that he wouldn’t know who his workmates would be and tells him it’s sometimes better the devil you know. This makes up his mind and he accepts the job offer. He then runs into Hannah, who says that she too has accepted Justin’s offer. As she moves off, Neil says quietly “Hannah Riley – the devil you know.”
Gavin is still staying with dad Phil and Kirsty and driving them mad. He spends all day on his X-box, monopolising the TV and making a lot of noise. Tempers are becoming frayed and Phil tells him to get a shower, turning off the TV in mid-game. As Gavin storms off, Phil tells Kirsty that Gavin is behaving like a stroppy teenager “and I didn’t enjoy it first time round.”
Phil’s patience snaps on Friday – he got up early to take delivery of some screed, but Gavin forgot to order it. Phil is incandescent with rage and stalks off, calling his son all sorts of names. Kirsty suggests that Gavin can help her – she is scouting out sites for leafy dams in case they have another outbreak of flooding.
As they sit having coffee, they talk and Gavin reveals a more vulnerable side – his schoolmates used to call him ‘Oxfam’ – Phil’s business was going through a lean time and money was scarce and Gavin wonders if that is why he wanted a big wedding, to prove he had made it. Kirsty reassures him that there will be someone for him out there – the trick is to find them. For his part, Gavin sees that Kirsty is passionate about her conservation work and he concedes that her work does matter. She says she will phone Phil while Gavin walks down to the car and she asks Phil if the red mist has gone yet? Phil is deeply sorry for the way he spoke to Gavin and says that he will apologise when he sees him. Kirsty says that she and Gavin had a sensible chat and she thinks that Gavin has turned a corner.
And now we end with what might be called ‘damning with faint praise’. On the day of Jill’s family party, Kenton takes an influenza-stricken Jolene a cup of tea in bed. Kenton is assailed by doubt, asking his wife “we will get through this, won’t we?” He is also concerned that Jolene has not forgiven him for running Eccles the peacock over and begs her to believe that it was an unfortunate accident. She reassures him that she has forgiven him and tells him “You’re a prize prat sometimes, but you’re no murderer.” What? Only sometimes?
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