Wishful Thinking I Reckon, Tracy

Susie Riddell (Tracy Horrobin)

One of the minor stories trundling along in Ambridge at the moment is that of the alleged ghostly goings-on at Grey Gables. Rumours are being spread by new receptionist Tracy, who tells sister Susan that, only that morning, she had a white-faced guest in reception, swearing that someone - or something - got into her bed and the atmosphere was icy cold. The woman refused to go back to the room and will never stay at Grey Gables again.

Roy  comes into Reception and tells Tracy off for spreading gossip. He also tells them that the hotel has got plumbers in, which explains the phenomena and noises. When Roy goes, Susan suggests that she and Tracy do some paranormal investigating after Susan comes back from having her body polish (and that’s conjured up an image which I know I’m going to have trouble getting out of my head) and the pair sneak off to the now-empty room. “Roy will thank us in the end” says Tracy as she opens the door.

It’s room 13 (of course it is) and Susan goes for a look in the bathroom. Her mood quickly changes to panic when she cannot get the door open to get out and her frenzied screams attract Roy, who releases Susan. Angrily, he tells Tracy that she’s a receptionist, not a spiritualist and to get back to work.

Once Tracy gets an idea in her head, it’s hard to shift and the next day she tells Roy that she saw a ghost herself - it had blood dripping from its hair and beard. Roy suggests that she just saw a mop - why would a ghost haunt a cupboard full of cleaning materials and equipment? Tracy goes back to her desk, astounded that Roy isn’t going to do anything else. “You mark my words, Roy,” Tracy tells her boss, “Once a malevolent entity arrives, it doesn’t just go away.” “You’re telling me” he mutters, with feeling. As Roy is about to shut the door, Ian interrupts him, as he wants to return a mop to the store - apparently, one of the kitchen staff had an accident with a blender and some raspberry coulis and it went everywhere - “all over the kitchen and all over his head and face” Ian chuckles. “Oh Tracy” Roy sighs.

Still unsatisfied, Tracy goes to see Shula and says that she’s heard that Shula wants to be a vicar - does the church still carry out exorcisms? Shula thinks that Tracy is mocking her and anyway, how did Tracy know about Shula’s plans? “Oh, everybody knows - Susan told me” Tracy answers. “Oh, did she now?” Shula remarks, before telling Tracy to please leave her alone - members of the clergy do not go around with a bell, book and candle and, if Tracy asks Alan, he’ll tell her the same story. “Some vicar you’ll make” Tracy retorts.

Telling her niece about it later, Tracy says that she’s not sleeping very well - she keeps imagining that there’s someone else in her bed - she should be so lucky - hence the title of this week’s blog. Emma isn’t really paying attention and, when Tracy asks her how is she? Emma replies “OK”. “Come on, if you’re going to lie, at least put some effort into it” Tracy admonishes her.

To be honest, Emma has had better weeks. It started badly when Hannah came into the shop and began to take Emma to task for going for an affordable house that she obviously couldn’t afford. This meant that the rest of the waiting list (including Hannah) were pushed down and the house has now gone. Hannah does not mince her words and, later, she is taken to task by her boss Neil, who says she cannot talk to his daughter like that. Hannah’s reply is that she is just telling it like it is and, outside work, she’ll talk to Emma however she wishes. She makes the point that she has never discussed the situation at work; “I keep my domestic affairs separate from work - I’ve been completely professional about it and I’d appreciate it if you’d do the same.” While Hannah is correct, I can’t help feeling that Neil might remember her attitude when it comes to the next round of staff appraisals.

Emma has a dilemma - she has asked Will if he fancies a boys’ night in with son George. Will is dead keen, but the trouble is that George would rather remove his own spleen without anaesthetic than spend an evening with his dad. Emma goes to break the news to Will and he invites her to tea - he has got food in in anticipation of George’s visit. She agrees and they talk. They both realise that today would have been their wedding anniversary and, when Will asks her if she ever regretted marrying him, she says ‘no’, thinking he is referring to George. Instead, he tries to kiss her and, disgusted and angry in equal measures, she fights him off, telling him that George can’t stand being with his dad and Jake and Mia don’t like him either. Will accuses her of leading him on and shouts at her to get out.

Let’s park the Will/Emma story there for a moment and look at some of the other happenings. Brian is having an enjoyable time, reading the letters sent to Jennifer, in her alter ego as the Courier’s Agony Aunt. He also reads them out to the rest of the family, which seems a tad unethical. He then goes further, sending a letter in, purportedly from ‘Mr O Pressed, of Ambridge’ (oh, how we laughed!) which lists his wife’s shortcomings. Jennifer isn’t fooled and reads Brian her reply to Mr Pressed, which is less than complimentary. Brian is appalled and says “surely you can’t publish that?” Jennifer eventually reveals that she was on to Brian from the start and was just rattling his chain.

The strife among the Brookfield Archers continued for most of the week, with Rooooth never passing up an opportunity to have a go at daughter Pip for (as she sees it) rejecting Brookfield’s ACT project. Eventually they are reconciled (presumably Rooooth realised that Pip will be one of the ones who chooses her old people’s home). Whatever, there are fewer snide remarks and David doesn’t have to keep trying to bring the pair together.

Let’s now move into the realms of fantasy. I refer, of course, to the extremely unlikely ‘romance’ between Kate and Jakob. Kate makes the mistake of telling Jennifer that they are going on another date. Jennifer is all a-twitter and proceeds to instruct her daughter on how she should conduct herself. This includes making a check list - is he attentive? Does he pay for things? - Kate takes notes on her phone.

For God’s sake - the woman is 40, has three children by two different fathers and - let’s not mince words here - can charitably be described as a bit of a slapper - what can Jennifer teach her? How to hold a fan properly? Whether the milk goes in before the sugar?

Kate and Jakob go to the funfair at Hollerton and spend time on the dodgems, Ferris Wheel, Waltzer, etc. During the evening, Kate’s phone keeps beeping and, when Jakob goes off to get some candy floss (guess who paid?) Kate is taking the last call from her mother. When Jakob returns (presumably manfully resisting the urge to ram the candy floss into Kate’s gob) Kate reveals that she has been assessing him all evening and he has been a great success - attentive, generous and she would give him a mark of A*.

Jakob says that he has been testing Kate too and his mark for her is considerably lower. The reason he was so attentive is that she gave him no choice - she kept talking the whole time; she never offered to pay for anything, plus she flirted openly with the man who runs the dodgems. A crestfallen Kate says “so you don’t want another date?” “I didn’t say that,” Jakob replies, adding “All the empirical data indicates that we are completely incompatible. Nevertheless, when I’m with you, I can’t help feeling light-hearted - it doesn’t make sense. Most of what you say is nonsense, but you believe it with such passion. However, I would like to gather more evidence, if you’re happy to participate.” We then hear the sound of a kiss. 

For Heaven’s sake, somebody knock Jakob to the ground and get whatever drugs Kate is feeding him off her. Can Alistair not administer electro-convulsive therapy? If things carry on, David’s prediction that Jakob will soon be treating horses with Reiki and crystals looks likely to be true. 

Will goes back to work, but cannot stop himself phoning Clarrie to see how Poppy is. Clarrie assures her son that Poppy is just fine, but things take a turn for the worse as Clarrie gets a flat tyre. Will finds out that, when the tyre was being replaced, Clarrie left Poppy with Bev, Nic’s mother. Will is incensed because he specifically forbade Clarrie to leave Poppy with Bev, believing that his mother-in-law has an agenda to take Poppy from him. A distraught Will says he is going to fetch Poppy, but then there’s a knock on the door. It’s Bev, but Poppy isn’t with her.

A situation develops, with Bev suggesting that she keeps Poppy until Sunday, telling Will that he has possibly done harm to Poppy, by taking her to the hospital - where her mother died - so often and taking her to work late at night. Will goes demented and threatens to call the police and accuse Bev of kidnapping. Bev says OK - what does Will think a Judge would think of his behaviour? Bev goes and Will turns on his mother, asking “How thick are you?” He says he is going to lose the only thing that’s worth living for “and all because of you. I’ll never forgive you for this” and he storms out, leaving his mother in tears.

So we return to Emma and Will. Em is feeling guilty about the things she said about Will and goes to see him. He’s not answering his phone, or opening his door and, when Em arrives, she finds him sitting at the table, with an empty bottle of whisky on the floor, cleaning his shotgun. Emma notices live cartridges and is scared. As a matter of interest, why do people contemplating suicide by shooting in dramas feel the need to clean the gun first? Are they worried about germs?

Em rings Ed and he and dad Eddie turn up, unable to get in until Em tells them about a dodgy window. There is no sign of Will, but Eddie finds him in Poppy’s bedroom. Meanwhile, Emma tells Ed about Will’s attempted kiss and Ed rushes to confront his brother, shouting furiously. In hindsight, this wasn’t the wisest course of action, as Will has a loaded shotgun. There is a tussle and we hear a shot. Fortunately, we hear Ed’s voice, so he’s not dead; neither are any of the others. Eddie eventually gets Will to give up the shotgun and Will says he’s sorry that he wasn’t strong enough and Eddie says “You don’t have to be strong son - you’re not on your own any more.” Fortunately, he manages to keep the gun out of Will’s reach when Will realises that this means he will be surrounded by Grundys for the foreseeable future.