I Hope You’ve Got Deep Pockets, Vince

Tony Turner (Vince Casey)

Meat magnate Vince Casey is up to no good - he has become aware that Justin has expressed an interest in bidding for Crowther’s; the abattoir that has gone into administration, but what are Justin’s plans? Vince hatches a cunning plan, which involves phoning Lilian and inviting her for a ‘thank you’ lunch at the Feathers for giving him advice about his daughter’s new pony. He got her number from Shula and, while we are on the subject, doesn’t that mean that Shula has breached GDPR guidelines?

Lilian is full of the news about Lexi’s new baby (of which more later) and keeps talking. Eventually she shuts up and Vince suggests that they order another bottle (they haven’t seen the lunch menu yet). He tries to ask her questions about Justin’s intentions vis-à-vis Crowther’s but she is evasive. Later on, she returns home and tells Justin (who asks if she has been wetting the baby’s head) that she has had lunch with Vince and that he seemed interested in Justin and Crowther’s, but she told him nothing. A concerned Justin wonders why Vince should be interested, but Lilian has fallen asleep. There you have it Vince - if you are to pursue this strategy of plying Lilian with alcohol, then you’d better take out a bank loan.

And so to the big story of the week - I refer of course to Leonard entering Doris’s Scrap Cakes into the unusual bake section of the Flower & Produce Show. Jill is paranoid that he might win (she is one of the judges) and that she would be accused of nepotism and tarred and feathered, or disembowelled, or something. She tries to get Ian (the other judge) on her side, but he takes an urgent phone call and has to bow out of the whole process, leaving the building in haste.

Never mind - he tells Jill that Peggy can stand in as judge. Jill is terrified, especially as Peg is making complimentary comments about the Scrap Cakes, and Jill rubbishes them, calling them uncooked and “a greasy lump of dough”. As it turned out, she needn’t have worried, as Leonard’s efforts were awarded third place and the tar is allowed to cool down.

So why did Ian disappear with such unseemly haste? His phone call was from Kirsty, telling him that Lexi’s waters have just broken (all over Kirsty’s new rug, incidentally) and Kirsty drives him and Lexi to hospital, where Lexi’s labour begins. Kirsty, Adam, Ian and - inevitably - Jennifer are in the waiting room and Jenny is in a bit of a state; her misgivings not helped by the fact that the midwife is a man called Brett - what on earth can a man know about childbirth? The clue is in the word ‘midwife’ Jennifer.

It turns out to be a difficult labour (11 hours in all) and Jennifer is quickly becoming paranoid, reading sinister interpretations into every word and action. For example; Brett tells the waiting foursome that Lexi has requested just one birthing partner, and that one is Kirsty. This is not the pre-planned birthing plan (both dads were due to be there) and Jen is thunderstruck and suspicious - why is Lexi changing things? And Jen immediately jumps to the conclusion that Lexi will want to keep the baby for herself and freeze out the Aldridges.

Kirsty comes out of the birthing room to tell Adam and Ian that they have a beautiful baby son and they go in to see him, joined later by Jenny and Kirsty. As everybody is oohing and aahing over the newborn, the situation becomes farcical as Jenny strives to keep Lexi and her baby separate. Ian suggests that Lexi might want to hold her son, but Jen is reluctant to let him go. “Give the baby to Lexi” Adam says. “Is that a good idea?” his mother asks.

If Jenny had her way, Lexi would be on the next plane to Bulgaria, having signed a sworn affidavit that she never wants to see the child again. As it is, a few days later, Lexi visits Honeysuckle and reassures the boys that the baby was always going to be theirs and she is just pleased to have given them such happiness.

Jennifer continues to build the case against Lexi and, when Brian suggests that Adam and Ian have moved on from events such as the change of birth plans and Lexi moving out of Honeysuckle, a near-hysterical Jen says “Yes - that’s because they’re ignoring the red flags. Am I the only one to see where this is heading?” Jen had a conversation with Roy and apparently Lexi is “an emotional wreck.” “Roy said that?” Brian asks, astonished. “He didn’t need to” Jen replies, adding that she is sick with worry.

For God’s sake woman! Let’s just suppose that Jen is right and Lexi decides to keep the child, then there’s nothing she can do about it, so why not trust Lexi to do what she said she would? All this trying to keep Lexi away might just push her into doing exactly what Jennifer fears, so just shut up and try to behave like a rational human being. (As if). The parental order, naming Adam and Ian as parents, has to be declared legal by the court and this process cannot start for another six weeks. Jen is terrified that this will give Lexi a long time to bond with him and change her mind. Jen’s paranoia and suspicions of an ulterior motive are fanned to fever pitch when Adam and Ian call to say that they have chosen a name for their son. They wanted to pay tribute to the person who was instrumental in giving them this happiness, so the boy will be called “Alexander” (Lexi’s first name is Alexandra) and he will be known as “Xander”. This is more fuel for Jen’s paranoia - we assume she thought that Lexi had a hand in choosing the name (she didn’t) and you can imagine the high-pitched screams emanating from the Aldridge kitchen as she believes that this is yet another indication of what she believes is a plot to deprive her of her new grandson. Please - somebody tell her to get a grip before she ruins everything.

Over at Brookfield, Rooooth and Pip are still sniping at each other over the Rewilding project, with Rooooth saying that, with that and the time Pip spends with Rosie, Pip’s contribution to the day-to-day running of the farm has slipped recently. Pip, who has been trying to hold out an olive branch to her mother, which included making her breakfast, suddenly snaps and flounces out, saying “Get your own toast.”

Things calm down later and Pip reports that she and Toby have come up with a plan to better utilise their time and childcare. This will entail Rosie going to nursery a couple of mornings a week. “Gran [Jill] won’t be impressed” Pip says, but this is a logical solution. My comment on that is that, if Jill is unimpressed, then let her look after the toddler two mornings a week.

The birth of Xander had other, unforeseen, consequences for the Grundy household, where Eddie, in his usual, undiplomatic, bull-at-a-gate way, is trying to persuade Will to give up game keeping, despite the fact that, should he do so, he would lose his tied cottage. This would mean that he would presumably want No. 1 The Green back, so where would Eddie, Clarrie and Ed live? But this is by the by - Eddie’s main argument is along the lines of ‘we’re worried that you might top yourself with the shotgun.’ Will points out that, if he were so minded, then they would have to hide all sharp objects, or alternatively, he could just drive his car into a tree.

Will goes out for a walk to clear his head and he comes across Xander, being pushed in his buggy by Ian. There is much talk about babies and how dependant they are upon their families. Ian confesses that the responsibility scares him sometimes, but he realises that he’d do anything to keep his new son safe. In a Damascene-like moment, Will too realises that he would do anything to protect his children and he returns home to tell his parents that he has resigned as gamekeeper - the chat with Ian showed Will how much Poppy needs him. “I was in a bad place last week and if it ever happens again, I want my family closer to hand than a shotgun.” Will says. Delighted and relieved, Clarrie and Eddie tell their son how proud they are of him.

Let’s revisit the Vince/Justin/Lilian/Crowther’s scenario. Justin, as we know, is interested in bidding for the abattoir and he took David with him for a look round. Lilian was uncomfortable with this, as David believes that Justin is interested in the business as an abattoir, whereas he sees it as an office development project and he isn’t in a hurry to correct David’s misapprehension, telling Lilian that all’s fair in love, war and business.

On Thursday, Justin sets aside some ’me time’ and goes to get his eye in with some clays, ahead of the new season. By coincidence (?) Vince is there for the same reason and soon attaches himself to Justin. Justin says don’t let’s play games and the subject of Crowther’s crops up. Vince lets it be known that he is interested and warns Justin not to meddle with the big boys. He also told Justin what good company Lilian was when they lunched together.

Vince really begins to get on Justin’s nerves, criticising his technique, and there is no doubt that Vince is trying his best to put Justin off. A distinctly-annoyed Justin returns home and gets himself a scotch or two. Was Vince’s presence at the shoot just a coincidence he muses? Lilian says that it had nothing to do with her.

Justin senses a possible opportunity to make mischief, saying that Vince has thrown down the gauntlet. Would Lilian like to have lunch with Vince on the odd occasion - she could drop the odd nugget of misinformation into the conversation? Lilian isn’t keen: “What am I to you - some operative who you can drop behind enemy lines?” Lilian goes further, telling Justin that she has heard that Vince can be quite ruthless and maybe Justin would be better off walking away from the Crowther’s deal altogether, which is her preferred solution, of course. If not, says Lilian, she thinks that it is her that would be dealing with the fallout, “as usual.”

Finally, Rex is having trouble with Basil the boar, who steadfastly refuses to do what a boar’s supposed to do when the sows are around - he’d rather relax in his wallow. I reckon what Basil needs is an experienced stud to show him exactly what he should be doing, so step forward Toby Fairbrother - cometh the hour, cometh the man.