Daisy Badger (Pip Archer)
Excitement in Ambridge reached fever pitch last week, with ‘pitch’ being the operative word, as the finalists who have fought their way through to the presentation stage of the ACT are paraded in front of the judges. The presentations are being honed and finely-tuned and, if the excitement isn’t exactly intense, then there is at least a feeling of expectation in the air.
It means a lot of hard work for those submitting their plans, especially for Pip Archer, who is deeply involved with Rex and Phoebe and their ‘Rewilding of Ambridge’ project. We are not given full details, but I think we can assume that we are not talking re-introducing beavers to the Am or packs of wolves to the Millennium Wood here. Phoebe, Rex and Pip meet to put the finishing touches to their presentation and it swiftly becomes apparent that Pip’s mind is elsewhere and she is continually receiving e-mails from her mother.
Phoebe eventually asks what’s going on and Pip reveals that, as well as the rewilding project, she is also working on the ‘Low Carbon Brookfield’ offering from David and Rooooth. Pip surprises her project partners when she says that her parents don’t know about the rewilding project and Phoebe says that they have a right to know, surely? She goes further and says that, if Pip hasn’t told them by Friday - the day of the pitches - then she (Phoebe) - will.
Phoebe is trying - unsuccessfully - to pump Peggy for information and Peggy expresses surprise that some people (Pip) are involved in more than one bid. Pip does bite the bullet on Thursday and tells her parents about the rewilding project and her part in it. Rooooth and David go ever so slightly bananas and ask their daughter what the hell is she playing at? We learn later that they told Pip to make her choice - rewilding or low carbon Brookfield - and she plumped for rewilding, which should lead to some interesting conversations on the farm over the next week or two, especially if Pip progresses at the expense of Brookfield.
There is a good turnout for the presentations, where we learn that Tom and Natasha’s ‘Orchard Village’ plan also made it through. Adam’s proposition was well received and Rooooth’s effort was recognised as ‘passionate’, although Tom wonders if it is innovative enough. Both Tom and Adam are surprised to see Pip, Phoebe and Rex on the stage and, after their presentation, Peggy has a number of questions, one of which is how much land do they have for this project? The short answer is ‘none’, but I would submit that, if they were to win, £500,000 will buy a fair-sized plot.
Nothing was decided on the night, but Peggy says that the judges will consider their decision over the next 10 days. The meeting breaks up and Adam asks Tom which pitch he thought was the best? Tom replies that Rooooth was really fired up and it looks like Brookfield is the one to beat.
Over at Ambridge View, Emma is getting ready to sell the stuff she had accumulated, preparing for the move into her and Ed’s new house - a move that never happened. Ed approaches Will and bungs him £100, asking his brother to use the money to buy up anything that might be left over at the end of the day, and not to tell Emma. He does so, including the up-cycled coffee table that Emma loved so much.
Earlier in the day, Shula and Jazzer are talking at the shop. “Poor Emma” says Shula and she is taken to task by Susan, who, as usual, grasps the wrong end of the stick, saying that Emma doesn’t need their pity. Shula says that she and Jazzer were talking out of concern for Emma, but Susan says that the last thing Emma needs “is tittle tattle spreading round the village.” This is all too much for Shula, who exclaims “This is ridiculous. How can I put this? Being told off for gossiping by you is like being hit by a stone that’s been thrown from a very large glass house.” Not a very Christian sentiment from a would-be vicar, to be sure, but 100% accurate, nevertheless.
At the yard sale later, Susan apologises for being a bit off earlier, but she is pleased because Shula has bought four brandy glasses. The sale is a complete success (although Emma didn’t seem to be charging much) and there is nothing left. Emma sees this as a metaphor for her empty life, saying “maybe it’s what I deserve, because right now I feel that I am nothing.”
Ed and Jazzer meet up for a pint and Ed reveals that it was he who finished things with Emma because he realised that he couldn’t make her happy. “Emma’s not the problem - I am.” Ed tells Jazzer, adding that he isn’t eating or sleeping properly. Jazzer responds by telling Ed not to give up - “you two are meant to be together” he tells his friend.
Someone for whom life appears to be looking up is Tracy Horrobin, the newly-taken-on assistant receptionist at Grey Gables. On her first day, she is told off by Lynda (who else?) for chewing gum and is exhorted by Lynda to give guests (never ’customers’) a bright smile.
Actually, Lynda is being given continual grief by an extremely disgruntled guest, who is having troubles with the air conditioning. Roy has had a look at it, plus an engineer has been called out to look at it, but the guest is not satisfied and, as Tracy tells Lynda later, he has written an e-mail of complaint to Oliver. Tracy says that she persuaded the man not to send it and she went to his room to check on the aircon. It turned out that he was turning the knob the wrong way and Tracy shows how much she has progressed in the area of customer service when she refrains from calling the guest a ’muppet’. It also suggests that the engineer (or Roy, come to that) isn’t up to much.
Lynda is currently preoccupied because Lilian has recruited her for her ersatz-Eggheads ’Brainboxes’ quiz team, which will take on all-comers at The Bull. Lynda mentions this to Jim and there is immediate rivalry as to who should be captain. Jim’s knowledge of things classical is unrivalled, while Lynda is strong on literature, so they agree to set each other five questions on their specialist subjects. It finishes five-all and they agree that perhaps the team doesn’t need a captain after all.
Lilian has identified a problem with her quiz team, in that it is obvious that there are wide gaps in her Brainboxes’ knowledge. She gives Jim some box sets of reality TV shows to watch and he is appalled by what he sees - he cannot bear to pollute his mind with such garbage! Eventually he negotiates a deal whereby, if he does pollute his mind with reality rubbish, he wants some reward - say free coffee in The Bull for a month? Lilian agrees readily, saying that it could be cheap at half the price.
Will continues to be obsessed with the health of daughter Poppy, who is suffering from chickenpox and who will shortly be given a season ticket to A&E and a solo ward with a revolving door, given the number of times that he has dragged his daughter to hospital. In vain do the doctors tell him that it’s chickenpox, and the same is true when Clarrie bangs his head against the wall and says ‘It’s-chickenpox-so-go-home.’ Will’s response is that it could be sepsis and what do the doctors know - have they ever seen sepsis?
Clarrie points out that the doctors have been trained to detect things like this and you can tell that they are doctors, as they have things like stethoscopes, x-rays and medicines. However, this does nothing to set Will’s mind at rest and he bundles Poppy into the car for the by-now-familiar trip to hospital when he thinks that she is looking a trifle poorly, or when she yawns or scratches or complains about feeling tired. Will isn’t helping himself by refusing to go to work until he is positive that Poppy is fully recovered.
We had a rather surreal story at the end of the week, when Susan and Neil have been invited to the Aldridges for dinner. Susan admits to son Chris that she and Neil haven’t been getting on too well recently, after he accused her of gossiping - something which was backed up by Shula. Susan, exhibiting a remarkable capacity for self-delusion, says she cannot believe that people think she cannot be trusted with their personal information. Personally, I wouldn’t trust Susan with my postcode. “But what if I’m simply the village gossip?” Susan asks her son. What does she mean ‘if’?
The dinner goes surprisingly well and, talking of surprises, Brian is very open with Neil, telling him that he has seen a letter on the printer, from a woman, saying that she would like more ‘marital relations’. Brian believes the letter is from Jennifer and - and I find this totally out of character - Brian asks Neil what should he do? Neil suggests that Brian initiates ‘something a little different’ (bedroom scuba diving, perhaps?).
So it is that Jen comes into the bedroom and she must feel that there’s been a power cut, as the place is awash with candles - what’s going on? Brian tells her about the letter and Jen bursts out laughing, saying that, far from writing the letter, she is the new Agony Aunt for the Westbury Courier. This causes Brian to get a bit frisky, but fortunately a veil is swiftly drawn over the scene.
Over at Ambridge View, Susan says it was a nice evening, to which Neil replies that he’s noticed that she hasn’t been herself over the past few days (that’ll be a marked improvement then). Susan says that there was some truth in what Neil said about her the other day - what? Only some truth? - but she cannot help being interested in what’s going on around her, so, as the main shopkeeper, she will have to have a front row seat at the Ambridge Conservation Trust tomorrow night, so that she will be able to tell people who are interested exactly what is going on.
By the way, that banging noise you can hear is Neil Carter hitting his head against the bedroom wall.
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