Jim Reveals All At Last

John Rowe (Jim Lloyd)

Just when you thought Jim Lloyd couldn’t get any more curmudgeonly or more rude, he does exactly that. On Sunday, he returns from his trip away, looking at Roman roads, having been missing for ten days. Alistair and Jazzer wonder whether or not he will be prepared to talk about why he behaved so badly at his party and Jazzer, slipping quickly into Baldrick mode, tells Alistair to leave it to him - he has a plan to get to the truth.

This plan involves coffee and walnut cake and a bottle of sherry, both of which are favourites of Jim’s, and Jazzer plies him with both before moving the subject round to the party. This is executed with all the finesse and subtlety of a hula-dancing elephant and a furious Jim sees straight through Jazzer’s plan and angrily asks if this is an interrogation? He makes it plain that he doesn’t want to talk about it and rounds on Alistair, telling him that, if he is going to move out, then to get on with it.

Jazzer tries to stick up for Alistair and Jim then picks on him, telling the Scotsman to keep his nose out of what doesn’t concern him. An increasingly-agitated and angry Jim then goes further, saying why doesn’t Jazzer go too, and take the wretched spider with him? “Find somewhere else to live - I’ve had enough of you both. Get out of here and leave me alone!”Jim rants.

It doesn’t take long for the news to get round Ambridge (we learn incidentally that Jazz is dossing down on Fallon and PCB’s sofa, which must be a bundle of fun for them). At a meeting of the Fete committee, Lynda fills Jill and Shula in on what has happened. Jill makes some uncomplimentary remarks about Jim, but Shula is worried - the party was to some extent her idea after all, and she feels responsible. Jill advises her daughter to keep out of it, but Shula says she cannot just sit back and do nothing. A word of advice, Shula - cake and sherry doesn’t appear to work.

She knocks on Jim’s door and he tells her to sling her hook and shuts the door in her face. She tries again and he is surprised (and none too pleased) to see her standing in the garden. This time, she does get over the doorstep and tells her ex-father-in-law that they need to talk - has he any idea of the number of people that he has hurt and upset? How does he think Alistair feels? If he wants to blame somebody, he should blame Shula, as the party was largely her idea and she sent out most of the invitations. Jim has a dig at Shula about her Christian faith and what he regards as her hypocrisy. He also says how evil the world is today and how can she possibly worship a God who allows such wickedness to continue?

Obviously some of what Shula says is registering with Jim, as he latches on to the bit about the invitations, asking her if she invited a man called Harold Jayson; an elderly man in a wheelchair who was at the party. Shula remembers him, but she thinks that he invited himself. He spoke very highly of Jim and is a talented pianist, as he demonstrated on Jim’s keyboard after Jim had fled the scene. At this news, Jim goes ballistic, saying that the keyboard is spoiled and tainted. He then proceeds to do a Keith Emerson impression (don’t worry; you’re probably too young to remember The Nice) and smashes the keyboard repeatedly into the ground, ranting and sobbing. Slightly alarmed, Shula asks what’s the matter? But Jim has calmed down now and tells her that he is all right now and would she just go and leave him alone? He also tells her to forget about the incident and, please, tell no-one what happened.

Oddly enough, Shula finds it difficult to get the image of a ranting, berserk, weeping pensioner wilfully destroying an expensive musical instrument out of her mind and she goes to see Alistair to try and convince him that Jim needs help and Alistair should continue to try and talk to him. Alistair is rather busy at the moment, plus he spent a night in Jakob’s spare room and the evening was purgatory; so much so that they ended up talking about the best places to park in Felpersham and Alistair took refuge in a second bottle of Rioja. On the plus side, he has found a nice riverside flat in Borchester and is looking forward to moving out.

However, he does go to see his father, but there is no meaningful conversation, as Jim is keen to get the remains of the keyboard (hidden in a sack) to the tip. So, once again, Shula goes to see Jim - why doesn’t she just move in; after all, there will be two rooms going spare before long - and she tells him that she cannot forget what happened and begs him to talk to Alistair, as the atmosphere between them is poisonous. Jim doubts that Alistair will want to listen, but Shula warns that, if Alistair moves out, he’s not likely to want to come back. Both Jim and Alistair are stubborn and proud, Shula tells Jim - please talk to your son. “You don’t know what you are asking of me”Jim says sadly, but once again Shula begs him to talk to Alistair.

On Friday, Alistair and Jazzer are hanging round Greenacres, packing up stuff, and Jim appears and asks them if they could spare him a moment, as he owes them both an apology and an explanation for his behaviour at the party. Alistair (who is on the verge of signing up for the Borchester flat) and Jazzer accede to Jim’s request to sit down, as they can sense that he is in sombre mood and that this is an important moment.

Jim begins by saying “What I am going to tell you now I’ve never told anyone in my whole life - it’s about me as a child when I was eight years old.” Jim’s parents had nice neighbours, with a son (Harold Jayson) who was a good laugh and who used to take Jim to the cinema. One night, when HJ was babysitting Jim, he took him to his bedroom and assaulted him for the first time. “I begged him to stop, but I was only eight years old” Jim continues, tearfully. HJ also told Jim that, if he said anything about what has happened, then God would punish him, which could go a long way to explaining Jim’s rabid atheism.

At this point, Jim breaks down and goes to his room, leaving a stunned Jazzer and Alistair behind. Jazzer has a solution: “I’m going to find HJ and kill the bastard!” Alistair asks Jazz if he could give him and Jim a moment, so Jazzer goes to The Bull. Alistair enters his dad’s room, to find Jim sobbing, and he tells his father that he’s glad that Jim told them what happened. “You won’t have to face this alone any longer - I’m here for you dad - I promise.” 

I’m glad that we finally learned the truth about Jim, and it was a fine piece of acting from all those involved. Presumably Alistair will now stay at Greenacres (?) but I cannot help wondering how he will explain it all to Shula.

Another story hanging over from last week was how could Pat and Tony tactfully suggest that daughter-in-law Natasha signs a post-nup agreement, relinquishing any future claim she might have on the farm, should she go off and leave Tom (again). Pat suggested that she should handle the negotiations, as they require delicacy and tact. Ha! Tony still thinks it’s a bad idea and that Natasha will go orang-utan pooh. 

Pat invites Tom and Natasha for lunch and, as far as we can judge from the mood round the table, her idea of a diplomatic approach was along the lines of ‘sign this pre-nup, bitch, or I’ll break your fingers’ - certainly as far as Tom is concerned, as he calls it “a slap in the face” and accuses his parents of not trusting Natasha and undermining the fabric of their marriage. Natasha, however, says that she understands and doesn’t have a problem with signing an agreement - she understands that Helen and Johnny might be concerned about their stake in the farm and she believes that trust isn’t enough and that any arrangement should be based on a sound business footing. Tom, who says that he’s amazed that Natasha hasn’t walked out, does exactly that. Natasha says she can talk him round and leaves. “Well, Pat, that went well, didn’t it?” Tony asks.

Elsewhere, Ed is pleased because the man who offered £4k for Peppa Pig, the Texel ram, has now offered £5k. Should they sell, or wait till autumn, when he might be worth more? Clarrie is all for grabbing the money (which will go towards the house deposit), but then points out that Poppy looks on Peppa as one of her teddies and how can they break it to her if Peppa goes? My solution is simplicity itself: ‘Poppy, do you want a bedroom of your own and a new garden to play in?’ Assuming she says ‘yes’ then the response is ‘OK, the ram is toast - say goodbye.’ I’m just worried that, the way Ed’s luck runs, Peppa will either develop the ovine equivalent of leprosy, or similar, or will be rustled by thieves.

We are coming up to Fete time and the committee are disinterring themselves and trying to come up with novel ideas - or at least, old ideas. Fallon thinks that they should try and attract younger people (by which she means teenagers, not just those in their 50s) on to the committee. It turns out that this particular meeting is being held at Brookfield and Ben comes in to deliver a phone message. Jill asks him if he’d like to be on the committee. When he has ascertained that she is serious, his reaction (without being as specific) is that he would rather circumcise himself with a rusty spoon - his mates would never let him live it down. Lynda suggests that he could become their “Youth Adviser”, to which Ben’s reaction is to reach for the rusty spoon again.

However, Ben has the hots for a girl (Tiggy by name) at college, who is in a female - and, according to Ben’s brother Josh pretty awful - band. Ben turns up at the next Fete committee meeting, announcing that he is prepared to be their Youth Adviser and he has had an idea to attract the younger demographic. First of all, the Hollerton Silver Band will have to be axed - kids don’t want ‘oompah, oompah’ music. Bert is scandalised - what about tradition? He and Lynda will fight tooth and nail to keep the Silver Band. Never mind Ben’s idea for alternative music (guess who?) “If we lose the Silver Band, it will be over my dead body!” says an outraged Bert. Strange how a solution can suddenly present itself, isn’t it?