I Reckon You Can Kiss Your Bonus Goodbye, Ed

Barry Farrimond (Ed Grundy)

It had all the inevitability of a runaway train crash; on Sunday it’s all hands to the pumps as the Grundys gather together for hay baling, using what appears to be a pre-Crimean war baler. Eddie bangs on about traditional farming (and how this might help in his quest to relieve Peggy of her Trust money), while Ed reckons they are only using the antiquated machine because Joe was too mean and idle to get a newer one. Clarrie remarks how nice it is to see Will and Ed getting on so well, little knowing that they are actually discussing Ed’s illegal pesticide deliveries.

On Wednesday, Ed and Emma visit what will be their new home and remark about how well-finished it is and how they are looking forward to moving in. Adam has given Ed some time off and the pair have a drink in The Bull, with Emma telling her husband that she’s proud of him for having worked so hard. She also mentions that the driver who clipped her car recently rang her to apologise - he had been having a bad day and his wife had been taken into hospital, but now, says Emma “it’s like it never happened.”

So far, all has been sweetness and light and it looks as though Emma and Ed will soon be relaxing behind their own front door. But this is the Grundys we are talking about and regular Archers fans will smile knowingly and sit back, waiting for the railway sleeper to be dropped in front of their train of life. And we don’t have long to wait, as on Friday, Tim turns up at Home Farm, telling Ed that they need to get rid of the pesticides being stored in the Grundys’ pole barn. Ed is nervous, as Adam comes over. Tim hands him his card and says that he’s available for any jobs that need doing, as Ed hurries him off the farm.

Tim later runs into Will and the talk turns to the pheasants and how hard it must be to keep the weeds down around the pens, where predators might lurk. Oddly enough, Tim has some weed killer going cheap - would Will be interested? Eventually, Will realises that Tim is the one peddling the dodgy pesticides and threatens to call the police there and then. 

That, suggests Tim, wouldn’t be a good idea, as the stuff is stashed in the Grundy’s pole barn and that Ed has been delivering cheap weedkiller for Tim and calling the cops now would drop Ed right in it. “Maybe you should have a word with your brother before you call the Police?” Tim asks Will. Will thinks better of shopping his brother and sets off for Home Farm to have the truth out of Ed (Ed having sworn that he was finished with the whole weedkiller business).

While all this is going on, Ed and Adam are talking at Home Farm, with Ed thanking Adam for giving him time off to view the house. Adam is in expansive mood and tells Ed that he (Adam) regards Ed as a hard worker, who has helped Adam through a difficult period (taking over from Brian) and that Ed deserves a bonus.

It is at this stage that an irate Will turns up and confronts his brother - how many more lies has Ed been spinning? Ed makes the mistake of telling Will about how Tim had threatened him and how worried Ed was when the motorist hit Emma’s car. Will goes totally ballistic - George was in the car at the time and how dare Ed put Will’s son in danger? A full-blown scuffle breaks out and Ed has to call on Adam to get Will off him. Adam orders Will off the farm, but not before Will has blurted out about the illegal pesticides. “My office - now” says Adam sternly, as Will leaves.

Adam advises Ed to tell the truth and the whole story comes out. Adam is appalled - he still has Tim’s card in his pocket - and he feels like he could be an accessory after the fact; he is Ed’s employer, after all. Adam reassures Ed that he won’t shop him, but Home Farm has had its fill of chemical-related scandals and can’t afford another. A distraught Ed begs and pleads Adam not to sack him; if he does, Ed and Emma will not be able to get a mortgage and will lose the house. The house, says Ed, by this time in floods of tears, is all Emma has ever dreamt of and again he begs Adam not to fire him. The week ends with Adam saying “The business can’t take another scandal. I’m sorry Ed, but I’m going to have to let you go.”

This could well lead to some interesting conversations in the Em/Ed household over the next few days, as well as the removal of a gonad or two if Emma gets really angry. It could only happen to the Grundys - just as it looks like things had turned the corner for Ed and Emma, it all goes nads up, despair looms on the horizon and the Grundy brothers are once more at daggers drawn and at each others‘ throats - it’s just like old times. I suppose we should be grateful that Ed didn’t say “Er, exactly how much will this bonus be, Adam?”

One solution for Ed - and I admit that this is something of a long shot - is for him to win Peggy’s £500,000. To do this, he faces opposition from Adam, Tom and Natasha, Eddy, Terry Button (who apparently has a plan to turn Ambridge into ‘Fungusopolis’) and, coming up quickly on the rails, Phoebe and Rex. Phoebe has this idea for ‘rewilding’ - turning parts of the land back to Nature - and they run the plan past Pip. Pip points out that Peggy’s aim is to make farming more sustainable, not to stop doing it, but Pip says that she will give their research the once-over and let them know.

It seems odd that Phoebe and Rex should approach Pip, as she will also, presumably, be submitting her own scheme for Peggy’s prize, so her judgement might not be described as objective. They could also have timed it better, as they (or, rather, Phoebe) ended up harassing Pip on what was Rosie’s first birthday - an occasion made notable by the fact that Toby introduced his ‘special guest’, which, in fact was a unicorn. No, not a real one, but a dyed and made up Shetland pony.

Toby was trying to encourage Rex to move into the pork business by buying Neil’s pigs, raising them to slaughter weight and selling the pork to Tom for sausages. Things come to a head when Tom leaves Johnny in charge of the wallows, while he (Tom) is down at the sausage factory, covering for Maurice. Johnny falls into one of the wallows, spraining his ankle and can hardly walk, while Pat is unimpressed because Tony was helping Johnny out as the temperature soared to the mid-nineties. An irate Pat tells her son that none of this would have happened if he’d got rid of the pigs - it was his idea to get rid of the pigs in the first place, “so get on with it and find a new supplier - now!”

Rex goes to have a chat with Tom and Pat is hanging around. Tom rather pointedly asks his mother if she hasn’t got something that she wants to talk to Helen about and, for once in her life, Pat takes the hint and leaves them. The lads discuss the pigs and Rex is a tad surprised, as they won’t be organic. Tom replies that they will still be free range and well cared for, so that won’t be a problem, even though he hasn’t run this past the rest of the family yet. The pair shake on the deal and, barely nanoseconds after Rex’s departure, Pat is nosing around, wondering what the discussion was about. Tom tells her about the non-organic plan and she is philosophical, saying “you can’t always have everything.”

Shula has come to a decision - she wants to become a vicar. She discusses her decision with Alan, who asks some pointed questions, such as is she trying to make up for breaking her marriage vows? She says no, but feels that God has never deserted her, despite the things she has done. Alan is eventually convinced of her dedication and commitment and says he will arrange for her to meet with the ’Diocesan Director of Ordinands’. I must admit to knowing nothing of the pre-ordination process, but I can’t help thinking that this does not sound like a full-time job, but what do I know about it?

One strange aspect; Shula tells Alan that it was something that Freddie said that finally made up her mind to seek Ordination. I suppose that this could always be cited as evidence that God does, indeed, move in mysterious ways. Sometimes very mysterious.

Jim’s recovery from his childhood abuse ordeal is still plodding along. Jazzer hears him moaning in his sleep and suffering from nightmares and convinces the Prof to forgo his stint at the shop and to stay in bed. Jill takes over Jim’s shift and, when Jazzer pops in for something, she makes pointed remarks about people letting the side down at short notice. So sharp is her tongue, that Leonard becomes embarrassed and points out to her how upset Jazzer was becoming over her comments.

Jim also bails out of the Fete Committee meeting, much to Lynda’s annoyance, as his presence might well have reined in some of the wilder ideas mooted by Ruairi and Ben. Instead of the committee, Jim has gone to the bird hide by Arkwright’s lake for some peace and quiet, where he meets Robert Snell, who has done exactly the same to get away from the committee. At first it seems that Jim will take himself off on a walk, but he and Robert soon become embroiled in a discussion about whether Robert had really seen a reed bunting or not. They decide to wait and see if the bird returns and end up spending a pleasant afternoon together.

After the afternoon spent with Robert, Jim decides he would like to play the new keyboard that his children bought for his birthday and Alistair is emboldened to ask his dad if he has had any second thoughts about turning Harold the paedophile over to the police? Jim says that even a conviction would not help, as he would have to relive the ordeal all over again and his whole life would be about what Harold did to him “and I don’t intend to let him win now.” Nevertheless, Jim thanks Alistair for his concern and goes off to play his keyboard. 

Jazzer asks Alistair what can they do - after all, Jim might not be Harold’s only victim. Alistair agrees, but says the decision has to be Jim’s and if he wants them to do nothing, so be it. Personally, I reckon that, before long, Jazzer might lose patience and start meting out his own brand of, very rough, justice.