Kenton Makes Brian’s Day (Worse)

Richard Attlee (Kenton Archer)

A publican needs a lot of skills and social niceties, none of which include kicking a man when he is down. Pity nobody mentioned this to Kenton, as last week we had a classic example of how to put the boot in. At the start of the week, we learned that Brian intended to plead guilty to the charges brought by the Environment Agency. He did so and the consequence was that he was fined £120,000, including costs.

After a shock like that, a man needs a stiff drink (in Brian’s case, this meant two large scotches down The Bull - especially as Adam was buying). Kenton came over, ostensibly to offer sympathy and to commiserate, but he added to Brian’s woes by reminding him that he (Brian) had previously promised to pay for a community event to make up for polluting the environment and poisoning the Am. While we have to accept that Kenton’s memory is spot on, you cannot help thinking that it would have been more tactful and empathetic to at least wait until Brian had finished his first whisky before reminding him of his promise.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, romance figures strongly among storylines affecting a number of characters. Not Ben Archer, however, who is having difficulty attracting people - and, by ‘people’, we mean girls - to his and Ruairi’s ‘Love Sucks’ anti-Valentine’s party (sorry - ‘art event’, not party). While Ben is suffering for his Art, David is pleased, telling Rooooth that he doesn’t really want “a load of randy, frustrated, lovelorn adolescents running amok on the farm.” The pair think themselves lucky that they are too old to be slaves to their hormones.

Age appears to be a factor in Kirsty’s deliberations about whether or not to commit to moving in with Philip. She asks Roy’s opinion and he says that he never really thought of her and Philip as being that serious and he always thought that they seemed to prefer leaving separate lives. Later on in the week, Roy is visited by Lexi, who is on her way to the airport and who tells him that she still loves him. For his part, Roy says that he realises what a fantastic, unselfish thing that she is doing for Adam and Ian and they kiss before Lexi leaves.

This encounter seems to have altered Roy’s viewpoint when he next speaks to Kirsty. She is worried because, until she had her miscarriage, she didn’t know whether or not she wanted children, but now it seems she does. The potential problem is that Phil has been there, done that and has a family. Roy points out that age has nothing to do with it - his dad had Bethany when he was 61.

Roy asks Kirsty “Do you love Phil? Do you feel better when she’s with him?” The answers to both questions are ‘yes’ and Roy asks whether or not she knows whether Phil wants children and the only thing that matters is that she and Phil love each other. He continues: “Nothing else matters - you and Phil have a chance to be together, so promise me you won’t let it go.”

Well said Roy, but let’s tie up the Lexi loose end - Adam and Ian drive her to the airport and there is an emotional farewell at check-in. So emotional, in fact that Adam has to practically drag Ian back from joining Lexi airside. Ian says “That’s our future she’s taking with her”, to which Adam replies “Think how amazing it will be when she’s back for the birth.” I really hope so guys.

If age is a worrying factor for Kirsty, romance-wise, there are no such problems for Jill, it seems, when she stuns her family with the news that she has been ‘seeing’ a man. His name is Leonard and he is a widower; his wife died in Grey Gables and, ever since, he has continued to be a visitor, interacting with the residents. Jill met him when she was visiting Chris and she tells the family that she has invited him to dinner on Thursday.

The day arrives and Jill is clearly on tenterhooks - she has put on her glad rags and admonishes David when he returns home wearing his overalls. To be fair to David, he has been rescuing a ram from a bramble thicket and only just got in. Jill has an attack of the vapours when she sees the headlights of an approaching car - is it Leonard?

Indeed it is and he is smartly attired in jacket and tie (“extremely dapper” is Rooooth’s verdict later) and it turns out that he is - how can I put this charitably? - about as interesting as a black and white TV test card. No, let’s not call a spade a manually-operated earth inverting horticultural implement - he’s bloody boring. So boring, in fact, that people probably prefer to watch programmes about Brexit, rather than talk to him. David cannot stand being alone with him and brings out a coffee cup, joining Jill and Rooooth in the kitchen. He is immediately told off by Jill, who goes back and joins Leonard. David and Rooooth talk and cannot see what Jill sees in Leonard, but they are surprised when they hear the pair laughing in the next room - what can they be up to?

There was an embarrassing moment earlier, when Leonard asks David a question about the house. David waxes lyrical about the farm and the changes that have been made and he hopes that Phil (his father, not Kirsty’s paramour) is looking down with approval.

Belatedly, David realises that this is less than tactful and he is covered in confusion. Jill says, pointedly, that Leonard was asking about the age of the house and, significantly, adds that she too hopes that Phil would be happy about what he sees from up above.

One person we haven’t mentioned as being present at the dinner was Pip. Earlier in the week, she told Toby that he had agreed to look after Rosie while she went to a meeting. He protests that he is due to do a shift at The Bull and Pip tells him tough - deal with it. Toby does so as only he can - ie badly - and Pip returns from the meeting to find Rickyard empty. With unerring accuracy, she goes to The Bull and has a go at Toby - where is their daughter? Toby replies that Rosie is being looked after in the snug by Jim and Robert and seems to be enjoying the attention. 

Toby seems unable to understand why Pip suddenly goes ballistic and she has a right go at Toby, accusing him of being unable to behave like a responsible adult. “Even when you’re around, you’re no help” she says, scathingly before taking Rosie back to Rickyard.

Next day, we learn that Pip has banned Toby from sleeping over at Rickyard, and Rex tells his brother off for letting Pip down. But Toby has a plan - he is supposed to be babysitting Rosie while Pip is at Brookfield, being bored to death by Leonard. Rex calls in at Rickyard and nearly gives Toby a heart attack, as he thought It was Pip, returning early. Rex hears the sound of a vacuum upstairs and asks who is it? Toby replies that he originally planned to tidy up the cottage, but Rosie wouldn’t sleep - then “genius struck” and he called Emma, who was grateful for the extra cash. The place is spotless, but Rex says sourly that Toby can’t buy his way back into Pip’s favour and is he going to tell Pip what he’s done?

The answer to that last question is ‘no’ and it seems that Rex might be mistaken about Pip’s reaction as, later on, Toby returns to the bungalow and smugly tells his brother that he’s there to pick up some clean PJs, adding “I’m not just back in her good books, I’m back in her bed too.” Pip, says Toby, was very impressed by the state of the cottage. “Pity it was no thanks to you” Rex retorts, but you have to - if not admire, then at least acknowledge - Toby’s self confidence, as he muses out loud whether this might be a good time to consider moving into Rickyard permanently. Rex asks if he has mentioned this to Pip and Toby says “Not yet, but if her reaction tonight is anything to go by, I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”

I sincerely hope that Pip sees through this ruse - after all, she knows surely that Toby cannot even spell ‘duster’. I reckon that she will make Toby’s life hell, unless he keeps the place spotless. I certainly hope so - it could cost him a fortune to keep the front up.

Still on the romance angle, Tom and Natasha are going strong. In fact, as Kirsty tells Roy, they seem besotted and keep finishing each others’ sentences. Natasha meets Kirsty for the first time, and is delighted when Kirsty tells her of incidents in Tom’s past, such as trashing Brian’s GM crops. Natasha suggests a double date with her and Tom, Kirsty and Phil and, while Tom is all for it, Kirsty is less keen.

I wonder about Natasha - she and Tom are planting saplings and she tells him that she knows of a man who is selling off some land, which she believes would be ideal for Bridge Farm - the agro forestry business will soon outstrip the farm. At first Tom is reluctant - after all, Bridge Farm has only recently sold off some land - but then he is won round, saying that she is right and “From now on there’s no stopping us!” I wonder what the other stakeholders in the farm might think?

Before we leave Bridge Farm, congratulations to Johnny on his graduation - Johnny is feeling the responsibility of overseeing the dairy herd, but is cheered when Alistair offers to mentor him.

We move on to Lower Loxley, where the peasants - or rather the volunteer guides - are revolting, and have nominated Bert to voice their grievances to Elizabeth. Not only are they fed up with having to field questions about the loss of the alcohol licence and the exploits of Freddie, but they haven’t had their usual post-Christmas ‘thank you’ dinner. 

Elizabeth is very short with Bert and asks him if he knows just how difficult it is to run Lower Loxley? For Bert and the other guides, it is just a part-time hobby, but for her it is a full-time job. Angrily, she tells him to go, shouting after him “And if you don’t like it, don’t bother coming back!”

Immediately, Liz bursts into tears and is sobbing in her bedroom when Jolene turns up (she invited herself to talk about trying to get the alcohol licence restored and is keeping an eye on Elizabeth on behalf of Lizzie’s siblings). Jolene is disturbed by the sight of Elizabeth crying and asks what’s wrong? Tearfully, Liz says that she can’t take it any longer - she was horrible to Bert and she’s scared; every problem is getting on top of her. “I don’t want to admit it Jolene, but I think I might have depression.” There’s no ‘might’ about it, Elizabeth, my sweet - seek help now.