Don’t Mention The Roof, Leonard

Paul Copley (Leonard Berry)

Leonard is getting his feet well and truly under the tables of a number of the Archers - on Sunday, he and Jill rock up at Lower Loxley and it is almost as if Jill is parading him round her family. If this is the case, she was doubly lucky on Sunday as, not only was Elizabeth there, but also Kenton and Jolene, which came as a surprise to Jill. She apologises to Leonard, saying that Lizzie must have forgotten that she and Leonard were coming. 

Leonard, Jill explains, used to be a Chartered Surveyor and he waxes enthusiastic about the architecture. Kenton assists his sister in showing Leonard around the stately home and she is keeping it together quite well, until Leonard turns his attention to the roof, asking lots of questions about it. Elizabeth is getting a bit fractious - fortunately Leonard doesn’t ask ‘How long do you think it would take someone falling from the roof to hit the ground?’ - and Jill thinks it is time that they left. She, of course, is unaware of her daughter’s depression and, when she has left, Kenton congratulates Lizzie on her performance, adding that she should only tell Jill of her depression “when you are absolutely ready.”

That might be some time, as Wednesday’s episode was a two-hander between Elizabeth and her therapist, Jamila. This was an excellent piece of acting, with Elizabeth breaking down in tears when Jamila asked her about Nigel’s death. Lizzie banged on about how it affected the twins, but Jamila says that she wants to know how it affected Lizzie, not her children. As Elizabeth recalls some of the events of her life - how Nigel escorted her to her boarding school, dressed in a gorilla suit, for instance - she becomes more and more emotional.

Elizabeth tells Jamila that she was quite spoiled (she had a heart problem and was treated with kid gloves by her father, especially) and she responded by being wild and rebellious, getting expelled from school for drinking under age and becoming pregnant by Cameron Fraser and having an abortion. As the memories continue, Elizabeth breaks down completely and is in floods of tears, especially when she recalls Nigel playing with the twins - she says that she had all she ever wanted and now she is trying to keep Lower Loxley going, but it’s all gone wrong and she can’t fix it - she misses Nigel now more than ever and she is completely in pieces. Jamila tells her that there are no easy fixes when it comes to overcoming depression; “it’s frightening, painful and it will take time.” At least Elizabeth has taken the first steps and I suspect that we will be hearing much more from Jamila in future.

I’m surprised that we didn’t hear from depressed readers, as this week, Kate returned from South Africa. Jenny and Brian met her at the airport, much to Kate’s delight, but Brian explained that if they hadn’t met her, she would have got a taxi “And we know who would have had to pay for that, don’t we?” he added sourly. Jenny wants to have a family dinner and welcome Kate back as part of the family. “Families don’t force each other to sell their house” is Brian’s comment. This attitude of intolerance continues when they get back to Willow Cottage and Kate enquires where are the family pictures and the easy chairs? She’s cold - where are her clothes? Brian explains that the clothes, furniture etc are in storage because there’s no room for them. And, talking of rooms, she can only stay until Friday, as Ruairi will be back then and will want his room back.

Kate is not best pleased by this turn of events and asks them how are they getting on with looking for a bigger place to live - one with three bedrooms, say? Brian spells it out - “If you think you’re going to live here with us, you’ve got another think coming.” Kate appeals to her mother, but Jenny (who will normally excuse Kate anything) sides with Brian and says, in an annoyed voice, that she and Brian had to sell their home “You are just going to have to stand on your own two feet from now on.” When Kate asks where do they expect her to live, Brian helpfully suggests one of the Spiritual Home yurts.

On Friday, Ruairi comes back from Brookfield, where he spent the night after the ‘Love Sucks’ party and demands his room back. Kate accuses him of being drunk (actually, he’s hungover - Love Sucks wasn’t the babe-magnet event that he had hoped; in fact he tells Brian later that, with the dearth of girls, it was like being back at school). In a breathtaking ‘pot/kettle’ moment, Kate appeals to Brian “Listen to him - are you going to let him treat you this way?”

The answer to this is ‘yes’ and, the following day, Kate is pouring out her troubles to Roy, saying “the little princeling has returned“. He says that surely there must be someone who’d give her a room? (Alice and Adam have turned her down). Kate hints that Roy has a spare room, but he heads this off at the pass by saying that Phoebe may be at Oxford, but when she comes home, she’ll want her room. Also, while it’s true that Kirsty will be moving out - she has finally agreed to move in with Philip, as she told Helen and Tom earlier in the week - that won’t be until the summer, at the earliest, as the house isn’t built yet. Roy is obviously scared enough to find Kate somewhere (else) to live, as he intrudes on Lilian, who is relaxing after a massage at Grey Gables. He tells her about Kate’s troubles, adding that he knows how close Lilian and Kate are. Lilian cannot believe that Kate’s family are treating her this way (I can - only too easily) and she says she’ll see what she can do.

Actually, Lilian was surprised at Roy’s interruption and, by way of apology, he asks if he could get her another drink. “Was it an iced hibiscus tea?” he asks. Not if it hasn’t got at least three fingers of gin in it, it wasn‘t, I would suggest, Roy. Anyway, the next day, Lilian seeks out Kate (which probably makes Lilian unique) and she offers Kate accommodation at the Dower House. Kate worries (though not for long) what Justin will think, but Lil assures her he won’t mind (ha!). Kate is overjoyed and says “we can have pyjama parties and everything” and Lilian replies “Trust me darling, we are going to have so much fun!” I can’t help feeling sorry for Justin.

Let us now examine the widely differing experiences suffered by various inhabitants of Ambridge on Valentine’s Day. We begin with Ben and Ruairi’s ‘Love Sucks’ party, which is being held in a caravan at Brookfield. Rooooth is keen to have a quiet night, with wine and a romantic meal, but she is thwarted by David, who spends most of the evening looking out of the window, wondering what is going on in the caravan. Rooooth says that the attendees at the party consist of Ben’s male friends, but David is worried because he saw Molly and Tilly Button making their way down to the caravan and now he’s lost sight of them.

Rooooth pours him some wine and brings him his steak, but David tells her to stick it back under the grill, as he is going to check up on what is happening. She joins him outside a bit later and tries to get him to come back and finish his dinner, but no chance - David hears laughter coming from the hay shed and sternly orders whoever it is to come out - now! It turns out to be Tilly Button and one of Ben’s (male) friends. On the subject of the Button girls, wouldn’t it be great if there were three of them - we could have Molly, Tilly and Belly. Just a thought.

But we digress. Rooooth eventually gets David back home but he is still going on about the party, asking “What would have happened if I hadn’t caught Tilly and the lad?” Well, David, they could have been rehearsing for the Nativity play, or on the other hand, they could have been doing what Rooooth clearly wants to do, as she knocks him on the head (he’s looking out of the window again) and drags him back to bed, to have her evil way with him. At last the penny drops and David leaves the window unattended.

Will’s Valentine’s Day was not so romantic. He visited the tea room, where he was going to buy ice creams for Mia and Poppy. He is talking to Emma, behind the counter, and Tracy is there. She tells Will that he has been so brave - and by the way, she loves his new haircut - and she is sure that he will soon have women queuing round the block, as “who could say ‘no’ to Borsetshire’s sexiest gamekeeper?” An obviously-alarmed Will leaves the shop without buying anything and Emma is exasperated with her aunt, who cannot understand what she has done wrong. Later that evening, Emma goes to see Will to apologise for Tracy, but he says it doesn’t matter - he has had a quiet night in, thinking of Nic. As Emma goes, Will notices a card on the doormat and it is an anonymous Valentine. “What sort of sick person would send me something like that?” Will asks his ex-wife.

Next day, Will and Mia run into Tracy and he accuses her of sending the Valentine, adding that she could never take Nic’s place. He calls her (and I quote) “A nasty, over-the-hill skank” - Ah! These terms of endearment! (Make up your own Valentine’s rhymes). Tracy is outraged, but Mia, who has been listening, says “It weren’t her, it were me” (The Grundy abuse of the ‘to be’ verb is evident here). Will describes this by saying “that would be sick.” Tracy agrees, saying “yeah, sick of being brought up by a pathetic little loser like you.”

Later on, Will talks to Mia, who says that the card idea was really Poppy’s, who didn’t want Will to think that nobody loved him. Will assures her that he got upset because he loved Nic more than anything, and still does. He cuddles Mia and says “You kids are all I need - I promise you, no-one’s ever going to replace your mum.” How long before Will finds someone else, do you reckon? Probably not Tracy, though.

Over to Helen and Lee, who are spending the evening at a Mexican restaurant. They are getting on well and Lee buys her a rose. He then gets serious, saying that there are some things he wants to say. Firstly, he hasn’t felt like this about anyone for a long time, to which Helen says that neither has she, but she wanted to be sure, as she’s made some bad mistakes in the past. Lee then confesses that, in his previous relationship, he didn’t treat Alesha very well - he was obsessed  with things like work and the gym and neglected his family. 

I wanted Helen to snort and say ‘You think that’s bad, you pussy? I left my husband an inch from death and he had to have a stoma after numerous knife wounds - don’t talk to me about treating your partner badly.’ Unfortunately, she just kept her own counsel and he is still unaware that Helen was tried for attempted murder. He asks her if, by telling her this, he has blown his chances? “You haven’t blown it - everything’s perfect” she tells him and they kiss.

The kissing continues and Lee has a suggestion - what if, next time they meet “how about I cook for you at my flat - how does that sound?” “That sounds great” Helen replies and we have more kissing sounds. Tell you what Lee; better not to take too many chances - why not rustle up a stir fry and eat with chopsticks, leaving the knives in the drawer?