Andonis James Anthony (Russ Jones)
I won’t keep you in suspense - the answer to the question posed in the title is Russ, who turned up unexpectedly at Lower Loxley on Lily’s birthday, having once again been disappointed when Lily said that she’d definitely be in Manchester on Wednesday, only to decide that she couldn’t possibly leave Elizabeth to look after the stately pile just yet.
Russ turned up at the door (or one of them) of Lower Loxley, bearing a bottle of wine, only to be confronted by Elizabeth, who tells him that Lily is away visiting Freddie (it’s the day of the twins’ birthday) and he’d better come in. When Lily does return, she is happy to see Russ, but bursts into tears, telling him that the visit was awful - Freddie was totally blank.
You may wonder why Elizabeth didn’t go to see her son on his birthday - Russ did. Lily tells him (and, later Jill) that there was an unexpected crisis in the office, but this was a porkie, as the truth was that Lizzie just couldn’t face seeing Freddie - she would find it too upsetting and fears that she would not be able to hold it all together. Johnny accompanied Lily on the visit.
Lily gives Russ the guided tour and he is impressed by the scale and variety of Deck the Halls. Lily takes him ice skating, and afterwards they discuss what they are doing for the Festive Season. Russ wants to return to Manchester, but Lily feels that Elizabeth still cannot be left alone and asks Russ how he feels about spending Christmas at Ambridge? “The whole family will be there” she tells him, brightly. “Will they want me?” Russ asks, to which Lily replies “Of course.” She didn’t add that most of them will probably think that Russ is Elizabeth’s boyfriend rather than Lily‘s, due to the age difference.
Later on, Lily runs into Jill at Deck the Halls and asks her if she can bring her boyfriend to the Christmas meal (it is being held at Brookfield). Jill is surprised at the mention of a boyfriend - she thinks that Lily is a lesbian, due to the rumour put around by Freddie a few months ago, but says “That would be wonderful.” Lily thanks her, but I can’t help thinking that Russ will be the star player in a game of ‘Elephant in the Room’ come Christmas Day.
Actually, perhaps they should ask themselves if they really want to eat Jill’s cooking, as she was involved in an incident involving Ben’s sheepdog Bess and a tray of Jill’s cooking. What happened was that Jill was aware of Bess hanging around the back door and, in spite of Ben’s strict instructions to the contrary, she lets the dog into the kitchen.
Shula turns up to go to a concert with her mother and the pair go off. When they return later, they encounter an obviously-distressed Bess and a missing plate of mince pies. Jill is distraught - she forgot all about Bess - and Shula says that they need to get the stricken pooch to the vet quickly.
The vet in question is Alistair and he gives Bess something to make her sick, then activated charcoal, and suggests that she is kept at the surgery overnight. To save you suffering from anxiety, Bess makes a full recovery and Jill is full of gratitude to Alistair - so much so that she drops in on him with a gift and, wait for it, the gift is a plate of home-cooked mince pies. I hoped she’d say ‘I think Bess only licked a couple’ but she didn’t. Alistair tastes one, which, bearing in mind the effect they had on Bess, is something of a leap of faith, and declares them excellent. Jill gives him a generous sponsorship amount for his forthcoming half marathon.
The pair discuss Christmas arrangements and Alistair says that he will be spending Christmas Day with dad Jim, plus Daniel and Jazzer. For her part, Jill rhapsodises about how the whole family is coming to Brookfield and how wonderful it will be to have them all together for Rosie’s first Christmas. Belatedly, she realises that this is a tad tactless, as Alistair and Shula are separated, but Alistair says that it doesn’t matter. At least Alistair didn’t throw up.
Going back to the title of this week’s episode, it could equally be asked of Natasha’s parents. At Bridge Farm, everybody is working hard, trying to plant what appears to be a prodigious number of trees. I know you are not going to believe this, but Tony is having a moan because Natasha is there and he fears that he will be lectured about trees and agro-farming. As it happens, Natasha gets stuck in and works as hard as, and quicker than, anyone else. Not only that, but she has got Johnny and Jazzer working flat out by promising them that if they get the job finished, she’ll buy the drinks.
Not only that, but Natasha presents Pat and Tony with an expensive hamper as a ‘thank you’ (for what, for heaven’s sake?) and a celebration of the beginning of the new agro-forestry venture. Pat praises Natasha to Tony and he says “what’s that look for?” Pat’s reply is that it looks like Natasha is going to be around for a while.
When the planting is over, Tom thanks Natasha for her efforts, only to be told “Stop talking and kiss me”, which he does, thus prompting Pat’s remark about her being around. Natasha then asks Tom if he fancies joining her at her parents’ place in Wales over the Christmas period? Tom is undecided - can he spare the time away from the farm? The following day, Tom runs into Kirsty in The Bull and he tells her about Natasha’s invitation. Kirsty asks if it‘s serious (refraining to say ‘serious enough to leave her waiting at the altar‘) and, when Tom admits that he likes Natasha, she says “Dragging your feet won’t do any good” and urges him to accept the offer. Of course, this could be a cunning ploy to rid Ambridge of Tom for a week or two. Whatever, Tom asks Natasha if the offer is still open and, if so, he’d be delighted to accept. I wonder what Natasha’s parents will make of their unexpected guest?
The reason Kirsty was in the pub was that she was waiting for Roy to join her. This goes to show what a nice person Kirsty must be, as Roy is the red-hot favourite to walk off with this year’s ‘Tony Archer trophy for Ambridge’s most miserable git’. Still, as it’s Christmas, let’s be charitable and concede that at least he has something to be miserable about, given the situation with Lexi. Tom has obviously caught the charitable bug, as, on his way out of the pub to tell Natasha the good news, he invites Roy for a drink at the pub during the week. Roy will also join Kirsty for Christmas lunch at the pub.
Keeping to our theme about Christmas dinners, we should mention Chris, who has turned down invitations from Jill and from Pat for a meal on Christmas Day. Peggy goes to see Chris at the Laurels and demands to know what’s going on. Chris says that she wants to stay at the Laurels and doesn’t want to return to the Lodge, not ever (and who can blame her, with Hilda Ogden still roaming free?). In fact, Chris is on the edge of signing up for an assisted living flat at The Laurels.
You could excuse Peggy for being a tad annoyed at this, having made extensive alterations to the Lodge in anticipation of Chris’s return, but instead, she is concerned that Chris is losing her independence and suggests that Chris signs nothing until the new year.
Over at Home Farm, Jennifer is going slowly demented, trying to get everything packed up, ready for a move-out before the new year. She is also trying to find somewhere for the family to live. Meanwhile, Brian is helping by wandering around, asking Jennifer if she has seen his reading glasses? When she blows up at him, saying how much work she has got on, he says that don’t worry - he will take over the job of finding accommodation. He tells her not to fret; he is on it now, and furthermore, he will enlist help in his search. You will be delighted to know that Jen found his glasses. “Where were they?” he asks. “On the bedside table, where you left them” his wife replies. “Well, they weren’t there earlier.” Brian says.
At the end of the week, Jenny is still at it and Brian tells her to stop and take a break - he has made some tea. Not only that, but he will order a takeaway so she doesn’t have to cook - he’s got a heart as big as the great outdoors. How’s the house-hunting going? Apparently there are no three-bedroom properties to rent in the area and this is confirmed by Lilian, when she turns up - yes, she was the person who Brian roped in to help in his quest. It seems to me that this frantic search is unnecessary - both Peggy and Lilian have offered to put the family up, and been turned down. I accept that this is not an ideal scenario, but surely it couldn’t hurt for a few weeks, could it?
At the end of last week’s blog, we learned that the Brookfield barn’s roof is leaking, putting the staging of the Canterbury Tales in jeopardy. David tells Lynda that the leak is the last straw, as there are about a dozen Health and Safety issues that have been flagged up by the Council. Lynda protests that the barn is the perfect setting for the production and is he sure that it isn’t possible to use the barn? David replies that ambience isn’t a good enough reason to take the risk. Lynda accepts this, adding that, nevertheless, it is a crushing disappointment.
Lynda passes on this viewpoint to Ben and Lilian, despite having asked David to keep the news to himself, and they both begin bending David’s ear. He points out that the Council are not responding to his e-mails or calls and, should they go ahead and use the barn and something goes wrong, then it would be his goolies in the mangle, as the owner.
Lilian sweeps his objections aside and says that he should concentrate on getting the Council onside, then, once they know what needs to be done, they can organise a task force to carry out the work - she throws out at least half a dozen names, without having consulted anyone; doesn’t she realise that these people either have jobs to go to, or if not, they might be a little busy, getting ready for Christmas?
David gets through to the Council (the previous lack of response was due to a communications cock-up) and they give him a list of things that would have to be done to make the barn fit for purpose. He has it in his hands to say ‘sorry; it can’t be done’ but instead of which, the Muppet says that, if they set aside one day next week, it could be done. That’s right Dave, never mind the work on the farm - the show must go on. Lilian is ecstatic and says “If you can pull this off, you’ll just about make Lynda’s year.” Yes, and ruin it for the other five million of us, David…
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