A Question Of Faith

Judy Bennett (Shula Hebden Lloyd)

Shula, not content with being a lay reader (although lately she hasn’t even been up to doing that), has decided that she wants to be ordained. She tells Alan that although she’s been doubting her own worth and morality she never lost her faith. Alistair’s forgiveness of her for ending their marriage has played a big part and now she wants to give something back to the community. Alan tries to make her face the realities of what ordination involves but she tells him she feels more passionate about this than anything else in a long time. Alan says she has to be sure it’s the right decision for her and is concerned it might just be another distracting project, like the art competition. Personally I reckon sainthood is on the cards after she rescued Freddie from Camilla.

More bunting’s been found, this time on the golf course and at Grey Gables, and everyone’s talking about it. Things must be quiet in the Borsetshire force as this case seems to be getting Harrison’s undivided attention and he’s taking it personally, especially when he receives a retro-style ransom note made of cut out letters from newspapers. There are instructions to meet at the bird hide on Arkwright Lake but when Harrison gets there the only person he sees is Jim who has just spotted a water rail. Harrison pretends he’s out birding too so Jim tells him what else he can expect to see and they go off to the hide for what Harrison later calls “one of the most boring evenings I’ve ever spent in my life”. Later all is revealed, to us anyway, when Jim and Jazzer fall about laughing about how well the ransom note worked. Apparently they’ve been behind it all along, but Harrison’s cottoned on and he’s determined to make Jim, at least, pay.

I wonder if the pair of them are responsible for another misdemeanour that’s taken place in the village – all the eggs have been taken from outside the Sneddon’s gate, but the collection box was left untouched. I can’t imagine Jim condoning such an action but Jazzer? Perhaps he’s planning a massive fry-up.

Let’s take a moment to talk about a character we hear far too little of – Peggy’s cat Hilda Ogden (or the cat from hell as we once called her). Since Peggy took Hilda in after her hairdresser Fabrice broke up with his partner, we’ve become to love Hilda’s little habits, such as clawing at visitors (notably Natasha - good girl) and memorably landing Christine in A&E after tripping her up. After some recuperation this caused Christine to move permanently into to The Laurels so you can imagine how delighted she’ll be when Kate takes her there for a bit of cat therapy. In fact the only person Hilda has never attacked is Kate, remarkably taking to her rather warmly. I do hope The Laurels has good supplies of TCP and bandages, and it might be as well to have a paramedic on standby, because they’re about to experience a bloodbath! 

Kate even makes sure Hilda gets in the right mood by going via the single wicket competition where another feisty female is about to sink her claws into Chris Carter – yes its time for the Chris vs. Tracy showdown. Remember there’s a bottle of vodka riding on this so Tracey will be giving it all she’s got and she is the favourite to win, bowling Alistair out in practice and giving him a couple of bruises for good measure.

However Johnny knocks her out early and she’s put in to bowl but her bowling, although aggressive, leaves something to be desired as she hits Chris straight in the, how shall we put this politely, box. It shatters and his ‘do-dads’, as Alice puts it, take a battering. Tracey apologises, asking if she got him in the ‘cobblers’ and agrees to stump up a bottle of whisky as compensation. In the end Tom wins the competition, gets a trophy and a promise from Natasha to inspect his ‘do-dads’ and single wicket for any signs of damage when they get home. 

By the way, while all this was going on Dreadlock Holiday by 10cc was playing in the background, a song that combines the game of cricket and a Caribbean holiday, nicely combining two storylines.

The day after the single wicket Natasha has a chat with Tony and he tells her that winning the single wicket is something of a tradition for the Bridge Farm Archer Boys; John, Johnny’s father won the first two competitions and now Tom and Johnny have gone on to win it too. Natasha gives Tony a present to thank him for the phone call that persuaded her to come back to Ambridge – a day out for two at a classic car race day (that’ll get Pat and Tony out of the way so that she can nip in to measure up for curtains). She’s also got an invitation for her and Tom’s housewarming (Cuban themed) and a little jar of homemade salsa to go with it (don’t eat it Tony). Now she’s got them in a good mood, the condescending little control freak tells them she’d like to run Bridge Farm’s Open Farm Sunday event, and it just happens that her and Tom’s venture Bridge Fresh is launching on the same day!

As it’s that time of year again let’s see what everyone else is planning for Open Farm Sunday. Home Farm are going to showcase aquaponics (I think that’s something about growing crops in a fish tank) and their new crops of linseed and quinoa which will be flowering nicely, Alice’s strawberry picking robots are going to be demonstrated, and over at Brookfield they’re going to concentrate on, well, the basics.

Talking about Brookfield, Jill tells Ruth that she found a mysterious young lady in the kitchen wearing Josh’s dressing gown helping herself to breakfast. We find out that her name is Liberty (appropriately) and she’s stayed in the house while Josh has gone out early to a machinery sale. Who is Natasha and how did she end up spending the night with Josh? We’ll have to wait until next week.

As predicted earlier, cat therapy at the Laurels didn’t live up to Kate’s vision as Chris forewarned the residents about Hilda Ogden and no one went near her. Instead Hilda amused herself by climbing the curtains and bringing down a curtain rail, so at least she provided some entertainment and as a bonus, without incurring any casualties.

Another of Kate’s ideas is that the family should choose what goes on Ian and Adam’s bucket list as it’s fair to say they’re poles apart at the moment as Adam fancies jumping off cliffs into the sea whereas Ian was thinking more along the lines of tea at the Ritz. 

I couldn’t help noticing that Emma needs to sharpen up her Barista skills as it takes her all of 45 seconds to make Natasha a flat white, whereas two years ago she could knock out a cappuccino in only 40 seconds. I timed the Barista who won the UK’s Best Flat White competition and it took him 81 seconds. Now, either the world’s best Barista is still hiding away undiscovered in Ambridge, or Emma makes crap coffee with a spoon of instant and some barely warmed milk. As no one has commented on the quality of her coffee, indeed they keep coming back for more, I have to assume the former and wonder why she hasn’t seen the opportunity to take the coffee shop world by storm and earn enough to finance her and Ed’s dream home.

Natasha has a simpler and quicker solution to that, which is to take out credit, something she tells Emma she does all the time (failing to add that she doesn’t pay it back) and Em seems taken with the idea. So taken that she immediately orders new blinds and curtains, which Ed thinks are bit pricey, but goes along with it for the sake of their “lovely new home”. It’ll be ok though because Ed and Tim are going on another ‘job’ soon.

Finally, remember the £4k Jazzer got from Tom? Well, it’s been burning a hole in Jazzer’s sporran and he’s been frantically looking for ways to spend it. Jim’s sensible suggestion was to put it in a savings account until he decides what to do with it, but to Jazzer that’s boring and certainly less interesting than the cheese on toast he was making. In fact he does buy something with some of the money, a tarantula which he’s called Webster. I expected Jim to say ‘how interesting, a member of the theraphosidae family, but instead he reacts with horror which is hopefully a foretaste of what will happen when the creature inevitably escapes from its tank.