I Can't Stand A Year Of This

Kellie Bright (Kate Madikane)

I refer (and not for the first time) to Kate's proposed year living at Home Farm and studying locally. I mean, the woman has only been back a week and, bulldozer-like she has upset Roy and Hayley by taking Phoebe out of school to celebrate her (Kate's) birthday, annoyed Jennifer by disrupting Ruari's routine and turned Phoebe into a spoiled brat by buying her a pair of £100 trainers, among other things. The chances of Kate not getting killed over the next 12 months are diminishing daily.

Phoebe hasn't ever had much of a speaking part before and her longest sentence ever on Friday was addressed to Roy and Hayley when she said: "Why are you being so mean? I had a brilliant day yesterday. I'm sorry I came back – I should have stayed at Home Farm." Too right – if you're going to take that attitude, then sod off now. And take that bloody vuvuzela with you.

We also had the romantic (?) story of Nigel's efforts to make his and Lizzie's 16th Wedding Anniversary memorable and the rather convoluted and farcical actions of Kenton in trying to distract her so that Nigel could spring his surprise. Of course, good old Nigel nearly mucked it up by getting the measurements wrong. Measurements for what, for God's sake? Was he trying to recreate the O2 stage for the harpist?

Elizabeth was duly overcome and we had the sick-making protestations of undying love on both sides. Amid all the slush, was I the only one to notice that Elizabeth didn't seem to have bothered to get Nigel anything for what was, after all, his anniversary too?

Jazzer appears to be homeless and his suggestion that he moves into the Bull was met with total indifference by Fallon and Jolene. Harry was taking his life in his hands when he said to Jazzer "you can always come and stay with me." What a nice man! And he produced the "I love the Bull" T-shirts – just too late for the summer, but the thought was there.

Patrick seems to be getting his feet nicely under Kirsty's table and she certainly can't complain about lack of excitement as what was intended to be a quiet night owl-watching ended in her and Patrick disturbing the gang of bird hide-trashers and extinguishing the fire they had lit inside the hide.

Kirsty recognised Jamie and told Kathy, who threatened him with the police if he didn't apologise, turning his initial defiance into craven compliance. Kathy also wanted to know the identities of Jamie's fellow miscreants but he showed a bit more backbone, saying that he had no intentions of dobbing on his mates. Take him down the cop shop Kathy, then we'll see how tough he is. Better still, tie him to the church tower and let the Peregrine Falcons sort him out.