Lizzie The Grass

Alison Dowling (Elizabeth Pargetter)

When will people in Ambridge learn that telling even one person a secret means that everyone will know about it within minutes? Kenton confided in Nigel about his one-night-stand with Holly (actually he was boasting, if truth be told) and Nigel just had to tell Lizzie.

Lizzie met Kathy, who asked "have you seen any change in him (Kenton)?" What, apart from being totally shagged out, you mean? Lizzie had to tell Kathy about Holly ("I couldn't lie to her" – why not, you're a woman?) which went down like a pair of lead knickers.

When you think about it, this was a colossal blunder on Lizzie's part, as it means that, with all chance of a reconciliation with Kathy seemingly out the window, probably Kenton will stay on at Lower Loxley, not least because he's nowhere else to go. Naughty Kenton – I just hope Holly was worth it. I reckon the only way back for Kenton is if he heroically saves Jamie's life – presumably rescuing him from a vodka-fuelled bout of Hide trashing.

Joe cocked it up again when his plan to shaft Bert Fry over the vegetable show backfired somewhat. Bert congratulated Joe on his fairness – what is the man on? This is Joe Grundy we are talking about. Joe also managed to upset Jim, so that'll be a few less free drinks in the future.

Elsewhere, we had control freak Jennifer ringing Brian on his mobile at the airport. "Have you got the right terminal?" she asked and our spirits rose when we realised that he couldn't see Kate anywhere. Had she missed the plane (please God)? Sadly, no and the hopes of millions were dashed when Brian said "I can see her". Damn!

Thoughtful as ever, Kate announced that she had brought vuvuzelas for Ruari (yes, I had to check the spelling) and Phoebe. Presumably the bagpipe shop was shut? Can you imagine how thrilled Hayley will be when she finds out? I can't imagine that Jennifer will be too chuffed either.

Yes, it's sad, but it has to be faced – not only is Kate back, but it's scheduled to be for a whole year. Think of it – twelve months of frustration and wanting to give her a good slapping. We can only hope that Kate is overcome by motherly love and flies back to her family (unlikely on previous behaviour) or gets thrown out of college. Where are education cuts when you need them?