A Car For Your 18th Birthday? I Was Thrilled To Get A Card For Mine

Ben Norris (Ben Archer)

Youngsters today, eh? None of this ‘what would you like for your birthday, Ben?’ as he tells Rooooth, without her asking,  that he’s looking forward to getting a car for his 18^th next week. A rather surprised Rooooth says “Who says you’re getting a car?” and her son says that it’s a tradition - both Josh and Pip got wheels for their 18^ths . Later on in the week, David tries to explain that it has been a bad year, but Ben says “you guys!” and he knows that, on his birthday, there will be a new car waiting for him in the yard - they can’t fool him.

When David has another go at explaining what ’we can’t afford it’ means, Ben points out that they have spent a shedload of money on renovating the barn for hosting wedding celebrations. Meanwhile, Rooooth is getting earache from Pip, who says surely Ben will be getting a car? Rooooth explains (patiently) that they are at the limit of their overdraft and the money spent on the barn was in fact an investment for the future. Tell you what Rooooth, why not get Ben and Pip together in a room and bang their heads together while chanting the mantra ‘we can’t afford a car!’?

The saga of Freddie/Johnny/Lynda and the ‘is he or isn’t he dealing drugs?’ continues to grind on. Johnny tells Kirsty that Freddie is moving into No. 1 The Green with him and Hannah and he senses that she is unhappy with the situation (it was probably the fact that the ambient temperature dropped 10 degrees that tipped him off). He goes to see Kirsty and tells her that any suspicions she might have about Freddie are mistaken, but unfortunately he won’t tell her how he knows this for sure.

When asked, Freddie tells Johnny that things aren’t great at work - rumours are rife and Lynda cannot resist the odd dig every now and then. Johnny bites the bullet and goes to see Lynda to explain, as he is afraid that Freddie might lose his job. Lynda says that she knows what she saw, but Johnny says “Listen to me” and tells her about the hair loss pills and how scared he is that Freddie might lose his job. Lynda realises that she has messed up and tells Johnny that Freddie won’t lose his job. “I’ll put it right” she adds, saying that she has been a fool. “What have I done?” she asks, rhetorically. 

Shula arrives, to find a disconsolate Lynda practically in tears. Can Shula help? Lynda tells her that she has badly misjudged someone. Tearfully she says “I try to be helpful, to offer guidance, but I just end up putting my foot in it - I keep getting it so wrong.” Perhaps she should have those words engraved on a tile and carry it around with her and look at it at least twice a day?

It’s all very well for Lynda to say that she’ll put it right, but she is having trouble getting Freddie to listen - she talks to him, but he doesn’t give her the chance to explain, saying that she always has to be in the right. “Just back off and leave me alone” he says, before angrily leaving the kitchen.

To be honest, this whole storyline is getting on my nerves and it is so unnecessary - am I the only one who thinks that Johnny is being a tad over-sensitive (shorthand for ‘being such a prat’)? Johnny, there is no stigma attached to hair loss, even at the age of 21 - it could be a lot worse; you could have developed and spread the corona virus, or been arrested as a paedophile, but just do what Freddie suggested and get a close haircut and get on with what you are pleased to call your life.

I fear for the health of Philip Moss, who appears to be working an eight-day week, and seems incapable of turning down jobs. It doesn’t help that son Gavin appears to be a complete Div and, on receiving a phone call from ex-girlfriend Kelly, he rushes off to see her, believing that she wants to get back together. Sadly, she just wants him to get the rest of his stuff out of their flat and a subdued and chastened Gavin takes refuge in strong drink upon returning to Ambridge. 

This means that Gavin is not applying himself as he should towards the ever-mounting workload, but Philip gets a bit of his own back at the end of the week. There is a crisis at Grey Gables as a fractured soil pipe in the kitchen puts that room out of commission and it needs to be fixed quickly. Oliver has a problem, in that the company that he got in to diagnose the problem cannot come and fix it until three weeks after next Christmas, or similar. Never mind - give Philip Moss a call. Sadly, Phil has promised to take Kirsty away for a couple of days, or else his goolies are in the mangle. Oliver says never mind - he’ll find somebody else.

Wrong! Oliver rings again later - he cannot find anybody to do the job, but Phil goes over to Grey Gables to examine what needs to be done. He returns home to tell Gavin that the problem has been solved - Gavin and a couple of the lads can get the G-G job done over the weekend. Gavin is appalled - working on a Sunday; it would have been nice to have been consulted. Tough nuts, Gavin - you shouldn’t have shot off to see Kelly and then got totally smashed when you were rejected (again). I’m also a bit concerned about the developing friendship between Gavin and Emma. I know it’s irrational, but to be honest, he gives me the creeps.

The reason that Phil cannot do the G-G job is that he is taking Kirsty away for a couple of days. Thinking about it, he can’t be that busy as he took some time off to give a possible wedding venue the once-over. They go to view it (it’s an 18C roundhouse which only holds a few people) and Kirsty says “it’s perfect.” The final sentence of the week is Kirsty saying “We’re finally going on our mini break”. I just hope that she isn’t prematurely counting her chickens, as I have considerable affection for Phil and Kirsty (but not Gavin).

Let’s talk about the B@Ambridge. Robert Snell goes to the shop to get a paper. On the way he visits Lilian and Jolene at the pub and tries to apologise to Lilian for the ‘misunderstanding’ over Muppet’s recent visit. Lilian will not talk to him and, when Robert returns home, he tells his wife that he fears that the ReBulls’ campaign to boycott the pub has failed. Indeed, on Tuesday there is the launch of the revamped pub, with the attraction of free cocktails (one per person, we assume).

The place is heaving, and we are reliably informed that a number of locals have returned. As two of these are Nathan Booth and Hilary Noakes (neither of whom have speaking parts) we cannot vouch for the veracity of this statement, but even Lynda said (to Robert) that the evening had been a success, from what she heard.

Let’s return to our - ok, my - worries about the relationship between Emma and Gavin. On the re-launch of the pub, she is meeting Gavin in the bar and the pair are getting stuck into the cocktails. Ed comes into the pub and Gavin offers to buy him a drink, which Ed turns down. 

The cocktails are deceptively strong and Emma is more than a little tipsy (as the newt, it could be said, unkindly). Ed offers to walk her home, but she points out that her parents’ house (where she and the children are living) is only just up the road. Gavin says “don’t worry Ed - I’ll make sure she gets home.” Earlier on, Emma had told Gavin that he shouldn’t keep on pining for Kelly and, for her part, she’s going to put the past behind her and move on. When Ed asks about seeing Emma home (and having been rejected) Gavin says “You might be able to move on, Emma, but I’m not so sure about Ed.” Indeed, later on in the week, Em tells Ed that they should consider getting divorced. He says he’ll do whatever she wants.

Kirsty seems to have more than her fair share of worries about her forthcoming wedding; she was concerned when she thought Philip was lying about his whereabouts and was getting cold feet about getting married, whereas he was just sussing out the wedding venue - another case of 2 + 2= 5.

Another worry she has is whether or not to invite Tom to the engagement (but really a wedding reception) party. Why? What’s her problem? Tom abandoned her at the altar, and I don’t think that I would really give a toss and, rather than invite him, I’d prefer to stick pins in my eyes.

However, she goes to see Tom and broaches the subject. Tom is relieved, as he was afraid that she was going to insist that he came along (arrogant swine) and the pair agree that they are getting on ok and everything is fine. Kirsty notices that Tom is operating a metal detector and that he has a bandaged hand - what’s up? He confesses that he has lost the family heirloom ring that Natasha gave him and he is frantically trying to find it. The bandage is a ploy - he is telling people that he has cut his hand - and he borrowed the metal detector from Bert, which surprised me somewhat - I thought a Cribbage board was the limit of Bert’s technology. My money is on the ring being found in the cake that Tom is making for Natasha’s birthday (and their first wedding anniversary) on Sunday.

Let’s return to Freddie, who, as we said earlier, is moving in with Johnny and Hannah at No. 1 The Green. He is thrilled with having his own room, telling Johnny that this will be the first time in his life that he will not have a family member looking over his shoulder. Having said that, he was very complimentary to Auntie Shula, when he gave her about two hours’ notice that he was moving out of The Stables. For her part, Shula says that she will miss him and it was nice to have had someone to look after - the woman should be studying to be a saint, not just a vicar.

Freddie and Johnny are loading up with cans to celebrate Freddie’s moving in and, when Johnny says that Hannah is a real party animal, Freddie says “Great - we’re going to have so many parties!” I don’t know exactly how the house numbers are configured on The Green, but I would strongly advise the inhabitants of either numbers two or three - or indeed, even houses further away - to invest in some industrial specification ear defenders.