The Good Die Young…

Becky Wright (Nic Grundy)

That’s what they say, and last week seemed to bear this out, as Nic was taken ill on Thursday evening. Will had had to give up his day off because Brian was schmoozing some friends of Latif, hoping to poach them into joining the Home Farm shoot and wanted Will there to answer technical questions.

Will arrived home and Nic looked (and sounded) awful. Will was going to call an ambulance, but realised that it could be months before one was despatched to Ambridge, so he drove her to A&E himself. She was in a bad way; dizzy and panting and the doctor confirms this, telling Will that Nic is “very unwell”. In fact, it’s worse than that, as she has Sepsis and it’s attacking her immune system. Her blood pressure is ‘dangerously low’ and her organs aren’t getting enough blood. We are talking life-threatening here. “She is gonna be OK though?” Will asks.

The doctor slams Will against the wall and slaps him round the face (ok, she doesn’t, but she must have felt like it) and says that Nic is distressed because she hasn’t seen her children that day (they are spending the night at Grange Farm) and she would like to see them. Will says he will get Clarrie to bring them to the hospital tomorrow morning. No, says the doctor, best not to take the chance and better to bring them there tonight. Will finally seems to understand the urgency and rings dad Eddie (who is spending a night in the lambing shed with Toby) and fills him in on what’s happening. Eddie tells Toby he’ll explain everything tomorrow, but he’s off and Toby should get David or Rooooth to help with the lambing.

It is a tense night at the hospital and the nurse suggests that Nic’s children could give her a kiss before she goes to Intensive Care (they do so and there is a touching farewell scene). Later on, Joe comes into the room and tells Will that Mia is crying for her dad and setting Poppy off. Will reluctantly agrees to go and Joe says he will stay with Nic. Now, I can’t say that I followed the next few minutes that closely, but it seemed to me (and I stand to be corrected by Neil or our readers) that he told her that she was ‘moving on to a better place’, which I interpreted as ‘you’re gonna die’. Whatever, Nic suffered a Cardiac Arrest and, after an agonising wait, the doctor came into the waiting room and told the Grundys that Nic hadn’t made it and she was so sorry…

And so to this week’s title - we have always said that Nic was very good; much too good for Will, in fact. I just hope that the fact that Nic and Emma had fallen out without being reconciled will not mean that Will and Ed are at loggerheads again - Will will need help in future, so be generous. I also hope that grief doesn’t mean that Will reverts to the whining, misanthropic, all-round-not-very-nice-guy that we all used to hate before Nic’s influence mellowed him somewhat. I must admit that, with her gone, I fear the worst. So long Nic – you were one of the nicest people in Ambridge and will be sorely missed. She was only 37.

The story about the contaminated land at Home Farm continues to run and it doesn’t get any better for the Aldridges. Pat has been given some vouchers for a pamper day at Grey Gables and she thinks that this is exactly what Jennifer needs to cheer her up. The two women have a relaxing afternoon and Pat suggests having a drink before they leave, as the company that gave her the vouchers is holding a product launch. What could possibly go wrong?

I’m glad you asked that, as the following day Adam rings his mother, suggesting that she looks at the Echo’s website. It features a picture of Jennifer knocking back a glass of champagne as if she hasn’t got a care in the world and the picture is accompanied by some copy about the contamination. The article is carefully worded and doesn’t actually say that the Aldridges don’t give a toss, but the inference is clear and Jennifer wonders what Brian will say.

She doesn’t have long to wait, as the following day Brian returns home after a meeting with Justin and Martyn Gibson, who has suggested stopping work on the Berrow Farm pig unit project until the controversy about the contamination dies down. Gibson is just out to make trouble, as the pig unit is nothing to do with Home Farm and it is agreed that work will continue. Unfortunately, it becomes obvious that the two men have seen the article and photograph and Brian tells Jennifer later that he felt humiliated.

That’s not all Brian says and accuses his wife of not trying hard enough to get the photo taken off the website. She protests that she did try, but the Echo said it was in the public interest and, by the way, it would appear in tomorrow’s printed edition of the paper. In vain does Jen protest that she wasn’t aware that she was being photographed and suggests that Brian tries to get it taken off the website. It is here that Brian goes a step too far and accuses Jennifer of not thinking “or did you deliberately set out to stab me in the back?” Jennifer is hurt and angry and says “How dare you accuse me of doing anything other than supporting you?” and she tells him how she went to see Justin to get him to support Brian’s bid to remain as BL Chairman. Belatedly, Brian realises that he has overstepped the mark and tries to apologise, but Jennifer’s dander is up. “Don’t you touch me” she spits, adding “Just leave me alone.”

Well Brian, all in all, that certainly could have gone better.

Jennifer is not the only one to give Brian earache, as the following day he is at Peggy’s, trying to sort out her finances on her computer. He is making a complete hash of it and Peggy realises that he is, if not actually drunk, then he has at least had a good sniff of the barmaid’s apron. He denies it, but Peggy reminds him that she used to run the pub, plus her first husband, Jack, was a complete lush, so she can recognise the signs. She tells him to go home and make it up with Jennifer.

Brian does return home – how he got there we aren’t told, but Peggy nagged him for driving over to hers while under the influence – and he grovels unashamedly to Jennifer, describing the way he behaved as “abominable”. Jen agrees that the remarks were hurtful but tells him not to be too hard on himself, as he is a good man in bad circumstances and, when the EA gets to the truth and he is vindicated… Brian interrupts his wife and says “but what if I’m not?” He then goes further, saying that he has been keeping a secret from her, as he knew all along that there was “something nasty” buried at Low Mead and he knows because, 40 years ago, he agreed to it being buried there. Just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do.

It wasn’t all unremitting bad news for everybody last week. Indeed, for the Carters, it must have seemed like Christmas had come early. First of all, Helen and Tom offered Susan the job of managing the Kefir, with a slight increase in salary. This goes straight to her head and, as Clarrie tells Will, Susan insisted on holding a brainstorming session with Tom. I bet he’s regretting the decision to promote Susan already. However, it could be worse, as Clarrie informs her son “we don’t actually have to curtsey to Susan yet.”

Another bit of good news for the Carters came when Justin invited Neil over to talk through how things should be carried out when the Berrow Farm pig unit is up and running. Neil offers practical advice and agrees with Justin that the roles of administering the unit and the marketing of the pork should be kept separate. Justin confides that he has somebody earmarked for the latter role, but what should he look for in a potential unit manager? Neil’s answer is “pig sense” and “understanding pig psychology and being able to spot problems before they start.” It should be a hands-on role, leading by example and not being tied to a desk, but out there, getting his hands dirty.

Justin agrees and says that he has an idea of who he wants and adds that he thinks he is looking at the ideal person right now. Neil eventually realises that Justin is talking about him and, in a flabbergasted voice, asks “are you offering me the post of pig unit manager?” Good job Neil didn’t say that the manager needed to be quick on the uptake. Justin says that he is offering exactly that and it was then my turn to be flabbergasted when he adds that the salary is £55,000 a year.

Neil asks for time to consider – bloody hell man, if you don’t want the job, I’ll have it and, when it comes to understanding pig psychology, I’ll even supply my own couch for the pig under analysis. As he tells Susan, he is undecided, but we all know how she will react - £55 k p.a. and a manager to boot; she won’t be able to get her head through the door. One by one, she demolishes his arguments; he says he’ll miss being his own boss, but she reminds him how Tom currently has him running around, rounding up escaped pigs. Plus, he’ll be working inside with no need to break the ice on the feeding troughs.

Neil wonders if he could cope with the responsibility of managing a team but Susan reminds him that he runs the Parish Council and he mustn’t keep putting himself down – this job would mean that he got the respect that he’s always deserved. And oh yes, if he gave up his pig business, they could get rid of the pig arks and maybe get Keira a pony.

This argument was only ever going to end one way and Neil accepts Justin’s offer. The Carters go to tell Tom and Helen that they won’t be able to supply them with weaners any longer and Helen thinks that this is because Neil wants to retire. “Oh no,” Susan says “we’re moving onward and upwards”, adding “but we won’t forget your kindness to us when we were lower down the employment ladder.” Can you imagine just how unbearable Susan will be now? I’d watch out, Clarrie – before long I reckon you’ll not only have to curtsey, but prostrate yourself every time your paths accidentally cross.

Normal Service Has Been Resumed

Barry Farrimond & Philip Molloy (Ed & Will Grundy)

After a good few months, it was like going back in time to see the Grundy brothers at each others’ throats again, arguing and almost coming to blows. Just like old times, in fact. Normally, you can rely on Will to be the prime mover in situations such as this, but not this time, as it was Nic who slagged Emma off in The Bull in front of customers, causing Jolene to send her home.

I found this behaviour to be most un-Nic like; the girl deserves a medal for living with Will (either that or electro-convulsive therapy) and has always been the voice of reason, so why this sudden change? The repercussions are severe - in a phone call, Jolene tells Nic that her services are no longer required at the pub and, just to compound her agony, on Valentine’s Day evening, she spends the time practising ballroom dancing with Joe, round the Grange Farm kitchen table. It doesn’t really get any worse than that, does it?

Never mind; Will is his usual, supportive self and, if you believe that, you’ll believe anything - in practice, he moans because he had to cook the children’s teas as Nic was not at home. Tactful and new-mannish as ever, he says that he thought that, with Nic losing her job, she’d be spending more time at home. When I said earlier that it doesn’t get any worse, I was obviously wrong.

Emma feels sorry for Nic and holds out an olive branch, going round with husband Ed to see her and Will. Emma has already tried to persuade Jolene to take Nic back, but Jolene says that she cannot and she has already given Nic’s shifts to Toby, which is just what he needs, what with the Gin-making and the stints in the lambing shed. “What are you two doing here?” snarls Will, as he opens the door to Emma and his brother. Emma explains that Fallon will need help at the Vintage Fair and is willing to give Nic some work. “Tell her you’re not interested” says Will, ever the peacemaker. Emma says that she doesn’t want to bear a grudge and wants to put things right “No hard feelings, yeah?” Emma asks. Nic has obviously been with Will for too long, as she tells Emma that she cannot work with her again at the Tea Room. Emma says that they made a great team on election day, but Nic is adamant, saying “Sorry, Emma; things have changed.” Will chips in with a helpful “You’ve had your answer - it’s time you went.” Emma and Ed take their leave, with Emma telling Nic that she’s not going to give up. Shooting Will would be a good start, I reckon.

There were quite a few storylines involving employment, or the possible lack of it, last week. Susan moans that her leadership qualities and vast experience are not being appreciated (somebody buy her a new broom) and she is looking for alternative employment where her talents are appreciated (OK, get her a new duster too). In the face of all logic, the Kefir appears to be selling a lot better now and Helen asks Susan to explain the benefits to a potential customer. This she does, and Helen says that the customer was deeply impressed with Susan’s depth of knowledge - so much so that she bought some. Personally, I reckon the purchase was just so she could get away.

Susan experiences a dose of reality, when she realises that people aren’t falling over themselves to employ her and that Lord Sugar is not reserving a spot for her on the next series of The Apprentice. Indeed, Clarrie reminds her that the Dairy job isn’t that horrendous, and the Bridge Farm Archers aren’t too bad, as bosses go. Susan reluctantly agrees. A large part of her motivation for seeking pastures new is that husband Neil isn’t getting any younger and has been muttering about retirement, wondering if he’d survive another year with the pigs. As they are waiting to go out to the Mr & Mrs quiz (which they won, incidentally) on Valentine’s Night, he realises her motive and, after telling her that she looks perfect, says that she’s not to worry about him retiring - he’d work till he was 90, through hail and blizzard, if it means providing for her. The big softy.

Another employment-related story is the forthcoming vote at the end of the week by the BL Board to determine whether or not Brian should continue as Chairman. If I may digress here, there was a delicious moment after one of the week’s episodes when the BBC Continuity Announcer suggested the ideal solution - Susan is looking for a job and BL could soon be looking for a new Chairman - a marriage made in heaven, surely?

But back to Brian. On Sunday, Peggy lets it be known that she thinks the way he is being treated is disgraceful and she will be “very disappointed” if he resigns. “That’s me told” he mutters and Jennifer says that he’s done nothing wrong and he has five days to persuade the Board otherwise. Speaking to Jennifer later, Peggy says that, if Brian won’t go and see Justin, somebody else will have to.

Brian, meanwhile, is trying to get some of the Board members onside and goes about it with the subtlety of an elephant on a trampoline. He spends the best part of a day waiting outside Annabelle’s office and, when he eventually gets to see her, he clumsily reminds her of the problems they have overcome together in the past. Annabelle is not fooled and tells Brian that she will vote for what’s best for BL. She later phones Justin, saying that she had hoped that Brian would stand down without a fight.

Justin ends the call because he has a visitor. It’s Jennifer, who obviously took Peggy’s advice to heart, as she has come to plead Brian’s case to Justin. If the Board votes Brian off, she argues, it will be as good as saying that he’s guilty. Justin gives nothing away and tells Jennifer that he will take her views into consideration when he votes.

Whatever good Jennifer might have done is almost immediately undone when Brian runs into Justin in the village. Brian is rude from the outset and accuses Justin of wanting to be Chairman himself; something that Justin strongly denies. “Do you know what loyalty even means?” Brian asks him, prompting Justin to remark that the pressure must be getting to Brian - it’s making him paranoid. Justin also says that Brian will have to wait until the vote of Friday, but he (Justin) has made up his mind where he stands. Well done Brian - a truly spectacular own goal there; it’s not really good tactics to insult people who hold your future in their hands, is it?

Friday comes around and Brian phones Jennifer - he fears the worst. Jennifer is convinced that Justin will back him and tells her husband to have faith and man up - don’t make it easy for them. At the meeting, Brian bigs up his track record as Chairman and says how well prepared BL is to face the future. He touches on the contamination, saying that he is sure he will be absolved from blame and, in a breathtaking bit of understatement, describes the press stories as “unfortunate”. Having done all he can, Brian retires to leave his fellow Board members to discuss his future. “I’ll be just outside the door” he adds, somewhat pathetically. In the meeting, Justin gets the ball rolling by speaking first.

Whatever Justin said, it had an almost magical effect, as, when the votes are counted, only one member - the odious and oleaginous Martyn Gibson - voted to throw Brian off the Board. A bemused and bewildered Brian thanks Justin for his support and goes off to tell Jennifer the good news. As he does so, Annabelle approaches Justin and asks why he was so adamant that Brian should be spared. Justin’s reply - that Brian is a steady hand on the tiller - is dismissed as garbage by Annabelle, who asks for the real reason. Justin replies that he’s not a heartless monster, plus, it never hurts to have someone in your debt “and, after today, I’d say Brian owes me a great deal, wouldn’t you?” We should point out that, if the EA prosecutes Brian, he will be removed as Chairman. And what is Justin after? Let’s assume for the sake of argument that it was he that ran down Matt - perhaps he wants Brian to take the rap or provide him with a cast-iron alibi. Speaking of the Matt case, the police don’t seem to be very active, do they?

Pip drives Rooooth to see a new milking parlour in operation. This is an Open-sided parlour and different from the traditional herringbone type. Which is better? Neil and I are engaged in violent debate about the merits of the different systems and we’ll have to wait and see which they go for. Rooooth isn’t a fan of the O-SP, saying that it could be very breezy, but Pip says just look how quickly the herd was milked and “this is going to make our lives so much better.”

Rooooth tells her daughter that, for the foreseeable future, the majority of the farm work will devolve upon herself and David and the decision on the type of parlour is not just down to Pip. Pip says yes, things will be difficult for a couple of months after the birth, but then she’ll be back at work. Rooooth interrupts her and tells her some home truths, in that it will be a lot longer than two months and Pip will be dog tired. She can’t expect her and David to look after the baby, and neither can she rely on Jill (who is apparently knitting for Britain), who is 87, for God’s sake. Who will do the night feeds? Who will look after the baby during the day - Rooooth and David can’t? A shaken Pip protests that Toby said he’d help, which is surely an indication of how little support Pip can expect. To emphasise how bad things can get, Rooooth tells Pip that she nearly hit her once because she wouldn’t stop crying. I was amazed - after all the things that Pip has done in her 25 years, Rooooth wanted to hit her on only one occasion? Nobody’s that tolerant, surely?

I fear that Pip has been spending too much time watching animals give birth - she sees sheep having lambs and cows calves and noticing that, after a quick lick and a nuzzle, the young animals are able to stand, suckle and move around. Well Pip, I’m afraid that it doesn’t work that way with human babies and your two months is wildly optimistic.

Of course, all this could have been easily avoided. As we mentioned earlier, Toby is putting in shifts in the lambing shed and Eddie, who says that he hopes Toby won’t be at the baby’s birth, judging from his less-than-perfect performance with the lambs, is teaching him how to castrate new-born lambs. Imagine if you will that all this happened before Pip became pregnant and that it was David teaching the castration technique - I put it to you that the temptation to geld young Tobes might just have been too much for David to resist.

You Could Always Pull an Extra Shift at the Chicken Factory, Nic.

Becky Wright (Nic Grundy)

Kirsty’s still on the warpath and gives Jennifer a hard time when she runs in to her, accusing Brian of hiding away. If you want him Kirsty, he’s in his shed ‘seeking solitude’, and ‘clearing his mind’ in preparation for writing his acceptance speech at the Borsetshire Businessperson of the Year awards. Kirsty angered Jennifer so much apparently that she cleared out BOTH her fridges. It’s certainly a different approach to housework; I wonder how angry she would need to get in order to clean her cooker? Well, the cooker might be in for a treat, because Brian gets a call to say that his nomination for Businessperson of the Year has been withdrawn because the sponsor (the local paper, The Echo) doesn’t want to be associated with him any more.

Over at the Bull they’re getting ready for a quiz. Alistair and Shula’s team is short, so they draft in Philip Moss. Philip gets the first round in and spots Kirsty, whom he persuades to join them. No sooner has Philip and Kirsty sat down than Alistair gets another round. Now, Peter and I are no strangers to pub quizzes and will confess to liking a drink or 2 to sharpen the mind, but I think lining them up before it’s even started is a major tactical error, especially as Alistair seems so keen to win. In the end they lose, but there’s plenty of friendly banter between Alistair and Kirsty as they find out that they have lots in common, and Philip asks Kirsty out for lunch.

Toby’s reading up on how to be a father from a book given to him by Bert Fry and listening to advice from Nic Grundy – what could possible go wrong? He goes with Pip for her scan and while they’re waiting to see the midwife he persuades her to go to aqua-fit classes, using free passes that Kirtsy’s been handing out. Pip tells him that that her parents are upset that Elizabeth knew Pip was pregnant before they did. When she gets back Roooooth seems fine and they talk it through, although there are some crossed wires as Roooooth wants to talk about everyone’s future roles on the farm while Pip’s talking about everyone’s roles with the baby. Later on Roooooth catches Pip helping a cow with a breech birth and is furious, saying that Pip’s put her baby at risk.

Roooooth takes over and Pip goes off to her aqua-fit class, but who should also be there but Toby. Only he couldn’t find his trunks and had to borrow Rex’s, which turn out to be Speedos. Pip calls his ‘budgie smugglers’ indecent and Toby gets into the pool to a chorus of wolf-whistles from the assembled ladies. After the class Pip tells Toby about the earlier incident in the calving shed and he offers to do some night shifts – even though he hasn’t any experience. When Pip tells Roooooth she bursts out laughing but promises to talk to David about it anyway, who bursts out laughing too. So that’s a ‘no’ then is it David?

We haven’t been over to Berrow Farm for a while so it was nice to eavesdrop on Justin showing the parish councillors how the new pig unit’s coming along. Neil Carter, who must be feeling better now, seems to be impressed and offers some of his own advice. Brian calls in, more to catch Neil because he wants to know if he remembers who the contractors were who dumped the contaminated materials on his land. However Justin has a bone to pick with him – why didn’t he tell him about his award? Justin was at the dinner and was surprised when they announced a different winner, not to mention having to fend off questions from the rest of the board of Borsetshire Land. They’re embarrassed about the publicity and Justin thinks Brian’s in danger of being voted out.

We then hear that the Courier’s running with the story, calling Brian a ‘tainted businessman’. Susan takes it upon herself to warn Brian and heads off to Home Farm where she finds Jennifer and Adam. They’re already not in the best of moods because one of Adam’s soft fruit buyers has cancelled an entire order because of worries about being associated with them. So imagine their reaction when Susan hands over a copy of the Courier and shows them the story, before telling them that a copy gets delivered to every household in the Ambridge area.

Brian’s not there because he’s gone to Borchester to get his car serviced, and we catch up with him ordering a scotch in The Crown. He’s popped in because he heard that someone that used to work for him drinks in there and might know something about the chemicals that were dumped on his land. Philip happens to be at the bar and Brian tells him that it was a wasted visit, as the man in question is now in a nursing home suffering from dementia. Brian’s car won’t be ready until tomorrow and Philip offers to give him a lift back to Ambridge. He talks to Brian about Kirsty and talks about the age difference between them – 10 or 12 years. Brian’s strangely silent on the subject. Remind me Brian, how much younger than you was Siobhan Hathaway when you got her pregnant with Ruairi?

Following last week’s incident with the alcohol-free mojito, there’s more trouble for Nic. Jolene and Kenton have been organizing a Mr & Mrs event for Valentines Day, but Nic told Emma what they were planning, and now the tea room have come up with the same idea. Nic’s distraught, and Will comes home to find her in tears. He’s angry that Emma copied the idea and ruined the Bull’s event and wants to give her ‘both barrels’! He get’s the chance, metaphorically at least, in the Bull later on when Nic’s behind the bar and Emma walks in. The three of them have a right old slanging match that ends with Nic telling Emma that she’s jealous because her and Ed “can’t climb out of the gutter”. The whole pub has heard this and Jolene rushes over to break it up, sending Nic home early. I can’t help thinking that when Kenton and Jolene compare notes about their part-time barmaid, she’ll be out on her ear, and looking for an extra shift at the chicken factory.

Following my comments last week about the kefir storyline, we now have someone who is claiming they’re actually feeling a benefit from it. Apparently Ian is drinking the stuff, even though you would think that someone with his refined palate would run a mile from it. But wait, the whole project could still go udders-up, as Susan’s gone kefir crazy and is trying to boss everyone around to make sure she gets her daily goat’s milk on time. Helen tells her to lay-off the pressure, especially on Pat who does the milking, and Susan goes off in a huff, later telling Chris that she’s going to tell Helen to “stuff her stupid job” – let’s hope that’s the end of it. Good luck finding another one Susan, after all you’ve already said you’re worried about the prospect of Neil retiring and I’m sure you don’t want to put any further strain on the Carter family finances.

Don’t Let it Get Your Goat, Susan

Charlotte Martin (Susan Carter)

We start this week where we left off, with Neil confined to his bed. Emma’s worried about the prospect of him retiring and what that would mean for the family’s income. She seems to be pinning her hopes on Susan’s Kefir, but as we know Tom has already ruled out developing it any further. Even so, she’s still banging on about it to Helen and wants her to put up big displays about healthy guts in the shop, with diagrams and everything. Lynda pops in to the dairy to milk Lynda and Scarlett and Susan follows her because she wants to have a go. Lynda suggests she washes her hands first, but Susan tells her she did before she left the dairy (a little tip Susan; when working in food production, never pass up an opportunity to wash your hands. Remember what happened to Clarrie). Susan sets about the goats with the subtlety of a bell-ringer and naturally upsets them, but Lynda does give her food for thought - make kefir from goats milk, which is more likely to appeal to those with an interest in health.

This sounds even more disgusting than using cows milk to me, but Susan passes it off as her own idea, and Helen agrees to talk to Tom about it. He agrees to give it a go, which means the scriptwriters are determined to keep this storyline going, so perhaps Neil will be able to retire after all when his wife becomes a kefir magnate.

Meanwhile at Home Farm, Will’s dog, Kai, demonstrates excellent taste by barking at Brian who is lurking in the undergrowth. Brian’s out walking, trying to clear his head in preparation for tomorrow’s visit from the Environment Agency inspectors. It’s worse than that Brian; Environment Agency inspectors are one thing but Ambridge’s newest parish councillor is on the case too, having received several complaints about the contaminated land. Emma wastes no time tracking him down and is soon pressing him for guarantees about the outcome. Will sees this from across the yard and drags his happy self over in order to give his ex-wife some grief, failing to understand that Emma’s constituents need answers. In the end he all but throws her off the farm by threatening trespass in the belief that he’s sticking up for his employer. To give Emma credit she does realise that Brian is also Ed’s employer and Emma realises that she has to tread carefully lest he lose his job. This doesn’t stop Ed going round and hammering on his brothers’ front door though. They have it out on Will’s doorstep, and Ed delivers a stark warning; “wind your neck in, or you’ll have me to answer to”.

Brian feels that he’s being blamed for the contamination and seeks counsel from David. David uses his own experience of the IBR crisis as an example (during which I don’t recall Brian being that reluctant to throw accusations of blame David’s way) and afterwards seems emboldened to the struggles that lie ahead. This includes the struggle within his own family, as Adam insists that it’s a matter for the family partnership and can’t be left to Brian alone. Brian assures Adam that he’s working ‘tirelessly’ to sort it out, but when Neil asks him to attend a public meeting to answer questions, he gets cold feet at the prospect of a room full of Emma Grundys. There is some good news for Brian though; at a family meeting called by Adam, they finally agree to stand united and face what may come together.

Incidentally, the contaminated land was the subject of a report on Radio 4’s Inside Science programme this week. This strikes me as an easy way for Radio 4 to generate content and fill their schedule. Let me help them out; More or Less could discuss Jim’s estimates against the Grundy’s actual production of Tumble Tussock cider, Woman’s Hour could do a phone-in on surrogate mothers, The Food Programme could look at the rise of the super-food and apparent cure-all kefir, The Kitchen Cabinet could pass round the Scruff gin, Dr Mark Porter could examine the symptoms of trichloroethylene (TCE) poisoning, Law in Action could weigh up liability between Brian and the builders he allowed to dump on his land, Money Box can look at whether Brian’s insurance will cover him, and All in the Mind could discuss Noluthando’s experience of taking drugs. If I’ve forgotten any then I’m sure our loyal readers will suggest more.

Neil’s still too poorly to chair the actual meeting and has asked David to stand in for him, much to Emma’s disappointment as she had prepared herself to be chair. Brian makes some opening remarks to outline the current situation, but gets heckled, principally by Emma, who wants to know if he knew about the dumped chemicals. Philip Moss, a local builder, stands up for Brian but is accused by Kirsty of being in league with big landowners in the destruction of the countryside.

After the meeting Alice is knocking back Pinot Grigio in the Bull and Nic, who is behind the bar and had earlier prevented her from drink-driving, is concerned. She persuades her to have a mojito instead of another glass of wine, but doesn’t put any rum in it. Kenton notices, and also sees that she charges full price for the mocktail. Kenton understands her motivation, but points out that she’s actually committed a fraud, and in any case, shouldn’t interfere. I agree, but fear there’s more to come concerning Alice’s apparent fondness for the bottle.

Kirsty runs into Philips Moss again while she’s taking a break from delivering information sheets about the dangers of TCE contamination. She’s gone birding and Philip’s making repairs to a bird hide – free of charge. They start talking about the birds they’ve seen - he seems to be quite the environmentalist - and I wonder whether they’ll eventually bond over a shared hobby.

Over at Brookfield, it’s not just Brian’s contaminated land that’s on their minds. Roooooth and Pip are having a riveting conversation about parlour designs (I’m sure, like me, you suspected fast exit systems seem to be the way forward). Roooooth’s not sure, what with Pip being pregnant, that now’s the right time to invest £300k in a new milking parlour. Josh isn’t happy either, as he’s going to have to cover for his sister during lambing while trying to run his own business (of which we’ve heard very little lately).

From one pregnancy to another, albeit a potential, one. Ian and Adam break the news to Jennifer that they’ve found an egg donor and that Lexi will be the surrogate. Jennifer’s initially less than pleased and is worried that they don’t know Lexi well enough - what if she won’t hand the baby over? She does however agree that Lexi can use the holiday cottage while she’s pregnant and soon starts trying to feed her up, sending her gift hampers and cooking special meals to take round to her, even though she’s not even pregnant yet.

Finally, lets consider Alan’s idea for giving something up for Lent this year. It’s ‘complaining’. Stop complaining or pay a fine. With Lynda and Susan the first to sign up, this could be a record-breaking year!