Repeat After Me, Tony: “I’ve Got A Mind Of My Own”

David Troughton (Tony Archer)

Tony is surprised when Justin asks him to be the witness at his and Lilian’s wedding. He stammers, prevaricates and asks for time to think it over. The same day, Tony takes Peggy shopping and she remarks that he’s very quiet. Tony tells her about Justin and she replies that it was very sweet of him, although Tony wonders whether or not Lilian put him up to it. Peggy says he’s not that sort of man – he has a mind of his own. “You did say ‘yes’?” she asks her son, sharply and, when Tony admits that he wanted to think about it, she is slightly dismayed.

Tony tries to justify himself, saying “we’re different kinds of people – we don’t see the world the same way” but Peggy cuts him short, saying that it’s his sister’s wedding and his job is to make her as happy as he can. She adds: “no more of this nonsense – you must go straight to Justin and tell him you’ll be delighted.” Later on Tony seeks Justin out in The Bull, where he is dining with Lilian. Is Tony about to make a stand and demonstrate that he too has a mind of his own? Will he rebel? Will he fishcakes – he tells Justin and Lilian that he would love to be a witness. As for making his sister happy, it is evident from her bemused comments that this is the first she has heard of the whole thing. Meanwhile, Tony takes his leave, presumably to ask Pat whether or not he’s hungry and if she thinks it’s time that he ate something.

Lilian is feeling a tad guilty, as, when she met Adam on Sunday, he asked her whether or not she had enjoyed the meal that Justin lovingly prepared for her last Thursday? Again, this is something that she didn’t know about (she was having dinner with Matt) and she hastily tells Adam that, yes, it was a wonderful surprise. Back at the Dower House, Lilian is all over Justin, saying that, had she known, she would have made an excuse to Marcia (with whom she had told Justin she was dining) and come home. Justin dismisses it as water under the bridge, but Lilian still feels bad.

There is a difference of opinion brewing at Home Farm, where Brian and Jennifer lay down the law to Kate about Noluthando’s education – if she is going to stay in the UK until Christmas, then she has to be in full-time education. Kate says that Nolly has come over to spend time with her – Kate, love, people wouldn’t cross the room to spend time with you – and she won’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to. Noluthando overhears some of this conversation and immediately says that she’s not going to college, before flouncing off to Lower Loxley to bend Freddie’s ear about how unfair it all is. Yes, Noluthando, it is unfair but, as the saying goes, that’s life, so get used to it.

Having said that, life’s not too shabby for Freddie, with a stately pile to roll around in. He tells Noluthando that nothing happens in Ambridge, whereas college life – or at least the social aspect of it – is ‘awesome’. “Much more fun than hanging round a yurt with your mum” he tells her. This obviously strikes home and, when Noluthando goes back to Home Farm, she says, OK; she’ll go to college, under protest, but she doesn’t want to and, by the way, she’ll need some new outfits.

A new outfit is also the topic of conversation at the Stables, viz: Alistair’s new dinner jacket, which he still hasn’t ordered or been measured for and the Hunt Ball is coming ever closer. Anisha is away in Glasgow, where her mother is recovering from a heart attack and Alistair has a few things on his mind, such as the complaint about the practice when a horse died on the operating table and a tide of rumours sweeping the equine establishment. Latif drops in unexpectedly and mentions the rumours in passing. Alistair assures him that they are false rumours and that the complaint won’t be upheld and he seems reassured by Latif’s somewhat lukewarm acceptance.

Shula still bangs on about the DJ and is horrified when Alistair tells her that the Hunt Ball clashes with Graham’s (covering for Anisha) sister’s 60^th birthday and Graham has a long-standing invitation to a celebration. Manically, Shula tells Alistair to tell Graham to cancel it – like Cinderella, Alistair will go to the Ball and there’s no way he can be on call that night. And has he done anything about that DJ yet? Now, I appreciate that, among the horsey fraternity, a Hunt Ball is an important event, but so too is a close relative’s 60^th birthday, and that only happens once in a lifetime, whereas a Hunt Ball happens every year, so I personally think that Shula is being a mite unfair on Graham.

But never mind; Graham returns early from visiting Latif and Alistair informs Shula that Graham has agreed to forgo the party. Oh, by the way, there’s bad news too – Latif, who is the jewel in the Stables’ list of clients, has decided to go back to his previous vet because of Anisha’s continuing absence, which is why Graham is back early. It never rains but it pours; Justin told Shula about a message board where someone is trashing the Stables’ reputation and rubbishing the vet practice. It turns out that the author is a stable girl that Shula had to sack last week and Roberta, for that is her name, is vindictively getting her own back. It’s all very well for Alistair to tell his wife to stop looking at the messages, turn the other cheek and get on with doing her job, but I think it’s fair to say that the Stables has had better weeks.

And now the ‘I bloody told you this would happen’ moment. I speak about the relationship between Pip and Toby. Hardly had we downed our Scruff’s and tonic in celebration of the pair splitting up, when Pip was all over Toby like a cheap suit, much to his discomfort and her embarrassment, leaving a strained atmosphere whenever they ran into each other. After a stilted conversation at Hollowtree, Pip seeks him out and says “I can’t do this any longer” and confesses that she still has feelings for him. She becomes flustered and confused and Toby kisses her to see if that can help settle her mind. It obviously did, as we then have a few seconds of what sounds like two sink plungers mating.

Rooooth has to take some of the blame, as she interrogated her daughter about her future plans – does she intend to stay at Brookfield or look for a job elsewhere? At the moment, dairy prices are high and Rooooth says that they are considering expanding the herd. However, she and David aren’t getting any younger and Josh and Ben aren’t interested in the farm, so any expansion will depend on whether Pip is still at Brookfield. A neat example of moral blackmail, if ever I’ve seen one. And it worked, as Pip tells Rooooth that she will stay at Brookfield and bring on the extra cows. However, there is one caveat – Pip insists that her mum and dad have a proper holiday, away somewhere, and Pip will pay for the tickets.

To balance the bad news, the writers occasionally throw in the odd morsel to make us happy and last week’s was the announcement by Lynda that she will not be directing this year’s Christmas Show. ‘Oh yes, we’ve heard that before’ I mused, but it seems that Lynda wants to take charge of Robert’s campaign to stand for the Parish Council, against Emma. Robert isn’t really cut out for a life in politics – he doorstepped Sabrina Thwaite and was bemused when she quoted Aristotle at him, talking about moral values. Robert also solicited Brian’s vote but Brian asked him awkward questions and told him “to get some fire in his belly”.

Later, Brian said that his vote is going to Emma; largely because of some very positive things that Jim Lloyd said about her. Robert is incensed by this – as Parish Clerk, Jim is supposed to be neutral and Robert suspects that he wants Emma on the PC as his own puppet. Robert had been thinking of pulling out of the contest, but this casts a different light on the whole thing. “I’m not going to let him win,” Robert tells Lynda angrily, adding: “this means war!”

For her part, Emma wrestles with the problem – should she accept the help proffered by Jim – it seems a little underhand. Peggy says that, if Jim wants to jeopardise his position as Clerk, then that’s up to him. Furthermore, Peggy admires Emma’s moral principles and she can count on her vote. Emma decides that moral principles aren’t going to help her win and she decides to take advantage of Jim’s offer, thereby ruling herself out as the only honest politician on the planet. Just a suggestion – is the number of Parish Councillors set in stone and, if not, why can’t Robert and Emma both join the PC?

There is little doubt about the main story last week and that was the eternal triangle-ish relationship developing between Justin, Lilian and Matt. Lilian and Matt keep meeting up and, while nothing serious has happened, she is racked with guilt and fear that Justin will find out, although, as Matt points out, there’s nothing for him to find out about.

Lilian learns of the near-altercation between the two men when Ruby ran away and was found by Matt. Philip the plumber told her that he had to step in to prevent them coming to blows. Over one of their many lunches or dinners (Lilian must have put on a couple of stone, I reckon) Matt asks her if she will help him buy a horse from her friend Philomena. All he wants Lilian to do is to schmooze Philomena, as he is in a hurry and will be returning to Costa Rica next week. “Can’t you do this one little favour for me?” He asks, adding: “You owe me that much, don’t you?” The nerve of the man! Lil, you owe him nothing, unless you are going halves on the meals, of course. Matt says that he’ll never ask her to do anything ever again and, besides, he’ll soon be out of her life forever. She agrees.

Lilian duly talks Philomena round and admits afterwards at lunch (where else?) that she quite enjoyed the intrigue. There is a (for her) heart-stopping moment when Roy Tucker walks into the gastropub, but he leaves without seeing them. And now Matt makes his move – he says that he never stopped loving Lilian and he knows that she still has feelings for him. “I can’t go away and let you marry Justin Elliott” he says “If you do, you’ll never be truly happy.” Does she want to be like Jennifer, wasting her days away? He can offer her spark, passion, excitement – oh yes, he’s wealthy to boot. Lilian says that she is going to marry Justin; the man (slight pause) that I love.” Matt appeals to her: “Lilian, don’t throw yourself away. Grab this last chance while you’ve got it. Come away with me and we can spend the rest of our lives together.” The week ends with Lilian saying “You’re mad – of course I can’t – I’m not going anywhere with you!” We don’t know if she left, or stayed to finish the Chablis

Oh dear, will she or won’t she? Imagine the repercussions if she goes. Apart from the terrible upheaval among the Archer clan, there are other consequences, not least of which will be the collapse of Toby’s gin business, unless he can open up an overseas branch in Costa Rica pretty damn quickly…