Jesus Chris?

Will Sanderson-Thwaite (Christopher Carter)

We had a Keystone Cops-style moment on Wednesday when Chris turned up at the church with the cross for the Passion Play strapped to his van. Neil, Jazzer and Barry (who will be playing Jesus in the play) help him to unload it. Jazzer, however, is intent on impressing Alisha and loses concentration, allowing the cross to slip and it hits Barry on the foot. It turns out that Barry’s foot is broken and he won’t be able to play Jesus with a plaster cast on it.

Neil wonders who can replace him. Chris suggests Jazzer but Neil’s not keen, saying “We’d be a laughing stock” and he tries to persuade his son to step into the breach - he has been growing a beard after all. Chris refuses point blank but Neil keeps on at him, asking “Don’t you want to be the one who saves the day?” My money’s on Chris being nailed to the cross on Good Friday.

PC Burns (first name Harrison) has been getting bigger parts recently. On April Fool’s Day he turns up at the pub and confronts Kenton - apparently Rob came out of his house to find his car up on bricks and the wheels missing, so he called the police. Kenton’s vehicle was seen in the area at the time and is there anything he’d like to tell PC Burns?

Kenton thinks it is all an April Fool’s wind-up and it takes a while for it to sink in that PC Burns is serious and not laughing a lot. The two go off to see Rob and it all ends without Kenton being hauled off in a squad car as he replaces the alloys. He tells Rob it was payback for spiking his drinks and putting him on a train to Wales. With somewhat convoluted logic, Rob says that he didn’t spike Kenton’s drinks, he spiked Tom’s and that anyway, on a Stag Night, you should expect pranks and high japes. Besides, says Rob, it was Jazzer’s idea to put Kenton on the train - this leads Kenton to refuse to serve Jazzer in the pub until Jolene tells him to grow up.

While Kenton was in Wales, Jolene interviewed for Rhys’s replacement and has appointed Callum. She spends a lot of time showing him the ropes and Kenton complains that he is working on his own. Even worse - Callum doesn’t cut up the lemon slices evenly. Jolene suggests that Kenton shows him how and asks him if he’s feeling jealous because of the time she’s spending with Callum?

There was a bit of a shock for Brian towards the end of the week; Brian has been working hard, preparing figures for BL board member Andrew Eagleton and Annabelle rings him up, saying that she would like to see him and arranging to meet in The Bull at lunchtime. Brian thinks this is a good idea as “we need to get our ducks in line before the next board meeting.”

It turns out that Brian is the only duck - the sitting variety. Annabelle explains that a company called Damara Capital, which specialises in acquiring under-performing land companies has been doing a lot of research into Borsetshire Land. Brian asks if they have made an approach and she says “Yes - at the end of last year”, adding almost in passing that they now have 54% of BL’s shares.

Brian cannot believe that he, as BL Chair, knew nothing about this and tells Annabelle that he will not sell his shares. She hasn’t finished yet, telling him that next week there will be an Extraordinary General Meeting, at which a new board - and a new Chair - will be elected. A very unhappy and angry Brian returns home and gets Jen to look up Damara Capital on the Internet. It turns out to be a big, London-based firm and Jennifer risks her husband’s wrath by asking if he really needs the battle “at our age”? Brian is beyond listening to reason, saying that he turned BL around after the mess that Matt and Chalkman left it in and he’ll be damned “if some city slicker is going to swan in and take it over.” I would suggest that, with 54% of the shares, the city slicker has already swanned in and maybe Brian should look out his pipe and slippers.

At Brookfield, David invited Rooooth’s mum, Heather, down from Geordieland for a few days to comfort her daughter. Heather does a good job, telling Rooooth that she too suffered miscarriages before Rooooth was born. There is much discussion about the pros and cons of the elderly living on their own and David asks Rooooth if they should ask Jill to move into Brookfield permanently? I’d like to think that this sentiment is motivated by kindness and concern, but part of me wonders if it is because he has been getting wholesome, home-cooked food for a change over the past few weeks and doesn’t fancy going back to a diet of pizza and fish fingers. Incidentally, why did Heather bother to go back up north when she’s going to spend time on the Norfolk Broads?

Mystery surrounded Daniel, who has been working out, going on runs and has bought new aftershave. Could he have a girlfriend, wonders Shula? On Friday we learned the reason when Dan told Shula and Alistair that he doesn’t want to go to Uni and become a lawyer like his father and grandfather (think of the money, Dan!). Instead he wants a job that’s worthwhile and he has decided that he’s going to join the Army. That explains the working out and the cross country runs, but I can’t quite see where the new aftershave fits in.