Happy Families (Not)

 

Michael Fenton Stevens (Paul Crawford)

We have to begin this week's blog with an apology to Lillian and Paul – a few weeks ago, I accused them of making the beast with two backs after the dinner dance, but it transpired that they resisted temptation, the fools. Of course, whether or not this state of affairs will continue, we wait to see. While Matt has given Paul the bum's rush in no uncertain terms, Lillian still seems keen on a threesome – I mean that in the platonic, all-one-cosy-family sense, of course. 

I can't see Matt welcoming Paul with open arms, unless he does something like drag him from a burning building, or give him lots of cash. After all, a good example of Matt's self-centredness was when he was first let out with the tag. There he was in the garden, saying to Lillian: "This is what I've been waiting for; a cigar, a brandy and you." Probably in that order, if truth be told. 

The writers have invested a lot of effort in developing the Paul storyline and I can't believe that he is just going to ride into the sunset and never be heard of again. Let's think – Matt and Lillian are going into the property restoration business. Who do we know who runs a restoration/reclamation business? The name is on the tip of my tongue – I think it begins with P…

Being a businessman first (and second, third, and fourth, probably) Matt will probably condescend to deal with Paul, if the price is right. Not only that, but as the man has more cheek than a chorus line of Sumo wrestlers, he'll probably demand a discount on account of being family.

I'm starting to get a tad cheesed off with the 'Jazzer hates Harry' storyline, plus the fact that Harry is being built up as such a likeable, generous, kind, all-round bloody good egg that you suspect that he is going to turn into a child molester, or start poisoning the milk, or something. Failing that, Jazzer might try and kill him, but then Harry will probably whup him with one hand tied behind his back, then forgive him, before moving on to heal the sick or turn water into wine.

Never mind Jazzer; you can always seek solace with your "wee lassies", for whom you keep expressing concern and affection. "But what about the smell and dirt?" I hear you ask, anxiously. That's OK – the pigs will just have to get used to it…