Alice In Blunderland

Hollie Chapman (Alice Carter)

The main event of last week was Nic’s funeral. All her family were there, except for one brother who lives abroad. Of course Will said the previous week that he and Poppy won’t be going, but on Sunday he is nobbled by Shula, who tells him that that was how she felt when Mark died. In the end she was glad that she went – and also to Caroline’s funeral, which showed how loved Caroline was by so many people. Shula tells Will that he has to make the decision himself but, whatever he decides, she hopes he finds peace.

Will thinks it over and, much to the joy of Clarrie, he says that he and Poppy will indeed be at the church. On the day of the funeral, he is late arriving at Grange Farm and the way he is feeling is evident from his comment to the family: “Let’s get this over and done with.” He then breaks down in tears as they enter the churchyard. From all accounts, it was a moving service, with the music that Will and Nic danced to at their wedding and a touching eulogy from Emma. Emma did very well to hold it together, but she dissolved in tears at the end.

Then there’s the Wake, with Emma remarking to Ed that Alice never made it to the service, although Chris did. Ed is having trouble with Joe, who can’t get Nic’s last words out of his head. “I thought we’d sorted all that” says an exasperated Ed, adding that that should be an end to it. Joe agrees, but still says that it should have been him that died, not Nic, as she had so much to look forward to. “I’d swap places with her in a heartbeat” Joe tells his grandson.

Although Alice never made it to the service (pressure of work) she did make the Wake and wastes no time in getting stuck into the booze. She wants to go and speak to Will, but Emma says best not at the moment, as he’s taking it badly. Eddie distracts Alice with a glass of red (“Make it a large one” – Alice) but she spots Will and moves in on him. “You must be devastated” she slurs and then bangs on about how, when Chris got kicked by a horse, she thought he was a gonner. Will wasn’t as lucky as she was, as Chris recovered.

Alice then tells Will that he’s not to blame himself because he didn’t notice that Nic was dying. This infuriates Clarrie, who comes over and says “I think you’ve said enough.” Alice protests that she didn’t mean to offend anyone and she notices Beverley looking at her. “What are you staring at?” Alice asks, belligerently, then “Who are you, anyway?” Eddie says “That’s Nic’s mother, Beverley” and leads Alice towards the door. Clarrie tells an apologetic Alice to leave – now. “We don’t want you here – get out” she spits, then, when Alice has been helped out by Eddie, Clarrie says “How dare she do that to Will? She’s ruined an already impossible day. Where does this leave Will now?”

The following day, Alice is mortified when she realises what she has done and asks Chris to go with her when she apologises. He says that she should go by herself and suggests that, in the future, she might think of moderating her alcohol intake. Alice goes off to Grange Farm and, as she tells Chris later, Clarrie all but slammed the door in her face.

Clarrie isn’t the only one upset with Alice; Jennifer tells her that she’s ashamed of her and even Brian, who usually has nothing but admiration for his daughter, says that she behaved badly. When Alice moans about her job, he changes tack and says “we all make mistakes.” He adds that there might be a job for her at Home Farm in the future. I’d get a better lock on the wine cellar first, Brian.

Over at Bridge Farm, the atmosphere in the dairy between Susan and Clarrie is a bit strained. In fact, Clarrie is despondent and, when the talk turns to Rex working with Neil’s pigs, Clarrie remarks that, with Neil as unit manager at Berrow, he and Susan “will be rolling in it.” Susan says it won’t be that much, but Clarrie says, self-pityingly, “Funny how things never work out for us as they do for other people.” Susan remarks that she knows how hard it has been for the Grundys recently and Clarrie replies that it doesn’t help, people making ignorant remarks. “I don’t know what got into her” says Susan, which makes Clarrie laugh hollowly. “Oh, I think I do” she says. We do too – about a bottle and a half of Shiraz is my guess.

I sincerely hope that Alice is not expecting an Easter card from Clarrie, who describes her as “a very selfish young woman” and adds that she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to forgive her.

Someone else whose week was spoiled was Jill, when Shula told her (in church on Sunday) about her leaving Alistair. Jill asks if she has really tried to save her marriage and, when her daughter says that the marriage has been going downhill for some time, Jill responds by telling her that she and Phil used to row occasionally and Shula mustn’t throw it all away. “I don’t love him anymore” Shula says and reveals that she has been staying at The Bull (“running away” Jill calls it). However, they want the room to put up Nic’s family, so Shula will be returning to The Stables. Jill, who is definitely a glass-half-full person, is pleased – perhaps this will be their chance to get back together? Shula must be feeling like banging her mother’s head against the pew (or did they change the pews for chairs?) and she says, slowly and clearly “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but Alistair and I are over – for good.” Even then, Jill urges her not to tell anyone else about the split in case things change. “They won’t” Shula replies, no doubt wondering whether or not she should bang her head against the pew. Jill gets a bit nasty, when she asks “Didn’t your marriage vows mean anything?” “That’s unfair – of course they did” a hurt Shula answers.

You have to hand it to Jill – she’s not one to give up easily. On Friday she learns that Alistair is coming to Brookfield to look at a cow, so she waylays him. Alistair doesn’t really want to talk about his private life, but he breaks down when she says that she has always thought of him as her son. “It’s been a complete nightmare” he admits. He had no idea that Shula was so unhappy and he wants her back, but is it even worthwhile trying? Jill urges him not to give up hope and once again demonstrates her (seemingly illogical) super optimism when she tells her son-in-law, whatever Shula says, Jill is sure that this isn’t the end. We’ll see.

It was a mixed week for Brian. There is a significant meeting of the BL board about what should be done about developing the old cattle market. Justin’s proposal is for a mixed retail development, but Martyn Gibson favours a mega agri store as a better option for the community. Justin makes it clear to Brian that he expects his support and, while he doesn’t actually say ‘you owe me, pal,’ Brian is aware that he is under an obligation, given Justin’s recent support of him.

Martyn Gibson makes his point, but Justin says that his proposal has greater potential and calls on Brian for support. Gibson puts it to the vote and Justin is victorious. Afterwards, Brian tells Gibson not to be a sore loser. Gibson expresses surprise that Brian didn’t stand up for the farming community; “Justin’s pockets must be bigger than I thought” he says, nastily. “That’s an outrageous slur” Brian retorts and the argument starts to heat up until Justin comes to break it up. An annoyed Martyn leaves and Justin suggests that he and Brian celebrate. “You know Brian, this could be the moment when your fortunes start changing.” Justin says. “That can’t happen soon enough” is Brian’s heartfelt response.

It turns out that Rooooth is another person surprised at BL’s choice, as she thinks the agri store would have been better for the community. Brian explains that it is all down to footfall and BL needs to make a profit, not run a community centre. “I suppose it comes down to which one you think will make the most money.” Rooooth says brightly. Give this woman a degree in business studies! Of course it does, you numptie.

Actually, if I were Rooooth, I’d be wary of antagonising Brian. She asks him if she can be present when Brian explains to Ruairi what has been going on at Home Farm while he has been walled up in boarding school. Specifically, what is Brian going to tell him about the contamination at Low Mead? Brian says it’s none of her business and all Ruairi has to know is that it is being dealt with and hopefully the end is in sight.

Brian tries to change the subject, but Rooooth reveals that Bert told her that, back in the 70s, a couple of brothers visited a number of farmers, offering them money if they allowed the brothers to bury waste on their land. He particularly remembers because they approached Phil Archer, who quickly sent them packing. Rooooth muses that it might be worth Brian’s while to carry out an investigation into the brothers online – he may be able to find out something useful. Brian is a bit short and says a curt ‘no’. “I was only trying to help” says a bemused Rooooth. “Well, we don’t need you to, thank you all the same” Brian tells her and Rooooth departs.

Perhaps Justin was right when he spoke about Brian’s fortunes changing, but they might be changing for the worse.  Maybe Brian can feel the net tightening, as he is clearly rattled by what Rooooth said. Later, he tells Jenny that Rooooth could be on to something – what if she decides to investigate herself? Brian describes her as “like a dog with a bone.” “If Rooooth works out what’s been going on, we really could lose everything” he tells his wife. Watch your back Rooooth; if you start getting too close to the truth, Brian might be tempted to do a Nic Grundy on you.

What Happened To ‘Till Death Us Do Part?’

Judy Bennett (Shula Hebden Lloyd)

For a long time, we have suggested that all was not well between Shula and Alistair, but I must admit that I was anticipating some sort of intrigue with her ex-flame Richard Locke. What I wasn’t expecting was that Shula would just get bored with her husband of 20-odd years and walk out.

The week began with Oliver traipsing round the village, bestowing largesse (in the shape of Caroline‘s bequests) on Shula, Will and heaven knows who else. Shula tells Alistair that wouldn’t it be great to go abroad for a couple of months and use the money to provide equine therapy for underprivileged children? Alistair points out (reasonably, in my opinion) that he cannot really desert his business for eight weeks. Shula says that surely Anisha owes him something for covering for her when her mother died? I thought that the death of a close relative was somewhat different than swanning off for what would essentially be a holiday, and Alistair thinks the same.

However, Alistair says that, if Shula wants to go, it’s OK with him. The following day, he accepts that he got the wrong end of the stick and he realises that she wants to do something together, so can she finish work by six o’clock? Shula gets dressed up and, when six o’clock comes, Alistair reveals his big surprise - he has been to Felpersham and bought all the authentic ingredients so they can make the Goan curry that they both like so much.

Shula is underwhelmed, but bites her tongue and gets the pestle and mortar, ignoring Alistair’s comments about how he accepts that they both need extra spice in their lives. He’s right, but she means excitement and he means turmeric.

It all comes to a head on Wednesday morning, when Alistair remarks that Shula had a restless night. She then spoils his breakfast by saying “I don’t think I can go on much longer. Sorry, but I really think it’s all over.” Alistair says “what’s all over?” and Shula replies “our marriage.” Alistair is gobsmacked and says that she cannot just say something like that out of the blue - is there anybody else? “I just don’t love you any more” Shula replies. He reaches for her and she says “Please don’t touch me” and starts crying and runs out of the door. Anyway Alistair, have a good day at work and we’ll catch you later. Shula has a talk with her twin and he invites her to stay at The Bull for a few days and he’ll go to the Stables and get her stuff. “There’s no passion left” Shula tells Kenton. We all know that Shula is a bit of a God-botherer and I accept that she hasn’t mentioned divorce, but what happened to ‘Till Death Us Do Part?’

When Kenton goes to the Stables, Alistair is bereft and bewildered. Kenton says that Shula just needs some time to herself and he has a list of what to pick up and Alistair berates him for not folding her clothes properly. Alistair is particularly affected when he gives Kenton a book to pack that Shula has been reading, entitled ‘How to grow old together.’ Kenton says, yes, it is hard “But sometimes these things just run their course.”

Shula and Alistair run into each other later in the week at the Stables and there is seemingly no prospect of a reconciliation. Jim comes in mid-discussion and hopes he’s not intruding, but doesn’t Daniel have a TV in his bedroom that Jim could borrow (he and Jazzer are having a disagreement over TV watching and Jim’s keyboard practising)? Shula starts to raise objections but she realises that she doesn’t care and suggests that Jim sorts it out with Alistair, as “we’re not together any more.” Jim is perplexed, but Alistair assures him that it is a temporary blip “and you’re not to breathe a word to anybody.”

While we are celebrating our powers of prediction, we must turn to the ‘did she or didn’t she?’ question of whether Nic ran over Matt Crawford. Joe continues his investigation into what happened and is appalled to find out that, on the night in question, Nic was working at The Bull but she left early, as Poppy was unwell. Joe is shaken and, on his return to Grange Farm, Ed notices that something is amiss and Joe tells him of his suspicions - after all Nic wasn’t a liar and why should she tell lies on her deathbed?

Joe swears Ed to secrecy, but Ed cannot believe that Nic could do such a thing and drive off. Later in the week, he proposes a theory to Joe - maybe Nic hit a badger, or a fox, or similar and assumed that it was Matt. Joe is cheered by this and seems to accept it, but I have my doubts - if she had hit an animal, presumably its lifeless body would have been found in the ditch. Nobody mentioned such an occurrence, but the indisputable fact is that a slightly-mangled Matt Crawford was found in a ditch - I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

On to a less serious matter - Toby continued to push the pigs at Hollowtree idea to Rex. Rex talked to Jazzer about what it’s like looking after pigs. Jazzer said that it’s an awful ordeal in the winter and Rex was disillusioned, until Jazz said that pigs are wonderful animals; intelligent and amusing. Whether he cries when they are sent to slaughter, we weren’t told. Rex tells Toby later that he is leaning towards looking after the pigs, but the real reason is that his dad had lined up a job for him in the back office of a wine importer, or similar. Rex cannot bear the thought of his dad trying to organise his life, so is inclined to accept the pig job. I wonder whether he might have other thoughts about being in an office when he’s out in a snowy field, up to his welly tops in mud - and that’s if he’s lucky - breaking the ice on water troughs.

Things at Home Farm continue to go from bad to worse. The only person who doesn’t seem to be directly affected is Debbie, who is presumably in blissful ignorance in Hungary. As for her siblings, Kate is almost in despair because Spiritual Home bookings are zero. She has had to accept a booking from a youth group from Birmingham, at a hefty discount, and isn’t happy about it. Brian asks if it would help if he had the place ‘spiritually cleansed’ but Kate says it’s gone beyond that. She is even more unhappy when the leader of the youth group comes to do a recce and is freaked out when she sees the clean-up operation being carried out next door and cancels the booking. Kate tells Brian that some screening of the clear-up site is needed for her clients - not that she’s got any.

Adam is chuffed to have been invited to join the council of the soil association by Michael Parker. Parker rings Adam later in the week - can they meet up? Adam is all for it, but is dismayed when Michael tells him that his members have decided that the contamination at Home Farm could attract adverse publicity for the group and they’d rather that Adam had no high profile post. Adam is bitterly disappointed and tells Michael to stuff his soil group.

He tells his mother about this and she tells Brian. Brian is trying to make up for his behaviour forty years ago by doing what he can for his children - he has already agreed to fund Kate’s wall, or screen, or whatever, and he seeks out Adam - in the Autumn, the herbal leys are due to be returned to wheat production; how would it be if they put a similar acreage to new herbal leys? Adam cannot believe it and tells Jennifer that it seems that Brian has really grasped what Adam has been banging on about over recent years. She taxes Brian about this later and he says “I want to do everything I can to protect our children.” “Do you?” she replies, “I don’t know how you can live with yourself.” Not convinced, then Jen?

No matter - Jennifer is busy and it will come as no surprise that this involves cooking. Adam notices a pie and asks if that’s what they’ve got for lunch? No chance - the pie is destined for Will, who she has heard isn’t handling things very well. She delivers the pie later in the day and Will isn’t really interested when she tells him that he can eat it or freeze it. Emma is at Will’s cottage - she has thrown herself into arranging the Order of Service for Nic’s funeral and is walking on eggshells, although Will couldn’t really care.

In fact, he goes out, saying that he has firewood to get in and Emma apologises to Jennifer, who, for once, takes the hint and goes home. Emma finds Will chopping logs and she tells him that they need to get the Order of Service finalised. What does he think about ’All things bright and beautiful’ for the intro hymn? ‘Whatever’ sums up his response. Emma would like to give a eulogy, if Will doesn’t mind. She explains what ’eulogy’ means and he says “if you like”. Emma isn’t getting a lot of co-operation from Will and she asks whether he’d like to say something at the service? The immediate “No!” is the most positive Will has been about the whole business.

However, things are not yet finished - Emma says that she has had an offer (I think it was Pat, but I’m not sure) to look after Poppy for the day of the funeral. Will says that won’t be necessary, as he’ll look after Poppy. Emma is surprised, but Will explains “She’s not going to the funeral and neither am I.” He goes on to say that he doesn’t want to sit there and be told that Nic has gone to a better place and that they will be reunited later. “She’s gone and nothing’s gonna bring her back. You can do what you like - I won’t stop you, but I won’t be there.”

The unsympathetic amongst us might say that this will ensure that the service is not as miserable as it could have been, but we are left with the question - if Will doesn’t go to the service, nor, presumably to the Wake afterwards, then can Kenton be sure of getting paid?

Saint - Or Sinner?

Emerald O'Hanrahan (Emma Grundy)

Will continues on the path to self-destruction, upsetting family members and others along the way. Emma pops round and starts clearing things up, despite Will’s protestations that he will get round to it later. She suggests that he cleans himself up a bit and, when he returns, she is ironing shirts. “Still here then?” is his less-than-gracious comment. Instead of feeling grateful, Will moans because Emma is putting crockery back in different places from where Nic put them.

“Why are you here?” he asks her. “To see you’re OK” she replies and Will says he’s fine; in fact he was up half the night working on figures for Brian and he’s going to take them to him later “I only wanted to help” Emma says, with a tremor in her voice. “If you really want to help, get out” snarls Will and Emma leaves, in tears. True to his word, Will drives over to Home Farm to find Brian, who is very surprised that Will has been working on the figures and even more surprised when he sees that he has brought Poppy along with him. Brian tries to explain that the figures aren’t that important and Will should be concentrating on his family. Inevitably, Will takes this as a criticism and he ends up telling Brian to stuff his job. Not a bad morning’s work Will; reducing your sister-in-law to tears and chucking in your job - what will you do after lunch?

Clarrie is on the verge of despair; not just because Will won’t let her touch anything at home, but Joe (with whom Will had an almighty row last week) is not eating and spends seemingly all his waking hours out of the house or taking Gem out in the trap. You can tell that Joe isn’t right, as he turns down an offer of a drink from Jazzer. Mind you, he doesn’t turn down a similar offer from Jim Lloyd, who makes the mistake of trying to match Joe pint for pint.

Jim tries to encourage Joe to make things up with Will, saying that they should share their memories of Nic and that Will will like to know his wife’s final words. Joe gets up and Jim thinks he is off to see his grandson, but he isn’t, as we will see.

Back at Grange Farm, Clarrie and Eddie are wondering what they can do to mend the situation. Rooooth suggests that they try to get Will and Joe inside the same room. Eddie has doubts - he is afraid that this might make the situation worse, as both men are stubborn and both have quick tempers. However, he and Clarrie agree that it’s worth a try and they engineer a situation whereby Joe and Will are alone. Eddie’s worst fears come to nothing, as Joe apologises for not going to see Will all week and Will says how sorry he is for the way he spoke to his Granddad, but he was so angry. Joe replies that nobody should have to suffer what Will is going through and Will breaks down in tears. “Oh Granddad, she’s gone and she ain’t coming back, is she?” Will asks. “No son, she ain’t coming back” agrees Joe, sorrowfully.

Will doesn’t know what to do, but Joe says that he’s got to keep going for the sake of the kids. Will has another worry - Poppy is only four; what if she forgets her mother? Joe says that they mustn’t let her “Her mother was a saint and I won’t let her nor nobody forget it” he tells Will.

Three paragraphs ago we said that Joe left Jim. He didn’t go and see Will, but instead turned up at Honeysuckle, where Harrison Burns was carrying out some DIY. Joe tells PCB to look after Fallon and PCB is intrigued - surely Joe didn’t drop in just to tell him that? Apropos of nothing, Joe asks how is the investigation into the Matt hit-and-run coming along? PCB says that it is on-going as H&R is a serious offence and the police are duty bound to continue to try and find the perpetrator. Joe says it was probably some townie “doing motorway speeds on country lanes” and PCB says he knows why Joe wants it to be an outsider, as “you wouldn’t want it to be someone you know.” “No, you wouldn’t” Joe agrees.

Now, this could be a deliberate red herring, or are we being prepared for a shocking revelation? Consider - as Nic lay dying, she intimated to Joe that she would not go to Heaven. Add to this the fact that we know that she said something else, but we were not privy to her last words and you have to wonder whether or not Nic was trying to confess to running Matt over. If so, I don’t see why that should deny Nic place in Paradise - after all it is Matt we are talking about here and a goodly number of people in Ambridge would put her forward for a medal. Only Joe knows the truth, but it does seem odd that he sought out PCB specifically to ask about the H&R. Should Nic be the errant driver, surely Joe will keep it to himself? After all I’m not aware that many saints run people over and leave them for dead. Having said all this, I’m not entirely sure whether or not Nic can actually drive - if not, this is where my theory falls down.

Over at Home Farm, Kate has returned from South Africa and she astonishes Adam when she says that Siphiwe (Lucas’s new partner) is a very nice person. However, all becomes clear when she reveals that Siphiwe is older than her. Kate is keen to get back to work at Spiritual Home, but all is not well; the controversy about the contamination in Low Mead has led to all her Easter bookings being cancelled. Not only that, but her therapists are slagging off SH on social media. ‘How can you detox in a toxic environment?’ says one.

Brian does a good job of avoiding Kate (and his other children) but Jennifer is becoming increasingly worried - shouldn’t they tell their offspring that Brian is culpable? Brian cannot see what the point of this would be, other than to salve Jenny’s conscience and the conversation becomes heated. Brian is also put under pressure by Rooooth in her capacity as Ruairi’s representative on the Home Farm family council. Brian blusters and points to his record of running the business over the past few decades before he storms out. He tells Jenny later that his instinct tells him that everything will turn out all right and she just needs to trust him, but she is not convinced and this story has plenty of life left in it.

Another story that has intriguing possibilities involves the Fairbrothers. Toby thinks that his best chance of being allowed to stay at Hollowtree is for Rex to take over the running of Neil’s pig herd, but, when Toby tries to tell Rex about his idea, his brother won’t even listen. Undeterred, Toby asks Josh to run the idea past David, stressing that it would be Rex in charge. Josh reports back that his father thinks it’s a good idea, provided that Toby isn’t involved.

All Toby has to do now is sell the idea to his brother. Let’s consider; Rex knows sod-all about pigs, plus he gave up the geese business because he didn’t want to work long hours with animals in all weathers for scant reward. Add to this the fact that, although Anisha is a vet, she presumably doesn’t want a boyfriend who smells of pigs and it looks like Tobes has got his work cut out talk his brother into this. If he tries, I will be bitterly disappointed should Rex cave in - if so, he will exhibit all the backbone of a banana. Take my advice, Rex - grow a pair and tell Toby to sod off; if he bleats that a refusal would see Scruff gin ousted from Hollowtree, then so be it - I’m sure Rex could list a catalogue of the times that Toby has let him down. If you wimp out of this Rex, you will henceforth be known as ‘the invertebrate’.

Elsewhere, after his mammoth drinking session with Joe, Jim begs a lift off Alistair, as he feels he is over the limit. Alistair isn’t best pleased, as he waits outside a house for 45 minutes. Jim emerges, announcing that he has just booked his first piano lesson. Alistair cannot understand why this should take so long (“we have telephones for this sort of thing”) and the pair bicker all the way back to the Stables. Jim tracks down a piano for the lounge and Jazzer is alarmed, as it threatens his view of the TV. He enlists Josh’s help to persuade Jim to have a keyboard instead and - would you believe it? - Josh knows where he can lay his hands on one at a very good price.

And now we have a revelation - did you know that a native of Ambridge is an apiphobic? The person in question is Philip, who tells Alistair that Kirsty has invited him to help her with Jill’s bees. He agreed, but the problem is that he is terrified of bees. What can he do? If he calls off, Kirsty will wonder why, but he cannot face the thought of being confronted by thousands of the insects, crawling all over each other.

Alistair advises him to come clean with Kirsty - she isn’t the sort of person who would hold this against Philip, although Alistair says that she’ll probably laugh. In the event, Philip does fess up and, yes, Kirsty does have a laugh, but she understands and suggests that Philip accompanies her, but keeps well back. A grateful Philip turns up at the Stables with a bottle to say ’thank you’ to Alistair and Shula invites him to stay for dinner. Jim, who has returned with Alistair from his piano tutor’s, has invited himself to dinner and Shula remarks that everyone has a glint in their eye. Everyone that is, except Alistair, who, when a toast of ‘new beginnings’ is proposed, says to Shula: “Some of us are content as we are, aren’t we darling?” and she is hesitant, and doesn‘t answer. I have said for some time that something seems to be not quite right between Shula and Alistair and things that have been said recently (mainly by Shula) have done nothing to dispel this feeling. Also, what has become of ex-flame Dr. Locke - he appears to have vanished? Watch this space.

Will Lashes Out - At Everybody

Edward Kelsey (Joe Grundy)

I suppose we should forgive Will for being miserable and angry in equal measures; after all, his wife has just passed away. Having said that, it is depressing to see him revert to the old, unlovable Will, with not a good word to say about anyone.

To be fair, he is equally hard on himself, continually going on about how he was not there when Nic died and blaming himself for leaving his wife with Joe instead. This mood of self-flagellation doesn’t last long, however, and he is looking around for people to blame, albeit subconsciously. First of all, he is fed up with people expressing their sympathies and, as he describes it, “fussing around after me.” This includes practically everyone in Ambridge and it is a brave person who approaches Will and offers condolences.

Eventually, Will picks on Joe as the chief offender and, on Thursday, accuses his grandfather of letting him down. Once again he talks about Joe “fussing around” him and says that it’s too late now and Joe cannot make amends “You had one thing to do for me and you never did it” Will rants. Joe is mystified - what is Will talking about? “Why didn’t you come and get me when you knew Nic was dying?” Will demands. A startled Joe protests that he didn’t know how ill Nic was, but Will is in no mood to listen, saying that Joe made Will leave his wife to look after Poppy. “She died and I weren’t there for her and I can‘t never put it right” Will says. “She weren’t alone, William” Joe reminds him and Will agrees, snarling “No, she had a thoughtless, selfish old man fussing round her instead of me and I can never forget.”

Brother Ed is at Will’s, fixing a broken down pipe for him and he comes in as Will is having a go at Joe and asks what’s going on? Will then has a go at Ed and again accuses him and the rest of the family of “fussing round him” and he storms out, shouting “I’ve got to go out and clear my head - before it explodes!” That could be a good solution, Will, thinking about it.

The following day, Clarrie mentions that Joe was very upset yesterday and does Will have any idea why? A sneering Will immediately asks if Ed has been talking out of turn and Clarrie says she hasn’t spoken to Ed and what is Will talking about? He tells her about the row with Joe, but he is not contrite; even when Clarrie tells him sorrowfully that Joe is really suffering.

Brian turns up to offer his condolences and he hopes that Will isn’t worrying about work. Don’t worry, Brian, he isn’t and, when Brian says that he wishes he had never invited Will to meet potential new guns on the day that Nic died, Will interrupts him, saying: “But you didn’t invite me, did you? You made me go, even though I’d asked for the day off.” He adds that, had he had the day off, he could have noticed how ill Nic was earlier and could have taken her to hospital earlier and she might have been saved. Brian says he’s sorry but Will is in no mood for what he regards as platitudes and tells his boss: “It’s too late now. If that’s all you’ve got to say, you’d better go. I had one chance to save Nic’s life and you took it away from me.”

There you go, Brian - take the mantle of guilt off Joe and put it on. It seems an unreasonable accusation - how was Brian supposed to know that Nic had a life-threatening disease? Will also declared that the day had been a waste of time and he and the guns had spent the time watching Brian get drunk. All in all, not the way that a boss expects to be spoken to by an employee - Brian might remember Will‘s words, come his next appraisal.

So far, all Will’s accusations seem unreasonable and, deep down, you know that he is beating himself up for not being with Nic at the end. However, there is one instance where his anger is justified and that is against the packing case and the rusty nail on which Nic scratched herself and which gave her the sepsis. Will attacks the case maniacally and tells his family that he wants to destroy every atom of it and, using saw and petrol, he does just that.

It hasn’t been an especially good week for Brian - apart from the tongue-lashing from Will, Annabelle intimated to him that, with all the fuss over the contamination at Low Mead, the BL contract with Home Farm might be up for review. Brian is alarmed - the farm is spending money hand over fist on the contamination clear up, plus one of Adam’s major customers has cancelled his soft fruit-buying order and the loss of the BL contract would be catastrophic. Brian asks Justin if he knows anything? He doesn’t, but promises to make inquiries.

As it turns out, the contract is safe from review for the foreseeable future and Brian is relieved. Daughter Alice has more bad news for him - Pryce Baumann (the firm for whom she works) has decided not to proceed with the trial of technology on Home Farm’s machinery, due to the bad publicity over the contamination. “I could kill whoever dumped poison on our land” says a seething Alice.

Brian confessed to Jenny that he knew about the contamination, as he turned a blind eye to it 40 years ago. He would have done better to keep his mouth shut, as Jenny has an attack of conscience, claiming that she feels complicit and perhaps they should tell the children the truth? Brian isn’t keen - not surprising really, as, following Alice’s remark, he would be a prime candidate for a spot of patricide - but Jenny has another idea; don’t tell Kate and Alice, but doesn’t he think that Adam and Debbie ought to know, given their involvement in the working of the farm? Brian points out that, if he takes this course then, when Kate and Alice do find out, they will realise that they had been kept in the dark and would think that Brian and Jenny didn’t trust them. “It has to be all, or nothing” he tells his wife. In the end, they decide to keep quiet.

Mind you, I’m surprised that Jennifer has time to worry about moral problems, as she is hell-bent on force feeding Lexi, who moans to Roy about being inundated with cakes, stews and all things culinary. If this wasn’t enough, Roy and Lexi are invited to dinner at Home Farm, where the small talk is a bit forced, to say the least. Roy’s mood is not improved by the fact that Lexi has told him that sex is off the menu until she is carrying Adam and Ian’s child.

Brian remarks that it’s unusual to have fish for a starter and a main course and Jennifer replies that fish is very good for you, leaving the words ‘when you are expecting’ hanging in the air. She also bangs on about the importance of exercise in pregnancy. However, her piece de resistance comes when she talks about Adam’s good news. He is horribly embarrassed and tries to get her to shut up, but to no avail, as she tells the room in general that the fertility clinic had contacted Adam and said that his sperm sample has been passed as A-OK. I suppose we are lucky that she didn’t produce the sample to show everyone. At the end of the meal, Roy and Lexi can’t wait to escape and a perplexed Jennifer says “they didn’t linger, did they?” “A touch too much procreation in the conversation” Brian remarks, dryly. It’s all water off a duck’s back for Jenny, as, when she and Brian discuss whether or not to tell the children about the contamination (which happened the day after the Home Farm dinner) she reveals that she is in the process of making pies and flans for Lexi, who has probably put on four or five stone since agreeing to be a surrogate.

Over at Brookfield, Pip is still having mixed feelings about her pregnancy - she is worried that, because she cannot do much round the farm at the moment, and won’t be able to do much after having the baby, she might forget all about farming. Rooooth pooh-poohs this, telling Pip that farming is in her genes. Pip has been thinking about the new milking parlour - she favours the open-sided format, while Rooooth prefers the herringbone. Rooooth has put Pip in charge of managing the project, but Pip has had second thoughts, as she realises that, for the near future at least, it is Rooooth who will be doing the majority of the milking, so it makes sense that she has the major input into the choice of parlour. In the end, the two women agree to project manage the new milking parlour together.

Neil, as we know, is on the verge of taking over as pig unit manager at Berrow Farm, but he is worried - what if he decides that the job isn’t for him? Due to bio-security, it would be impossible for him to maintain his pig herd and work at Berrow, but what if he sells the herd and then gives up Berrow? The ideal solution, he tells Tom, would be for Tom to take on the pigs, as Neil supplies Bridge Farm with weaners. Then, if things don’t work out for Neil, he could take them back. A good idea, but Tom rejects it, as he’s got enough on his plate already. A disappointed Neil tells Tom that he’ll just have to keep trying to find someone.

Neil mentions his dilemma to Toby, remarking that it could be a good profit-sharing opportunity for the right person. A light bulb goes off in Toby’s head and he sets off to find brother Rex, who is collecting eggs. Toby tells Rex that he’s got fantastic news - Toby doesn’t want to have to move the still from Hollowtree, but, since Rex is giving up the geese business, David has realised that the land at Hollowtree is not realising its full potential and is threatening not to renew the Fairbrothers’ lease when it expires in August.

What they need, Toby tells Rex, is another farming business to demonstrate that they can utilise the land properly. When Toby says “we” he really means “you” and Rex points out that he already has three jobs. Toby derides these jobs as ‘egg collector’, ‘Josh’s gofer’ and ‘part-time driver’ and he has a great opportunity for his brother. “The answer is ‘no’” Rex says, before Toby can even tell him what he has in mind. Rex adds that, if it’s one of Toby’s ideas, it will be impractical, wrongly costed, under-funded and a complete waste of time and money. Toby is not happy and stalks off in a mood. Well, they say that the truth often hurts, don’t they?