Monday, 6 August 2012

Four's A Crowd

Ryan Kelly (Jack 'Jazzer' McCreary)

I knew that Fallon and Harry trying not to hurt Jazzer's feelings would come back to bite them – instead of a nice, cosy holiday in the campervan, with just the two of them, not only will they have Jazzer, but also, thanks to an idea from Jolene, Kirsty will be going along. Not only does Kirsty deserve better than spending time in such close proximity to Jazzer, but what is this vehicle? Is it the campervan equivalent of the Tardis? At least they will still be cosy – very cosy - and they'll probably know each other much better by the end of the holiday – probably more than they would want.

Things are happening in the Tucker households – Vicky tells Mike about the pregnancy and he is definitely underwhelmed. Vicky confides her fears to Brenda that she (Vicky) might not live up to the standards of Betty. Brenda, who is being extra nice to her step-mother, tells her that it isn't a competition and offers to go with her to see the midwife.

Another underwhelmed Tucker was Phoebe, who returned home early (cow) from South Africa. She says she's relieved to be home, but she's not exactly doing handsprings. And neither was I.

Sunday was the community sports day and we had riveting radio, describing the races. Kenton asked Jolene what were the arrangements for the medal-giving ceremony and she says "you tell me." Kenton panics and begs Lynda (who has been wandering around spouting her usual pretentious twaddle) to bale him out. She says 'no', but eventually steps up to the plate and organises a blinder of a ceremony, complete with podium, cushions for medals and, I wouldn't be surprised, a marching band and laser lightshow. Kenton awards her the special medal for "the most sportsmanlike behaviour" and everyone is happy. The Stables team was victorious, by the way.

I never cease to be surprised that Adam isn't genetically related to Brian, as they both have a breathtaking indifference to what their nearest and dearest might be thinking. At the BL Board Meeting, Brian puts the case for Home Farm to be awarded the contract to supply feed for the mega-dairy. The board agrees and only Annabelle notices that Adam appears to have been airbrushed from the project. Brian tells Jennifer, who is not happy that Adam has been sidelined, but Brian waves away her objections, telling her that, now Home Farm has definitely got the contract, Adam might well change his mind.

In your dreams, Brian! Adam has been communing with his new best friend Pawel in the polytunnels, again thinking of pursuing his ideal of scattering seeds by hand, using horses to plough and gathering in the crops after the villagers have scythed it down by hand. Brian – who obviously isn't that confident about Adam's conversion – has a word with Ian, asking him to help change Adam's mind. Ian asks Brian if he has any idea of how badly he has handled the situation throughout, saying "your attitude has been like it or lump it." Brian neatly avoids this by saying "there's no point raking up the past" and asks Ian whether he wants Adam to leave the farm, the village or the country? Ian reluctantly agrees to speak to Adam.

The meeting the next day could have gone better, as Adam spouts about his principles (again) and says how good it would be to go to Poland, where they still use stone axes and rub sticks together to make fire. The discussion escalates into a full-blown row, with Ian calling his lover a hypocrite and asking "do you know where all the crops that you grow go to?" Ian says he's never been happier than in his present job and reminds Adam that he's got a well-paid job in a farm that he stands to inherit one third of. "So that's what all this is about" says Adam, demonstrating the Brian side of his nature. Ian storms off to work and, when he comes back later, the week's final episode ends with him calling "Adam?" and getting no reply.

On the criminal front, Keith is charged with arson, criminal damage, conspiracy and being a Horrobin. Tracy goes to see him and is aghast when Keith admits that it was he that torched the barn. Apparently, he had been telling some unsavoury characters where there were bits of machinery hanging around unguarded on farms and his flash lifestyle is just a front. Tracy tells Susan, who thinks he's wicked and regrets the things she said to Emma, but Tracy shows her twisted morality by saying about Emma shopping Keith "you don't do that to your family." And if George had died in the fire, Tracy, what then?

Eddie's account of his brush with the beast of Ambridge lowered my estimation of journalists even more when he was described as a "sculptor and ethnic artist". Surely the word 'piss' has been omitted here?

Have we seen the last of Adam? Brian phoned the local paper to put in an advert for a Farm Manager and asks the person on the other end to add "Home Farm has a proven track record as an equal opportunities employer". You're right there Brian – no-one stands a chance, unless your name is Brian, of course.

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