Charles Collingwood (Brian Aldridge)
Step forward Brian Aldridge, whose iron willpower in the clash of wills with Jennifer lasted about a day or so. Jennifer had downed tools in the kitchen and was refusing to cook for her husband unless he agreed to her new all-singing, all-dancing kitchen. Brian was reduced to bumming chocolate off Adam before his hunger became unbearable and he caved in quicker than the railway line at Dawlish.
He did make one last attempt at imposing himself on Jennifer, saying "But I want a beer fridge – and another for wine." I suspect that Jen had already factored these in and she agreed readily as she rang the designer, Kingsley, to tell him the good news. One presumes that Kingsley is wondering what colour his new private jet should be.
However expensive the kitchen may be, it surely cannot be as costly as the house that Tom and Kirsty are contemplating buying. It's a new build and they are buying off plan. Kirsty wonders whether or not it might be a bit big for them and, in a sentence which chilled the soul, Tom says "We'll have our own family soon." Let's hope that the financial commitment is so great that Kirsty cannot afford to give up work until she's past child-bearing age.
And why is everybody surprised that it is costing so much? Tom is amazed that they want a ten per cent deposit – was he expecting them to give him the house? He is also surprised at the size of the legal fees, which indicates that he hasn't had much to do with solicitors. When they tell Pat about their plans, she is underwhelmed, saying that she thought they'd have gone for an older house, rather than what she describes as 'a modern box' and she too queries the legal fees and size of deposit. Pat's lack of enthusiasm troubles Tom (as does so much else) and gives him something else to moan about.
This moaning however is as nothing compared to what we experienced on Wednesday, when Pat mentions, almost in passing, that one of Tony's cows died during the night. Alistair has taken it away to do a post mortem and Pat says it's probably nothing. Tom immediately looks on the black side and asks "What if it's something that spreads to my pigs?" Tony is quite upset and Tom accuses him of not knowing anything about beef farming and being incapable of looking after his animals. Later on he tells Kirsty "He spreads his incompetence wherever he goes", which leads me to believe that Tom hasn't bought him one of those statuettes bearing the legend 'World's Best Dad'. To be fair, Kirsty does say "That's a bit harsh." You've seen what he's like Kirsty – leave him now before it's too late.
Over at Brookfield, Rooooth takes a pregnancy test, which proves positive. She asks Jill what will David think? As it turns out, David is both pleased and excited and, later on he stops Rooooth trying to move the silage heap by hand or something equally physical, saying that she cannot expect to do all the things she usually does. David asks what should they say to the kids and Rooooth says to keep quiet for the moment. I can't help thinking that they'll notice before long.
Rooooth has a moment of doubt, asking "Is it even right to bring another child into the world?" Well, if you are Will, Tom, Kate and a few others, the answer is, obviously, 'no', but there are worse than David and Rooooth in Ambridge. Mind you, if the new arrival takes after Pip, then get the adoption papers ready now.
Friday was the night of Sports Relief and Daniel's 'Rough & Tumble' assault course and Lynda's 'Smooth and Steady' alternative for the less athletic. Lynda was doing her best to find out who the mystery celebrity was who was going to present the prizes, eventually deducing it would be a female from up north. As we know, it was Sir Bradley Wiggins to whom, when he met him, Ian said "This is the best moment of my life." I wouldn't let Adam hear you say that, Ian. The Rough & Tumble was won by Daniel, who designed it and the Slow & Steady by Lynda, who designed it – can you see a pattern developing here? As a matter of interest, if the object of the exercise was to raise money, then why not make it public that Sir Bradley was going to be there – that would have increased crowd numbers, surely?
We saw a different side to Ian's character, as he was paired against Rob in the Rough & Tumble and it was getting personal, with Rob nudging and needling Ian throughout. In the end, Ian just shaded it, due largely to having a better bike. Rob taunts him by saying that he (Rob) slowed down as he wanted to look at The Lodge and Ian smacks him in the face. Later on Rob and Ian meet in the pub and Rob says he wants to buy Ian a drink and clear the air. Ian is having none of it, saying: "You're a bully – I've got your card marked." I can't help thinking that Ian is in danger of jeopardising his friendship with Helen if he persists in this attitude – if Helen has to make a choice between Ian and Rob, then I reckon there's little doubt about which one she would choose.