Michael Shelford (Harry Mason)
Top marks to the writers for the surprise exit of Harry, who was reunited with his long-lost love, Grant, on the trip to Edinburgh. The fact that Harry was gay, or possibly bi, as he certainly used to look after Zofia well enough, came as a surprise akin to Joe Grundy walking into a crowded Bull and yelling "the drinks are on me!" But there were hints – back in October 2010, when Jazzer moved in with Harry, I remarked about the pictures of Tour de France riders on the walls of his flat (see "VickySpits Her Dummy").
So, has Harry gone for good? Who will the women (and probably some of the men) of Ambridge fantasise about now? I sincerely hope that Fallon doesn't seek consolation with Jazzer – and what will Jazzer do? He is looking for a flatmate, but be honest – on a scale of 1 to 10, how keen would you be to share a house with an idle, inconsiderate, untidy slob who leaves pig muck-encrusted overalls around the place and appears to be in training to become an alcoholic? Yes, me too.
It was a week for people coming out, as Adam told Ian that Pawel was gay. Fortunately he didn't tell him exactly how he had found out and the three have an evening in together. Pawel seems to be getting his feet firmly under the table – he and Ian help to make sure Charlotte's mother (someone who Jennifer regards as a social climber, so she must be a right snob) doesn't get a glimpse of the dog statue. Later Pawel helps out at the BBQ and, while Ian seems to have found a new best friend, Adam is walking on eggshells and isn't at all happy. The way things are going, I reckon you're going to have trouble getting Pawel to go home when the picking season ends, Adam.
Mind you, Adam has his own troubles; having bitten the bullet and kicked his principles into the long grass, he tells Brian that he has changed his mind and is prepared to manage the arable, including the acreage for the mega-dairy. Brian tells him the advert has already gone out and "we've noted your interest; we'll let you know." Jennifer is distraught and Adam is going to have to get used to large helpings of humble pie, washed down with cups of humiliation.
Brian really can be a vindictive sod, can't he? One is reminded of Churchill's quote about Field Marshal Viscount Montgomery: "In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable", especially when he eventually tells Jennifer that of course he'll give the job to Adam. He just wants to see him grovel a bit first and, presumably, the only reason that he didn't get Adam to lick his boots is because his tongue might not be clean enough? Anyway, thank God the mega-dairy arable saga is finally over (please?).
Vicky's pregnancy continues to annoy, as she bangs on about it being 19 weeks so far? What? Is that all? It already seems longer than nine months to me. Vicky is in a quandary – should she have the test for Down's Syndrome, knowing that it carries a risk of miscarriage? Lynda tells her she must speak to Mike ("it's his baby as well"). Mike, who has been covering for Harry and Jazzer in their absence (and still is for Harry) is knackered and advertises for a replacement milkman. I thought that the round was losing customers? Wait a few months and you'll only need Jazzer. Vicky meanwhile has been buying stuff for the baby off the Internet and the first 34 pantechnicons are expected any day now.
It was results week, which gave Kathy the chance to revert to ultra-interfering mother mode and for Jamie to brush up on his sighing, at which he could easily represent Team GB. Kathy sends him texts, leaves him messages, offers to drive him to school, but deep down, Jamie knows he's screwed up. At Natalie's party, Jamie tells Rosa that he got 1xA, 2xBs and 1xC. She's impressed. Meanwhile, Natalie is telling everyone that she got 4xAs and, from the sound of it, one of these was in drinking vodka. Natalie goes outside the house to find Rosa and Jamie together (she was just showing him her scooter, honestly), calls Rosa a tramp and sends her away and then tells Jamie they are finished.
Jamie goes home, no doubt feeling that things can't get any worse. Wrong! Kathy has fallen asleep waiting up for him and, with her unerring talent for putting her foot in it, asks him about his results. Jamie tells her he got 2xCs, 1xD and 1xE. Kathy, still in the hole and still digging, says never mind, they were only AS exams and you can still do well at A levels and go to uni. Jamie's vision of his future differs from his mother's as he said stuff uni – he's sat his last exam. Actually Jamie, going on past experience, those grades will probably get you into Felpersham College on a Phd course. Sadly, I fear we are in for another cycle of nagging and sighing.
Elsewhere, things aren't going according to Matt's plan for Darrell. Having been ordered to exaggerate the problems with Joyce and Arthur's house in order to get them to move, Darrell finds that the Blitz spirit is alive and well, as they say that, if the kitchen is out of commission, they can cook on a camping stove and wash up in the bathroom. If Darrell can't persuade them, I reckon Rosa's new scooter will be going back. As Arthur tells Darrell, "the only way I'm leaving here is feet first, in a box." Be careful Arthur – you don't want to start putting ideas in Matt's head.