Tom Graham (Tom Archer)
Who are we talking about? Come on, think; who in Ambridge has an ego the size of an elephant? Yes, got it in one – Tom Archer. The week started OK for him with lots of interest in and compliments about the ready meals at the food fair or whatever it was. However, he starts to feel down because the interest hasn't been instantly translated into orders. Give the people a chance, man!
This, and worries that Brenda doesn't seem as committed to their relationship as he is (every time he talks about weddings, etc she changes the subject. Personally, I reckon he's lucky that she doesn't run a mile) have an effect on Tom and Pat notices that he's down. She says to Tony "he doesn't seem quite himself" and it's a mystery how Tony stops himself replying "that'll be an improvement then."
Anyway, Tom returns home and Brenda tells that they have had a phone call from holiday firm Speakman's and they have placed a massive order for pork meatballs, plus they want Tom to supply them with sausages and bacon. The old ego is right back up there now and Tom starts preparing the new village signs: "Ambridge – home of Tom Archer" as he takes Brenda out to celebrate. She's happy, he's delirious – it's only the pigs that are feeling a bit down; some promising porcine footballing careers look set for a premature end.
Will proves his usual, charming self when he accidentally learns about Emma and Ed's money troubles. At lunch at the Bull, George asks him if he can afford fish and chips. "When you're with me son, money's no object" Will tells him. Ok, that will be Panda on toast with a side serving of Unicorns, please Dad.
Will starts to moan to Dad Eddie, saying that it's obvious that Ed and Emma "are not providing properly for my son." Eddie, who has gone to the Bull to get away from Joe leaving his false teeth all over the place points out that George doesn't look as if he's starving and that Emma and Ed both love George, to which Will replies "I'm not in the mood for listening" – a phrase that he might well adopt as his personal motto.
While on the subject of Joe's false teeth, the following day Jim finds them on a beer mat in the pub. Joe admits that he is getting forgetful and, in an unprecedented, hitherto-unknown gesture, he offers to buy Jim a drink. The stars stand still in their courses!
Jolene and Kenton treat Fallon and Rhys to a night out at a local restaurant to say "thank you" for looking after the pub while they were away and the two of them seem to be getting on quite well, going on dancing after the meal. Is romance in the air? Fallon did call him 'weird' at one point, which is encouraging (and also true).
Lynda called a meeting to discuss the nature of this year's Christmas extravaganza, musing that it's been a long time since they tackled Shakespeare and Much Ado About Nothing always appeals. Jim is all for Henry V, but, amazingly, Lynda gets her own way and Much Ado it is. Jim moans a bit (he's not a fan of the Bard's comedies) and Lynda tells him he'd make a great Dogberry. Why does no-one ever tell this woman to take a hike? I'm sure that everyone has better things to do than turn up for rehearsal after rehearsal and listen to Lynda pontificating. She must have some secret power, as Fallon tells Rhys that she will be auditioning. What about working in the pub?
Mike and Vicky are still loved up and Mike tells her that he has decided not to hire another milkman and he will continue to do Harry's old round – it's getting easier, as five more customers have left. "Vicky asks 'are you sure you want to?' ". Of course he doesn't bloody want to, woman – he's doing it to save money and to pay for the incessant flow of new stuff for the baby that you keep ordering.
When not delivering milk or working at the bottling plant, Mike is out felling trees, aided by Jamie, fresh from his chain saw course. Mike tells him he's a natural and the talk turns to what subjects he's doing at college, at which point a note of gloom enters Jamie's voice – I think there's going to be a battle between Jamie and Kathy before long, so get yourselves prepared for much mega-moaning and some super sighing.
What is Matt up to? He whisks Lilian off to Paris at short notice and he not only says nice, un-Matt-like things like "I feel I'm in the right place at the right time, with the right person" but he asks Lilian's forgiveness for having mucked Arthur and Joyce Walters around so much. Lilian is mightily impressed and, instead of saying "all right, who are you and what have you done with the real Matt Crawford?" she turns down his suggestion of going on to a bar, saying that she'd rather go straight back to the hotel. You could practically hear the smouldering and undoing of buttons as she breathed "get the bill, Tiger."
However, those worried that Matt has overdosed on the nice pills can be reassured – before going to Paris he did give Jazzer notice to quit the flat, deaf to Lilian's pleas to give him a bit longer. Obviously the real Matt is still in there somewhere.