Patricia Gallimore (Pat Archer)
It's not often I agree with Tony, but when Pat confides her suspicion that Rich might be John's son, he advises her to forget all about it, saying "for your own peace of mind, let it go."
Wise words, Tony and, when Pat returns to planet Earth, let's hope she'll realise. After all, suppose Rich is John's, so what? What will Pat do? Tell her? Tell Eamonn, who presumably thinks he's the father? Tell Tom and Helen that their share in the business has just been reduced to accommodate a new nephew?
Pat is obviously delusional, as she confides in Susan, telling her not to tell anybody. Ha! How likely is that? Susan promptly tells husband Neil, but if she stops at that, it will be a first. Pat seems determined that people will find out, as she mentions it to Kathy as well – why not stand up in the Bull and announce it? Kathy urges her to forget it and it seems that Pat was seeing sense, but then she asked Susan for Sharon's phone number and the silly cow gives it to her. It will all end in tears Pat, mark my words – even Helen, besotted as she is with Henry, has noticed her mother is a tad distracted and away with the fairies most of the time.
Susan could be forgiven for her slip up because she has a lot on her mind, what with looking after her useless dad and brother. Just as it seems things can't get any worse, they do, as sister Tracy turns up with the two kids from hell, saying that she has left her husband and has nowhere else to go. I really hope she sods off soon, as she's getting on my nerves already. Personally, I don't reckon she'll stay that long, as Susan is forcing her to make herself useful and this is obviously alien to her nature.
Another person packing bags is Jim, who has decided that it is time he went home and left Chris alone, now that it appears that Clive has left Ambridge. Is he leaving prematurely? Only time will tell.
Once again we had to suffer a 'Stir Up Sunday' scenario – does everybody in Ambridge make their own Christmas Puddings? This year it was Clarrie, Nic and the kids and I think someone should tell the BBC that talking about what ingredients you are currently adding and saying things like "give it a stir Georgie…make a wish…now it's your turn Jake…" does not make for good radio. Stir up Sunday? Stir up apathy, more like.
Clarrie and Eddie celebrated 30 years of wedded – well, probably not bliss – with a surprise party down the pub. Joe, who has apparently been there since lunchtime, is as refreshed as the newt and, when Clarrie sees the crowd and is told that there's champagne behind the bar, is overcome. Perhaps she thought it was all those she had poisoned, seeking revenge?
Preparations for the wedding of Nic and Will are galloping ahead, with Will having the good sense to turn down James's offer to take the photographs. In a rare flash of insight, Will delivers his verdict on James, saying "I think he's a prat".
When Will is cornered by Lynda and badgered to come along to her cabaret/food extravaganza, he reasonably points out that there's not much in it for the kids, and besides, he thinks it might clash with his Stag Night. Tell you what – if this gives people an excuse not to go to Lynda's do, it could be the best-attended Stag Night in recorded history.
Lynda got the sharp edge of Jim's tongue when they meet at Jim's as he is picking up his post. Lynda makes one or two remarks and Jim asks "Did you want anything Lynda, or are you just being nosey?" Almost as diplomatic as Will there, Jim. Lynda asks Jim if he could sing instead of declaiming poetry. "Perhaps you'd like me to accompany myself on the lyre?" he retorts, waspishly, but sarcasm is wasted on Lynda, as she takes him literally.
Bad news at Brookfield, as the hoped-for milk contract came to nothing. Now there's a surprise. Another great bit of radio when David and Pip discuss the merits of various animals, as they pick which one is going to be slaughtered to provide beef this Christmas. 557.5 kgs of Christmas dinner, in case you were wondering.
David becomes the bearer of good news, when he tells Brian that not all the farmers who he has contacted are against the mega-dairy project. And Brian could do with some good news, as the knives are out for him in the BL boardroom, with suggestions that he is losing it and accusations that he only had a half-formed plan because of the differences between him and Adam, or, as Brian terms it, "Adam's intransigence." Yes, it's terrible when a stubborn person comes up against another one. Anyway, Brian is feeling both angry and threatened and not full of the holiday spirit – and he has the scheduled opening if the market a few days away.
All in all, then, perhaps this wasn't the best time for Jennifer to tell him that he has absolutely no suitable clothes for the Maldives and she thinks he should join her on a shopping expedition. I reckon that Jennifer had a lucky escape and was just a hair's breadth away from being beaten to death with Adam's corpse…