Tuesday, 19 October 2010

We Love The Bulls (Not)

Rachel Atkins (Vicky Tucker)

I reckon that the Borsetshire Echo will soon fold, giving up in the face of the new competition that is Vicky Tucker – if you want a piece of news to get around, then Vicky's your girl. Of course, if you really want mega-fast, super saturation coverage, then tell Susan Carter as well.

Last week Vicky told Lynda about Jamie gatecrashing the Barn Dance ("strictly between us" – ha!) and, with the speed of light, Lynda was off to see Kathy, bearing a gift of apples. Remember the story of Snow White, Kathy! It's not often that I have a good word for Kathy, but I was impressed by the way that she headed Lynda's do-gooding intentions off at the pass; while Kathy didn't actually tell Lynda to sod off, the message certainly got across. And Kathy got to keep the apples.

Meanwhile, Jamie's behaviour continues to be – well, like that of most teenagers, if we're honest. Kathy isn't going to let him throw his future away and reveals plans to take him to school every day and pick him up, thus destroying whatever street cred he may have had.

I have great hopes for the storyline where Kate appears to be suffering pangs of remorse about leaving her children back in Johannesburg, as evidenced by the way she snapped at Hayley. Keep on at her, folks and perhaps the tugging at her heartstrings (in the unlikely event of her having such an organ) will see Kate pack in her course and go back home (please). Mind you, Brian buying her a laptop hasn't helped.

Will showed why a gamekeeper needs an extensive knowledge of bird life; when Nic casually mentioned the Peregrine Falcons' nest, he said "Nest? What do you mean?"

Harry continues to be too good to be true – not only did he initiate the "we love the Bull" campaign, but he also thought up the 'teaching wrinklies to use a computer' strategy to get people into the pub, offering to teach them in his free time. On top of all this, he offers his spare room to Jazzer after Brenda's ultimatum and, when Jazzer is less than thrilled, Harry even knocks £10 a month off the rent. I cannot believe that anyone – saint or not – would want Jazzer living with them. As Brenda said to him "I don't want your love life all over my settee", which conjures up images that are both disturbing and unpleasant.

But back to the "I love the Bull", or rather "I love the bulls" – yes folks, the veal saga has raised its ugly head once again, with Ed suggesting to Vicky that she gets rid of the bull calves before they die of old age. Vicky's attempts at shifting the livestock are meeting with limited (ie no) success, but Mike the optimist isn't downhearted, saying: "At least you've had no firm noes." Not only is his glass half full, but he probably thinks it is vintage champagne.

Vicky is not so convinced and says "I've failed – what am I going to say to Ed now?" How about "sorry I've been a complete prat about the calves Ed – here's two grand for the feed and another two for all the aggravation"?

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