Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Watch Out, Fallon!

I was getting worried on Wednesday when, on Tom’s Stag Night, he, Roy, Rob and Jazzer were discussing relationships. They teased Jazzer, whose idea of commitment is remembering the girl’s name the morning after, but he said that there’s one lassie he’d settle down with and “she’s back on the market”, which makes her sound like a house where the chain has collapsed. Jazzer refused to be drawn on the lassie’s name.

Why was I worried? Well, the only woman I can think of who fits that description is Fallon and she seems much too nice to have to suffer the attentions of someone like Jazzer. But wait! There is hope on the horizon as, on Kirsty’s Hen Night on Thursday, the girls go to a club, where Fallon sees Rhys hitting on a girl doing a Miley Cyrus impression and she (Fallon) is incensed that Rhys has got over their split up so quickly. One thing leads to another and Fallon ends up in the police station, having been taken there by PC Burns.

He lets her go, but she’s left her purse (and house keys) in the club. It’s 2am and Helen suggests that she stays the night with her and Rob. The next morning, Fallon is knocking on the door of The Bull and PC Burns arrives, complete with her purse, which he says she must have dropped in his car. Unfortunately, Tom is there and he is agog to know what happened – so much so that he looks in Fallon’s purse (personally I’d have clocked him one for that) and sees that PC Burns has left his business card in the purse. Fallon keeps going on about how square PC Burns is and how she’s not interested, so it’s only a matter of time before they get together, I reckon.

Going back to Tom’s Stag Night, he isn’t really in the mood, having had a blazing row with his father (yes, I too was amazed). Tom asks Jazzer to look out for him and make sure that nothing too bad happens to him. Call me picky, but if I had to choose someone to watch my back and ensure that people behaved responsibly, Jazzer wouldn’t be the first name to spring to mind. However, he does protect Tom from drinking lagers spiked with vodka by the simple expedient of giving them to Kenton, whose “no alcohol for Lent” pledge was abandoned when he was given a gin and tonic when he asked for mineral water.

The person behind all this drink-spiking is Rob, who appears to think it his duty to get Tom legless and embarrass him in some way. As it is, Tom calls it a night after getting a call from Helen, who is worried about whether Rob and Ian are getting on OK. Helen says Tom doesn’t sound as if he’s enjoying himself and he says he doesn’t really know if he’s happy. Helen asks if it was seeing Brenda again and is Tom saying that Kirsty might not be the right girl? Let’s get one thing straight – Kirsty is the right girl; it’s Tom that’s not the right man.

The Stag Night gave Ian the chance to get a bit of revenge on Rob – the lads are debating where to go next and Ian says he knows a club round the corner. As they leave for it, Adam says “Ian, that’s a gay club”. “Oh, so it is” the Irish chef replies and later he enjoys himself hugely watching all the attention that Rob is getting from the clientele. Adam, Ian and Roy go back to the hotel, leaving Rob, Jazzer and Kenton behind. Rob and Jazzer put a practically-comatose Kenton on a train, telling him to sit back and enjoy the ride. What was that again about Jazz behaving responsibly?

The following day, Kenton phones Jolene from somewhere near Aberystwyth, saying he has no idea how he got there. “Tell me the truth – had you been drinking?” asks super-sleuth Jolene. The fact that when he gets back, he’s throwing up in a bucket was a bit of a clue and Jolene takes revenge by force feeding him oxtail soup.

Let’s return to the Tom and Tony situation. It turns out that the cow that died was showing early signs of TB and the herd will be the subject of a movement restriction order. When Tom learns this, he is incandescent, saying “What if my pigs have to be slaughtered?” and laying into Tony for buying the cows in the first place. Tony replies that this isn’t Tom’s farm and, before making any further accusations, perhaps he should take a long, hard look at himself. A game of Happy Families, anyone?

Just when things can’t get worse for Tony, they do – Roooothlets slip to Peggy about the dead cow and Peg promptly goes over to Bridge Farm, quizzing Tony about how this could have happened. He thinks she’s having a go at him (although she did refrain from calling him a loser) and it all gets slightly unpleasant.

The story of Rooooth’s pregnancy seemed to be progressing nicely, with Elizabeth, Ben, Josh and Pip all being told and all highly delighted. Lily had heard Rooooth and Jill talking about a cot and Pip’s room, put two and two together and told Ben and Josh that Pip must be pregnant. Elizabeth goes over to Brookfield with a bouquet of flowers – an offering saying partly ‘congratulations’ and partly ‘I’m sorry my daughter is such a dweeb, but look who her father was’ – and there is much talk of loving families and optimism for the future. It was very sad, therefore, when on Friday a tearful Roooothtold Jill that she thinks she has lost the baby.

We go back to the start of the week and end with Helen wanting Rob to tell her what he had said to make Ian hit him. Rob tells her to forget it, but Helen goes to see Ian and badgers him until he spills the beans. Ian begins “Rob can be so domineering –“ but Helen cuts him short, saying: “He’s the most caring, thoughtful man I’ve ever met”, which just underlines the fact that she should really have got out a lotmore when she was younger.

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