It’s A Fair Cop

James Cartwright (Harrison Burns)

Is PC Burns stalking Fallon, I ask myself? Consider - there he is, off duty and he just happens to see her taking a discarded plant stand out of a skip and tells her that that is an offence. Oh and her rear light is broken. PC Burns (or, as he’s out of uniform, Harrison) says that there’s a bar round the corner and - in what is certainly an original chat-up line - says “I’d like to get to know the woman behind the criminal.”

Harrison asks her if she’s giving up her holiday for charity and she replies that it’s for the W.I. He says that last year he ran a half marathon for the children’s hospital, so we know that he’s an OK guy, as well as being good looking. Fallon wonders how she’ll get the plant stand back to the pub and Harrison helps her out, which surely makes him a handler of stolen goods? As he is leaving, he asks if he can give her a call sometime, to which Fallon replies that she will be busy for the next week or so and “thank you for your help - officer.” Hang on in there, Harrison; she’s weakening.

Incidentally, Fallon made a load of hot cross buns, following Wayne’s recipe. Jolene tells her “you’re your father’s daughter” and I can’t understand why Fallon didn’t either go for her with a bread knife or slit her own wrists in despair.

The arrangement of Jill living at Brookfield is working well, with Jill suggesting that they all go to the Borsetshire Country Show. David is worried that Rooooth might resent Jill’s presence - fat chance, as Rooooth has never had it so good. The only one who seems less than 100% happy is Elizabeth, but whether this is because she wasn’t consulted, or because she’s miffed at losing the chance to have Jill as a live-in slave at Lower Loxley, isn’t clear.

Time is running out before Kirsty changes her surname to ‘Ready Meals’ and she is getting paranoid about the weather. Her anxiety is alleviated somewhat when Joe Grundy comes out with some twaddle about the high-flying skylarks promising good weather - makes you wonder why the meteorology office wastes all that money on computers and satellites, doesn’t it?

Kirsty says to Peggy and Alice that she feels very lucky to be joining such a nice family (what, has she never spoken to Tony or been patronised by Jennifer?), while Peggy says it will be good for the family too and “Tom’s a very lucky young man.” She also calls Kirsty “a lovely young lady” and diplomatically doesn’t add “but you obviously need your head examined.”

Shula comes up with another half-baked plan to dissuade Dan from joining the army just yet by offering him the post of assistant manager at the Stables and isn’t he rushing things a bit? Dan obviously thinks that horses and invoices can’t really compare with tanks and armoured cars and, far from slowing down, he’s beginning his Commissioning Course at Sandhurst in early May; news which does nothing to make Shula’s day.

Last week was Passion Week, which began badly when the donkey misbehaved a little on Palm Sunday, but ended in triumph when the Good Friday Passion Play went brilliantly. Everyone agreed that Chris made a good Jesus and Shula said that watching him carry the cross was very moving and made it real how much Jesus must have suffered. Fortunately for Chris, realism was not taken to the extreme of using real nails. Even better, he was able to have a drink in The Bull afterwards.

There continues to be repercussions from the takeover of Borsetshire Land as Charlie Thomas, who manages the estates of venture capitalist Justin Eliot, turns up at Home Farm and speaks to Adam. Adam is keen to know how the new situation will affect Debbie and Charlie says that he’s been in touch with her and by the way, did Adam notice that the wheat has a touch of mildew and he’d like a meeting at 11am tomorrow.

Adam talks things over with Brian, saying that he reckons Debbie will be out of a job. Brian tells him to go to the meeting and not to give anything away. “Diplomacy; that’s what you’re good at” Brian adds. At the meeting, Adam’s diplomacy is tested to the limit when Charlie tells him that the estate is seriously under-performing. But never mind - Charlie has a plan! And that plan is to reduce the amount of forage crops being grown and switch to more profitable crops. “How would Rob Titchener feed his cows?“ asks an incredulous Adam, to which Charlie says he’ll have a word with Rob.

Adam talks things over with Brian. Adam is annoyed because Charlie asked for his field diary in a high-handed way and because he feels the plan doesn’t make sense as they’ve got so much invested in the dairy. Brian counsels caution, telling Adam not to get on the wrong side of Charlie and that they need to play it quiet for the moment. Brian seems to be hoping that Charlie will make some sort of mistake but he reminds Adam that he’s not BL Chair any longer and “we don’t have much ammunition at the moment.” The way things are going, I reckon Adam and Rob will put their differences behind them and shove Charlie in the anaerobic digester. And I for one wouldn’t blame them one bit.