Monday, 18 March 2013

Over A Barrel, Darrell

Dan Hagley (Darrell Makepeace)

Oh dear, just as I find a character that I can have some sympathy for, it looks like he's going to go off the rails. I refer to Darrell, who met up with former cellmate Des and had rather a lot to drink. Des then mentioned a business proposition – he and a few like-minded friends hold a 'sporting evening' every now and then and they are looking for a new location and could Darrell help?

The fact that his question "What sort of sporting event?" remained unanswered, did not seem to set Darrell's alarm bells ringing, neither does he seem perturbed when Des says the barn needs to be away from other buildings and quiet. The whole thing is fishier than a sardine sandwich, but Darrell is tempted, especially as his work at Home Farm is coming to an end and wife Elona has had her hours cut at the care home. Just to make matters worse, when he is decorating, Jennifer tells him to take the key cabinet off the wall and shows him where Brian keeps the cabinet key.

What do you reckon? Cockfighting? Dog fighting? Whatever it is Darrell, I'd steer clear, although admittedly if you get banged up again you won't have to worry about food and accommodation.

Elsewhere, I'm delighted to say that people seem to be queuing up to tell Tom what a self-centred, inconsiderate, thoughtless, jumped-up little git he is – and good for them, I say. The latest to stick in the knife is Kirsty, when Tom is banging on about Ready Meals – bet that came as a surprise to you – and she calls him "Mr. One-track mind" and tells him that people are laughing at him behind his back. He protests, somewhat unconvincingly, and she tells him to think on, adding cuttingly "not every sentence has to have the word 'sausages' in it."

Well said Kirsty! And this comes after Tom had had a meeting with his parents to discuss the way forward for the farm; a meeting which, quite frankly, could have gone better for him. It went something like this:
Tom: "I've had this idea to expand the ready meals by buying in more meat."
Tony: "Is it organic?"
Tom: "Well…no."
Pat: "Close the door on your way out, Tom."

Over at the hospital, Emma is delighted when Chris opens his eyes and squeezes her hand; it seems he is fighting back. The same day, Tom went to see him (that should set his recovery back) and Tom tells Brenda that they had a few words. I'm betting the words were 'sausages', 'Ready Meals' and 'footballing pigs'.

While Chris lies on his bed of pain, listening to the Pain drone on, Alice is feeling guilty, as she wonders whether or not it was her fault because he was unhappy and distracted because she had gone to Canada. Chris tells her that yes, he was unhappy, but what happened with the horse was entirely his fault. People are talking in the village (yes, I do mean you, Jazzer and Ed) but, as Amy tells Alice, as long as Chris isn't blaming her, it doesn't matter what others are saying.

As Alice is enjoying a coffee with Amy, her phone rings and, later on, we learn that the company in Canada have offered her the job. Bloody hell, she must be good – I bet even Frank Whittle wasn't snapped up that quickly. Jennifer is confident that Alice will turn the job down, but Alice says that they quite understand about Chris and they've given her a month to make up her mind. Did I say she was good? She must be bloody fantastic.

Mother's Day at Brookfield didn't go according to plan, mostly because Pip never turned up to oversee the cooking, as promised. Much bickering among the Archer siblings and later on in the week, Rooooth and David console themselves with the thought that, as it is the holidays, their eldest daughter will help out on the farm a bit more. Pip, however, has other plans, telling Tom and Brenda that she's looking forward to a week off with Spencer and it might be a good idea if they actually went away somewhere. Do that Pip and I reckon you can expect to find your stuff on the lawn outside Brookfield when you return home.

Things look like they might be beginning to look up for Ed, as Mike offers him 1p a litre more for the milk and agrees to a marketing campaign. The ideas are soon buzzing and we have copy such as "bottled daily by Mike the Milkman" and a description of the milk as "like nostalgia in a bottle." Oddly enough, this last quote was from Rob, who will be running the mega-dairy and whose product description is more likely to be along the lines of "like whitewash in a carton."

Finally, we had evidence of what a kind-hearted lad Ed is, when he took Mrs James an extra £500 on top of the £250 that they paid for her old Fergie tractor. Jazzer is absolutely disgusted – I'm surprised he never told Mrs James that she had to pay for the paint to do it up – but before we praise Ed too much, remember that they sold the tractor for £3,800, so even giving up an extra £500, they are still trousering a fair wedge.

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