Monday, 9 July 2012

A Lather Of Indecision

Cian Cheesbrough and Thomas Lester (Josh and Ben Archer)

There's a lot of changing of minds going on in Ambridge at the moment. Rooooth has shipped the boys off to Heather to keep them safe and Emma tells Ed that she is taking her kids to stay at her mother's while Ed is away. "Sounds like rats deserting a sinking ship" Rooooth remarks.

Excuse me, King (or Queen) Rat – who was it who hot-footed it off to Northumberland, dragging Josh and Ben behind her at the first hint of trouble? Not only that, but Rooooth is obviously losing her memory, as she says of the boys "They feel a long way away." That will be because you left them in the frozen North, I reckon.

However, Josh and Ben aren't destined to stay long in the North, as David gets an anonymous phone call from the criminals, saying "Quiet without the kids, isn't it? We know where they are". Instead of agreeing and saying "Yes, it makes a nice change", David yells "You bastard!" and tells Rooooth to call Heather. Rooooth can be depended on in a crisis – depended upon to go totally to pieces, that is and she yells "We need to get the kids back now!" Make your bloody mind up woman!

She's all for driving up there straight away, but Jill calms her down and arranges for Kenton to drive up with her first thing in the morning. I hope Josh and Ben haven't bothered to unpack – they must feel like human yo-yos.

Elsewhere, Adam is worried that, if David gives evidence at the trial and something happens to one of the kids, he'd never forgive himself, so he tells David that he would understand if David pulled out now. David is grateful and, when Rooooth returns with the boys (presumably only for a couple of days before she whisks them off to another part of the UK) he tells her that he is not going to testify. "You're doing this for me, aren't you?" she asks. "And the kids" he adds. She then tells him that she has changed her mind and now wants him to give evidence and have the crooks put away. For God's sake! Is it any wonder that David feels as though he's going mad, with this deranged female changing her mind about everything every 10 seconds or so? This time it was Kenton, telling her about Kathy's ordeal (but not naming her) that caused the change of mind. Until the next time, that is.

Someone who hasn't changed her mind is Elizabeth – you might have thought that David's predicament might have led her to bury the hatchet, but far from it, as she thinks he's raving mad, because he should be thinking of his family. Obviously not going in for the 'Responsible citizen of the year award', then Lizzie? In fact, she's more likely to tell the criminals where they can lay their hands on the Brookfield back door key.

Away from things criminal, we had Judgement Day for Britain in Bloom with two judges visiting Ambridge. Joe Grundy got in on the act and pressed some home-made cider on them. "He's a real sweetie" says judge Marcia of Joe, making us wonder whether she's really fit to be a judge. Lynda obviously thinks so too, as despite her attempts to keep the judges away from the heretical garden in Glebelands, where they ignored the red, white and blue planting diktat, Jim takes them there and Marcia goes into raptures. Now we have a period of suspense until the results are in. Sadly, this now gives Lynda more time to come up with some other half-baked scheme. In fact, her 'performance arts' plans for the fete sound like the sort of thing to keep people away in droves.

As if Adam didn't have enough on his mind, he's fretting because a day out for the pickers has fallen through and he cannot think of what to do to instead. One of the pickers – Pawel – suggests 'taking us down the pub' (and buying the first round). This proves to be a roaring success and Ian, who Adam has dragged along for moral support, is soon getting outside a large number of drinks and seems to be flirting mildly with Pawel. Well, they are both smokers, so are universally despised by all and sundry. Actually, there's a lesson here for Adam – instead of arranging fantastic outings, such as hang gliding on a panda, just give them plenty of booze. You could even pay them a decent wage, perhaps.

Jamie is getting worried, as an under-nineteen, mixed cricket match has been arranged against St. Margaret's school. St Mag's sounds a formidable challenge and Jamie is getting worried, especially as Alistair is encouraging people to turn up and watch. So concerned is Jamie that Kenton finds him out running to get in shape. Shouldn't he be doing that anyway if he's part of the village cricket team?

Finally, over at Susan's, Tracy is fantasising about being whisked off by Ifti (how soon are you allowed up after a lobotomy?) and is generally getting in the way, as her sister becomes ever more stressed, with the kids playing with family heirlooms (yeah, right). The occasion is a run-through of the wedding and Keith goes down the pub, where he talks to Joe. Joe tells him Eddie is struggling for cash – don't you love the way people in Ambridge broadcast your private lives? – and Keith says "Join the club – this wedding is costing me an arm and several legs. To be honest, I don't know how I'm going to do it." Simple Keith – forget the 'to be honest' bit and take some tips from brother-in-law Clive.

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