Jamie Is On Fire

Dan Ciotkowski (Jamie Perks)

Al least that's what Kenton says, as Jamie reaches the final of the Single Wicket competition. Someone else who's attracted by the heat is Rosa, Elona's daughter, who obviously believes in the direct approach, telling Jamie "I can't keep my eyes off you." Stop being so coy, girl; if you're too subtle he'll never get the message. Someone who does know what's going on is Natalie and Rosa asks Jamie why that girl is glaring at her. "She's my girlfriend" he replies.

However, this doesn't seem to faze Rosa overmuch and I reckon we could have pistols at dawn if she keeps chucking herself at Jamie or, as we call it, 'doing a Tracy'. Yes, Tracy's attempts to snare Ifti make Rosa's advances look positively Machiavellian – first she invites him to rub sun cream on her (he refuses) and then she fusses round him with tea and sandwiches. Sadly, her efforts are spoiled when she spills the tea in his lap. I suppose we should be grateful that she didn't offer to lick it off him or sponge him dry.

Ifti is, understandably, a tad miffed and goes off to congratulate Jamie, who won the contest with a four off the final ball. While on the subject of Jamie and his family, I suddenly realised that it has been months since we heard from Kathy – I wondered why I was feeling in a good mood.

Lilian spends a day with Adam, who is full of despair again because he feels he didn't do enough to stop the mega-dairy. He also has fears for the future: "Who knows what Brian and Debbie have got planned?" he wails at Lilian, who must be regretting the fact that she bothered to spend time with her nephew. God only knows what Adam will be like once the dairy is actually up and running (assuming it ever is, of course).

Mind you, Lilian couldn't have spent the time with Matt, as he is being extremely nice to Darrell, praising his workmanship, giving him a cash bonus ("that's too much" protests Darrell. Don't worry son, Matt probably mugged an OAP, or robbed a charity collecting box – the large number of copper coins is always a giveaway). Matt then makes Darrell a site manager (the words 'fall', 'guy' and 'patsy' spring to mind) and even takes him out for a pie and a pint. Darrell is pleased and phones Elona with the good news. Tread carefully Darrell – it is not only Greeks that you should beware of when bearing gifts and I'm betting that Matt has more hidden agendas than at the AGM of the national 'hide & seek' association.

A story line that is getting well on my chimes is that of Amy. I cannot believe that anybody in the world could be so dense, or behave like such a total prat. The latest episode saw her lose it after Alan suggested that she talks with Usha and she stormed out. Alan was frantic with worry because Amy wasn't answering her phone (even the hospital had tried unsuccessfully to get in touch). Why? What an opportunity lost – a quick call to Darrell and he'd nip round and change the locks sharpish.

Alan eventually rings Alice but - shock! horror! - for once Amy isn't there. Alice eventually gets through to a tearful Amy, who confesses that she is outside Carl's flat and he hasn't come home. Of course he hasn't, you deluded muppet – he's at home with his wife and child. However, perhaps Amy would get a better view if she moved a bit further away, like into the middle of the road, maybe.

The next day, Amy has words with Usha, who, not unreasonably, would like her to clear a few things away after use. Amy interprets this as control freakery and, when Usha says that it is Carl and not her who is to blame, Amy loses it (again) and says "I'm gonna pack my stuff". Usha says "you can't just walk off" – I had hoped that she would add "it would be better if you ran" but she didn't.

Suffice it to say that Amy ended up at Chris and Alice's (who'd have thought it?), complete with suitcase. Chris is worried that Alice is getting too involved and isn't best pleased when Alice says that she told Amy she could stay. His mood is not improved when Amy spends 25 minutes in the bathroom when he wants to get to work. God, I hope Alan comes to his senses and gets Grandma Mabel to knock some sense into Amy – that'll teach the spoilt little madam.

And so to Open Farm Sunday, or the approach to it and the front runner for this week's 'recipe for disaster' utterance is when David is talking to his family and says "I've got an inkling that Sunday's going to be a day to remember." Earlier on in the week, Rooooth tells David that she would rather that he didn't testify against Adam's attackers (probably Brian and Debbie in disguise). David goes all moral, saying "if we pull out, what message does that send?" and "I want my children to grow up knowing that their parents aren't scared of bullies." Hopefully that thought will console his children when the crooks are carving bits of flesh of them and posting them to Brookfield…