Tuesday, 7 June 2011

It's W(h)ine Week

And the champion whiner this week was young Freddie, who really, really wanted to go to Brookfield and see Tig, the new sheepdog puppy. Mummy Liz had other ideas though and he was dragged off to the water park, moaning all the way there and bitching with Lily. Mind you, Lily can dish it out as well – she'll be a right cow when she's older if she carries on as she is.

Freddie seems to be turning into his father, hanging about round the rare breeds and lurking near the birds of prey, getting in Jessica's way. Eventually, Lizzie – after being backed into a corner by Roy, who said he could take Freddie and bring him back, no bother – reluctantly agreed that Freddie could go to Brookfield and see the Great Satan, David. And the puppy, of course.

Lewis told Lizzie that he had made "a couple of major sales". What's this? Has he flogged a couple of Rembrandts or a brace of Damien Hirst diamond skulls? Not exactly; he'd sold some cases of wine, thereby ensuring that Wine Week at Lower Loxley was a roaring success. It also meant that Lower Loxley wine had now gone global – well, to Canada, anyway – as a visitor had bought a couple of cases to ship home. Let's hope it travels well.

Someone who ran Fred close in the whining stakes was David. Actually, that's not quite accurate; not so much whining as just being downright bloody miserable. About what? About everything, really. First of all he doesn't want to do Open Farm Sunday and the rest of the family suggest trying to get some other farmer to do it. "It's too late" moans David.

However, this mood of pessimism doesn't stop him asking Brian if Home Farm could do it. Brian isn't keen (doesn't want the riff raff running all over his farm, casing it for future thefts) but Adam reckons it could be a great opportunity. David learns that Home Farm will come to his rescue over OFS (he hears the news when surveying the newly-cut hay and beating himself up because he reckons he might have cut it too early) – surely something to be happy about? Instead of being relieved that there will be no OFS, David feels he has let the side down. Make your bloody mind up man!

A story which has great potential is that of Phoebe's birthday party (13 on June 28th if you want to send a card). Roy and Hayley are going into such detail about what's needed for the party, the food, the disco etc that you can't help feeling that, on the day, Kate will decide to take Phoebe to London, or out for a meal or something. Actually, Kate was quite reasonable (for her) when she talked to Roy and Hayley about Phoebe wanting to live in South Africa. It seems that Roy might be having second thoughts, as he tells Hayley that it might be a good idea for Phoebe to have some time in SA before she gets involved in O-Levels and suchlike. Hayley remains unconvinced and, while the words "over Kate's dead body" were not mentioned, the feeling was there.

Drama at the Single Wicket, where Harry proved that he is human by losing in the semi-final. The final pitted father against son and it went down to the final ball, when Chris caught his father to take the title. Susan thought that Chris might have dropped the catch so that his ageing father could have won. Chris replied that he heard his dad shouting "catch it son!" Detailed sonic and audio research has revealed that what Neil actually said was "Catch it son and you'll be disinherited!"

Cricket wasn't the only sport taking place at the Single Wicket, as both Harry (who was taking part) and Jazzer (who wasn't) took a shine to one of Home Farm's Polish fruit pickers. Jazzer's attitude to courtship reminds me of the joke about the Australian: "Hey Sheila, do ya screw?" "No" "Well would ya mind laying still while I do?" whereas Harry is more polite and subtle. The flatmates are fated to be rivals in the lists of love, or as Jazzerromantically described it: "it's game on pal."Taking on Harry – has the Scottish milkman lost his marbles?

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